May Update: The (birthday) gift of optimism...
I returned it!
The first draft of this update included a dialog between PessimistRob & WiseRob. Noticeably there's no place for an OptimistRob.
For decades, if pressed to name a favorite book my answer was Voltaire's Candide the full title of which is Candide, ou l'Optimisme. Optimism is the philosophy of the title character's mentor, Dr. Pangloss, who frequently asserts that ours is the best of all possible worlds. Roughly speaking that's what optimism means, the best possible while pessimism means the worst possible. If you do not know, Candide is satire. The events of the short novel do not support the premise that its characters are living in the best possible world. Constructing a philosophy around “best possible” or “worst possible” is so easy to refute. From my perspective the proper counter-balance to pessimism is not optimism but wisdom. Etymologically wisdom is a clear view of consequences; realism we might even say.
Nevertheless, happiness is mandatory
I regret to inform you that the above is a roundabout path to get back to a positive outlook. I can see why many might lose patience with me! I share my views because I have not seen others articulating my outlook. [a]
I believe that happiness, or more accurately feeling good, is a requirement of life.
| I have a problem & sharing online is part problem & part help. |
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So you see the problem is that my ambitions outstrip my energy. The problem & help is that I have given myself deadlines. Meeting a deadline pushes me to publish without improving the content. But like that tortoise I am moving however slowly. [3]
An available option that I'm embracing seems to be the exact opposite of improving my content. I'm spewing as many disjointed rough drafts as I can as the notes for future refining. It feels like the best I can do.
I'd love to offer an eloquent description of my feelings as I move forward with drastic changes. I think that would be great content. But the entire reason I'm moving is that I cannot function in the current setting. I am fleeing to save my (creative) life. It's a long shot hope. If you're interested, stay tuned. That's all I'm offering right now: Potential.
| Coming Soon? |
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| Complaint As Exorcism! I want to explore the benefits of complaint & the social interference with realizing the benefits. From the enormous (the current US regime is entirely complaint based) to the intensely personal (my fear of offending friends with my deep down feelings about them) there's much to consider. Social media is awash with complaints, some secretive & vague, others direct & seeking an outcome. & Frustration makes art. In an upcoming stream or newsletter |
| Links | • fellow Pee-Wee lovers check out Pee-Wee Herman Himself documentary on HBO • video satirizing the extreme marketing age we currently suffer through (why I live a nonprofit life) [4] • I've never seen a film quite like Alamar — Watch on Kanopy 
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[a] More on this later, late-breaking realization of how to put into words why I share: it would make most sense for me to exchange my views based on experience with those closest to me {my family observations with family, my thoughts on community with my community, my whiteness thoughts with whites} but it happens that next to none of those with whom I most closely share time & space are open to my kind of examination. Obvs I can think that the problem is me! I'm choosing to uproot myself. & I share widely in hopes of finding folks. In lost audio from my most recent stream an hour ago I said that it would make most sense for me to share my family thoughts with family but my family isn't open to thought & that that's why I stream & why I might fashion my perspectives around fictional characters in hopes of A. exorcising them & B. maybe someone somewhere will relate, even if it's just futureMe. [1] The philosophy also relates to my humanissome project & the positive sci-fi story I dream of writing. The confusion of overlapping projects with unclear borders does not give me grief. Mostly I feel a single purpose. [2] The easiest past writing for me to refer to still is what I placed on my own websites in the 90s that I can access via Archive.org. (Support the Internet Archive! They are under attack & they are a wonderful resource.) I rarely review material that I collected in notebooks or that I uploaded onto closed-format corporate social media. [3] Some incomplete bits I'd like to add to the above: I am super-into the power of words as revealed in etymology. I've spent time meditating on happiness, fun, feeling good, satisfaction, and other word choices. Happiness is sort of a compromise. I do not mean escapism. More on this “in the book”! Lol. Happiness is Mandatory is an intentional, intentionally forceful word choice. Typically I do not like terminology that denies agency to the self. Many commonly used terms invoke servitude and coercion, subjugation and subordination. The word mandate is tarnished by its association with abuse by the powerful. The word itself is too perfect for me to let go. Mandate means put in one's hands. I do believe that happiness is mandatory. Returning the gift of optimism is partly a reference to a recurring conflict in my relationships. It's easiest to pin it on my boyfriend, because that relationship is most prominent at the moment. There are a great many interactions in my experience in which communication gets derailed or curtailed by the 2-sides fighting, optimist & pessimist, when what's needed is a wise realist. I've habitually expressed that “what I need is someone who'll listen.” And OK that may be true, but after so many decades of being alive I'm just now deciding to work on what I can do positively when I'm not getting what I need. Because I have relationships with many loving people and it's still difficult for me to feel affection, trust, and support. Rather that waiting for a unicorn who always responds as I desire, what can I do to change myself for the better in appreciating each relationship as is? So, to return to my boyfriend: I know that when I express fear and doubt he is going to reply with enthusiasm and optimism. I can't talk him out of that. Should I? Should I want to? Even though enthusiastic optimism strikes me as facile, unrealistic, and feels like disregard of my emotions in those situations... the best question for me to ask myself is not how do I get my boyfriend to respond differently? but how can I grow? I control me & no one else. What do I want out of these interactions? What do I want from relationships? Honestly I do not know yet. But those are where I want to put my energy instead of disappointment in others. [4] Weirdly I had another link on the same theme that will not display correctly no matter how many different ways I try to share it. I'm at a loss so I took it out. It looks fine in the draft version of this post
By Rob Middleton who can be reached @[email protected] on Mastodon