typhotic iceberg 煙霧冰山

(the fulmination of everyday strife 日常生氣的暴言)

(written in response to another blog post that said everyone should blog as a form of self-expression)

(為了回復說大家都該寫部落格來自我表現的另一個部落格文章)

Yes, this is polemic. No, it's not just because I think your life is uninteresting, or that we need to “unplug and get back to the real world.” It's because I'm convinced that when you publicly put your thoughts on the internet, it's impossible to avoid becoming spectaclized.

是,這是反調。不,不是因為我覺得你生活無趣,也不是因為我覺得我們都該「擺脫電子器回到真正的世界去」。是因為我認為把自己思想公開放在網路上時,無法避免自己的景觀化。

By “spectacle” I mean the situationist concept of the same name, defined in thesis 4 of Guy Debord's The Society of the Spectacle as “a social relation between people that is mediated by images” (translator: Ken Knabb). Images in this case don't refer to strictly visual images but representations of reality in general. You don't—or rather, I'm very convinced that you can't—exist as a whole person on the internet. Only as digital representations of a person, only as fragments of yourself mediated by the internet in ways that alienate you from your own self-expression. This alienation through mediation of representations is what I mean by “becoming spectaclized.”

所謂的「景觀」是指情境者的同名概念,在居伊·德博的《景觀社會》第四節定義為「人與人之間的一種社會關係,透過圖像的中介而建立的關係」(譯者:張新木)。圖像在這個情況之下不是嚴格只在指視覺圖片,而是廣義指任何代表現實的表演。你不能—或許該說,我非常認為你不可能—作為一個完整的人在網路上存在。只能有數位代表個人的表演,只有被網路中介的個人的碎片,造成你和你自我表現之間的異化。這樣通過表演的中介而造成的異化就是我所謂提到的「景觀化」。

One of the worst examples of spectaclization on the internet is how most social media platforms force you post as voice of authority, because the platform requires everyone to interact with each other as potential followers. Even if you say you're not speaking as a voice of authority, the platform's mediation disciplines everyone to respond as potential followers—and so I've discovered on these platforms, those who object to some opinion often speak with a tone of “you're imposing your authority on me,” because they're playing the role of those who've refused to follow. Actually refusing to follow or be followed by anyone will still not free you from spectaclization; you still cannot prevent the platform from representing you with a 0 following / 0 follower count, from giving you with the appearance of refusing other people's authority / being someone with no authority at all.

最糟糕的網路景觀化例子之一就是大部分社交媒體平台強迫你冒著照權威聲的身分來po,因為平台規定大家必須利用潛在跟隨者的身分來互動。就算你說自己不是在利用權威聲的身分說話,平台的中介會規訓大家按照潛在跟隨者的身分來回應—因此我發現在這種平台上,反對意見的人常會有「你在強迫我接受你的權威」的口氣,因為他們在扮演拒絕當跟隨的角色。真的拒絕跟隨或讓別人跟隨你的話,也還是不能擺脫景觀化;你還是不能阻止平台利用 0 個跟隨中 / 0 位跟隨者的算數來代表你,為你創造拒絕其他人的權威 / 自己沒有權威的面貌。

What about “better, less alienating ways of mediation” like “friends” on Facebook? To me that's using the appearance of personal intimacy to disguise the alienation created by Facebook's mediation. A Facebook friend does not have to be your actual friend, but by accepting a Facebook friend request from someone, you're forced to represent yourselves as friends regardless of your actual relationship. Even if you only accept friend requests from people who you do have an actual relationship with, rejecting other people's friend requests will create a representation of not wanting to be friends, regardless of whether or not you wish to express that meaning. On a platform where everyone plays the role of a potential friend, disagreements take on a personal nature. You issue opinions as someone who should have friends, and when you disagree, you must consider whether or not to unfriend someone, creating a representation of a ruined friendship (that might have never even existed in the first place).

那麼,有沒有「更好,更不會有異化性的中介」,像臉書的「朋友」類似?對我來說,那是在利用親密關係的面貌來隱藏臉書的中介造成的異化。一個臉書朋友不需要是你真正的朋友,但是如果你接受了別人的交友邀請,不管真正的關係是怎樣,就必須有朋友的表演。就算你只要接受真的跟你有關係的人的交友邀請,取消別人的交友邀請會造成不當朋友的表演,無論你想不想表達出那種意思。在一個大家扮演潛在朋友角色的平台上,意見不合會有針對個人之意。發表意見的時候,你身為一個該有朋友的人;反對意見的時候,必須考慮該不該解除朋友關係,創造毀掉友情的表演(甚至是一開始根本就不存在的友情也要毀)。

I'm not convinced that there's some indie platform out there where we find true free expression by self-managing our own self-spectaclization under capitalism. I don't even know if destroying capitalism will lessen all the spectaclist tendencies we've accustomed ourselves to accepting. My point is that blogging in the society of spectacle feels less like a playground for self-expression than it does like a prison—but so do a lot of things. Sure, we can stop expressing ourselves online, we can refuse to have connections with anyone online because in the end it's all spectacle, but this is social suicide. I want to live.

我不認為有什麼獨立平台能在自我管理我們的自我景觀化之中讓我們找到真正自由的表現。我也不知道消滅資本主義之後會不會減少我們習慣接受的景觀主義傾向。重點就是說,在景觀社會之下寫部落格感覺不像是自我表現的遊樂場,反而更像是監獄—可是很多事情也是這樣。的確,我們可以禁止在網路上表達自己,拒絕跟任何人有關係,說最後都只是景觀,但是這樣是社交自殺。我要的是活。

Or do I? Often I feel like my goal of posting on the internet isn't to realize self-expression, but to get validation from other people. In darker times, I've felt like posting something that doesn't get engagement is just the same as not having posted at all—that at least online, I have the appearance of not having existed at all, and if I can't even convince others to acknowledge a representation of my existence, then why should I bother existing in reality at all?

可是這是實話嘛?我覺得我常常在網路上 po 的目的不是為了實現自我表現,而是為了得到別人的認可。在絕望的時候,我甚至覺得沒人跟我 po 的東西互動就跟什麼都沒 po 一模一樣,而且如果連自己的表演都吸引不了別人的注意,真正的自己憑什麼資格活下去?

“The spectacle presents itself as a vast inaccessible reality that can never be questioned. Its sole message is: 'What appears is good; what is good appears.'” I have a personality disorder where my ego is severely impacted by other people's perceptions of me to the point where other people's negative perceptions—or merely the potential or representation of negative perceptions—can make me feel suicidal. Every time I make another post with no engagement the disordered side of my brain sides with the spectacle and says, “that means your post was bad, that means you're bad, that means you should disappear.” But nobody can rescue me from the hell of my brain besides myself. Nobody is obligated to engage with my posts, and nobody is obliged to care about who I am or what I think or what I'm going through. So where does that leave me?

「景觀表現為一種巨大的實證性,既無可爭辯又難以企及。它所說的無非就是『岀現的就是好東西,好東西就會出現』。」我有人格違常,我的自我會在別人的看法之下受到嚴重的影響,嚴重到別人的消極看法—或只不過是消極看法的潛在或表演—能讓我想自殺。每當我又創造一個沒有互動的貼文,心裡有一部分就會跟著景觀站在同一邊,告訴我說:「那表示你的貼文不好,那表示你就是不好,那表示你就該消失。」但是除了自己之外,沒有人能從我腦海中的地域把我救出來。沒有人有跟我貼文互動的義務,也沒有人必須關心我是誰或我的想法是什麼或我現在生活過得怎樣。所以我這樣該怎麼辦?

I end up posting for myself, because as someone who can't usually get engagement, I have no other alternative. Still, there is a part of me that insists on continuing to issue opinions as a “worthless nobody” in the spectacle, that insists on continuing to take up space that the spectacle's numbers tell me I don't deserve—because I know I am not the only one who's viewed as a “worthless nobody,” and that there are others who have it way worse. I end up posting for something more hopeless than self-expression—for finding solidarity in the face of alienation. I see myself in the negations of other people's existences, and I hope that others can see themselves in my negation too. But I only end up grasping at representations, longing to feel something real.

