jouc

I’ve always loved telling stories, as far back as I can remember being alive. I’ve also never finished anything longer than a short story, but that’s another story for maybe never. I never thought writing could take me anywhere besides being an author, because that's what writers do; they publish books and anthologies.

Fast forward to (many many) years later, where I’m older and wiser and I know things now that I never knew before.

• I now know that you can submit stories to magazines and if they like them they’ll pay for them (I did know this from reading a Piers Anthony anthology, but I never thought it applied to me, living in Nigeria where nothing works and not America, where Piers Anthony is).
• I now know that it’s possible to ghostwrite for money on freelancing sites, even though the pay is rubbish and the novels you write kill your braincells with every word you type.

I used to think I was fine with writing for myself, but I now know there could be more than that, and I don’t know how to feel about that. For context, I know someone who writes and submits stories to magazines. This person won an award (!) and it makes me think, what am I doing with my writing?

On one hand I tremble at the thought of having my name and face plastered on the Internet, on the other hand I want to do something beyond just writing for myself or for my writing club. I want to write stories that make people feel things: comfort, happiness, whimsy; the kind of story that might ruin your day with how sad it is or make it better just for reading it.

I eventually have come to the conclusion that instead of being jealous, I am going to be thankful that now I know there are other things to do with my writing.

• I can share my stories on a blog if I don’t want to publish them
• I can submit stories to publications and even if they don’t take them it will help me to build a writing habit
• I can write stuff I’ll never share but makes me happy (I have a lot of that in my Obsidian vaults)

I still feel envious but since it’s not affecting my relationship with that person, being that I just think it’s really cool and I wish I could do that, I’ll sit with this feeling, observe it and move on eventually. That is, until the next time something comes along to remind me that I'm not being excellent or winning awards.

Hopefully, in the next two or three years I’ll come back to this post and realise that I know more than I knew today, and that it will have made me a better person.