How can you tell the difference between dreaming of a deceased loved one because you miss them and a visitation dream?

My experience has been that the divisions between “visitations” and other kinds of dreams of the dead are not always so clear-cut. I've definitely had visits from the spirits of the departed, usually right around their passing, where things seem real and yet also dream-like. But more common have been the dreams with a special glow to them and amazing feelings when dreaming with a loved one who has passed. In both cases you wake with the feeling of certainty. The feeling of love and connection are not mistaken, I think.

I've had many, many dreams of the dead, both of those I know and those who I have seemingly just met in dreaming. Sometime there is the feeling that the soul is a bit lost, probably because they had no maps or ideas of what to do after passing. I've also met the dead who seem to be keeping near our earth for their own purposes, ofttimes continuing their efforts of improving things behind the scenes.

Dreaming with the dead is not so uncommon, I think, but is not taken so seriously by us “modern” people anymore, but it is a very common experience. One only has to scratch the surface of dreaming to see it. I've casually shared my experiences with groups of people, usually during a meal when the topic arises, and a few will chime in. But most will talk to me privately about their experiences as if it were a taboo subject. It isn't. We are closer to the dead than we suppose.

I'd say that in all of these cases the best way to judge what is going on is to go by the feeling you have on waking. You need to tune into feeling before other “educated” parts of your mind start editing the feeling and redefining it along socially acceptable lines. This might take practice if your mind tends to automatically conform feeling into acceptable norms. So you might have to develop the habit of learning not to edit the feelings and just sit with them and allow them to be non-conforming.

My experience is that feeling and imagination and intuition are undervalued, and so these “muscles” can get weak. You need to exercise them and build them up so that they will help you discern these “soul things” like these visitations of those who have passed. Once you develop them a bit, the differences in “mode” are easier to spot. This is greatly helped by keeping a dream journal and doing dreamwork on your dreams. Short of that, I can say that many of the dreamers I have worked with see a great variety of dreams with the departed.

One of my favorite books on this and related topics is “The Dreamer's Book of the Dead” by Robert Moss. It is still in print, so it might be worth a look if you are very interested in this area. Full disclosure, I am a big fan of Robert's work and have attended his workshops and retreats a number of times. Your own experience will teach you the most, but having some maps like this book, maps that cover the territory from the view of experienced dreamers will help you develop your own understanding of what is going on. And that is best kind of understanding.

~~fran

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