Neko

dream

exchange

upset about Our Lady

#OurLady #uni #exchange

I was sitting beside Charlotte Chan (our cohort one). We were talking about our travels during exchange, and I was mentioning about the trip with Our Lady. [here I forgot what exactly I talked about but it was quite important] I was quite sad actually. Then Our Lady walked by, and Charlotte told her [her actions] made me sad. Our Lady felt surprised, and seemingly genuinely asked me, if she had hurt me/ made me sad [again i forgot the exact wordings] And I just really wanted to cry and almost bursted into tears. But I wasn't sure if she was just really autistic and blunt that's why she kept being insensitive and now she knows, or if she was kind of deliberate so I didn't dare to show my true emotions aka crying bc that would be showing my weakness to her.

leng grade tutor & white corridors building

I was going to a tutorial and my tutor gives leng grade (good grades). I then met some others in the tutorial waiting room and we were comparing our tutors and that person's tutor was so annoying and kept sending them emails and followups and gives poor grades, so I felt pretty lucky about mine lol.

Later I went into a building with lots of white corridors. It was like a mini maze. I was calling someone via my phone (perhaps my mum), and guiding myself to the staff pantry and some other utility rooms, along with the signs stuck on the wall at quite a high level. I was a bit nervous of getting lost, but there were clear pink big banners on the walls of the paths which leads back to the exit/ entrance so I wasn't too scared of exploring the place either. Nevertheless I still tried to remember the path which I came from in hindsight.

(I suspect I dreamt the building cuz 1. our class watched a vid on LINAC machines and how the clinic designed the floor plan with a “maze” to bounce off the radiation before it reaches the entrance. 2. the new wellness team office was literally so eerily white like a lab and there was a long corridor there. I wonder who tf designed that.)

sleeping with mum

#mum

I really wanted to fap so I was trying to hump in the dream. But it wasn't really arousing so I used my hand, which started to work and I wanted to moan a little, but then mum seemed to be beside me on the bed so I didn't dare to. Luckily I didn't because later I felt her arm and turned to the side and found her napping next to me. I was a bit annoyed and also quite shocked because I thought I had developed the habit of locking the bedroom door. But again I wouldn't trust myself completely on that, and I tried to take a look at the doorknob to see the lock status, but mum was in the way of my view and I didn't want to move too conspicuously to wake her up.

Eventually I actually woke and saw my door was perfectly locked and mum was ofc not on my bed. But I missed out on the fapping lol.

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excluded in class

#secschool my f1 classmistress asked me about if she should use the starnote app for notetaking. Angelika popped in with her simple notes (post-it) and said this was written using starnote. In return she took my notebook and started drawing some calligraphy art on it. Friends[1] (Elizabeth) were whispering to me it wasn't what you need because she was just writing US holidays like diwali. I said yeah I don't need it but it's fine I explained how starnote was unideal for her because of its lack of stability and risk of losing her notes. She thanked me. I sat relatively in front (6th column 2nd row) and I thought this was to monitor my behaviour since I was not too compliant in class seat neighbour preferred to sit with the person in front of me, and so they moved their desks and chairs and I am left alone in the double profile of seats, looked obvious and I feel quite alone there is a in class tiny competition and we were split into two groups. One half was the left side of the classroom where there were a lot of people seated so their group was large, the other side was mine with little people and already two that disliked me. I looked at the other side and found most of the “friends”[1] I knew were there, cheering together. I was very upset with myself and I felt excluded.

