Kevin

A blog about random stuff I'm interested in

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Table of Contents

Main Points

  1. > “The business of life is the acquisition of memories.” – Carson
  2. Too many people save too much and then die with too much money in their bank accounts. It is a waste of one's time when they die with a million in the bank. That's $1 million of experiences they miss out on and hours of their life wasted at work.
  3. Invest in experiences; the earlier the better. They give out “memory dividends.”
    • If you invest too late, you may not have the health to enjoy them
  4. Balance the present with the future
  5. Give money to others when they need it most. This usually means now, not later.

Rules

  1. Maximize your positive life experiences.
  2. Invest in experiences early.
  3. Aim to die with zero.
  4. Use all available tools to help you die with zero.
  5. Give money to children or charity when it has the most impact.
  6. Don't live your life on autopilot.
  7. Think of life as distinct seasons.
  8. Know when to stop growing wealth.
  9. Take the biggest risks when you have little to lose.

Chapter 1: Optimize Your Life

Rule 1: Maximize your positive life experiences.

Some people delay gratification for too long. Don't live like you live forever.

Certain experiences we can have disappear over time either due to physical limitations or changing tastes in what we like. For instance, when we grow too old, we can no longer enjoy the kiddie pool again. It is important to have the right experience at every age.

Money is converted into enjoyable experiences. Not all experiences have to cost money. Choose your experiences deliberately because they earn certain amounts of memory dividends. The earlier you invest in experiences, the more memory dividends you will have.

Chapter 2: Invest in Experiences

Rule 2: Invest in experiences early.

“The business of life is the acquisition of memories.” – Carson #quote #life #economics #memories

“You retire on your memories.” – Perkins #quote #life #memories

Balance the future with the present.

Investing into experiences is a good long-term investment. Anytime you remember an experience, that itself gives you more experiences from reliving the original experience.

It pays to invest early. Think about what experiences to invest in, when to invest, and the risk of not having them.

Another reason to invest early is because the number of experiences we can enjoy goes down with age.

Be careful not to use money you don't have.

Chapter 3: Why Die with Zero?

Rule 3: Aim to die with zero.

If you die with money in the bank, it's like working for free.

Instead of trying to reach zero before you die, aim to have as little unused money when you do die.

Even if you love your job, it doesn't mean that you can't enjoy using your money. Identify ways to spend money on activities you enjoy that will fit your work schedule. Money you give to charity and kids is not your money anymore. It also helps to give to both parties as soon as possible.

Net worth goes up as people get older. Yet, their overall expenses goes down with age, even when accounting for healthcare costs. As time drags on, the number of things people can do goes down because their health deteriorates.

Chapter 3 Notes

Brewster's Millions problem: you make so much money that you can't spend it all.

Chapter 4: How to Spend Your Money (without actually hitting 0 before you die)

Rule 4: Use all available tools to help you die with zero.

Use life expectancy calculators.

Life insurance protects you if you die too young. Annuities protect you if you die too old (outliving your money). Aim to withdraw 4% of your savings every year. – Life insurance: provides loved ones financial support if you die – Annuities: guarantees a fixed monthly amount until you die

You are not a good insurance agent because you cannot pool risk.

Aggressively spend on experiences during your golden years. At the same time, balance living presently with future planning.

Avoiding death is often people's number 1 goal. Some are willing to give up years of their healthy lives to live a few more weeks sick.

Chapter 5: What About the Kids?

Rule 5: Give money to children or charity when it has the most impact.

“Die with zero” sounds selfish. However, you're money is taken no matter what. Just because you give it to charity or kids after you die doesn't make you selfish. The only money you need after you die is money for a funeral.

Give money to children when they need it most, not at 60 (the median age of inheritance). The most optimum ages are 26-35. That is when people are still healthy, but less risky with their wealth.

You can build memory dividends in yourself and your kids. Positive memory dividends are very beneficial to children later in life.

With charity, the earlier the better. The sooner you relieve suffering, the more your kindness will compound.

Chapter 6: Balance Your Life

Rule 6: Don't live your life on autopilot.

Strike a balance between present spending and future savings. If you know your income will rise, it's OK to spend a bit more in the present. Ensure your spending does not go overboard. With age, money's utility goes down

Invest in health. Health declines after late teens and 20s. Because of this, we start to derive less enjoyment from physical activity. Good health maintenance leads to a less steep decline.

To get the most out of life, people need to balance health, money, and time. It is rare to have all 3 in life. It is important to note however, that no amount of money makes up for good health. You can also trade money for time.

Chapter 6 Notes

  • following plan recommended for some:
    • little savings in early 20s
    • gradual ramp up in late 20s and 30s
    • peak at 20% in 40s
    • slow down savings until expenditure > savings

Chapter 7: Start to Time-Bucket Your Life

Rule 7: Think of life as distinct seasons.

