magda

Right, I am either attracting incels like flies or I simply tend to spot them easier when browsing the web. Regardless of what specifically applies – and there's already no doubt that I do attract incels more often I can tolerate – and what else is a driving force behind this, there are quite a lot within the tech sphere. Perhaps too many that get along well with straight up sex-addicted autists and narcissists.

As my disillusionment regarding computer technlology is reaching a new height, a story titled “Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?” reached the site's front page and generated nearly 800 comments within nine days. Anyone completely unfamiliar with Hacker News would, perhaps rightfully, question what this has to do with “news for hackers”.. And indeed, Hacker News kicked off as a news aggregation site for tech entrepreneurs – not for the unpopular geek that shares unsecured No Fly lists to highlight the inability of any state agency to protect some of its most crucial secrets even from those with little computer skills.

Before digressing and starting to get into how the US left unprotected biometric data of thousands of Afghan people behind and now start to appear on ebay for sale, the story itself only generated a mere 167 comments within 40 days and quickly disappeared from the front page. An article dealing with the “leaked” No Fly list submitted five days ago counts just 249 comments.

The average Hacker News – white, male, American tech bro – user is more concerned about sex than one of the strongest nations repeatedly aiding the terrorists they declared war on out of sheer carelessness.

But how could it be possible that a website dominated by white males is barely any different from a typical women's magazine?

The Incel's Paradise

The classic formula for hooking up is time and proximity – throw people together in the same space and wait – people will start hooking up. No app can provide this – they are designed with the exact opposite scenario in mind. – jacobsenscott

Just skimming through the comments of “Sexual Loneliness” is enough to get a sense of why the average women tends to avoid the tech industry. It isn't the fact that a lot of men – not all but still enough – are downright creepy, rather it's the fact that they pride themselves with it. Just based on what I witnessed back in grammar school: Despite spending approximately seven hours for five days per week with the same people, no students from my class started to date each other at any point during those eight years (ten years in some specific cases), in fact most relationships occurred randomly and mostly outside of our class and even our school. There is no formula but try to tell that to a guy who blames CSS, and not its users, for poor “developer experience”; he cannot grasp that an app is just a tool to meet and communicate with other people, minus the physical aspects that are supposed to follow. In the end, however, it's largely up to the users to decide what to do with said tool, and enough people do seem to find a “hookup partner” on said apps, otherwise they'd have disappeared from app stores.

On the other hand, if you're looking for something a little more serious, then maybe, JUST MAYBE, don't use apps that are KNOWN to be used for quick hookups. Jacon puts hookups on par with committed relationships – and this is where the broader issues begin.

As a 30+ year old kissless virgin I have recently began noticing that the loneliness part has began affecting me more deeply than usual. I suppose noticing the first signs of aging in my face led to the realization of all things not-done. I've had a couple of episodes of despair in the past few months because of this.

Unfortunately people like me become helpless. You'll be alone because you are alone: you don't have any social proof, any social skill, people your age don't “get together” to find a partner at the same rate as younger people, they have higher expectations regarding your experience and more.

The way I see it, once each man crosses a certain age without any or much sexual experience they will become stuck in that category the rest of their lives. Whether we have the tendency to lash out violently against others or ourselves more than the average, I don't know. I wonder if the solution by Western society will come in the way of some “Minority Report-like” way to identify us and pre-emptively lock us out. – lechacker

This comment appears right after Jacob's after scrolling a bit. It is among the top comments.

Seriously, what do such guys expect by whining on a news aggregation site that is dominated by males – a wave of pity or a solution to their fatalistic beliefs? Isn't it sexist to assume that all women, as implied, only care about the sexual body count of another men? Has he ever got to known a woman on a deeper, non-sexual way?

It probably shouldn't be all too surprising that needy guys (and girls) generally tend to be unpleasant to be around for a longer period, even more so if it's obvious that their intentions are of mere selfish nature, i. e. “not to be alone”. This mentality puts pressure on other people to meet this standard, often out of guilt.

Any kind of relationship that is supposed to be relatively long-lasting requires both parties to experience as less guilt as possible to sustain. This can only be achieved via clear communication, respect for personal boundaries, and at least some degree of maturity. Hardly anyone that doesn't have a clear preference or even fetish for it wants to date a helpless child stuck in an middle-aged and relatively able-bodied adult body, regardless of gender. (This largely excludes adults who go through a period of sudden disability due to an accident, yet let's not get into the topic of people who got ditched by their partners after they suffered a stroke or the like.)