[1] These classmates were all in F2 especially the large squad (over half the class) which I had been trying very hard to enter but I couldn't. I suspect one of the reason was because I was already part of a small squad I disliked (# 6grass + when # A was still in there, and I wanted to escape from A so I tried leaving my group but that group didn't adopt me so). Or the other bigger reason was they didn't really like me. Idk :(

Starnote: bc I watched a redbook reel about it; US holidays and diwali: I saw it on my ipad calendar and deleted it; theme of what I really want for myself: briefly touched on therapy yesterday; f2 friends: when arthur mentioned the topic of being excluded in school I was thinking if I had any, but that time I didn't really feel much. I think I wasn't passively being excluded in f2 bc the choice of switching squads was mine. I don't think I really got excluded before. But every best friend I had had closer friends so no one ended up playing with me or doing projects with me, or having lunch with me (initially). But that's not exactly exclusion

bj & sex w arthur

#arthur There were two rooms. There was one client and one therapist in each room. Though I think both rooms were managed by Arthur. After waiting briefly a client came out in one room and I entered.

The room initially had a hotel room layout. It was dim inside with a twin bed(?). Arthur was naked and lying on the bed.

So I decided to grab this opportunity. I hopped on bed and wanted to do a blowjob for him. (I think here his dick wasn't erected yet) But my hands were very cold and I apologised to him. He's okay with it so I tried rubbing my hands to make it warmer but it was still very cold when comparing to his erected dick. It was my first time doing a blow job and I realised how dry everything was- my mouth my hands his dick. I didn't think of using saliva or lube back then- anyways I tried and I guess he kind of liked it??

Then I sat on top of him and his dick went into me kinda smoothly. Maybe because I was quite wet. The room changed from the hotel room to the floor of our new therapy room though. However idk if it's my pussy too tight or too shallow or maybe I wasn't aroused enough so only the front part went in and I was a bit annoyed. I tried thumping more and going deeper but can't

Anyways I think this was the first time we were both fully naked in the dream, interesting. I think this was very linked to bc I fell asleep naked after masturbating this night lmfao

escape game

#uni #exchange #mum #dad – initially a tutorial stage where me and another person were learning from a coach by rewriting her “codes” on our pieces of paper which would be the password to pass the puzzle with many ghosts and very poor visibility due to darkness and smog. The coach was the 2nd doctor we attached to in HHH and the codes were some Px (that was discussed in ytd's MH case session)

  • then began the game with me and a few others. (actually this was the second time, I doubt if the first time was before the tutorial stage and we all died so that's why we started again)

random excerpt – ian – random girl invited me to waterpard (waterpark with a welsh accent I assume ??) to party, do arts and crafts, and do drugs together, i asked amy on the side how about it (bc I was a little bit tempted)

back to the main plot

  • i had the special ability like 2 turbo boosts every like 10 seconds
  • continue escape, through the back door of an outdoor carpark into the streets into AEON. Walked and saw parents shopping for groceries. I tried to walk past silently. Later I went to a noodles aisle. I wanted to try a tester with my chopsticks but a kid dipped my chopsticks into the noodle soup and I was incredibly pissed now my chopsticks were contaminated by the tester soup Then the mom of the kid came and chatted with me about this good noodle she cooked I was like yeah, (bc this mum doesn't seem like the type to apologise to the kid) And she was like eventually the noodle was a bit sweet because she added a bit too much of the sugar, and I was like ohh okay it tasted alright (actually I thought the noodle was too salty/ poor soy sauce that kind of flat salty), and I couldn't really feel the sweet after retasting although she mentioned. Then my parents arrived at the corner, I asked them why did they find me. Dad said I heard your voice and so we were searching for it and here we were! I was actually very annoyed but conflicted because part of me wanted them to take me away from the escape game and save me and give me some rest, but the other side I didn't want them to get involved in the game so I don't want them to intervene in any way

doing drugs: my friends were talking about this topic yesterday soup dipping incident: friend was talking about her friend dipping an uncleaned spoon directly into her soup. I was shocked bc that was trespassing my food boundary if that was my soup. Should've handed her the spoon instead of just directly dipping without asking. noodle maker mum with little kid: a mum was scolding her kid very loudly at the entrance of my building and I guessed I remembered it in the dream

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math test by supervisor

#primschool #jau

ptam is coming to watch our math class, which was originally taught by another math teacher. Jau happened to be substituting the teacher so she just watched our class nervously. We were also very scared of ptam because she was a fierce teacher. ptam arrived at our class and told us to open our textbooks. I, especially, was super nervous because it was like the first week of school and our math teacher doesn't use textbooks to teach so I wasn't sure if I had it in my drawer or not, because I am pretty sure I didn't pack it in my schoolbag. And I (the dreamer) wasn't here for the first few days of school so I don't know what was in my drawer actually. Nervously I checked the drawer and found it. I was very relieved.

