RMiddleton

I was trained to be argumentative. Were you?

Hi, white American 50ish man here. I like to think that I've broken my reply-guy habits. It took effort to do so because my being that way was encouraged. In school and outside school I was listened to. The stronger my voice became the more I was listened to. Most, but not all, of the encouragement to be a reply guy came from women. I was raised by a single mother and I'd estimate my teachers were over 85% female. I didn't think of it this way back then, but I'd say that I was being trained to join the patriarchy. I never experienced being silenced or talked over. If anything, adults made space for me to speak. I was handed a microphone many times. I was chosen for leadership. I did not think about those who were not chosen. I just didn't think about them. I only knew my own experience. I wanted to do my best and be rewarded. I was taught that strong writing required me to express my subjective opinions unwaveringly. Theses are to be defended. I wonder how many others were trained as I was. When I look around at our foolish world, I think a lot of us were. The overconfidence of white males has been manufactured. It is difficult to unlearn. But not impossible. “Reply guying” is not simply an individual problem, it's a world view. Letting go is disorienting. Because it likely includes re-examining one's foundational stories: education and religion, tv and magazines, politics, business, famous artists, science and medicine, fathers and grandfathers. Disillusionment, anger, self pity, and nihilism can be part of the journey away from exaggerated male self regard. These dark feelings become another dysfunctional worldview to escape. I sat in cynicism a long time. I know many who are confirmed cynics. The US media seems replete with them. A commitment to finding self respect, including my lifelong practice of subjective art, led me to humanism. I was not in balance until I filled the emptiness with something. I spent years identifying myself by what I was against. There are many challenges in my life today, but knowing who I am and what I stand for is no longer one of them. I was taught a meaning of life — a patriarchal, white supremacist meaning of life. With ugly effort I tore down that brainwashing. I lived with no meaning beyond money and hedonism for a long time. But since I still was not happy, I wasn't really doing hedonism right, was I? Fortunately I lost the cushion of money and with it the ability to live in permanent distraction. (That's the desired life of most white Americans, imo.) My sensory pleasures became much simpler. Running water. Cooking. Hearing. Vision. Nature. Our inherited human culture is more significant than any financial inheritance. Having no money means dropping out of consumerism. I use the public library. I find streaming entertainment freely shared by creators. My belief in community grows. My connection to other humans increases. Humanism fills the void left by patriarchal white supremacy. More than fills. Overflows. I seek ways to spread humanism. I'll keep ya posted. ;)

By Rob Middleton who can be reached @[email protected] on Mastodon