我最後是為了自己在 po,因為身為通常是得不到互動的人,我沒有別的選擇。可是,我還是有一部分執意想繼續在景觀中「無名之輩廢物」的位置發表意見,執意想霸佔景觀的算數說我沒資格佔的空間—因為我知道我不是唯一被視為是無名之輩廢物的人,也知道還有其他人的狀況更糟。我最後是為了比自我表現更沒救的原因在 po—是為了找到不顧異化的團結。我在別人存在的否定中看見自己,也希望別人能在我的否定中得到同樣的意識。可是我最後接觸到的就只是表演,就只剩下感受到真實的希望。

For Buddhist Revolutionaries 給予佛教徒革命家

(I wrote this polemic in December of 2022; even though it doesn't completely reflect my current political thinking, I believe that it reflects the development of my political thinking, so I want to post it here with minor edits for commemoration.)

(這是我 2022 年 12 月寫的反調;雖然不完全反映我現在的政治思想,我認為它有反映我的政治思想的發展,所以想稍微修改一下 po 在這裡做紀念。)

1

Don't make truths, make enemies.

做的不該是真理,是敵人。

2

As long as I have enemies, I will not call myself a hero. As long as there are those who say I am wrong, I will not call myself correct. As long as suffering remains in this world, I will not call myself enlightened. As long as our revolutions have yet to be won, I will not call myself a revolutionary.

只要我有敵人,我就不會說自己是英雄。只要有人說我錯,我就不會說自己是對。只要痛苦還在這世界中,我就不會說自己有正覺。只要我們的革命還未勝,我就不會說自己是革命家。

3

Revolution is first and foremost a worldly task. Do not dare to speak of spiritual liberation if the world's liberation has not been won.

革命首先是個世間任務。如果世間解脫未勝,別有膽子去談靈性解脫。

4

A revolutionary will forsake nirvana for the world.

革命家會為了世界拋棄涅槃。

5

Revolution is samsara, an endless cycle of death and rebirth, of violent escape.

革命是輪迴、是不斷生死的循環、是暴力性的逃路。

6

Yes, violence is necessary for revolution. But not all violence is revolutionary.

沒錯,革命需要暴力。但不是所有的暴力都會有革命性。

7

Those who fear violence: do you fear to aim or be shot?

怕暴力的人:你們怕的是瞄準還是被射?

8

Upaya means by any means necessary.

佛教的方便表示該利用一切必要的手段。

9

If it helps, keep it. If it fails, abandon it.

有幫助就留。沒幫助就丟。

10

Reality is what we collectively decide to permit.

現實是我們集體決定要容許的事。

11

Don’t make friends, make comrades.

做的不該是朋友,是同志。

12

Don’t make peace, make justice.

做的不該是和平,是正義。

13

To hell like a mad dog.

像瘋狗一樣去死。

(and this post is not a callout 這 po 文也不是在嗆聲)

(written in response to this post) (回復這個 po 文)

I think I define “callout” in an unusually neutral way in comparison to most other people. For me, it doesn't matter whether it's said in private or public, online or offline, a callout is just when you tell someone that something they did potentially or actually caused harm. I use “harm” as an umbrella term to refer to any behavior that threatens or damages someone else's autonomy (control over their own life), which includes the obvious instances of abuse, sexual assault, and rape, but also things that further oppression (domination or exploitation of a group) or marginalization (exclusion of a group for the sake of securing another group's superior status) (because oppression and marginalization have the function of asserting the oppressing or privileged group's autonomy at the expense of the oppressed or marginalized group's autonomy). Thus, I believe the goal of a callout is to bring accountability for harm, to ask the harmdoer to confront the reality that they caused harm, stop the harm, and change the harmful behavior.

我覺得自己為「嗆聲」做的定義跟別人大部分的定義來比算是不尋常的中立。對我來說,不管私下或公開,網上或網外,嗆聲只不過是告訴別人做了一件有可能或真的有造成傷害的事。我按照總稱方式利用「傷害」這詞,用來形容任何威脅或損壞別人自治(掌控自己生活)的行為,顯而易見包括虐待、性侵和強暴,但也有包刮促進壓迫(征服或剝削一群)或邊緣化(為了保護另一群的優越地位排斥一群)的事(因為壓迫和邊緣化的作用就是以被壓迫者或被邊緣化群的自治做代價來維護壓迫者或特權群的自治)。因此,我認為嗆聲的目的就是傷害的問責,要求傷害者面對自己有創造傷害的事實、停止傷害、改變有害的行為。

I understand the concept of callouts in terms of Sara Ahmed's feminist praxis of killing joy. In “Feminist Killjoys (And Other Willful Subjects)”, she says:

我是按照 Sara Ahmed 的女權敗興實踐來理解嗆聲的概念。在〈女權敗興者(和其他的任性主體)〉的文章之中,她說:

To be willing to go against a social order, which is protected as a moral order, a happiness order is to be willing to cause unhappiness, even if unhappiness is not your cause. To be willing to cause unhappiness might be about how we live an individual life (not to choose “the right path” is readable as giving up the happiness that is presumed to follow that path). Parental responses to coming out, for example, can take the explicit form not of being unhappy about the child being queer but of being unhappy about the child being unhappy. Even if you do not want to cause the unhappiness of those you love, a queer life can mean living with that unhappiness. To be willing to cause unhappiness can also be how we immerse ourselves in collective struggle, as we work with and through others who share our points of alienation. Those who are unseated by the tables of happiness can find each other.

願意違背某種社會制度,在道德方面被保護的制度,美滿制度,就是願意導致不滿,就算是不滿不是你的宗致。願意導致不滿可能跟個人生活的方式有關(不選擇「正確的路」可以被應作為放棄順路假定的美滿。)例如說,家長對出櫃的反應可能會是明確不是對孩子是酷兒的不滿而是對孩子有不滿的不滿。就算是你不想導致親人的不滿,酷兒的生活可能就是要對那種不滿認命。願意導致不滿可能也跟我們如何沉浸於集體鬥爭之中有關,當我們跟著和通過在同一點感到疏離的人一起合作。被美滿桌移出座位的人可以互相找到彼此。

So, yes, let's take the figure of the feminist killjoy seriously. Does the feminist kill other people's joy by pointing out moments of sexism? Or does she expose the bad feelings that get hidden, displaced, or negated under public signs of joy? Does bad feeling enter the room when somebody expresses anger about things, or could anger be the moment when the bad feelings that circulate through objects get brought to the surface in a certain way? The feminist subject “in the room” hence “brings others down” not only by talking about unhappy topics such as sexism but by exposing how happiness is sustained by erasing the signs of not getting along. Feminists do kill joy in a certain sense: they disturb the very fantasy that happiness can be found in certain places. To kill a fantasy can still kill a feeling. It is not just that feminists might not be happily affected by what is supposed to cause happiness, but our failure to be happy is read as sabotaging the happiness of others.

所以,對,我們來認真地對待女權敗興者的人物。女權主義者是在指出性別歧視的時候掃除別人的美滿嗎?還是她在暴露公開喜悅表現之下被隱藏、移開或否定的不好情緒?不好情緒是在某人表露憤怒的時候出現在房間之內嗎,還是憤怒就是物體內循環的不好情緒的一種顯露?「在房間之內」的女權主體因此「讓別人消沉」,不只是因為提出像性別歧視一樣不開心的話題,也是因為暴露美滿是靠清除合不來的表現來維持的。女權主義者的確是在一種方面造成敗興:她們擾亂美滿能在某些地方找到的那個幻想。掃除幻想還是能掃除情緒。不只是因為女權主義者可能沒有被該造成美滿的東西快樂地感動,而也是因為我們對快樂的失敗被應作為破壞別人的美滿。

I feel like most people think a callout is when you publicly point out someone's wrongs for the purpose of publicly shaming them. There's a spectaclized implication, as I've written before, that the person making the callout is “imposing [their] authority” on everyone else, potentially illegitimately turning subjective wrongs into objective harm. Thus, the person making a callout is, as Sara Ahmed writes of feminist killjoys, “go[ing] against a social order, which is protected as a moral order, a happiness order,” and willfully “sabotaging the happiness of others.” Thus, I wish to problematize OP's problematization of callouts as “base, cruel, and violent.” The problem isn't callouts, but the mediation of social media platforms. The problem isn't that certain callouts are “base, cruel, and violent” to the point that they can't count as calls for accountability, but that we don't even understand what accountability is, especially in the imagined community of social media.