We will all do something one last time and not realize it. We will do it for the last time and not much fanfare will happen. When we do something for the last time, a small part of ourselves die.

The 2 biggest regrets in life are: 1. Not having the courage to live true to one's self 2. Working too hard to make a living

Make time buckets. 1. Draw timeline from now to death 2. Divide your life into 5 or 10 year intervals 3. Place items into specific buckets

Some experiences will be more flexible than others. It is ideal to have most (time-sensitive) experiences at peak health and before parenthood.

Chapter 8: Know Your Peak

Rule 8: Know when to stop growing wealth.

Invest in experiences that yield long-lasting memories. In particular, increase spending during your golden years.

Find your net worth peak date deliberately. Note, it should be a date not a number. It is much easier to put off a number and to be less satiated by it. Your net worth peak should be somewhere between 45 and 60. If you want to keep working, even past your net worth peak date, ensure you ramp up spending or consider cutting back work hours.

Once you near your net worth peak, re-bucket your life.

Meeting the minimum threshold means ensuring you've saved enough to survive without any other income. Once you've meet the minimum threshold, you can start thinking about your net worth peak. – minimum threshold = annual living cost * number of years expected to live – likely less if you invest your money – if concerned the minimum threshold won't last, downsize, reverse mortgage, and annuities are options to consider

Chapter 9: Be Bold — Not Foolish

Rule 9: Take the biggest risks when you have little to lose.

When you have little to lose, upsides > downsides. Therefore, it is important to take more risks. In fact, it can be riskier not to engage in risk! This is especially true when you are young. – oftentimes, downsides are not as bad as you think. – Fear takes the actual risk and blows it out of proportion. Don't let irrational fears get in the way

Even when things go badly, you can still course-correct. Don't underestimate the risk of inaction.

Conclusion

Aiming to die with 0 ensures you get more out of life. You won't get it perfectly, but it's good enough that you're moving in the right direction.

Appendix

There's an app. It is available here. They are mere calculations, so don't take it at face value.

Tags: #book-summary

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There is a lot of entertaining content on YouTube. Sometimes it can be hard keep up with your favorite YouTubers. Or, maybe you want to watch more content in less time.

RSS

Instead of relying on YouTube's algorithm to tell you when someone uploads, use RSS readers. RSS fetches content and serves it right to you. A great FOSS (free and open source) RSS reader is CommaFeed.

RSS readers are a great, privacy-respecting alternative to YouTube's traditional subscription feature. In fact, it is better than YouTube's feature because you can subscribe to content creators outside of YouTube.

RSS feeds on YouTube are in the following format:

https://www.youtube.com/feeds/videos.xml?channel_id={channel_id}

where {channel_id} is the channel's ID. You cannot put custom YouTube IDs here.

Finding a YouTube Channel's RSS Feed

  1. Look for the source code. Neatnik will help you view the source code if you do not know how to.
  2. Hit Ctrl + F (or Command + F) and look for rssUrl. The URL after the colon for rssUrl is the RSS feed for that YouTube channel.
  3. Copy that URL and paste it into your favorite RSS reader.

The highlighted part is the URL you want to copy.

Custom YouTube ID

Reading this section is not required for RSS.

One custom YouTube ID example is Pewdiepie. His channel URL is: https://www.youtube.com/user/PewDiePie. “PewDiePie” is not his channel ID. It is his custom ID. His channel ID can be found by looking in the source code.

Watching at Higher Speeds

The most obvious tip is to just raise the video speed. Normally, I would recommend people to raise it to 1.1x speed as it's difficult to tell the speed increase. Unfortunately, YouTube has no such option, so it is best to raise it to 1.25x and slowly increase the speed from there.

I will give you with one warning. Watching at higher speeds may diminish the overall viewing experience. It may also make it more difficult to consume content at 1x speed because it will feel slow.

Calculating How Much Time You Will Save

Watching at higher speeds will allow you to save a lot of time. You can calculate that by:

  1. Turning your desired speed into a fraction
  2. Finding the reciprocal of that fraction (flip the numerator and denominator)
  3. Multiplying by how many seconds long a video is
  4. Subtract the total length of the video by the answer you got in #3.

Example:

  1. 1.25 = 5/4
  2. 5/4 >> 4/5
  3. 60 * 4/5 = 48. 60 – 48 = 12. Therefore, you save 12 seconds for every minute you watch at 1.25x speed.

Adblock and SponsorBlock

Adblockers block time-wasting ads. I recommend you leave it on by default, but turn it off for creators you want to support. A good adblocker is UBlock Origin. Its default settings are enough for most users. Mobile users should download the Brave browser to block ads.

Note, blocking ads may break Google's Terms of Service and could lead to account termination (though it's very rare). To avoid this, you can buy YouTube Premium.

