Shaving Christmas
I’ve been navigating through this mess for days now. But honestly, is this even solvable? Articles and videos keep promising to tackle one of the most insane dilemmas ever thought up: “how to put up a Christmas tree with cats in the house.” I mean, I can’t be the only one dealing with this, right?
I’ve got two options, and guess what? I lost the lottery. Zelda would chew the tree to pieces, and Ciri would pull it down; all I’m missing is Satan instead of the star, and the chaotic masterpiece is complete. But does it really have to be this complicated? It’s a tradition, after all, and people love traditions — especially around this time of year, when everyone’s supposed to be kinder and full of values. Colorful lights, holiday cheer… it’s full-blown capitalism, people everywhere buying stuff. Hmm, I think I get it now: maybe they’re not real people.
I’ll figure this out. I mean, there are a ton of smart people out there who have to have an answer for this, right? Let’s see: plastic tree? Lame! Hanging the tree from the ceiling? Are you serious? Have you ever met a cat? A tree hanging from the ceiling? Yeah, sure. And the ornaments? Oh, that’ll go better, right? Not a chance! There’s tinsel everywhere, and they’ll chew it up. And if the ornaments are small, who even knows what they’re made of. Ugh! A real tree, then? That’s just nuts! Not even Mother Nature can help me out here.
I think I’ve overestimated humanity, or maybe this really is impossible. Oh, look, another video: “My cat ignores the tree and decorations; they’re so well-behaved.” Please, what kind of cats do you have? Because mine are nothing like that — and they’re not even that hyper! Ugh, I give up. I’ll just scatter a few decorations around the house and maybe throw in some little Christmas figurines. It’s not much, but at least it’ll look like Christmas.
I’ll try again next year — hopefully by then, someone who likes both cats and Christmas will have a solution. For now, the main thing is that we all survive the holidays.