I've always felt like myself, I fit in my body I spend time outside my mind, Because there isn't

I've never felt like a girl, I fit in my body I can't define, and in my mind, There isn't always

I feel like a boy, and I fit in my body Deep and shallow is my mind, But there's still not

I am only me, and me alone, I fit in my body, I've made up my mind, There certainly is

Space inside my mind, That you can be yourself, My experiences define only; Me — and there is space enough for you.

#MyPoem

Book reviews are

something I don't really read. Or write for that matter. It mostly comes down to the fact that I feel the subjective nature of what one likes or not is... well, subjective.

I do listen to suggestions, either from people whom I know likes books I also like, or suggestions anchored in other books and authors I like.

I usually prefer Fantasy and Science Fiction books, though I would read most anything that doesn't resemble the real world too much. I read to, well. I don't read to escape, but I do... escape is a strong word. I am usually engrossed in the narrative when I read, and content that mirror or describe our world must be a bit up-beat for me not to be affected*.

Footnote: I can read Poirot novels or Sherlock Holmes, but not modern crime.

Recently I've started

reading more physical books. Don't get me wrong, I've always preferred physical books – and usually paperbacks, since they fit in inner pockets of jackets.

Alas, with physical books comes the inevitable (no, not really) pile of shame. Actually, it is more piles of shame, as there are different piles. One for books I want to read, one for books I am reading... and one for books I want to re-read. And the want to read one is split into non-fiction and fiction, and the fiction into fantasy, sci-fi and others and... yes. It goes on.

Perhaps I have a structural problem. Both in the sense that I categorize my piles, but also... it doesn't really take many books – especially paperbacks – on top of each other in order to be unstable*.

Footnote: Where does the three legged horse live? In the un-stable.

Shame is such a

loaded word, though. I have had to ponder the term pile of shame when thinking about computer games. We play, and read (non-fiction at least) for fun. And we do not do fun out of shame. Bad reader, no shame for you.

So, today I wondered while walking from work, how alliterate, you fight like a librarian... no. How about calling it, them, piles of possibilities! Oh, the wonder! The creativity. A quick google search later and I found that, once again, I am not ahead of my time.

I found that it seems to be used for deciding which book(s) to read next, in a month or other period. And I want to kind of organize which books to read next. But I need several piles, because...

I can't really just read

one book at a time. I need several; one slow, heavy, probably non-fiction. One medium but world-build-y book, probably in a series. One quick, when-I-am-not-feeling-like-reading book. Most likely fantasy. And also the one on the go, the next kindle book. Oh, and that I want to re-read these books pile.

Well, the kindle book just barely counts as a pile book, though the kindle is a pile of books by itself. And here is my other categorization problem. Because the physical books are just the tip of the iceberg.

I also have the want to read books that is merely a concept, an abstract idea. The books I haven't bought, the ones that needs to be borrowed at the library or from a friend. The one my wife is reading. They cannot be piled for different reasons, except in an abstract way. Digitally, maybe.

The computer programs

of the future. The apps! The webpages! Where we can track all these books, both physical and well. Both the actually present in a pile, as well as the potential present in a metaphysical pile.

Which app to go for? The candidates seems to be 1. The old giant, GoodReads. 2. The fresh challenger, TheStoryGraph. 3. The hipster... hipster, BookWyrm.

I have used GoodReads for years, and it kind of works. It did track my kindle books quite nicely, except when I have the kindle on flight mode to save battery. Which is most of the time. I could snap pictures of covers or barcodes, and it would (usually) hook me up with a book. And I could add it as to read, or currently reading*. And I could track my reading, even if it was clunky. At least my friends in the app gets lots of email. And it is owned by Amazon.

Footnote: Except when it wouldn't, and I had to delete the book and try again.

I recently switched* to TheStoryGraph – and it is sleek and nice and give me graphs. I can search books, and they show up. I can add them as to read, or reading. I can easily update my progress.

Footnote: When I say switched, I mean imported my books and kept updating both. As one does.

And now, shortly after, there is an webapp available on the federated Internet. BookWyrm, or many wyrms – as the app is distributed and you can write once, share with others. Another place to be, another site to update. Only, I haven't started updating on any site running BookWyrm yet. Because it seems most of the fun, for others, is to share lists and reviews and reading circles with each other. And for now it seems as if some of that functionality is limited to people sharing a server. On the other hand, it does lists.

And GoodReads does shelves. And TheStoryGraph does tags, and possibly more. The choices paralyze.

