For a long time I've tried to get by by expecting nothing. I see a flaw in that now. I must expect less than nothing. Ok so I'm recalibrating.
As bleak and alone as I've felt, somewhere deep inside I've believed myself to be a “leading indicator”:
I have insights that others will come to see as true.
Perhaps that's artist talk. I don't want to tally the number of times someone has said something to me about how much more popular my art might be after I'm dead. I think that's idiotic nonsense by the way. If you have said this to anyone ever, stop.
The good news is that I do not now believe that I am a lagging indicator. I do not expect to finally come around and see that conventional opinions are right. No. What I think now is Fuck That! I will embrace myself as a freak outlier and enjoy it. I love my beliefs and outlook on life. How they relate to my society is barely my business. Sadly there is the matter of survival. And as much as I hate admitting it, I don't want to live cut off from all others.
The current challenge for me is to love being completely different from everyone I've ever known and also not in a fight with any of them. I like this challenge!
By Rob Middleton who can be reached @[email protected] on Mastodon