THE HANGOVER: What Really Happens To Hubby When He’s with His Friends

I saw a social media post saying the following: “Si HUSBAND na FEELING BINATA… mas madalas pang lumabas kasama barkada kaysa pamilya…” (The husband acts like a bachelor... he goes out with his friends more frequently than with his own family...)

Reading through the comments, I felt bad for the many wives who could not trust their husbands to go, just because they either had biased negative ideas or had no idea at all of what’s happening to their husbands when they’re with their friends.

But wait. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt.

To all the wives, please accept in advance my apology. I’m not vouching for your husbands just because I, too, am a husband myself. But let me share with you these proven benefits:

  1. Hanging out with friends is good for your husband’s health. This is especially true when we, together with our friends, engage in sports like basketball, cycling, hiking, mountaineering, marathon and other physical activities. These are opportunities to not only catch up with our buddies but also to flex our muscles and exercise in a fun way.

  2. A recent study finds that male bonding is actually a great remedy to light stress, the type of stress we come across everyday at the office or at home. Husbands who have well-integrated social network are less likely to suffer from depression caused by worries about money and job insecurity. For most of us, men, talking is a type of “therapy” that helps our sanity (though for women it may be a natural, regular activity). Sharing stories somehow gives us a sense of adventure and excitement. Science has also shown that for guys, a beer out with their buddies once or twice a week is an essential part of bonding, supporting both social relationships and personal health.

  3. The boys’ night out (not the typical BNO) will make your man happier, more relaxed and balanced. I remember my friend and mentor telling us, “I become moodier, more irritable, more passive in the relationship when I spend days or weeks doing everything together with my wife. When that happens, that’s the time for me to pull away for a while.” One friend also tells me, figuratively, “From time to time, we really need to get out of the forest and look at it from afar to better appreciate it.” In 2012, an exclusive survey done by a known men’s magazine in the US also showed that 74% of men who see their closest friends at least weekly are starting to do a better job of bonding, tend to be more kind and have greatly improved well-being. In short, when we have regular times for ourselves or with our friends, we come home with something better to give to the relationship.

  4. Guy friendships tend to last longer and like any other friendships, we care. Two of our friends, Gab and Marv (not their real names), have known each other for more than two decades now. Twenty-five years ago, Gab used to enjoy every night with his friends, treating them to a drinking spree. This was Gab’s life for a long time – going to beerhouses and nightclubs with his workmates and friends. Gab also loved to watch porn while drinking gin and eating popcorn with his buddy, Marv. After some time, Marv and his wife were invited to join a Catholic family renewal organization. From then on, Marv continued to visit Gab not for the popcorn and porn sessions but to invite him and his wife to join the same organization. Marv’s prayers and efforts paid off when, finally, Gab and his wife joined them after a decade of patient and relentless invitations. Another friend of mine shared that a guy attending their prayer gathering was a former drug addict. How did that guy come up to their prayer assembly? Through the advice of one of his pot session buddies, when his marriage was on the rocks, to seek marriage counseling and couple prayer groups.

Dearest wives, in the hope that you have been reading up to this point…how can you benefit from this too? Simply, trust and send your man out – he will be better company once he comes back. Remember also to pray for them to have good friends. After all, the quality (the character) of your husband’s friends determines the quality time and activities they will spend together. The old proverb says, “Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are”. And more often, we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.

I pray that you and your husband may have true friends to stand by you, both in joy and in sorrow.