SponsorBlock skips sponsored segments of a video automatically instead of having to exert effort to skip the video yourself. Blocked segments are contributed by the community.

Download Videos

Downloading videos may break Google's Terms of Service. Moreover, downloading videos could technically be considered piracy and may lead to legal consequences. To avoid this, buying YouTube Premium will allow you to download videos for offline use.

That said, why download videos? Sometimes you want to consume content offline. Another reason is that YouTube can occasionally be slow (especially if you have a terrible Wi-Fi connection). Downloading videos ahead of time will allow you to view them later at your own leisure.

Tags: #productivity #entertainment

Table of Contents

You've likely heard about how Linux is superior to Windows or Mac, and you want to try it out yourself. If you have not, it typically boils down to privacy, security, reliability, customization, open-source, efficiency, and convenience.

Linux is not one operating system. It is made up of hundreds of distributions that each have specific use cases. It may seem like a terrifying decision because there are so many options. However, it is possible to narrow them down.

Your Use Case

The first thing to consider is your use case. What will you be doing with Linux? How much effort are you willing to expend to get it working? Certain distributions (versions of Linux) require more work to setup and maintain. Different use cases may also require more setup and maintenance work.

Do you prefer stability, or do you want the latest and greatest? Most novice users will likely want stability.

Linux Distributions (distros)

You can use this quiz to determine potential distributions (distros) to use. It takes into account various different factors and recommends distros that you might want. After, you can test that distribution in a web browser here. Be sure to do some research on the distribution and see if it aligns with what you need.

Consider your hardware. Does your computer meet the minimum requirements?

Desktop Environments (DE)

A desktop environment is the user interface that allows you to navigate the operating system. There are a ton out there. Many distributions ship with different desktop environments. You can read about different desktop environments here.

Each desktop environment also has different use cases.

HELP! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO CHOOSE!!!

If you're unsure with what to choose, some great beginner distros include:

  • Linux Mint
  • Elementary OS
  • Pop!_OS
  • Zorin OS
  • Manjaro: based on Arch. This may require more tinkering to set up and maintain.

Alternatively, use this quiz.

Ensure you do your own research first. Your needs matter more than a recommendation from some random blogger.

Problems You May Encounter When Using Linux

One common problem novices run into are programs. The sad reality about Linux is that it is difficult to get Windows programs running on it. There are programs on Linux that run similar to their Windows counterparts that you could try slowly switching over. For instance, you could replace Microsoft Office with OnlyOffice. Solutions like Wine exist, but they can be difficult for new users to use. One solution is to dual boot Windows and Linux. This means that your computer has 2 operating systems at the same time, and you get to choose which to boot into. It is a good compromise if you want the best of both worlds. The Installing Linux section will show you how to dual boot.

Another problem you may run into is the terminal. Technically, you don't need to know the terminal to use Linux, but it is very handy. The terminal is practically a Swiss Army knife; you can do almost anything with it. Unfortunately, its convenience means that Linux programs often require you to download from the terminal. Sure, you could copy and paste commands, however you're trusting a random person at that point. If you don't know what you're doing you could potentially damage your system. Learning a few helpful commands will make your transition to Linux easier.

Installing Linux

WARNING: IT IS POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO LOSE DATA ON THIS STEP. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU BACKUP YOUR DATA IF YOU ARE USING A DISK WITH POTENTIALLY IMPORTANT DATA ON IT.

This YouTube video explains the installation process clearly.

As a general TLDR: 1. Get a USB. 2. Download the ISO file for your desired distro. 3. Flash the ISO file onto your USB. Use balenaEtcher (more user-friendly) or Rufus. 4. Once flashing is done, turn off your computer. 5. Ensure your flashed USB is plugged in. 6. Load your computer's boot options screen by pressing one of the function keys (F1, F2, etc.) or Esc. Keys differ for different models, but a useful table can be found here 7. When you're in the BIOS, set your USB to be first in the boot order. Disable Secure Boot. 8. Turn the computer back on. Ensure you have booted into your USB. 9. Go through install process. – At some point you will need to partition the system. You can choose to wipe the whole drive (which will erase all your data!), or you can manually set aside some free space for your operating system. – If you want to dual boot, you will want to choose the latter option. To dual boot: 1. Set aside space for your new operating system by resizing or deleting partitions. 2. Create a new partition for your new operating system. 3. Assign that partition. I recommend you create 2 partitions: one as / (root) and one as /home. It makes it easier to distrohop (switch between Linux distros). 10. Reboot. Remove USB. 11. Log into your new system

Configuring Linux

After, you will need to do some configuration in your new system. The most important are setting your mirrors (servers where you will download updates), updating, and downloading any programs, drivers, etc. that you need on Linux. Congratulations, you now have a functional system! At this point, you can go to other online guides, and complete their “After Installing {x} Distribution” (where x is your distribution).

