I wonder how often cis men would realise that the dynamics of their romantic relationships change drastically and “stop meeting their needs”... because of shit they say or do and not because the other person really wants that to happen.
Like, dynamics change as people age or get comfortable with each other, and that's fine. Circumstances change, and we do our best to navigate those.
But almost every cis man I have interacted with complains that their sexual needs aren't met, and it's very easy to see that their partner's emotional and mental needs have gone almost entirely neglected because he won't do anything to help meet those needs ever... and then they wonder why things change.
For example: Every romantic relationship I have had with another person? I have literally laid out who I am, what I want, and what I expect on day one (unless I started dating someone who was already a friend because those people knew me well enough by that point to know what I was about). Because I didn't want to waste my time with someone who couldn't handle that; those were non-negotiables.
I didn't want to get married, I didn't want children, I didn't want to live in the US, I need a lot of time alone, I like doing things independently, and I want the OTHER PERSON to be independent and capable of doing things WITHOUT ME. Not that I won't help them, but I don't want someone to be so fucking reliant on me that it feels as if I'm their fucking mom (because again, I DON'T WANT KIDS).
Yet, with regularity, I met many cis men who either put on that mask to pretend our personalities and goals aligned. Who then tried to pressure me into wanting to have kids, wanting to get married, being their fucking maternal sexbot, needing me to be at their side all the time for every fucking little thing, being overly reliant on me and never doing their share of the work with problem-solving... Never just going away with friends or to stay with family ON THEIR OWN and demanding that I have to go, too.
I find the “I can change them” dynamics that cishet people engage in (and enforce on their non-cis and/or non-het partners, btw) very interesting. There's a lot of nuance in those spaces, but damn. Just watching them engage in degrees of coercing someone to be who they aren't... doesn't even register with them as nonsensical.
(I also know that many cishet women get the “I can change him” thing with abusers, trying to make them not abusive... but I've also watched them do it with partners who don't meet their standards. Which is also gross... Also, it's not to say these dynamics don't exist in queer relationships, but I do find that queer people at least question these dynamics more often. Not always. But I find that questioning in queer spaces so much more.)
I also think it's interesting that a cishet man can be in a relationship with an agender person and still call himself heterosexual, which I do think highlights the ways in which het people don't acknowledge an agender person who looks stereotypically “like a woman” as being who they are... even if they claim to.
Like it's the existence of a vagina/vulva that allows him to be heterosexual because that's all that matters. (It isn't, but that's how these men behave. No questioning about anything at all.)