She then gave us a math question to do and we were nervously doing it and didn't dare to do it too slowly or else we would picked out of our classmates and get scolded by her.

movie & superkids with Q*eenie

#exchange #OurLady fuck We were chatting and we found out we both go to Superkids and we would be having the same class today in the evening. She suggested watching a movie together to spend the time before heading there. (I had english tutorial class at Superkids when I was in primary – junior secondary) So we watched one about apocalypse and how people were establishing contact with others on the planet at the cinema. Towards the end of the movie we were looking at the time as we need to catch our tutorial class.

She said it was her first time going to this branch of Superkids at TST, so she made me the one responsible to look at the time and guide directions using google map.

We were walking quick but she kept telling me to walk faster. On some crossroads I was waiting for my phone to calibrate my directions (because it only showed the dot but not the perspective thing) so I stopped for a few seconds, but she was immediately crossed and blamed me for being so slow. She took one look at the map and chose one of the directions to walk, which was fortunately correct after I double checked while we were walking.

I think she was annoyed at the indirect path to Superkids, so she blamed me for choosing Superkids as our tutorial centre. I was rather annoyed because I didn't choose this tutorial centre for her! She picked it herself! We were just happened to have the same class! I should be the one annoyed of getting her into my class so to speak. So I talked back by stating she told me she picked it herself. And told her if you're talking this much then you do the guiding. She shut up and said we were running out of time so you should continue walking.

Fuck bro anyways we finally arrived at the location right on time after she kept being such a jerk and talking so much unconstructive shit. I forgot superkids was at 3/F, and I was attracted by the designer store at G/F so I was window shopping at the store, while she sat there chilling (I guess she also forgot we were here for tutorial). The dream ended here.

Bro this is literally what happens every single day in our trip and this was worst in Athens ! And the streets in the dream resemble those in Athens!!! Fuck I hate my time travelling with this... person! And the mini argument about Superkids is literally her blaming me for choosing Meteora over another city for day trip destination !!!!! (She thought it was too sunny- bro! You can't blame the weather on me wtf and the weather was actually similar to Athens- you're just using me as a punching bag) – and about the thing where she told me to walk faster, she kept telling me to walk faster and then i did, and then she was upset i was too fast and told me to walk slower like What the FUCK do you WANT

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had multiple dreams where I was spending time/ having different classes with my new PBL group for CFB

shisha with friends

#exchange

After class. Went to a bright cafe to shisha w exchangemates (well I did went shisha once with one of the girls recently irl) I picked the flavour for the shisha- a mix of passionfruit and two other fruity flavours (which is the same as irl) I was wondering if Arthur would come shisha with his friends/ colleagues. But I knew it was unlikely because he was a healthy person who did not have such bad habits.

I was having the shisha and chatting with my friends, who was sharing about what areas of the city was safe for citizens because currently we were under attack/ war. She was drawing a map for us to read. Where we currently were was at the city centre & close to the city border which was the right lower corner, where it was relatively safer, with more commercial activities and markets. While the areas further upwards to the left there was a bricked wall commemorating the efforts of the fallen soldiers and citizens, and there was a waterfall to the left of the bricked wall. And that area was very dangerous as it was in the rural areas and the borders with the neighbouring places were unclear, so it was easy for adventurers to be targeted and killed. Also, the areas outside city centre were generally less secure and you would get traced for speaking something wrong/ more controversial.