Glossary

  • Linux distribution: different versions of Linux
  • distro: short for “distribution.”
  • distrohop: switching between different Linux distros

Tags: #alphabet

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Why Transcribe English into the Greek Alphabet

Transcribing English into the Greek alphabet is a good way to learn a new alphabet system. If you are studying Greek, it might help you know what a certain letter stands for (in terms of sound).

Another reason is basic encryption. Encrypting your physical writing is a daunting task. It can be hard to make a cipher that is readable for you and not others. But, you can encrypt English using an existing alphabet. These pre-built alphabets usually contain sounds that are similar to English. It is much easier than creating your own alphabet. Making the Greek alphabet fit into English phonetically can be difficult, especially since English has many sounds that Greek lacks, but it is doable.

Encrypting your writing using this method takes only a few hours to learn. While most writing systems look different enough from Latin to be unreadable by most, those who understand the alphabet will not have a hard time decrypting your writing. However, it is unlikely to run into such a person.

In many countries, Greek letters are used extensively in math, science, and engineering as variables. This may make the alphabet weaker if you write in English or any other language. Many fraternities and sororities also use Greek letters. This makes it more likely for you to run into someone who understands the Greek alphabet. Although it is unlikely to encounter a native speaker (excluding Greek) who can read the Greek alphabet, the possibility can make the use of this alphabet risky.

English to Greek Letters

The following table are Greek letters transcribed to English as best as possible. They do not represent how the Greek alphabet is actually pronounced.

Greek Letter English Letter Example
Α α A F[a]ther
Β β V (B) [V]ote ([B]oat)
Γ γ NG (G) Si[ng] ([G]o)
Δ δ D [D]en
Ε ε E M[e]t
Ζ ζ Z [Z]ebra
Η η E H[e]y
Θ θ TH [Th]e
Ι ι I Mach[i]ne
Κ κ K [K]ite
Λ λ L [L]ate
Μ μ M [M]ake
Ν ν N [N]o
Ξ ξ KS Mas[ks]
Ο ο O [O]ff
Π π P [P]ot
Ρ ρ R (not rolled) [R]adio
Σ σ/ς (Ϲ ϲ*) S, Z sometimes [S]it
Τ τ T [T]alk
Υ υ Y Similar to [y]es
Φ φ F [F]it
Χ χ KH, H in example alphabet Lo[ch] (Scottish)
Ψ ψ PS Ca[ps]
Ω ω OU Gr[o]w

Notes

  • *: Found in some older Greek writings
  • σ/ς: ς is written at the end of a word. Everywhere else, it is σ
  • Letters in parentheses () are older pronunciations. They are no longer used.
  • Letters in brackets [] are English equivalents
  • ου is similar to f[oo]d
  • μπ makes a “B” sound in modern Greek. You may still use Β
  • There is no “sh” sound. Replace with “s”.
  • There is no “ch” sound. Replace with “ts.”

Example

Excerpted from The Mole & his Mother in Aesop's fables. Original text.

Α λιτουλ Μολ ουανς σεδ το χις Μοθερ:

“Ουαι Μοθερ, υου σεδ αι ουας μπλαινδ! Μπουτ αη αμ σουρ αι καν σι!”

Μοθερ Μολ σο σι ουδ χαυ το γετ σουτς κονσιτ αυτ οφ χιζ χεδ. Σο σι πουτ α μπιτ οφ φραγινσενς μπιφορ χιμ ανδ ασκδ χιμ το τελ ουατ ιτ ουας.

Θε λιτουλ Μολ πιρδ ατ ιτ.

“Ουαι, θατς α πεμπυλ!”

“Ουελ, μαι σον, θατ πρυυζ υουβ λοστ υουρ σενς οφ σμελ ας ουελ ας μπιυεγ μπλαινδ.”

Μοραλ: μποστ οφ ουαν θιγ ανδ υου ουιλ μπι φαυνδ λακιγ ιν θατ ανδ α φου οθερ θιγς ας ουελ.

To native English speakers, this looks like a foreign language. However, it's English disguised in Greek letters. In fact, you can paste this into a translator and hear the text. Just be sure not to boast that you know actually know Greek!

Why Phonetically

“So why encrypt the Greek alphabet or any other alphabet phonetically,” you may ask. English is not spelt phonetically. This means that it is hard to transcribe words accurately into other alphabets. It takes longer to decrypt a word letter-by-letter than by syllable.

Syllables can contain more than one letter. Take the word “pseudonym.” Going letter-by-letter gives you “ψεουδονιμ” (pse ou don i m; Greek has no “u” or “y” equivalent). Decrypting one letter at a time is not only inefficient, but you also have to figure out what the word is (spelling-wise). Sometimes, you forget the spelling of a word. However phonetically, you get “συδονιμ” (su-do-nim). We know what pseudonym approximately sounds like, so it is much easier to read.

