2025 may
may 21
xm6 gift
I dreamt my mom or whoever gifted me the newest sony headphones which is the xm6 lol
may 22
moaning lady
I was having this dream of me having dinner with my friend, Jenny, at the canteen which is a 5 min distance away from our dorm. (I showed her the estimated time in the google map was 5 min but when i pressed for walking details it showed 25 min so idk) We planned to go back with the rest of the people in the canteen later when the rest are leaving (it felt like a group travel tour that sort of thing) I used my laptop after dinner and accidentally resumed a video in full volume. I quickly hit pause but someone in the queue for fetching food (Pretty sure it is either Beatrice or Louisa) said oh that's Donkey Kong music! And then a teacher sitting at the teachers desk (a corner) near the food bench asked if I wanna play it in the classroom. It seemed like B or L was interested, and the teacher was actually genuinely asking so I said sure. My laptop magically connected to the speakers of the canteen, and I played the video. And I looked around to come to the realisation that this was actually once a music classroom thats why we got like bass speakers hanging on the ceiling of different corners. And the teacher said yeah it was a music room as well!
I ate a bit of the “slice” of the fried chicken “patty”? from Jenny's homemade burger- the McSpicy Chicken Filet (I actually went to google what's 脆辣雞腿包 in english lmfao)
The music got a bit loud despite me adjusting the volume of my laptop and the video to 1% only. So I raised this question of how to tune it down to the teacher. She said I can put the cross to the volume settings on the music room computer. I did and understood that way the bass speakers won't be playing the music and the music would only come from the main computer of the room.
At the mean time, I ate the rest of the unfinished slice of the chicken Jenny offered me. Then she also gave me a portion of the bread and the veggies of the bun (either by hand or with a bowl). She fed me sweet potato fries using her fork directly into my mouth swiftly and smoothly (it felt like how my mum fed me stuff when I was small- Jenny was kind of skilled ngl). I felt thankful to Jenny for the food and how she fed me. The teacher began to put on a video she was personally interested in without interfering with my Donkey Kong music, but at this point I don't think B and L were interested in listening so I turned it down myself asw. The video is about promoting Lady Kim Chung Un (wow will i get cancelled)'s thoughts. (yes, Lady). By featuring an old lady who was doing gratitude exercises in front of the camera. She shared how we should be thankful of 6 out of 7 (or 8) things in our life. (like on average). When I was listening to that, I was thinking, if she said like we should be grateful for 6/10 things I would be persuaded, as you will be thankful/ happy for the “majority” of the things that happened cuz 6 is larger than 5, but then now it is out of 7-8 rather than 10 and that is unrealistic to implement. The old lady in the video kept thanking different stuff in a sustained high voice, and even high later. To the point I thought, is she moaning lol?
And then. Cuz she's moaning too much. I woke up. And actually the moaning is from the dorm room upstairs.
This is just so funny I have to write it lol
Speaking of upstairs (and opposite door) with the increasingly active sexual life (I think it's because of finals season). On one hand it sort of validates my previous year of being super into masturbating, I thought it was just me but nah I wasn't abnormal.
But two days ago also hearing this I was immensely triggered (it's not about the moaning, but rather because of the shit sound absorption of the house, every bed and step move upstairs projects directly down onto my bed as we have the same room layout, and I unavoidably imagined the prof dude or whoever just pressed down on me again and I can't escape and fucked or assault me again and the worst thing is the guy upstairs laughed in a chuckling way which the prof dude also liked to do!!!! and it fucking triggered me so much- but the upstairs dude was innocent ik but it's just my ptsd at it again) (they fucked harder because 520 is a special day in asian language) And so I lied in bed for the whole 1.5 days and I got back to being unclean like cutting which fucking sucks so fucking suicidal And then the next morning, feeling less suicidal (but more of a I-wanna-fuck-it-up), I tried od but I was being obedient by eating just within the safe amount so technically I didn't od. But dosing without any illness is also technically over- dosing? lol idfk (being obedient as I don't have fucking NHS and I heard it was slow as fuck and also 522 I had an exam so I couldn't just pass out and miss it I mean- I already missed my precious learning, not studying, time of two entire days! (oh i also started vaping i have no life essentially- i mean the whole house vapes so im highly influenced asw lmfao) and I also came to the awareness that I actually didn't recover lol and Arthur is right I will go back to therapy when I get back there- SIKE
but anyways yes I felt a bit better writing it out, and today 522 the exam is not too bad, I think I will pass. Because I had a big brain moment and prepared for JUST the right essay question. yes I guessed the essay question (4 questions choose 1) right. I felt immensely proud (because i skipped the content of the other 4 lecturers and just dived into this one and briefly on another one). Not just the TOPIC but the QUESTIONS (like one essay question asking two questions) itself. I executed my answer with shitty poor time management so i only answered half of it. bruh but I will pass.
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