And the reviews are

another thing again. Perhaps I should start to write my thoughts on the books I read. But because of how my brain is wired*, I fear I don't think about books the same way as most others.

Footnote: Aphantasia. I might try and write about my experiences with it at some time.

I'm not sure if this post makes any sense at all. Perhaps it ended up as a way for me to reflect. Again.

I've been

on a mastodon server for ages now, in total at least a week. For all this time I've felt like several people on one instance. Or several personalities, perhaps? It isn't quite right, but it isn't wrong either.

First I joined a big server, but quickly moved—so that doesn't count. My dissociative feeling came from having different—and in some ways discordant objectives here. There. On Mastodon.

My trouble is, or was, related to being multilingual. My native language is Norwegian, and like near 90% of people living in Norway—I know a bit English as well. As a third and fourth I try and learn Welsh for fun, and I really should learn German because of family.

Being multilingual

I wondered if I should keep one account for each role, each—dare I say—ego? To know if that was a solution I had to find out who I am online, and how different I am from myself. To enumerate, I am:

1. Norwegian—I do kind of care about my home country and my fellow Norwegian citizens. Yes all of them. If you live here, you count. If you live abroad, but feel some kind of kinship, you count.

2. Western Internet citizen—I read and write in English, and I care about the world. I acknowledge that I am a privileged white male; my problems are first world problems, BUT! I want to learn.

3. Wanting to learn Welsh me—I want to learn Welsh. Dw i eisiau dysgu Cymraeg. I currently use Duolingo, Google Translate and time to help me learn, but actually seeing people use actual words in actual sentences are wonderful. And helpful. It is sometimes kind of easy to guess what Duolingo wants of me.

4. Tech me. I work as a consultant / programmer / rubber duck. For whom? Not that important; with what? The same. I want to listen to tech people and learn from them.

5. The thinking me. Or... homo, cogito? I should've learned Latin. No, wait. I do think, I think. I think about thinking, about being human and about thinking about thinking. Sorry for being confusing. I'm also a doubting human.

The trouble here

is, how many of these diverse groups of people I want to follow will want to listen to me? All of me.

Norwegian speaking people won't have too much trouble by Norwegian or Western internet citizen me.

Western Internet citizens won't be bothered too much by me posting about western white cis male wanting to learn about not being the same. And I don't really want to post about it. Because that is dumb; being dumb is dumb.

Welsh wannabe me wants to listen, but some Welsh people might follow back. They probably does not want to listen to Norwegian me, but are absolutely THRILLED I am slowly learning their language. Minor overstatement.

Tech people probably want to tell me stuff indirectly, but won't follow. At least not the big ones. And I mostly want to listen not talk, so most of what I type will be noise for them. If they end up listening.

Cogito ergo sum.

All the me trouble listed above, and maybe some more, is solved by creating more accounts—and listening/posting in discreet bits across multiple communities.

Except that thinking me might be interesting to ALL of the above. I might over-estimate my own ramblings, but thoughts are thoughts. And I can't post reflections on all the accounts. Thus we arrive at the end.

Too long, did not read

Or, how I learned to love the mastodon. This might be a bit premature: I feel that—thinking, along with asking people—I arrived at a consensus with myself.

One account should be good. If I over-estimate the importance of my thoughts, then the people following me aren't that important to me after all.

Or, rather: If I talk a bit in Norwegian and boost some posts. If I hammer out some strange sentences in Welsh. If I boost a tech post and ask a stupid white cis male question...

If my thoughts are good and interesting for people, they will keep following me. If my musings are boring and dull—they would leave anyway. I am not driven by numbers, really. It doesn't matter much in the end.

I could talk... I could write for nobody, and still be content. I could look at an empty screen, and I still would reflect for myself. Feedback is good, it is great, it fuels the will to write instead of just thinking.

The end

is far away, but if you read this. If you read this without scrolling to the bottom looking for a tl;dr — I salute you.

Feel free to follow this blog, or not. Maybe just my Mastodon account? Linked in the About page. Or not. I'd really appreciate feedback. Private is fine, as a DM on Mastodon, or any place else you might find me. Even if it only is to tell me “It is too long and rambling”. Even for “You're grammer am vrong!”

Thanks for listening.

When the hour is at lonely o’clock, and the world is quiet When the last bus has left In the shadows A thought

When the lonely thought rolls through an empty mind When dreary drowsiness threaten Breathe in, and Breathe out

When thoughts that tumble alone appear When darkness brings despair The best of today Remember

Tomorrow will bring moments to turn around Give them a chance and see Smile from a stranger Delight

#MyPoem