Secondly, Greek has 24 letters; English has 26. Greek has no Q, W, U. Although these letters could be substituted (i.e. Q for Κ, W & U for ου), such substitutions could make it harder to read.

Table of contents

Before starting a diary, consider the security and privacy aspect first. A diary is very personal and anything written in it should not be given out all willy-nilly to anyone. These are your personal thoughts, opinions, ideas, etc. No one should be allowed to look at your diary without your permission.

When you start out, consider whether you want to write in a digital format or a physical format. Each has its own strengths and weaknesses.

Digital

Typing things out is much faster and easier than writing, especially once you know the keyboard layout. Although writing things out has its benefits, digital formats are more secure and portable.

If you go digital, I recommend Cryptee. It is an E2EE (end-to-end encrypted) photo storage service, but you can also store your writing there. E2EE means that your data is encrypted when it is sent and stored on Cryptee servers. They also have an excellent WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) editor in Markdown. When you sign up, you will have to use 2 passwords (login and encryption password or a Google account and an encryption password). These can be stored in a password manager like Bitwarden.

If you don't want to store your diary in the cloud, you can store it on a USB stick and encrypt it using tools such as Veracrypt. Make sure you keep backups of your diary.

Physical

Physical diaries are harder to secure. However, you can keep them in locked compartments. Some diaries do come with locks, but they can be picked. If you intend to keep a physical diary, make the diary as inconspicuous as possible and hide it. You can also create fake diaries that reveal very little about you. It may help deter intruders.

You may also want to consider learning a new alphabet (such as Cyrillic, Greek, Arabic, etc.) while still writing in your native language. Adjusting the phonetics to fit your desired language can be difficult, but possible. I may write about this at some point in the future. You can even make your own alphabet!

An example with the Greek alphabet. > English: Go over there.

Greek: Γο οβερ θερ.

This system is not perfect, but it prevents others from reading your diary. Ensure you choose an alphabet that very few people know.

Formatting

Formatting should not start out complex. Start your entries off with the date and the time you're writing it. For instance: > 6-7-22 10:20pm

would suffice. Just make sure that all entries have a consistent date and time.

For those going digital, I recommend ISO 8601 (yyyy-mm-dd) for easier sorting.

What to Write

Anything! Feelings, thoughts, opinions, events, etc. It doesn't matter. This is your diary after all.

If you want to start out easy, bullet point anything interesting that happened during your day. For instance: – went to work – saw an accident. many police officers. I hope no one was hurt – random guy cut me off. made me mad, but I am calm now – at work – worked on projects – talked to co-workers about politics

Don't fret over grammar or spelling. Just shoot for being able to be understood.

Why Start One

Starting a diary helps get thoughts in your head out onto paper, text file, whatever! It helps see what you were like and how you changed and grew.

Main Points

There are 3 types of networks: – Expansionist: large network, well-known, but have trouble maintaining and leveraging ties – Broker: generates value by connecting normally distant groups. Lots of information benefits – Convener: dense networks where friends are also friends with each other. Has trust and reputation benefits

It is possible to mix different network types to fit your needs. Different networks have different strengths. – When in turbulent times, increase your network size. Reaching out will help you more than turning inwards because people may be able to help you.

Conveners tend to be people who prefer security, are sensitive to social rejection, and are risk-averse. They are more likely to be trusted and trusting. However, they run the risk of forming “in-bred” networks.

Brokers bridge together diverse networks. They are adaptable to any social situation and know what image to project. However, they can be seen as manipulators rendering them untrustworthy. If they are good at projecting their image, they can be seen as more trustworthy than non-brokers.

Expansionists tend to play nice. Their large networks require them to have effective systems to manage their contacts. Some methods include: call logs, task lists, reminders, notes about past meetings, personal info, assistant, and relationship management tools. – Popularity –> more popularity – More connections –> easier network growth – Confidence and ease of communication are crucial to popularity

When dealing with relationships, favor quality over quantity. We can only maintain 150 stable contacts. Relationships depend on time, intensity/intimacy, and reciprocity. If not maintained, relationships can slowly die off (as they usually tend to). However, dormant ties are still useful (oftentimes more useful than current ties!). Don't worry if networks change. Our networks change because we change.

6 critical connections for our networks: 1. Access to information 2. Formal power 3. Developmental feedback 4. Sense of purpose 5. Personal support 6. Help with work-life balance

“Everyone on this planet is connected by only six other people.... You [just] have to find the right six people to make the connection.” – Guare

Chapter 1: Making Connections

There are 3 types of networks: – Expansionist: large network, well-known, but have trouble maintaining and leveraging ties – Broker: generates value by connecting normally distant groups. Lots of information benefits – Convener: dense networks where friends are also friends with each other. Has trust and reputation benefits

Our behaviors determine the type of network we have. No single network type is best for anyone. Mixing different styles can be beneficial. Moreover, no one fits neatly into any of these network toplogies. – networks change over time

Positive social interaction has many benefits.