我覺得大部分的人好像認為嗆聲就是公開指出別人的錯,目的是為了要他人當眾羞辱。有種被景觀化的暗示,就像我所說的一樣,嗆聲者是在「強迫[大家]接受[他]的權威」,可能是在無理地把主觀的錯誤變成客觀的傷害。因此,就像 Sara Ahmed 描述女權敗興者說的一樣,嗆聲者是在「違背某種社會制度,在道德方面被保護的制度,美滿制度」,是在任性地「破壞別人的美滿」。因此,我要問題化 OP 把嗆聲作為「卑鄙、殘忍和暴力」的問題化。問題不是嗆聲,而是社交媒體平台的中介。問題不是某些嗆聲到不能算是在問責,而是我們連問責是什麼都搞不懂,尤其是當我們在社交媒體中想像的共同體之內。

In my personal experience, “accountability” in a primarily social-media-based community means that the harmdoer needs to socially disappear until the harmdoer has reduced their threat levels enough to permit their reappearance.

根據我的個人經驗,在個主要聚集在社交媒體平台上的社群之中,「問責」表示傷害者必須要在社交方面上消失,直到傷害者把自己的危害度降到可以容許重現的形象。

Problem 1: “the harmdoer needs to socially disappear.” This part is about getting the harmdoer to confront the reality that they caused harm, and stop them from doing more harm. However, when the only method you have for responding to harm is ostracism, everyone, regardless of their alleged or actual harm, may be ostracized because of a callout, even if ostracism is not necessary to accountability for every type of harm, which makes people skeptical towards calls for accountability. Many people's first response to a callout is to debate whether or not the harm justifies ostracism. They doubt whether or not harmdoers actually caused harm, uncritically dismissing callouts as baseless fearmongering or agreeing completely with every one for fear of being ostracized.

第一個問題:「傷害者必須要在社交方面上消失」。這部分是關於要讓傷害者面對自己有創造傷害的事實,阻止他們繼續創造更多的傷害。可是,當你唯一對付傷害的方法只有排斥,所有的人,不管他們所謂或真正的傷害是什麼,都有可能為了嗆聲被排斥,即使排斥不一定是每種傷害的問責必要條件,造成人們對要求問責的懷疑。排斥的單一解決方式妨礙到問責的過程。許多人對嗆聲的第一個反應就是開始爭為那種傷害排斥別人到底是不是正當的理由。他們懷疑傷害者到底有沒有真的造成傷害,不加批評地排除嗆聲說都是無根據的散布恐懼心理行為,或是怕被排斥怕到跟每個嗆聲都完全同意。

The worst case scenario is when people are dismissive of calls for accountability to the point of insisting on being apolitical or reactionary (catchphrase: “I'm just a [insert privileged identity here],” often employs insults about blue hair, pronouns in bio, SJWs, keyboard warriors, or tumblrinas). Alternatively, they will be agreeable to the point of becoming self-abusive or dysfunctionally scrupulous. In any case, ostracism no longer serves as a consequence of causing harm, as a way of stopping harm, but as a way of discipline, of defining acceptable boundaries of discourse.

最糟的情況是人家不理要求問責到堅持當非政治或反動份子的地步(口頭禪:「我只是個[在此處填入有特權的認同]」,經常嘲笑藍髮、個人資料有代詞、SJW、鍵盤戰士、tumblrina(貶抑千篇一律愛利用 tumblr 平台的 SJW,通常指女生))。要不,他們會同意到變成有自虐或失調的謹慎。總而言之,排斥不再是造成傷害的後果,不再是阻止傷害的方法,而是規訓的方法,是在為話語做出界限的界定。

Sometimes, ostracism can turn into its own kind of harm. People of oppressed classes are often ostracized over perceived harms that would have been overlooked if they were in their respective oppressors' classes. Some oppressors or opportunistic social climber types will take advantage of this system that exclusively relies on ostracism for accountability, manufacturing or overstating harm to ostracize people they want out of the way.

有時,排斥可能會變成自立的傷害。在被壓迫階級的人常會因為認為有創造的傷害被排斥,但如果他們是在各自壓迫者的階級的話,這些傷害反而會被忽略。某些壓迫者或愛投機的攀高枝者類人會用這個唯一只靠排斥來問責的系統來佔便宜,亂創或誇大傷害來排斥他們希望解決掉的人。

On the flip side, questioning the praxis of ostracism shouldn't turn into a debate about the perception of harm, and especially not into the gaslighting and retraumatizing of harmed people. This kind of risk is why I don't think callouts and the people who make callouts should be problematized, no matter what the callout's content is. I will never debate other people's perceptions of harm. Again, harm to me is not just a subjective feeling of pain, but behavior that threatens or damages someone else's autonomy, a precise kind of pain caused by that kind of behavior. I am not interested in debating whether or not your subjective feeling of pain is “valid.” If necessary, what I'll debate are the political assumptions behind the behavior's interpretation. To disagree with the politics and praxis of the person making the callout should not be conflated with invalidating their pain. That conflation is related to problem 2, the assumptions behind what it takes to create safety for person who made the callout.

反而言之,疑問排斥的實踐不該變成開啟認識傷害能力的爭論,而且特別不能變成情感操縱和再次創傷被傷害的人。這種危險就是我認為嗆聲和創造嗆聲的人不該被問題化的原因,不管嗆聲的內容是怎樣。別人認識傷害能力我永遠不會去爭。再說一遍,傷害對我來說不只是主觀的痛苦感覺,而是威脅或損壞別人自治的行為,是那種行為造成的確切痛苦。我沒有興趣去爭你主觀痛苦的感覺到底有沒有「合理」。如果有必要的話,要爭的是行為解釋背後的政治性臆斷。不同意嗆聲者的政治和實踐不該跟不在乎嗆聲者的痛苦混淆。那種混淆是跟第二個問題有關,關於為嗆聲者創造安全的必要條件的背後臆斷。

Problem 2: “until the harmdoer has reduced their threat levels enough to permit their reappearance.” This part is about getting the harmdoer to change their behavior. In theory, those who were harmed get to decide when their harmdoers have become unthreatening enough to socially reappear. However, as Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha observes with partner abuse, it mostly “comes down to a popularity contest”—if the harmdoer was popular enough they can ignore harmed people's terms, often refusing to disappear at all, with the support of the public.

第二個問題:「直到傷害者把自己的危害度降到可以容許重現的形象」。這部分是關於改變傷害者的行為。在理論上,傷害者不再有威脅到能容許重現的狀態是由被傷害的人來判斷。可是,就跟 Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha 在伴侶虐待方面觀察的一樣,大部分「歸根結底就是人氣競賽」—如果傷害者人氣足夠的話,他能不理被傷害的人的條件,經常拒絕消失,而且會被大眾支持。

Sometimes those who were harmed have no idea what a harmdoer reducing their threat levels looks like; this is normal. What frustrates me is when harmed people, reacting from a place of trauma, completely reject the possibility that any of their harmdoers can ever reduce their threat levels, and they need everyone else around them to agree in order to feel safe. What frustrates me is the collective choice to enable instead of work through this kind of maladaptive trauma response, the insistence on splitting and being split on as praxis, which is a praxis that social media, as a medium that disciplines users through the threat of ostracism, is designed to encourage.

