2021/12/28 #poetry I seem to have something of a knack for starting and sort of rambling for a bit butthen! tying it all up with a nice bow. Since I'm writing about my writing right now I should take a moment to reflect on my tools. I have a nice pen, but I've been preferring to use a computer since I can experiment more easily without committing. I can do that in my mind while using a pen but it certainly has a different flavor and I always run the risk of being distracted and forgetting. This is hard proof that the mental process, at least for me, of writing on a computer and writing with a pen are somewhat slightly different. It's true that the text editor I use doesn't have real time spell check or autocorrect and that makes a big difference too. I've written with those features on and they are highly derailing. Those thought trains, ya know? Choo Choo. Chew on this. Experimenting is important because, as indicated by my first statement, I don't start out with a plan. I'm not really sure what I will exposit before I sit down and start. I've tried a few times to plan in advance, but nothing comes. Not until I'm set up, with my tools at the ready. The thing is that it seems that when I have the ability to delete carelessly, sometimes it takes longer to find a thread. I have had days where I sit for many minutes without a spark both using paper and with using a computer, certainly, but the false starts seem to prolong rather than kickstart the process of getting through to a starting point. One could start, with a pen, and then decide against it, crossing it out, tearing out the page, leaving it and skipping a few lines or even using correction tape, but I don't let myself. It's not a rule I have, it's just not in my nature. The pen is permanent. You know, ish, mostly, whenever it actually happens to be, on occasion, as long as it's not washable or water based or on the wrong surface or on scrap paper or pretty much most of the times pens are used. Even so, it feels permanent. I think that confers some power to it in my mind and I'd like to keep it that way. So I don't false start with a pen by intention. I do think this is part of why it is different in practice, to use a pen rather than a computer. Another thing is the freedom. The added personality. The Freudian slips that are so different in nature than a typo on a screen. Not to say that Freudian slips are what Freud purported them to be, but even as a coincidence with meaning only in retrospect they can be funny or revealing. It's funny to talk about Freudian slips in the context of freeform writing where I'm really just leaning in to wherever my mind goes; but anything could have a double meaning I suppose. As long as, at the end, I take whatever I've got and tack on a suitable summary or final point to give the whole thing coherent meaning I'm pretty satisfied with my work.