poetry

2021/9/15 #poetry Furious scribbles. I could never write like that. One might call me deliberate, but I'm just slow. The wind here is also furious. Keeping the paper from flying off doesn't take my full weight, but it feels like it. Chilly gusts over and over, but the sun makes up for it. Almost too warm. It's certainly better outside than in these days. I've been in altogether way too much lately. Weather of any sort almost universally takes my breath away.

I get to make my own life. I have a set of choices that I can pick from. More than most but not unlimited. Things that I hadn't chosen, had just encountered by circumstance, are falling away. I'm set in many of my decisions already, and carry them as limits as well. There'll be always be change and room for change. When it isn't how I expected it gives me a lot of energy. I might channel that into anxiety or elation but ultimately it's just increase of activity. Resist less for lower stress.

2021/9/14 #poetry If the sky falls today I don't think I'd notice. The chaos would fit right in to how everything seems to be going inside and out. If the world caught on fire today, I'm pretty sure I'd stay focused on the million things that I'm already trying to deal with. That extra pressure wouldn't change much at all. If the universe got torn apart today, there's a good chance I'd be able to make a note of it. I might even pause to watch, I mean that's certainly once in a lifetime, but only for a moment before I got back to my busy-ness. If all the technology stopped working, that would really put a crinkle in my progress. I'd have to redo a lot of work but I'd manage. You can't stop me Gort.

2021/9/11 #poetry That color that I took a note of, I'm not sure where I saw it anymore. The incredible amount of information that I process has washed away that old and unmeaningful memory. In the moment I thought it was worth noting. I might again if I live through the same experience. That doesn't make it worth keeping a permanent record of with immediate access in my brain apparently. It couldn't hold everything that I find interesting. Where would the time to review it all come from? It would take most of a day to review all the interesting thoughts, sights, encounters, and sensations from a day. What would be the point? Relive it all again and again and again? Our biology is structured to keep us moving forward, review is only to help with that and the limitations help us not to get stuck in it.

2021/9/10 #poetry Since today I wanted to start and to make the life that I really found delightful and to have hope and to feel that I could become, and quickly, that shining star that I envision myself to be, I thought I should take steps that were in the right direction. What steps, and how to find that direction, the quick one, were what I then contended with. All I need is to make a move, I should know that the move was forward as it would feel good. Forward I went, making strides, accomplishing. I felt well and proper and that it was as it should. This day, now almost complete, is quite a promising beginning.

2021/9/9 #poetry So, I have to ask, did it change your world? Did things turn around, were they swirled? Is everything swell? Did it make things right? Did it open up your mind to the light? Could I skip it and still feel good? Could I do what I want instead of what I should? Would that detract from my ultimate goal? Or can I just blow on the dice before I roll?

2021/9/8 #poetry I saw a horse. Running across the tops of the skyscrapers. Jumping from one to the next. Impossibly. As a horse, it expressed no humanly perceptible emotion, but the action of its running was rhythmic & calming. I followed by watching. It circled around me. Far from where I was. A large curving trail. Its hoofbeats were soundless. Washed away by the city.

Astounding, this power. Imagination is given a low status culturally. Perhaps because you don't have to earn it. It deserves more clout. It is responsible for positive motivation. For the beginning, and often other parts, of the creation of new things.

2021/9/5 #poetry Why am I to expect such miracles? That everyday should be so fabulous that I could hardly express my satisfaction with it. How and where would such notions have arisen in my mind? What is the way to it if that life could really be? Is it through work? So many people think so. Most are hardly what I'd call happy. It must be through connection. These people that stick around and the ones that only pass by with a simple need that you are able to obviate. The ones that do so much for you as well. Those are the ones that let you see what it is like to receive it. To know what gratitude your actions can generate, intentionally and by happenstance. When the focus of your life is here, on bringing that out, then you feel it too. Then you see the world as filled with goodness.

2021/9/4 #poetry They put masks on to make themselves look like animals. This really had a great affect on both the dancers and the audience. The dancers felt different in a significant way. There was a subtle change of consciousness. The audience perceived a difference in what they were looking at, it became more alien in a visceral but subtle way. The intensity of the event for all parties was ratcheted up a couple notches, already up from baseline because of the activity. The emotional significance of the event followed suit. It helped that the significance had been expounded upon beforehand. Thoughts, insights, connections occurring during the event were given more account. It felt natural, true, and real if one didn't come in to it with preconceived negative biases. There were cascading positive social effects and enhancements to the group dynamics. I don't think declaring that as a society we have 'advanced beyond that level of understanding' is an accurate way to describe what we've done.

2021/9/3 #poetry Excellent choice I made. I know it was, everyone else does too. Even so, I'm stuck with it. I don't have much room to move now since I made it. Being stuck with something good is better than being stuck with something bad I suppose. Why can't I just not be stuck though, that would be the most agreeable scenario. If I could be more fluid it would help. If there were more good options it would help. If I could make changes faster that would help too. I wouldn't be as stuck, or stuck for less time when I was. Stuck with something good is better than uncertainty and something good perhaps. Perhaps there's hope for change and I just am not looking at the situation right. Perhaps I'm less stuck than I think. Perhaps I never was stuck at all.

2021/8/31 #poetry Why anything does cause these thrilling moments of astonishment I can not say. These flushes of realization could just be taken in passing, without a jolt, without arrest. Their import could be acknowledged but they could remain a non-event. The purpose of these moments, perhaps is to give some value to changing one's mind. Make it fun, make it intense. That way people would be less likely to resist. Might even seek them out. Have you?