For example:

HIM: “You need to go with me so I can leave my bike with you while I go get something in case I can't leave it at the repair shop.” ME: “Take your bike lock with you so you can lock it up while you're there.” HIM: “I don't want to. Also, I don't know where to do it.”

SO FIGURE IT OUT. WALK AROUND AND FIND THE PLACE FOR YOUR BIKE. FIND A POLE. IT'S FOR A FEW MINUTES. Why can't you just DO ONE THING without needing me? Why can't you just let me have PEACE AND QUIET for A FEW HOURS where NO ONE IS HOME?

So many days make me wished I lived alone. Or with people who respect me. I need more mental and emotional rest.

Like, dynamics change as people age or get comfortable with each other, and that's fine. Circumstances change, and we do our best to navigate those.

But almost every cis man I have interacted with complains that their sexual needs aren't met, and it's very easy to see that their partner's emotional and mental needs have gone almost entirely neglected because he won't do anything to help meet those needs ever... and then they wonder why things change.

For example: Every romantic relationship I have had with another person? I have literally laid out who I am, what I want, and what I expect on day one (unless I started dating someone who was already a friend because those people knew me well enough by that point to know what I was about). Because I didn't want to waste my time with someone who couldn't handle that; those were non-negotiables.

I didn't want to get married, I didn't want children, I didn't want to live in the US, I need a lot of time alone, I like doing things independently, and I want the OTHER PERSON to be independent and capable of doing things WITHOUT ME. Not that I won't help them, but I don't want someone to be so fucking reliant on me that it feels as if I'm their fucking mom (because again, I DON'T WANT KIDS).

Yet, with regularity, I met many cis men who either put on that mask to pretend our personalities and goals aligned. Who then tried to pressure me into wanting to have kids, wanting to get married, being their fucking maternal sexbot, needing me to be at their side all the time for every fucking little thing, being overly reliant on me and never doing their share of the work with problem-solving... Never just going away with friends or to stay with family ON THEIR OWN and demanding that I have to go, too.

I find the “I can change them” dynamics that cishet people engage in (and enforce on their non-cis and/or non-het partners, btw) very interesting. There's a lot of nuance in those spaces, but damn. Just watching them engage in degrees of coercing someone to be who they aren't... doesn't even register with them as nonsensical.

(I also know that many cishet women get the “I can change him” thing with abusers, trying to make them not abusive... but I've also watched them do it with partners who don't meet their standards. Which is also gross... Also, it's not to say these dynamics don't exist in queer relationships, but I do find that queer people at least question these dynamics more often. Not always. But I find that questioning in queer spaces so much more.)

I also think it's interesting that a cishet man can be in a relationship with an agender person and still call himself heterosexual, which I do think highlights the ways in which het people don't acknowledge an agender person who looks stereotypically “like a woman” as being who they are... even if they claim to.

Like it's the existence of a vagina/vulva that allows him to be heterosexual because that's all that matters. (It isn't, but that's how these men behave. No questioning about anything at all.)

People comment on my weight, they tell me I'm fat, they tell me that I need exercise, they tell me I should walk or run or whatever more.

Look, I know walking is healthy for me. I know more exercise would be good.

I don't need my fucking partner joining in on the fatphobic train just because I, apparently, should “know he means it in ways those people don't.”

Jesus christ, thin and fit folks. Would y'all consider the fat people in your goddamned lives and actually care about us, too? Not “be concerned” for us based on our weight but actually fucking care about us as people?

Fucking hell.

And it'd just be nice to be around proactive people who actually care about what's happening around them rather than people who make me feel like I have to be their stay-at-home mom.

... but it's not considered rude of him to behave in ways that, even if his (asexual, aromantic) partner wanted to have sex... turn them off completely? Why is it not rude to demand their partner give answers for everything and solve their every problem (while not trying to do anything for themselves)? Why isn't seen as rude to treat your partner like your mom? Why isn't it seen as rude to ignore that they don't like they way you talk about their body and are made uncomfortable by it?

And then frequently referencing the ways in which my body can still be used. Not engaged with on my terms but used in their own desires.

No, I don't want to have sex with someone who basically acts like this. It's not sexy. Fuck off.

Instead of, you know, stopping exercising. And then trying to catch the cat or doing anything at all... Just kept fucking exercising because heaven forbid he interrupt a set or inconvenience himself at all.

How often can we point out the bullshit that cis men will do before they actually stop to think about anything?

“Why are you annoyed at me?”

Because 90% of the time, my opinion doesn't matter when you want to know if a food or drink is okay (and then I'm expected to remember the 10% of the time it does), so I tell you “If you think there's something wrong with that food/drink, you decide if you want to chance it.” And you get mad at me for that because “you don't know” (have you made any efforts to retain this information or problem-solve the trouble of potential expiration dates? hell, I gave you tools for a system of keeping info positioned right on the door of the fridge ages ago, and that system got tossed to the side a few months in).

It's also because you're the only person using those food/drinks, and you somehow think I should remember when you opened it. Instead of you finding some system to help yourself remember.

... And because I'm tired of answering the same questions for the past near-decade when you could try learning what makes a food unhealthy for consumption.

Like, this is incredibly lopsided behaviour and does not show any growth at all. I am expected to retain near-encyclopedic knowledge of the kitchen and all things in it (for some reason), even though the kitchen is accessible to both people living in this flat.

I'm expected to retain knowledge about things I don't even use or barely engage with. Why is that?

Wow, it's like those are the same thing. /s But also, if someone's offering to help, what's the problem?

“Why don't you ask at work if anyone knows a pet sitter?” “I don't want to.”

I... don't care. I do a lot of things I don't want to so that I can ensure our needs or whatever are being met. I do tons of things I don't want just to ensure I can stay in this stupid country. I do tons of things I don't want to so that our apartment works.

Like, sorry... when I'm already complaining that we're not even on equal levels of giving a shit... why are you behaving that way? (Also, don't you care about ~our~ cats?)

As a generality and a specificity for this situation: Cis men expect everything but give nothing.