2021/8/15 #poetry It's a strong feeling An all over buzzing A pressure I feel pushed That there's something I've got to do What though? I go out and look I search the city Breaking from this account To again go out I walk around until it gets dark I return empty handed Knowing no more than before Waiting for something That I hope will find me
2021/8/14 #poetry When the solution is so terrible that you can't even fathom it you may say that there is no solution. You may not think of terrible possibilities at all or you may discount them so quickly that you don't even notice. You might think on these terrible options gravely but not acknowledge them or speak them. You might offer a terrible suggestion in jest to lighten the mood expecting that everyone understands it couldn't possibly be under consideration so you must be joking. All these ways to go about avoiding when you don't like the obvious when you can't stand to face what you will do.
2021/8/12 #poetry Ineptitude! Well, perhaps that is too harsh. Ineptitude for sure but that elevated volume, that exclamation might be overdoing it. It is hard to tell if it could have been done better but this is certainly not the result that we were hoping for. To say that it was lack of skill or knowledge which brought about the current set of affairs would be to assume that the circumstances were not to blame. If we aren't to assume then perhaps no reprimand is in order but we would like it to be known that this state is not satisfactory. Fix it. Do better. Make right. You understand, you know what would please. Do as you must and spare no effort in completing your objective. Our faith and our trust are still yours as we as yet see no better option. But take heed, our patients is running short and our expectations are as high as ever.
2021/8/10 #poetry When you get to the beach, turn around and look from the water into the city. With your back at the edge, facing the rumbling commotion of rushed lives, all bunched together, take a second to remember your snaking path there. What chains of consequences were triggered as you came to where you are? How have they unfurled and mixed into the churn that lays before you now? How little of this vast cauldron of motion and decision you are able to grasp, even at the edge, with the widest perspective. Were it not for the oppressively condensed focus on minutia that each, if not every, body going about its business in the city commanded, there would not be much of the activity that transpires there. From out at the edge, looking in, a mile away, you can't even see the consternation a fellow finding a scratch in the paint on their car exhibits. What weight has this scratch for you? What meaning has it for history? But that scratch, that huff of frustration, turns into a trip to the auto body shop, an hours work for a detailer, an exchange of money for services. This time taken, this effort spent, this money moved all has effects on the whole of it, the bustle and buzz, churning and heaving all for the sake of these little small things. You know that. You know the inconsequentiality of most of your actions when taken in larger scope as well as the consequence of them at a mere arms length. Would you know to take the narrow perspective when things go smoothly and the broader outlook when stuff got rough, then perhaps you could take on anything.
2021/8/8 #poetry Gradients are so nice. Why? What about the simple blending transformation of one color into another is so wonderful? Is there a musical analog to this visual effect? I don't have any answers here, but these aren't the kind of questions that need them. It is enough to ponder and let the wondering flow.
2021/8/7 #poetry Right, right, that makes sense. All of it. Or perhaps it's just that the language is well constructed. There are no syntactic errors for my mind to catch on. Perhaps there's nothing to the words, they may be empty but that wouldn't cause me to notice, wouldn't tip me off to them seeming wrong. They may even sound nice, be poetic or suggest nice imagery. They could still be empty depending on context. I'll have to listen well and not only listen but fit what I hear with what I already understand. Process the words. Take them slow if I must. Be deliberate with my assessment. Hold off on agreement. Resist assumption. Make sense of it.
2021/8/6 #poetry It only took a few seconds after I arrived and the crows took flight, heading off into the fog. It wasn't very heavy fog down near the ground and I was able to watch them sail toward the bay for 10 or so blocks before they disappeared. I was expecting them to circle around and return to where I was since I've seen flocks do that many times before but this time that did not happen. The fog was still bright the whole sky glowing grey even though the sun must have been setting somewhere. The temperature was fine and the trees and shrubs smelled wonderful on the gentle wind. I turned around to head up the short grass covered slope. My body was feeling rather good but my mood kept running aground, scraping rocks. I wasn't in a bad mood per se, but I felt a lot of drag. It had been a rather unproductive day and I'd hoped to have spent it better. I was outside and that was good but it wasn't giving me consolation as well as it should. I was progressing, I told myself, I was doing well. I had not the focus where I wanted it I suppose. I could sustain a positive feeling for only a minute with intent and without I just had to sigh, give in to the weight of the undone.
2021/8/5 #poetry Way with along we go. Tonal timbre trailing. Adaptive agent all around. Encouraging everyone gently. Gently. Gently. Only without strong force would anyone accept. Taking the tools together, bundled, bunched, and bagged, expertise exquisite, each used appropriately. Out, and out again. If you live in, you must out to gather, to grow. In, in, and farther in the stream trickles closer, ever.
2021/8/4 #poetry Working on it, everyday in fact. I told you I was working on it & I am. It's taking time, and I don't know how much longer. That's the way with creative things. You can't see it now. You won't 'till it's done. Whenever that is. It takes time to make these things. I could try to estimate, sure, but I don't actually know how big it will be overall when it's done in the first place. Also even if it's getting close to some size I may need to redo some parts or overhaul it from the start. Can't rush art, as they say. I mean it is art & I can't rush it. That's ok though, there's no need. I've got time. You've got time. There's time. Rushing is for rivers, not us. I won't hesitate if I need help. I'll clue you in as much as you need. I'm not shy about it, and I can take advice.
2021/8/2 #poetry True, true, I think so too. When we started it was so so smooth. Now we seem to be stuck in a rather rough groove. With time things change, with time things stale. What is good or bad and by what scale? If we strike a path through an unmapped land we should mark our trail, pull a line through the sand. Then if not our place or to where we move, we can at least know that we go not backwards as we rove. At any point perhaps we'll say that here is our destination where we should stay. It is up to us, however we feel, to make our choice, to make it real.