有時候被傷害的人完全不知道傷害者怎樣才能降低自己的危害度;這很正常。讓我感到煩惱的是被傷害的人,因為是在從創傷的地位反應,完全拒絕傷害者能降低自己危害度的前途,而且需要旁邊全部的人跟他同意才能感到安全。讓我感到煩惱的是大家決定不消化,反而贊助這種適應不良的創傷因應,堅持把分裂和被分作為實踐, 也就是社交媒體,作為利用排斥的威脅來規訓使用者的媒體,在設計中鼓勵的實踐。

For those who believe harmdoers will never actually reduce their threat levels, accountability just becomes “the harmdoer needs to socially disappear.” The harmdoer must confront the reality of causing harm and stop doing it, but paradoxically they cannot change. The harmdoer must cease to be harmful while continuing to play the role of the harmdoer by remaining permanently ostracized, and this is called accountability. The harmdoer is viewed as a lost cause, and changing the harmdoer becomes equated to apologia for harm. In this system, community is held together by a collective agreement to give up on ending harm; it's good enough to displace harm outside the community, and if you care about who's outside then get the fuck out.

對相信傷害者永遠不會降低自己危害度的人來說,問責變成只有「傷害者必須要在社交方面上消失」的條件。傷害者必須面對自己有創造傷害的事實和停止傷害,可是矛盾地不能改變。傷害者必須停止自己的有害,可是需要繼續扮演傷害者的角色接受永遠的排斥,而且這就是所謂的問責。傷害者被視為是無可救藥,傷害者的改變和傷害的辯護混爲一談。在這系統之下,共同體是靠著放棄結束傷害的集體協議來保持團結;傷害能移到共同體的外面就好,愛關心誰在外面的話就給我滾出去。

In “Of Complaints and Apologies: Feminist Theses Against Carceralism,” Madeline Lane-McKinley writes:

在〈抱怨跟道歉之間:反對監獄主義的女權論點〉的文章之中,Madeline Lane-McKinley 說:

When a complaint is spoken, a feminist practice entails listening for how to care. Yet all too often complaints are met without any care – their implications, immediately, become enwrapped in a carceral logic.

當抱怨被說出來,女權主義的實施有聽好如何關心的必要。然而抱怨太常不會被關心 – 馬上,它們的意味被監獄性的邏輯包圍住。

Collective care, however, may not look like “transformative justice.” Perhaps justice cannot be. Nothing can be undone. Instead of justice, and instead of punishment, the problem is, as in the case of redemption, that of revolutionary possibility. Much is discussed of the necessity — or non-necessity — of violence in revolution. This is a different question, though not unrelated. There is not a binary opposition between violence and care. Yet care is the very basis of revolution: revolutionary possibilities emerge in contexts of collectivity, mutuality, and care. These are contexts of shared experience, shared struggle, and shared survival.

集體的關心,然而,不一定會看起來像是「轉型正義」。或許正義得不了。做的事不能被取消。與其正義,與其懲罰,問題不如,跟贖罪的情況一樣,是革命性的前途。有許多的討論關於暴力在革命的必要 — 或不必。這是不同的問題,但也並不沒相關。暴力跟關心的關係不是兩元的對立。然而關心正是革命的基礎:革命性的前途是出現在集體、相互和關心的背景之間。這些是共同的經驗、共同的鬥爭和共同的求生的背景。

The internet is where care goes to die. The so-called “community” found on social media is imagined through parasocial interactions, and we've got to stop confusing these interactions with care. Accountability on the internet is a chimeric beast, because we are a collective without collectivity. We do not have “shared experience, shared struggle, and shared survival,” we have something more akin to shared exchanges: posts we like and boost, profiles we friend, follow, mute, and block, comments we read, reply to, screenshot and circulate. We think these spectaclized representations mean shared experience, struggle, and survival. When we find out it doesn't, we implode. This anathema towards outsiders in online communities is the pain of implosion, the pain of betrayal from those we imagined as comrades. So-called “callout” or “cancel culture” is an attempt to escape this pain through the rigorous expulsion of false comrades. And I do not have the heart to condemn anyone for wishing to avoid pain, no matter how problematic their ways. Instead I want to deconstruct the conditions that caused them to utilize those ways.

網路就是關心的送死之地。所謂在社交媒體上的「共同體」是依靠擬社會人際互動而想像出來的;拜託我們不要再把這些互動當成關心。網路上的問責是個嵌合的毛病,因為我們是沒有集體性的集體。我們並沒有「共同的經驗、共同的鬥爭和共同的求生」,我們比較有的是共同的交流:能按讚或轉發的 po 文、能增加、跟隨、靜音、封鎖的個人檔案、能被讀、被回復、被擷取和傳出去的留言。我們認為這些被景觀化的表現代表就是有共同的經驗、鬥爭和求生。當發現沒有的時候,我們就會內爆。網路社群對外人的深惡痛絕就是這內爆的痛苦,被我們想像為同志的人背叛的痛苦。這痛苦就是所謂的「嗆聲」或「取消文化」試圖通過假同志的嚴厲開除試圖避開的事。而我不忍心指責任何希望避開痛苦的人,不管他們方式多麼有問題。我反而要的是解構導致他們使用那些方式的條件。

I suspect that the reason parasocial interactions online have taken the place of care is because people are not finding care in the real world offline. I know, for some people, this spectaclized community really is all they have. To change that requires connecting and organizing beyond the scope of the internet. Within the internet, “I” am nothing but representations all the way down. “I” can't care about “you,” and “you” can't care about “me.” To quote Wendy Trevino: “Mostly, I have questions / & don’t want to find myself. I’d rather / Look at my choices & yours. Yup. Nope. Yup.”

我猜想網路的擬社會人際互動代替關心的原因就是因為人們在網路外的現實世界找不到關心。我知道,對某些人來說,真的就只有這被景觀化的共同體。要改變的話必須超越網路的範圍去聯繫和組織。在網路之中,「我」只不過是無盡的表現。「我」無法關心「你」,「你」也無法關心「我」。引用 Wendy Trevino 的話來說: 「大多,我有問題 / 而且不想發現自己。我寧願 / 看看我和你的選擇。行。不行。行。」

a transmasc manifesto

gender is an identity. gender is an expression. gender is how you look, how you act, how you're expected to act by others. gender is a role. gender is a position. gender is an imposition. gender is what the cisheteropatriarchy wants you to do, wants you to be—how it wants you to submit. it assigns it to you at birth, based on how you look, and from then on you're expected to keep up your act for the rest of your life. gender, like Judith Butler famously says, is a performance—but some of us don't follow the script. some of us won't follow the script.

and some of us aren't even satisfied with not following the script either. no, we want to burn the whole stage down. trans, not as in transition, but in transgression. transmasculinity—transgressing masculinity. i am not here to act like a man—i am here to ruin your gender. i am here to look like you without acting like how you want me to. i am here to destroy all unities among expression, emotion, interaction, domination, and submission which you hold sacred and essential to your role as creator and enforcer of the cisheteropatriarchy. and in my destruction, i will not only create myself, but create space for others to do the same to you and your enabling ilk.

agender isn't enough—i need to be antigender. i am not simply satisfied with removing myself from your system and finding community with others who have done the same. i will not be satisfied until your entire system of domination and exploitation of all who are not your gender is gone. gender is a conspiracy. gender exists to serve hierarchy. and i refuse to serve.

我是要來敗壞你的性別

跨男傾向的宣言

性別就是認同。性別就是表現。性別就是你的外表、你的行為、被人家認為你該有的行為。性別就是角色。性別就是定位。性別就是限定性別就是順性別加異性戀父權制要你做的事、要你當的人—要你這樣順服。它在你一出生時就按照外表給指定,從此之後你也就是該保持角色繼續演下去。性別,跟朱迪斯·巴特勒說的一模一樣,就是表演—可是我們其中有某一些人不按照劇本去做。有些人不想要按照劇本去做。

而且我們其中有某一些人連有按照劇本的拒絕權都還不滿意。不,我們要的是把整個舞臺完全燒到殆盡。跨,不是性別跨越的跨,是跨越界限的跨。跨男傾向—跨越男性傾向的界限。我不是要來當男子漢—我是要來敗壞你的性別。我要跟你有一樣的外表但不要有你認為我該有的行為。我是要來毀滅你為了演順性別加異性戀父權制的創造者跟執行者角色必要崇拜性統一的表現、情緒、社交、宰制、順服。而在我毀滅的過程中,我不只會創造自己,還也會創造讓跟我同樣做的人把你跟縱容你同類的人作為目標的空間。

無性別就是不夠—我需要反性別。把自己移出你的系統再跟其他像我一樣做的人找出共同不能這樣就讓我輕易地滿足。直到你整個宰制跟剝削所有不是你性別的人的系統消失為止我才會滿意。性別是陰謀。性別存在就是為了要導致等級制度的服從。我就是不服。

Written in 2022

Move, as if you're already dead, as if they've already killed you once and they'd do it again. Move, before they do it again, be ready to turn into a knife at any moment. Cut like you're noise with a purpose and make their silence bleed. Move and know history has already fallen on our shoulders. Move and know justice has already fallen in their breaths. Move as long as our breaths are still remaining in their presence— move.