That's because 80% of the women are chasing 20% of the men.

Okcupids data showed this in nice clear charts.

The numbers invert as you get closer to 40. Single women at 40 are desperate, single men at 40 have a jaded, and quite accurate, view of the majority of women. – lelanthran

This doesn't need any further elaboration. I came across this guy in the comment section of another post titled “Need help with students who turned my class into a dating service”, which, for some reason, has been flagged shortly after its submission. The submission was written a college professor that came across an app for males that lists women-only courses, the ethnicity and subjective attraction of the female students, and the chances of how successful an attempted hookup will be when males sign up for a tutoring position for said female students. This app has caused discomfort among female students rated “less attractive” and thus “less worthy of tutoring”, not further elaborating on whether they are disappointed that they are being academically disadvantaged or pissed that they don't get dates.

> If they're so intelligent and decent, why are they relying on such disturbing tactics to meet women in the first place?

Because it's

a) Not disturbing,

and

b) working.

I mean, seriously, if they keep their hands to themselves and make no unwanted advances, what exactly do you find indecent about this? – lelanthran

I'm pretty sure he would be among those guys whining that a female tutor would only support and hit on “attractive” males. Only then academia is supposed to be about “meritocracy”, right?

A study by Landy & Sigall (1974) demonstrated the Halo Effect, looking at male judgments of female intelligence and competence on academic tasks. Sixty male undergraduate students rated the quality of essays which included both well- and poorly-written samples. One third were presented with a photo of an attractive female as author, another third with that of an unattractive female as author, and the last third were shown neither. On average, most of the participants gave significantly better writing evaluations for the more attractive author. On a scale of 1 to 9, the well-written essay by the attractive author received an average of 6.7 while the unattractive author received a 5.9 (with a 6.6 as a control). The gap was larger on the poor essay: the attractive author received an average of 5.2, the control a 4.7, and the unattractive author a 2.7, suggesting male readers are generally more willing to give physically attractive females the benefit of the doubt when performance is below standard than those not considered attractive. (via)

It shouldn't be highlighted that this is a damaging behavior within academia, yet as the flagged concerns of the professor demonstrate, academia is irrelevant, as long as a bunch of sex-driven and power-hungry dudes get laid. Hopefully, it was worth the two-minutes orgasm and the brief childish flex in front of your male colleagues.

Final Words

Hacker News always has been a site that barely fits its name, yet recently, it has become obvious that it is becoming more attractive among incels and largely desperate tech bros. I still browse it every day to come across headlines that are of some interest, still often enough reading the comments that, in rare cases, offer gems worth reading.

Don't expect me to engage in any of those debates, however. And especially not after the worries of a college professor got flagged and thus pushed into algorithmic irrelevancy, so no “lonely male” gets offended.

Part of the problem appears to be the anti-male agendas or stealth contempt of males and heterosexual coupling.

If this was in reverse or non heterosexual, it would likely be close to a “protected” privilege or right nor not even mentioned.

Almost any context to where males are perceived to be at an advantage or even having better options for hooking up, has become fashionable to demonize. Even mentioning the situation and the inherent unfairness of it can mean attempts at silencing and demonization.

It has reached the point of silliness, where instead of focusing on teaching (like you would think), time is endlessly spent on worrying about which adults might be dating who or ways to more effectively block heterosexual male students.

That this is even going on, is likely a reflection of such reduced normal opportunities for meeting (that should be available in college), that students would be resorting to more desperate measures. – Tozen

> The professors concerns seem to be that students think that the class is an uncomfortable environment, not that student are dating or that heterosexual students are trying to hook up.

Based on the evidence of what the professor typed, she's going too far beyond what should be her professional limits. Her job, in addition to teaching the subject, should be noticing and addressing any actual violation of school rules and policies.

A student in her class can feel uncomfortable, demoralized, or disgusted by the color of clothes someone chooses to wear, the way someone walks, or that a person stutters when they talk. Someone's preferences or feelings about another doesn't mean a violation of school rules, policy, or law.

It is also not for her to presume what people might be thinking, to automatically assume guilt without evidence, to be preoccupied with the possible dating and sexual lives of her students outside of her classroom, nor attempt to forcibly interject herself or any prudish beliefs into the private lives of her adult students. – also Tozen

Ok, incel.