When dealing with relationships, quality > quantity.

People hate thinking strategically about their networks. However, it is important for one to form and maintain relationships strategically because they are long-term investments. – Networking ≠ networks – when networking, think about what you can give. It will make networking easier for you and others.

Self-awareness –> more authenticity –> more effective interaction and engagement. Do not overdo authenticity. Some self-presentation is OK.

Social skills can be improved. People we interact with may like us more than we think they do. Also, stop comparing your social life to others. – when seeking interaction, focus on others. Look for small clusters with an odd number of people

Chapter 1 Notes

  • loneliness is as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes per day
    • 80% of youth and 40% of older adults have experienced loneliness
  • conveners are good listeners
  • brokers easily adapt to situations
  • expansionists are louder, extroverted, talk more, but interrupt less
  • most people have 250-1,700 acquaintances

Chapter 2: The Nature of Networks

We can only maintain 150 stable contacts. – Innermost: 2-5 people. Can depend on during severe distress – Sympathy group: 15 people. People we feel close to. Usually keep in touch once per month. – Close friends: 50 people. Comfortable enough to invite over to a BBQ but not comfortable enough to disclose secrets. – Casual friends: 150 people. Beyond this, reciprocity and obligation ends – Acquaintances: 450-600 people. People we have seen in the past coulpe of years but don't really keep in touch with. – Recognition: 1,500 people we recognize by sight

A “friend” depends on factors including time, reciprocity, intensity, and intimacy. – Partially determined by time, mostly determined by intimacy. – ~50 hours to be casual friends, 90 to be “real” friends, 200 to be close friends – Reciprocity can be good and bad. – Good in that others will help us if we help them. – Bad in that it can be hard to turn down loved ones

People have 3 attachment styles: 1. Secure: comfortable with intimacy and interdependence 2. Anxious: deep need for closeness. Worries about abandonment and rejection (i.e. clingy people) 3. Avoidant: Wants to ensure that no one gets close to them.

Attachment styles can be changed with interventions, positive experiences in relationship, reminders of feeling secure, and awareness of self-sabotage.

Relationships and networks change because we change. Despite this, people rarely meet new people. This could be due to social anxiety, a need for routine and security, and a fear of strangers. – 50% of all relationships beyond family cease to exist – Most relationships die slowly. Fast breakups are complicated and costly. – No face-to-face contact after: – 2 months decreases feelings by 30% – 150 days decreases feelings by 80% (friends)

Networks

Expansionist: weak ties. Most social effort spent in meeting new people. Easier to end relationships.

Brokers: some strong ties, but network strength comes from weak ties. Lots of time is spent maintaining weak ties.

Conveners: most effort in maintenance. Have deep roots in few social worlds.

Chapter 2 Notes

  • very rare to have >5 close friends
  • 2-3 institutions account for the vast majority of relationships
  • relationship quality > quantity
    • if you want to increase quantity:
      • think about where you go. be in the right places
      • live in cul-de-sacs instead of dead-end streets
      • urban areas
      • if at work, sit near bathroom or break room
  • networks largest when one is 25 (20 ppl/month)
    • huge decline in social networks between 25 and 50. Often due to parenthood
    • at 40, 15 ppl/month
    • at 65, 10 ppl/month
  • 1/3 of adolescents get new set of friends every 6 months
  • <15% teen/tween relationships last several years

Chapter 3: Conveners

Conveners tend to be people who prefer security, are sensitive to social rejection, and are risk-averse.

Conveners are more likely to be trusted and trusting, especially with gossip. It makes their networks safe and comfy. This can form cliques and in-group favoritism. – Gossip helps alleviate emotional and physical discomfort. – People prefer people who are similar to them – Networks that are too inbred (similar) lead to less diversity

Trust is essential. It takes a long time to build. It requires vulnerability. Vulnerability shows that you have weaknesses and require help. This helps when one is facing a crisis. – no foolproof sign of showing trust, but there are ways to [[Outsmarting Anger by Joseph Shrand and Leigh Devine Chapter 4#^b517ab|look more trustworthy]] – self-disclosure produces a sense of closeness that is gradual. It helps if it's reciprocal. – too much is bad

Chapter 3 Notes

  • trust is essential
    • at work: more productivity and satisfaction, less sick days and burnout
    • creates forgiveness, willingness to sacrifice, less stress, more healthy life
  • if you introduce yourself to >65% of contacts, your network may be too inbred
    • Solution 1: develop relations with brokers
    • Solution 2: focus on shared activities (i.e. clubs, sports teams)

Chapter 4: Brokers

Brokers are rare. They bridge together diverse social networks. They are good at adapting to any social situation. This is often because they are high self-monitors (meaning they know what image to project). – can be seen as going with the flow or trying to get ahead

People with power are more willing to broker despite having less opportunities to do so. They are also less accurate with relationships.