暴動來信

2022 年著

動 當作你早就死了, 當作他們早就把你殺過一次 下次也會再殺。動 就在下次還沒來之前,準備 變成刀 在瞬間中出現。割 就像你是有目的的噪音 讓他們的沉默出血。動 就知道歷史 早就掛 在我們身上。動 就知道正義 早就掛 在他們嘴上。動 當我們最後一口氣 還保持在他們的面前— 動。

In 2018 on tumblr I wrote an essay called “Breaking Down the Term 'Voidpunk.'” In that essay, I explored the different connotations behind “void” and “punk,” and attempted to describe how “voidpunk” as a new term mixed those connotations together, and how to extrapolate praxis from that mixing. The main points of the essay roughly went like this:

  • “Void” has an implication of nihilism
  • “Punk” has a history of individualistic rebellion against society
  • “Void” + “Punk” implies “human” is a concept based in nothing, and instead of performing “humanity,” why not rebel against society by personally identifying with your lack of humanity—which is a response generated by Western-centric understandings of humanity and rebellion
  • Voidpunk as a concept is primarily concerned with how beings viewed as “not human” due to dehumanizing marginalization should deal with the society that dehumanizes them
  • At the time I identified 4 types of praxes: misanthropy (going against society (if I had written this now, I would have said anarchism's anti-social or anti-civ), perhaps even wishing for the annihilation of the human race), solitude (acting like a hermit and minimizing social interaction), adaptation (following your own ideas instead of those imposed by society to determine how you associate), and speculation (actively investing your energy into changing society, perhaps even to the point of treating society as a means to an ideological end)
  • Voidpunk was defined by a characteristic of recognizing that the self and society were irreconcilable, because the basic function of society was to create alienation

2018 年我在 tumblr 上寫了一篇文章,〈分析「空虛龐克」這一詞〉。在那文章之中,我探索了「空虛」和「龐克」隱含的不同意義,試圖描述「空虛龐克」的新詞如何把那些意義混合在一起,並且從這樣的混合如何推斷出實踐。文章的主要內容大概是這樣:

  • 「空虛」有虛無主義的意味
  • 「龐克」有叛逆個人主義的歷史
  • 「空虛」+「龐克」的意味就是「人」是憑空捏造的概念,與其「人性」的表演,不如叛逆在個人方面上認同自己缺乏的人性—而這種反應是對人和反抗以西方為中心的認識創造出來的
  • 空虛龐克的概念主要關注的是因為剝奪人性的邊緣化被視為「不是人」的生物該如何處理自己跟剝奪祂們人性的社會的關係
  • 當時我確定了四種實踐:厭世(反社會(如果現在寫,我會說無治主義的反群、反文明),甚至希望人類被消滅)、獨居(像隱士般把社交互動降到最低)、適應(按照自己,而不是社會強加於的想法來安排交往)、臆想(積極投入精力改變社會,甚至把社會當作是實現主義的手段)
  • 空虛龐克的特點就是自我跟社會無法化解的意識,因為社會基本的功能就是製造疏離

At the time, the creator of voidpunk as a concept roughly gave me the following response: “If you don't resonate with voidpunk because of your background there's no need to identify as voidpunk. Voidpunk isn't something meant to be used to harm other people.” Later, in 2019, the creator then made a post that said:

  1. There is no one “right” or “wrong” way to be voidpunk. There is no voidpunk flag, there is no specific voidpunk aesthetic, there are no rules to voidpunk.

  2. There is no deep meaning behind the term “voidpunk”. It was literally coined just because it sounded cool. You can ascribe meaning to it if you like, but at the end of the day, voidpunk is not necessarily about a “lack” of anything and does not have any specific look or feel to it.

當時,空虛龐克的概念創造者對我文章的反應大概是:「如果因為自己的背景不跟空虛龐克有共鳴就不必認同自己是空虛龐克。空虛龐克不是利用來傷害別人的東西。」後來,在 2019 年,創造者又 po 了新貼文說:

  1. 當空虛龐克沒有「對」或「錯」的方式。沒有空虛龐克旗幟、沒有特別的空虛龐克美感、沒有空虛龐克的規則。

  2. 「空虛龐克」這一詞沒有更深的意義。杜撰的原因只是因為聽起來很酷。想要的話可以自己歸因意義,可是不管怎麼說,空虛龐克不是關於什麼東西的「缺乏」也沒有任何特別的式樣或感受。

In short, the message is “I think your type of critique doesn't matter to voidpunk at all.” Well, that's fine. After all, I'm a rebel, I'm not after respect from others, but overturning the fate of the world. When I wrote “Breaking Down the Term 'Voidpunk,'” my goal wasn't to persuade the creator of voidpunk, but to express my own sentiments within the aromantic community, hoping to find resonance from other members. The me now who has long left that aromantic community has complicated feelings about voidpunk. On one hand, voidpunk inspired a kind of nonhumanistic ethos within me, which went on to permeate much of my later works of fiction. On the other hand, there's the creator's apathy towards this kind of ideological development and the majority of voidpunks on tumblr only treating voidpunk as an eye-catching aesthetic that at most has an important backstory about marginalization. Can I détourn voidpunk? No—do I need to détourn voidpunk? The thing is I'm really not that interested. Forget about voidpunk—I'm more interested in discussing what I took away from voidpunk.

總而言之,意思就是說「我覺得你這種批評對空虛龐克完全沒有意義。」好,沒問題。畢竟我是造反者,我要的不是別人的尊敬,而是革除世界的天命。當年我寫〈分析「空虛龐克」這一詞〉的原因也不是為了說服空虛龐克的創造者,而是為了在無浪漫傾向的社群之中說出我自己的感想,希望能找到其他成員的共鳴。現在早已離開那無浪漫傾向社群的我對空虛龐克有複雜的感覺。在一方面上,空虛龐克在我心中引發了一種非人類主義精神,而那非人類主義的精神滲透了我許多後來的虛構作品。在另一方面上,有了創造著對這種主義發展的冷漠和大部分在 tumblr 上把空虛龐克只當作是引人注目,頂多有關於邊緣化的重要故事背景的美感。可以異軌空虛龐克嗎?不—有需要異軌空虛龐克嗎?事實上我沒有太多興趣這麼做。忘了空虛龐克吧—我比較有興趣討論的是從空虛龐克得到的資訊。

At this point in time, if I were an academic, I would coin a horrible new phrase: “post-voidpunk.” Instead of doing that, I'd rather use language that's more distanced from voidpunk, since my demands are out of alignment with voidpunk's lack of demands. Earlier I used the term “nonhumanistic” to describe what I was doing. Now I want to discuss its implications.

