It Cannot Always Be Night
I got tired of keeping this in my drafts, so here's me musing about fear and change.
You've probably heard of the title of this post, and if you haven't, does the sentence below ring a bell?
Even if you are not ready for day, it cannot always be night.
No? It's an excerpt from a poem by Gwendolyn Brooks, titled Speech to the Young: Speech to the Progress-Toward (Among them Nora and Henry III). The poem advises young people to move for change in spite of what the doddering elders set in their ways may think, but some parts of it say something different to me.
Dealing With the Discomfort of Change
I am not the most flexible person. I like things to be just as they are sometimes, and deviations from a routine may upset me or throw me off entirely. My first response to anything that may cause discomfort or pain is to flee. Fight or flight? Always flight.
What happens, then, when I cannot run?
I have learnt that I cannot always run from my problems. It is also not always the best option to run from an issue instead of facing it head on, no matter how painful or uncomfortable the situation may be.
It's not the easiest thing in the world, to stand and face your fear instead of giving up and running away, but hopefully if I do it enough it'll become spinal instead of cerebral.
Dealing With Fear of Change
“Feel the fear and do it anyway.”
- Apt, but also easier said than done.
Name your fear.
- Knowing exactly what I'm afraid of helps me to calm down and think. If I know why I'm afraid and what the consequences I'm afraid of are, then I'll be ready to move on to the next step.
Have a plan of action.
- Josh Kaufman's How To Fight a Hydra tells a story of an adventurer who makes up his mind to slay a Hydra. It's a dangerous quest, but he makes it less dangerous by focusing on what he can control: his skills, his abilities, his preparations.
- Ask yourself; what can I do to ensure I don't fail, and to reduce the possibility of my fears being brought into existence?
- Obviously, this might not work for everyone, but every little thing helps with dealing with fear.
Other stuff that helps:
- Distractions e.g. puzzles, Sudoku, strategy games, watching movies, even scrolling mindlessly through TikTok. When I'm able to leave my problems alone for the moment and push thinking about them to the next day, I find that I'm able to think more objectively. Sleeping on my problems and fears also helps to reduce the fear.
- Breathing. Meditative breathing, if I do it right, helps with the hand tremors and racing heart.
- Having company. Some things have to be faced alone, while others can be done with others. Why do it alone if you can have someone else with you?
Conclusion
A brief disclaimer: this post is just the summary of things I've realised about fear and my relationship with it. I might update it in the future, and I might not. Take whatever works for you; leave whatever doesn't. And if this feels disjointed, ignore it. Tanks.
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