3rd: 𝓔𝔁𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓰 a need [SHARING].
Series: Communicating effectively 3/3 – Requests (#1) vs. Needs (#3).
◉ F̲̲E̲̲E̲̲L̲̲I̲̲N̲̲G̲̲ ◉ E̲̲X̲̲P̲̲L̲̲A̲̲N̲̲A̲̲T̲̲I̲̲O̲̲N̲̲ ◉ N̲̲E̲̲E̲̲D̲̲ ◉ 💬 I feel like I made a mistake by not letting you now the tank was running out. But I also feel unsafe going to the gas station late (FEELING). I am scared of walking around alone at night (EXPLANATION). I want to run errands and simply leave a note when the tank is low. You know (NEED)?
- notice and declare a potential mistake as it helps alleviate immediate steam; however this should only happen if you s̲̲e̲̲e̲̲ your part in this and do not feel accused; do not reply in a servile or defensive manner (this only invites blame and abandonment), instead simply recognize that everyone is responsible to a degree; offering early transparency thus accelerates the formation of consensus
- avoid referring to the past; especially: do not defend or justify (alleged) p̲̲a̲̲s̲̲t̲̲ m̲̲i̲̲s̲̲t̲̲a̲̲k̲̲e̲̲s̲̲. Instead, verbalize patterns that you consider gave them rise without blame and in present tense (“I feel like...”, “It is not safe”, “I am ... ( scared | disappointed | hurt )”, “it makes it hard for me to ... ( go to the station, remember to check the car ) when ... ( it is late, I am short on time, I am exhausted )”). This shifts the focus from personal shortcomings to a relatable situation, inviting the other party to help, give a fresh perspective, or even contribute to a structural recalibration
- the EXPLANATION part is very short (“I am scared of walking around at night”) which invites the other party to inquire further or conclude for themselves and understand
- “I want to...” expresses a wish w̲̲i̲̲t̲̲h̲̲o̲̲u̲̲t̲̲ a̲̲s̲̲k̲̲i̲̲n̲̲g̲̲ f̲̲o̲̲r̲̲ a̲̲p̲̲p̲̲r̲̲o̲̲v̲̲a̲̲l̲̲
- the final question is there only to ask for understanding; this makes it clear that the party primarily requests validation