到了這個段落,如果我是學者的話,我會新杜撰一個恐怖的詞:「後空虛龐克」。與其這樣的做法,我寧可利用跟空虛龐克有更多隔離的用語,畢竟我的要求跟空虛龐克缺乏的要求不一致。之前我利用「非人類主義」這一詞來形容我在做的事。現在我想說明一下非人類主義的意味。

“Nonhumanistic” comes from “humanism,” which Richard Ninmo in “The Making of the Human: Anthropocentrism in Modern Social Thought” defines as the doctrine of humans as “the measure of all things” in the world. It not only treats humans as exceptional beings, but also humanity as a universally generalizable condition. In Post-colonial Studies: Key Concepts, Ashcroft et al. criticize universalism / universality for “offer[ing] a hegemonic view of existence by which the experiences, values and expectations of a dominant culture are held to be true for all humanity.” In colonialism, the so-called universal humanity of the colonizer is used as the standard by which colonized people are judged. However, historically the response of many anticolonial thinkers was not to reject humanity, but to criticize the falseness of the colonizer's humanity in favor of recovering a true, decolonized humanity. In “Anti-colonialism and Humanism,” Ndindi Kitonga brings up Frantz Fanon's description in Black Skin, White Masks of the “new humanism” created through the process of disalienation, Steve Biko's “true humanism” only attainable after the successful collective resistance of Black people against racism, Es’kia Mphahlele's African humanism against Western hegemony and white supremacy, as well as Michael Onyebuchi Eze's Ubuntu philosophy as examples.

非人類主義源自人文主義,被 Richard Ninmo 在〈人類的製作:現代社會思想中的人類中心主義〉之內定義為人類當作是「一切事物的尺度」的學說。它不僅把人當作是獨特的生物,還把人性當作是普遍能泛泛而談的狀態。在《後殖民主義:關鍵概念》之中,Ashcroft 與其他作者批評普遍主義 / 普遍性「提供了一種對存在的霸權視角,之中一個主宰文化的經驗、價值觀和期望被當作是所有人的事實。」在殖民主義之中,殖民者所謂普遍的人性被利用來當估量被殖民人的標準。然而,在歷史上許多反殖民思想家的反應不是拒絕人性,而是批評殖民主義人性的虛假,為了要奪回真實,去了殖民化的人性。在〈反殖民主義與人文主義〉之中,Ndindi Kitonga 有舉出 Frantz Fanon 在《黑皮膚,白面具》之中形容去異化過程會創造出來的「新人文主義」、Steve Biko 認為需要黑人成功集體對抗種族歧視之後才能得到的「真人文主義」、Es’kia Mphahlele 反西方霸權跟白人至上主義的非洲人文主義以及 Michael Onyebuchi Eze 烏班圖哲學思想的例子。

In the face of humanism's contradicting lineages, my nonhumanism is a posthuman intervention. The goal of posthumanism is to transcend the human / nonhuman(-coded) binary. My nonhumanism is also influenced by anarchism and communism: in my stories, nonhuman characters are often insurrectionaries, revolutionaries, martyrs, and proletarians dominated or exploited by the state, colonialism, and imperialism. I don't literally use the human / nonhuman(-coded) binary as a way to explore the problem of speciesism; “human” and “nonhuman” to me are actually mere representations of dominator / exploiter / dominated / exploited, images of them spectaclized by the medium of fiction. To transcend the human / nonhuman(-coded) binary is then to transcend the classes of dominator / exploiter / dominated / exploited, creating a new society that has abolished class. The purpose of my nonhumanism was for agitprop in support of a classless society, so its praxis was always clear from the start—a praxis not of self-identity or self-expression, but of collective organization against the status quo of hierarchy and capitalism. Not no rules, but no rule—and absolutely reflecting the status quo's lack of liberation.

面著人文主義相互矛盾的世系,我的非人類主義是一種後人類主義的介入。後人類主義的目標就是超越人 / 非人(編碼)的二元。我的非人類主義也受到無治主義與共產主義的影響:在我的故事和遊戲之中,非人角色通常是被國家、殖民主義和帝國主義主宰或剝削的叛亂者、革命家、烈士和無產階級者。我並不確實地利用人 / 非人(編碼)二元來探索物種歧視的問題;「人」和「非人」其實對我來說只不過是主宰者 / 剝削者 / 被主宰者 / 被剝削者的代表,是他們被虛構的中介景觀化的圖像。要超越人 / 非人(編碼)的二元也就是超越主宰 / 剝削 / 被主宰 / 被剝削的階級,創造廢除階級的社會。我的非人類主義的目標就是為了無階級社會的宣傳鼓動,因此它從一開始就有清楚的實踐—不是自我認同或自我表現的實踐,而是集體組織對抗等級制度和資本主義現狀的實踐。不是沒有規則,是沒有統治—而且絕對地反映在現狀中缺乏的解放。

That having said, even though the lineage of my nonhumanism does include voidpunk, it's impossible to truly compare the two on a political level. Voidpunk never had any political goals, and its creator and users also never attempted to graft any political program onto it. And why should they have? Does everything really have to be weaponized to attack hierarchy and capitalism? Do you really have to ask everyone to make revolution the only goal in their life and treat everyone like a useful corpse? No, you really don't!

話說如此,雖然我的非人類主義的世系有包括空虛龐克,兩種概念無法在政治方面上真正地比較。空虛龐克本來就沒有什麼政治目標,它的創造者和利用者也並沒有試圖把什麼政治綱領移植到概念的身上。而且他們為什們有必要那麼做?難道所有的東西都必須變為攻擊等級制度和資本主義的武器嗎?你是一定要要求大家把革命當作是人生唯一的目標,把大家都當作是有用的屍體嗎?完全沒必要!

Confucius says, “When three are walking together, I am sure to find teachers among them.” I practice low theory. I think there are absolutely new liberatory praxes to be found amidst the hellscape of social media. “I will select their good qualities and follow them, their bad qualities and avoid them.” Voidpunk was one of those teachers that ended up having more qualities I wanted to avoid rather than follow—but I would be remiss not to acknowledge it for what it taught me. In the wise words of Ariana Grande, “Thank you, next.”

子曰:「三人行,必有我師焉。」我實施低情境理論。我認為在社交媒體的人間地獄之中確實能找到新的解放性實踐。「擇其善者而從之,其不善者而改之。」空虛龐克算是我師之中要改比要遵從的還要多—但不承認它交給我的知識就是失禮。用 Ariana Grande 明智的話來說:「謝謝,下一位」。

I keep seeing some people bring up an argument along the following lines: we should support certain states because they provide critical material support to anti-imperialist or anti-colonial (or looking back in time, antifascist) resistance, and because there is no other alternative for resistance forces to gain that level of material support, it is a betrayal of solidarity to criticize supporting these states.

我一直看到某些人提出類似這樣的論點:我們該支持某些國家,因為它們為反帝國主義或反殖民主義(或回首過去,反法西斯主義)的抵抗提供關鍵性的物質支援;再說,因為抵抗組織沒有其他的辦法取得那種程度的物質支援,批評這些國家的支持是團結的背叛。

As an anti-statist, I cannot help but feel averse to this kind of argument. But is this a justified reaction? Perhaps it's really me being unrealistic, but how do we determine what reality is? Perhaps the answer is: stop being an existential armchair revolutionary, unless you can immediately solve the material problems of the resistance, which are real at every angle, then shut the fuck up.

身為反國家主義者,我不得不對這種論點感到反感。可是這是有道理的反應嗎?或許我是真的不切實際,可是我們如何判斷什麼是實際?或許回答是:不要再繼續當思考存在的足不出戶革命家,除非你現在能解決抵抗組織千方萬確的物質問題,不然你給我閉嘴。

I do not dispute the fact that resistance forces have no other alternative to obtain the kind of material support that states can currently provide. I will also not dispute my inability to immediately solve the problem. What I do dispute is the refusal to question what relying on the state for material support does for resistance in the name of being realistic. The state is not a neutral political tool that any class or camp can use to carry out its own agenda—it is a hierarchical tool designed to reproduce a social order where one class maintains power over others. Under this structure, material support from the state is coercive to resistance in nature. It forces resistance forces to align with the interests of patron states or lose material support; it compromises resistance by making it synonymous with securing power against political enemies, and makes it open to appropriation.

