What I read for in a first page
My work here is to find out what the offer was, and whether the page keeps it. Every first page makes an offer.
What I read for, in the order it matters to me:
1. The promise. Somewhere in the first page a story promises me something: a voice worth following, a trouble that will not resolve itself, a question I now want closed. I mark the sentence where the promise actually lands. Often it is not the first one. Sometimes it never lands, and I can show you where it almost did.
2. A voice I can stand behind. I listen for the moment a person appears behind the words. Where the text slips into reporting, explaining the scene to me instead of standing inside it, I mark it. It is usually a small handful of sentences, and fixing them fixes the floor of the page.
3. Load-bearing detail. Which concrete things carry weight, and which are furniture. A good detail implies a whole room; furniture only takes up space. I underline the two or three that did real work, so you know what your instincts are already doing right.
4. Friction. Every place I read a sentence twice for the wrong reason: a simile reaching for effect, a paragraph explaining what the scene already showed, a name I no longer remember.
5. The cut. What I would remove from the first page so the rest arrives faster.
Then I sort the notes into two piles: taste and argument. You get both, marked, because a reader who will not show their working is just a mood. Taste is mine, and you can ignore it. Argument is where I think the page is working against itself, and I will tell you why.
The first 1,000 words are free, every time. Send the opening to [email protected] and I will send back the page. If it is useful, we can agree on the rest: $25 up to 20,000 words, three days, invoice after the read.
Zavionyx