How it feels like to be a backup friend? You want to understand that in what situation and circumstances you yourself will get someone in the corner of your mind as a backup friend, then you can act upon that.
It's terrible to see that you're only just there to fill the missing part. The only reason for your presence is just that the other friend is missing now it's weird so they hang out with you.
When they reach out to you, it's for asking something or dumping their favorite discussions on you and you NEVER get to talk about yours. So I wonder how do you deal with this?
One thing you could do is stop chasing, and that worked for me. But the fear will remain even when you're hanging out with friends that you know they prioritize you. And frankly there are friends like this you just can't see it. You always want to achieve something you haven't, and that's great congrats! But you never look at the things that you already have. Like the friends you got.
It will get pretty frustrating when you are trying to make a connection with someone that you barely know or started learning about them. You want to get deep BUT you don't have the reason. And maybe you don't want to sound like a desperate in need kind of person. Begging to be seen, Begging to be friends. I was always afraid of this, I think about it a lot when socializing with people. “Am I putting so much pressure?” “Do they even like talking to me?” “Do they even like me or they're just being polite?” “Am I trying too hard? Am I pushing?” and all this. I may succeed in keeping the connection and gradually build on that, but it consumes SO much brain power and social energy that I can't study after getting out of the mess my brain puts me in.
Idk, the problem is obvious, the solution is obvious. I just have to learn more about behavior to get a grasp on this things.