Arbitraging (buying and selling something) can be perceived as manipulation. This makes brokers look more like “assholes,” especially when they are loosely connected to a convening network. The most untrustworthy are those who speak their minds, but brokers who have high self-monitoring are more trustworthy (even more so than non-brokers).

Chapter 5: Expansionist

Expansionists are nice. In general, givers have larger networks than takers. – if you give time to help others, you will feel like you have more time – giving, service, and gratitude guard against loneliness

Expansionists must have effective systems to manage their contacts. Their largest barriers are time and mental capacity.

Popularity –> more rewards, performance, success. – popularity –> more popularity – more connections –> easier network growth – early popularity is crucial. Small differences in the initial phase make a huge difference – ease of communication, confidence are crucial to popularity

There are 2 types of popularity: – status: visibility, power, influence – likability: making others feel valued and welcomed. Are good [[You're Not Listening by Kate Murphy|listeners]]

Your friends are more likely to be popular than you. Many people have a few friends, while a few have large numbers.

Chapter 5 Notes

  • Genes account for 50% of our network size
  • effective systems for expansionists include: call logs, task lists, reminders, notes about past meetings, personal info, assistant, relationship management tools

Chapter 6: In the Mix

One can mix network styles to suit one's needs. Different networks have different strengths and weaknesses. – When in turbulent times, increase your network size. It may be easier to reduce your network size, but reaching out will help you. – When young with little experience or power, be expansionist.

Networks can change, but don't forget about dormant ties. They are more useful than current strong and weak ties. The most useful ones are dormant ties with the highest status, trustworthiness, and willingness to help. – Time and embarrassment may be the largest obstacles, but reaching out is easier and more enjoyable than you think.

Network perceptions often outweighs network reality. – use advocates as complement to reputation building, particularly those with denser, larger, and more diverse networks – help others, gain trust

Core networks with 12-18 contacts and 6 critical connections do well. The 6 important critical connections are: 1. Access to information 2. Formal power 3. Developmental feedback 4. Sense of purpose 5. Personal support 6. Help with work-life balance

Chapter 7: In the Moment

High quality interactions are beneficial. It doesn't matter how long it is or how close the other person is to you. Relationships are dependent on moment-by-moment interaction.

When people are in a rush, stressed, or distracted, they are less likely to help. It also impairs our ability to listen and understand. – phones impair ability to connect, especially in meaningful conversations. But, they are good as anesthesia.

Questions lead to more connections and likability. The 6 types are: 1. Introduction 2. Full switch: changes topic 3. Partial switch: also changes topic 4. Follow-up: asks about something you were just discussing. Builds rapport. 5. Mirror: similar to question asked, but turned toward questioner – A: “How's your day?” – B: “Good. How was yours?”

The 36 Questions That Lead to Love lays the groundwork, but follow-up questions are where the magic happens. It shows you're listening, which leads to more trust, likability, and motivation. It is more likely to fix another person's problems.

Emotions filter listening such that we listen to what we want to listen. Most people just understand and do, but don't grasp the meaning or emotion of a conversation.

Touch is a medium of social expression. It can increase positive perceptions if done correctly. – perfect touch: warm skin, moderate pressure, moving at 1 inch per second – the closer you are to someone (from a relationship perspective), the more of their body you can touch.

Chapter 7 Notes

  • eye contact –> deeper connection
    • mutual gazing for more than 10 minutes can lead to a lost sense of reality

Chapter 8: Human Design

People do not like to contradict authority. Fear, risk of damaging relations, and experiencing retribution are the biggest reasons why. – End the blame game. Replace it with curiousity. – Best time to engineer psychological safety (freedom from interpersonal fear) is at the beginning. If missed, it will take a long time to build.

Jerks reduce psychological safety. Slackers and pessimists also reduce performance. Bad behaviors are more infectious than good. – Need 5 good interactions for every bad interaction – 1-2 people can ruin everything – Deal with jerks by showing them how they act and letting them arrive at their own conclusion. – If you choose to do direct confrontation (not the best option), back it up with many examples and people – You could be a jerk yourself – Power, stress, exhaustion makes us meaner

Respect and civility goes a long way.

Chapter 9: Work/Life

People tend to prefer to separate their work life from their actual life. Having “work friends” is hard because work is transactional, friends are not. There are benefits to work friends, however.

People who are share “uncommon commonalities” feel closer. People prefer friends who are similar to them physically too. This can be a disadvantage, particularly for women and minorities.