我對抵抗組織沒有其他辦法取得目前國家能給的物質支援這部分沒有爭議。我也不會去爭自己能解決問題的無能。會爭的是為了實際而拒絕疑問依賴國家的物質支援會對抵抗有什麼樣的影響。國家不是任何階級陣營能用來執行自己的計畫的中立政治工具—它是個製造等級制度的工具,設計目標是再生產維持一個階級對其他階級行駛權力的社會秩序。在這種結構之下,來自國家的物質支援對抵抗有高壓性。抵抗組織被強迫要跟贊助國家的利益保持一致,否則失去物質支援;等同於獲取對抗政治敵人的權力是被損害的抵抗,挪用的抵抗。

The threat of the state to resistance is not some far-off hypothetical situation in the future. Its limiting effects are here, developing now. To call this threat assessment unrealistic, to dismiss it as ideological anarchist drivel, is to reveal what kind of reality you wish to ultimately create. It is a reality where Power is not abolished. It is a reality where Power is still treated as a representation of the masses' power—like Arya Zahedi says, it will not be a real anti-imperialist, anti-colonial, or anti-fascist reality, but a spectacle of these resistance forms.

國家對抵抗的危脅不是什麼遙遠未來的假設情況。它的限制效果現在就在場,正在被發展。要說這個威脅評估不切實際,把它當作無治主義者的胡說而不去考慮,是顯示出你最後希望創造的現實是什麼。在這個現實之中,治權並不會被廢除。在這個現實之中,治權仍然被當作是群眾權力的代表—就跟 Arya Zahedi 說的一模一樣,這不會是個真正反帝國主義、反殖民主義或反法西斯主義的現實,反而會是這些抵抗形式的景觀版本。

Thus, the so-called betrayal to solidarity of this kind of anti-statist position is a spectacle as well—a spectacle of solidarity. But my goal will never be to prove that my perspective on reality is the one that is actually correct. No, I am simply asserting again that the realities we want are not aligned, and accepting that in certain realities I must be the enemy. But to me, what's ultimately most important is not how justified it is for others to regard me as an enemy, but to realize the end of all systems organized by maintaining the power of one group over another, and to recognize when the means and ends have diverged to an unacceptable point.

因此,這樣反國家立場對團結所謂的背叛也是個景觀—是團結的景觀。但我的目的絕不是要證明我對現實的視角才是正確的。不,我只是要再次聲明我們想要的現實並不一致,並且接受在某些現實之下我必要有的敵人身份。但對我來說,最後重要的不是別人對我的敵視有沒有道理,而是實現所有靠維持一群相比另一群有更高權力組織的系統的結束,並且認識目標跟手段差異的發展到什麼地步能算是過分。

Perhaps the counterpoint is: you are incapable of making this recognition. Because you're outside the country of resistance, because you haven't done enough reading, and you should just defer to so-and-so opinion which represents the correct perspective. I could read a hundred articles, and I could listen to a million people, but I can't stop thoughts from entering my brain. I cannot force myself to produce an agreement that does not exist, and if that's the issue—that I cannot disagree as an autonomous being, because this use of my autonomy is incorrect—then the problem is even bigger.

或許反駁是:你沒有本事做出這種認識。因為你是在抵抗之國的國外、因為你讀的資料不夠,所以你該遵從某某某代表正確視角的意見。我可以讀一百個文章,可以聽數到百萬人說的話,但我無法阻止進入腦海的思想。我無法強迫自己產生出不存在的同意,而且如果問題是出在這裡的話—如果問題是我不能以自治實體的身份做出爭議,因為那會是錯誤的自治使用—那麼毛病就變得更大了。

I believe that it is not a coincidence that statist talking points—regardless of whether they come from the multipolarity of authoritarian communists or the militarism of anarchists—weaponize deference politics to protect their unassailability. At the heart of this unassailability is a contempt for autonomy, a vanguardist tendency to treat autonomy as an obstacle to effective resistance. To a vanguardist, everyone is an enemy, because everyone has the potential to go against the program of what resistance should be. People are to be managed: we must stop them from thinking, saying, or doing anything that goes against our program, which represents effective resistance.

我認為國家主義的論據—無論來自威權共產主義的多極體系或是無治主義的軍國主義—把遵從政治作為保護無可辯駁的武器不是偶然。在這無可辯駁的中心是自治的蔑視,是先鋒主義的傾向,把自治當作有效性抵抗的妨礙物。對先鋒主義者來說,大家都是敵人,因為大家都有違反抵抗該是什麼的綱領的能力。人民需要的是管理:我們必須阻止他們想、說或做出違反代表有效性抵抗的綱領的事。

Let me question it again: what kind of reality do you people actually want? Do you want a liberated world, or a world where you monopolize the terms of liberation? In your reality, does everyone have revolutionary potential, or is the ability for effective revolt only limited to a certain kind of group? Do you want to end your enemies, or the world that created them? What possibilities does your antagonism foreclose?

我再疑問一次:你們到底要的是什麼樣的現實?你們要的是解放的世界,還是解放條件被你獨攬的世界?在你的現實當中,是大家都有革命的能力,還是有效性的反抗能力只限於某一群人?你要消滅的是敵人,還是製造他們的世界?你的敵意排除了什麼可以發生的事?

The limitations imposed on resistance by State and Capital are the starting point, not the ending point. If resistance forces lack a means, we don't have to defend the states that provide them or dismiss the forces that accept them—we can support the development of means that don't rely on states, especially in moments of lull in resistance. Instead of condemning anti-statism as an unrealistic expectation for resistance, why not redouble our efforts to materially end the reality of the state's hegemony? Unless that really isn't what you want. Unless what you ultimately want is just the victory of people on your side by any means necessary, regardless of ends. Unless you can accept no other reality besides one in which your side's the victor. Unless this is all liberation will ever truly mean.

國家和資本對抵抗制定的限制是起點,不是終點。如果抵抗組織缺了渠道,我們不必為提供渠道的國家做辯護或對接受的組織不予理會—我們可以協助不依賴國家的渠道的發展,特別是在抵抗間歇的時刻。與其譴責反國家主義是對抵抗不切實際的憧憬,不如加倍努力在物質方面上結束國家霸權的現實?除非那真的不是你想要的改變。除非你最後只是想利用一切的手段讓你方的人得到勝利,目標完全不管。除非是你方當勝者之外,什麼現實都無法接受。除非這永遠會是解放能真正的意義。

(print version)

PART I: SUMMER, 2022

DAY AFTER I QUIT MY JOB AT A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:

on my way to get a job application from a convenience store, under the shade of a tree sitting on the ledge of the sidewalk, a man with a loaded shopping cart seeks shelter from the heat. I kneel down next to him, ask if he’s unhoused, and he says he is. And the rest of the scene goes something like this:

ME: Would you like some cash?

HIM: Sure.

ME: (takes out all the cash I have, which is four dollars)

I know it’s not much, but I figured you could get yourself a drink or something. If you want I can watch your stuff for you while you do that.

HIM: No, it’s too hot outside...

ME: It’s alright, don’t worry about it, I don’t really have anywhere to be. I was just heading down the street to get a job application.

(Unemployment blesses you with free time. Of course, if you’re part of the proletariat, your time isn’t truly free. You have as much free time as you have free access to money to pay for the costs of living under capitalism. So really, you’re on borrowed time, borrowing against your own breath.)

HIM: Oh...well, I can buy you something at the store if you want?

(tries to give me some of my own cash back)

ME: No, that’s okay.

HIM: Are you sure?

ME: Yeah.

He leaves and I sit to wait by his cart. People mistake me as unhoused and accordingly avoid me.

After about an hour he returns with an empty grocery bag and tells me the drinks spilled open on his way back. I tell him it’s okay, then leave and get my job application. We smile and wave at each other as I pass him once more on my way home.

(END OF SCENE.)

FALL, 2022, INTERMISSION

The convenience store ghosts me. The man from the summer is nowhere to be seen, but still he haunts me. Why

did he try to give back to me my own cash—as if I would seriously need it as much as him? Somewhere

in our interaction the material hierarchy between me and him had the illusion

of breaking down. Somehow, we socially acted as if this material hierarchy between us

ceased to matter— even though it had yet to be materially

destroyed.

(In leftist circles endless discourse exists over the concept of mutual aid—over how it differs from charity, over how it is (or isn’t exclusively) anarchist, over its end goals (if any at all). I contemplated a new, personal definition, formed from my interaction with the man from the summer:)

MUTUAL AID

IS TO GIVE AND RECEIVE

AID WITH MUTUAL CARE

FOR EACH OTHER’S WELLBEING.

(Mutual care. It couldn’t just be a one-sided transaction, or a one-sided offering to be accepted or ignored. You and the other person had to establish a social relationship with each other—and that social relationship had to be reciprocal.)

(And then I wondered if I had willfully read too much into my interaction with him. Perhaps this was all just a projection of my anarchist ideals and nothing had happened. With this suspicion I shelved my definition back into the recesses of my mind, and didn’t return to it much again for the next few months.)

PART II: WINTER, 2022

NIGHT AFTER FINISHING MY SHIFT AT A SIT-DOWN RESTAURANT:

on my way home, I pass by an unhoused encampment where a resident is cooking something over a fire. I call out to him, he comes over, and I ask if he wants cash. And the rest of the scene goes something like this:

HIM: Hey, I think I recognize you. Didn’t I meet you last summer on the sidewalk? It was a really hot day.

ME: (pleasantly surprised that 1. he’s alive and 2. that he recognizes me)

Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember.

(takes out all the cash I have, which is forty something dollars)

I got a job. Hey, is there anything you guys need help with around here?

HIM: (pauses to think for a moment)

Well, we need help taking out our trash to get dumped at this place.

ME: I don’t have a car, but I could help out with labor?

HIM: Oh, no, there are guys who live here and they should be responsible for doing that. Thanks though.

(We smile and fistbump each other and I leave. The scene doesn’t end here. Every time I pass by the camp I search for him or another resident I can speak to, to offer more cash or more help where needed, but our times of activity fail to align.)

(Then one night, I see their entire camp has disappeared—every trace of existence, almost completely erased. In its place, I see nothing left but bare, spotless ground—unnaturally cleaned.)

THE SCENE DOESN’T END HERE;

IT GETS REPLAYED

AGAIN

AND AGAIN

AND AGAIN

MY FORMER COMRADE:

(who did mutual aid food distribution for unhoused people)

Every time on our route we see people disappear and we don’t know what happens to them.

(We did repeat sweeps defense for another unhoused encampment, which almost cost me the job I had back then, because I kept abruptly calling out of work. These are the stakes we’re up against: you secure time for your own life by agreeing to do nothing while others die.)

(This is the problem we’re up against: revolution or suicide. Mutual aid is not enough when capitalism materially forces us to kill ourselves to save each other. But until revolution across and beyond all borders fully succeeds, we all should share this burden of risking death—from each according to their own degree of security that is complicity, and to each according to their own degree of crisis that is existence.)

(Capitalism steals our time. But what it can never fully steal is our potential for SOLIDARITY—our potential to RECIPROCATE SUPPORT FOR EACH OTHER. Mutual aid is not enough, but the power to do more than mutual aid is what we can strive to achieve. In these haunting times, let this future yet fulfilled by our potential become one more ghost with no cause to disappear.)

互助:二部曲的段子

影印版

第一部:2022 年,夏天

辭掉快餐店工作後第一天:

在我去便利商店拿工作申請表的路上,在人行道旁的樹的陰影下,坐著一位帶著裝滿東西的購物車在避暑的男人。我跪在它旁邊,問他是不是無家可歸,他說是。然後接下來,剩下的情形大概是這樣:

我:想要現金嗎?

他:好啊。

我:(把所有的現金都拿出來,總共有四塊)

我知道不多,可是我想說你大概可以去買個飲料吧。如果你要的話,去買的時候我可以幫你看好你的東西。

他:不用,天氣太熱了…

我:沒關係,別擔心,我沒有什麼事情要去做。只是要跑過去拿個工作申請表而已。

(失業的祝福是能有自由時間。當然,如果你是無產階級,你的時間不是真正自由的。有多少自由使用錢來付在資本系統之下的生活費,就有都少自由時間。所以其實,你是在苟延殘喘,以自己的命來做抵押。)

他:喔…那麼,去的時候我可以幫你買個東西?

(正想把我自己的錢還一份給我)

我:不用,沒關係。

他:確定嗎?

我:確定。

他離開,我坐在他購物車旁等。人們誤會我是街友並躲著我。

過了大概一個小時之後他帶著一個空空的雜貨袋回來,跟我說飲料在路上掉出來了。我跟他說沒關係,然後再離開去拿我的工作申請表。回家在路上又碰面的時候我們互相微笑打個招呼。

(結束場景。)

2022 年,秋天,中場休息

便利商店 像鬼一樣不回。夏天的男人 無處可見,可是他仍然 在冤纏我。為什麼

他想還我 我的錢—似乎像是我真的 會跟他有一樣的需要?在某一段

互動之中 我跟他之間 的物質等級制度 有了崩潰

的錯覺。以某種方式, 我們在社交的方面假設 我們之間這物質 的等級制度

不足為慮— 就算 在物質方面 它還沒

被消滅。

(在左派圈子中有不停的話語在討論互助的概念—討論它怎麼樣跟施捨有不同、討論它是(或不只是)無治主義的實踐、討論它最後的目標(如果目標是有的話)。我考慮到一個新,個人的定義,從我和夏天那男人的互動形成出來的:)

互助

就是提供和收下

有互相關心的幫助

為了彼此的福利。

互相關心。不能只是單面的送交,或是被接受或不理的單面捐獻物。你和另一個人必須在社交方面建立關係—而且那社交關係必須是相互的。)

(然後我又想說我是不是想太多,錯誤地認為我和他的互動有什麼意思。或許我都只是在投射自己的無治理想,而事實上什麼都沒發生。有了這懷疑我在腦海的最深處擱置了我的定義,直到幾個月之後才又開始想起來。)

第二部:2022 年,冬天

從桌邊服務餐廳下班之後的晚上:

回家的路上,我經過一個街友營地,之中一位居民在營火邊煮些東西。我向他喊,他過來,我問他要不要點現金。然後接下來,剩下的情形大概是這樣:

他:誒,你看起來有點面熟。我們不是上次夏天在人行道上碰過面嗎?那天熱的很。

我:(驚喜發現 1. 他還活著 2. 他還記得我)

喔對,對啊,我記得。

(把所有的現金都拿出來,總共有四十幾塊)

我找到工作了。欸,你們這裡有沒有什麼事情需要幫忙的?

他:(想想一下)

嗯,我們垃圾需要幫忙搬出去地方丟。

我:我沒車,可是我可以幫忙搬?

他:喔不,這裡有人住,這應該是他們的責任。但謝謝你。

(我們面著笑容擊拳告別,我便離開。場景並不在這裡結束。每次我路過營地我都會去找他或別的居民聊聊天,看能不能提供更多的現金或幫助,可是我們活動的時間都一直錯開。)

(然後有一晚,我看到他們整個營地都消失了—每一個存在的痕跡,幾乎完全都被清除。在它的位置,唯一剩下的只有赤裸,一塵不染的土地—不自然創造的乾淨。)

場景並不在這裡結束;

它是在被重播

一遍

又一遍

再一遍

我的前同志:

(是為了互助分發食物給街友的人)

每次在我們的路線上我們會發現有消失的人,而且都不知道他們是發生了什麼事。

(我們曾經一起幫另外一個街友營地做清除防護,差點害我失去那時候的工作,因為我一直突然請假。這就是我們面對的情況:你為了讓自己的生命獲得時間得同意什麼都不做地讓別的人去死。)

(這就是我們面對的問題:革命或自殺。當資本系統在物質方面強迫我們為了救別人犧牲自己的時候,互助是不夠的事。可是直到跨越和超越界線的革命得到了完全的順利,我們該一起負冒險死亡的責任—各以自己的保障程度,也就是以同謀,盡所能、各以自己的危機程度,也就是存在,取所需。)

(資本系統偷走了我們的時間。但它永遠不能完全偷走的就是我們團結的潛力—我們互相回報支持的潛力。互助是不夠的事,可是我們能盡力獲得比互助做更多的權力。在這充滿冤纏的時代,讓這未被我們潛力實現的未來變成再一個無理失蹤的幽靈。)