Chapter 9 Notes

  • Mentorships are more likely to take off with more interaction in the first several months of a relationship

Chapter 10: Everyone's Connected

“Everyone on this planet is connected by only six other people.... You [just] have to find the right six people to make the connection.” – Guare #quote #relationships

Humanity's combined networks creates the right kind of order and disorder whereby you are closely connected to everyone else.

Main Points

Carrots and sticks are not the best way to motivate people. It often backfires because people will only seek the reward and not the enjoyment that comes from work. Carrot and sticks only work if routine tasks are boring. However, do not use “if then” rewards. Use “now that” (unexpected rewards that are offered only after the task is complete).

People can become intrinsically motivated. Intrinsic motivation (Type I) is like renewable energy. It's clean, performs better in the long-run, and better for one's environment. Type I depends on autonomy, mastery, and purpose.

People want autonomy over their tasks, time, techniques, and teams. They also want to get better at things. Moreover, they must have a reason to do it. Ensure goals are Type I-based.

Review

★★★☆☆ This book is OK. There isn't a whole lot of info I would find new or exciting. It is for someone who is very entrenched in the Type X (extrinsic rewards) mindset.

Chapter 1: The Rise and Fall of Motivation 2.0

Motivation 1.0 involves surviving and reproducing. Motivation 2.0 involves extrinsic motivation.

People are not solely motivated extrinsically. People can be driven by purpose.

Chapter 2: 7 Reasons Carrot & Sticks (Often) Don't Work

Rewards turn play into work. Rewards can also lead to worse performance and accuracy. Rewards also increase risk-seeking and short-term thinking because of its anticipation.

Extrinsic rewards makes people find the quickest way to get those rewards. Over time, people can get desensitized to rewards and require more over time.

Rewards: 1. Extinguish internal motivation 2. Lower performance and creativity 3. Crowd out good behaviors and encourage bad 4. Become addictive 5. Foster short-term thinking

Chapter 2A: ... & When They Do

Rewards make routine tasks less boring and more efficient.

Extrinsic rewards should be unexpected and only offered after task is completed. This is also known as “now that” rewards.

Consider non-tangible rewards. Provide specific feedback. Praise effort and strategy, not outcomes.

Chapter 3: Type I and Type X

Type X: Extrinsically motivated Type I: Intrinsically motivated

Type I: – behaviors are made, not born – outperforms Type X in the long run – is renewable energy. Type X is non-renewable. Type X is cheap, easy, efficient, finite, and pollutes. – promotes greater physical and mental well being – depends on autonomy, mastery, and purpose – requires self direction

Chapter 4: Autonomy

People like autonomy. Especially over their tasks, time, techniques, and teams. Autonomy is more satisfying, encourages creativity, and promotes happiness.

When time input and work output are tightly linked, it encourages Type X behavior.

Chapter 5: Mastery

Motivation 2.0 encourages compliance. Motivation 3.0 encourages engagement.

Mastery is a: 1. Mindset – growth mindset –> mastery – learning, not performance goals –> mastery 2. Pain – grit (perserverance and passion for long-term goals) –> high accomplishment – can mean working even when there is no improvement 3. Asymptote – true mastery impossible, but you can get close

Chapter 5 Notes

  • best predictor of productivity is the urge to master something new and engaging
  • autotelic experience: when activity is self-rewarding
  • during flow, the challenge is neither too hard nor easy. It just beyond one's current abilities

Chapter 6: Purpose

Purpose ensure people are on track and what they're doing has an effect.

Chapter 6 Notes

  • Type I goals –> more happiness when goals are accomplished

Type I for Individuals

Give yourself a flow test. Set alarm to go off at random times. When it goes off, write what you're doing, how you're feeling, and if you're in flow. After, find patterns.

Think about your 1 sentence in life. What gets you up in the morning? What keeps you up at night?

Look for small improvements. Give yourself performance reviews.

Deliberate practice is all about improving performance. It requires repetition, constant, critical feedback, working on weaknesses, and preparing for mental/physical exhaustion.

Chapter 7 Notes

Type I for Organizations

“20% time.” Workers have autonomy over task, time, technique, and teams 20% of the time. They just have to produce something at the end.

Peer-to-peer “now that” rewards. If co-workers notice someone is working hard, they can reward them.

Give up control. 1. Involve people in goal-setting 2. Use noncontrolling, lighter language 3. Give 1-2 hours per week for employees to come in and talk to you

Zen of Compensation

  1. Ensure internal and external fairness
    • pay people at around market rate and similarly to each other in the organization
    • if 1 person works harder or does more, they should be paid more
  2. Pay above-average
  3. If you use performance metrics, make them wide-ranging, relevant, hard to game. Make gain for reaching metric modest.

Type I for Parents and Educators

  • Use DIY report cards. List goals, and at the end of the quarter, review.
  • Give allowance and chores, but don't combine them.
  • Praise effort and strategy. Make praise specific and in private.
  • help kids see relevance
  • turn students into teachers