I closed my eyes to imagine the map, and I didn't know I took a nap until it was almost time to leave. I looked at my shisha which I haven't took much sips of, feeling kind of a pity because I wasted my money lol. But we paid and left the shop happily.

losing slippers after swimming class

#uni

we had a group session and we listened to Calv*n C's big plans about his AI projects and how he made multiple AIs with funny names like DeepSok

later we had a swimming class, and I separated from my PBL group. I chatted with another classmate casually (Ir*s who sit in front of me in exam), until I reached the pool and we parted ways.

I forgot the middle part of the dream but anyways, I lost my pair of slippers when I finished swimming. And I met with another friend who also lost her pair of slippers. We walked around the pool a bit and she decided to go to citysuper which was directly right of the pool to find her slippers/ buy another pair. I was planning to walk the pool a bit more since we just walked once in one side of the pool, but I decided to follow her. She told me she would just buy a new pair. I was thinking I wouldn't do that because slippers still cost a bit of money and I have not checked thoroughly yet. She went to pay and I went to the discount area. There were a lot of people around the rotating stand where they put a lot of ointments and stuff – like toothpaste, mosquito repellents, soap, wet wipes... And I chatted with a stranger 師奶 about which one had the biggest discount and it was kinda interesting. I didn't buy anything eventually though, and recalled I still needed to find my slippers. I was contemplating if I should also buy a new pair instead.

I think I dreamt citysuper because my mum had quite a few vouchers from it and she wanted to give it to me yesterday as she wouldn't use it, but I wouldn't go citysuper either.

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may 21

xm6 gift

I dreamt my mom or whoever gifted me the newest sony headphones which is the xm6 lol

may 22

moaning lady

#exchange

I was having this dream of me having dinner with my friend, Jenny, at the canteen which is a 5 min distance away from our dorm. (I showed her the estimated time in the google map was 5 min but when i pressed for walking details it showed 25 min so idk) We planned to go back with the rest of the people in the canteen later when the rest are leaving (it felt like a group travel tour that sort of thing) I used my laptop after dinner and accidentally resumed a video in full volume. I quickly hit pause but someone in the queue for fetching food (Pretty sure it is either Beatrice or Louisa) said oh that's Donkey Kong music! And then a teacher sitting at the teachers desk (a corner) near the food bench asked if I wanna play it in the classroom. It seemed like B or L was interested, and the teacher was actually genuinely asking so I said sure. My laptop magically connected to the speakers of the canteen, and I played the video. And I looked around to come to the realisation that this was actually once a music classroom thats why we got like bass speakers hanging on the ceiling of different corners. And the teacher said yeah it was a music room as well!

I ate a bit of the “slice” of the fried chicken “patty”? from Jenny's homemade burger- the McSpicy Chicken Filet (I actually went to google what's 脆辣雞腿包 in english lmfao)

The music got a bit loud despite me adjusting the volume of my laptop and the video to 1% only. So I raised this question of how to tune it down to the teacher. She said I can put the cross to the volume settings on the music room computer. I did and understood that way the bass speakers won't be playing the music and the music would only come from the main computer of the room.

At the mean time, I ate the rest of the unfinished slice of the chicken Jenny offered me. Then she also gave me a portion of the bread and the veggies of the bun (either by hand or with a bowl). She fed me sweet potato fries using her fork directly into my mouth swiftly and smoothly (it felt like how my mum fed me stuff when I was small- Jenny was kind of skilled ngl). I felt thankful to Jenny for the food and how she fed me. The teacher began to put on a video she was personally interested in without interfering with my Donkey Kong music, but at this point I don't think B and L were interested in listening so I turned it down myself asw. The video is about promoting Lady Kim Chung Un (wow will i get cancelled)'s thoughts. (yes, Lady). By featuring an old lady who was doing gratitude exercises in front of the camera. She shared how we should be thankful of 6 out of 7 (or 8) things in our life. (like on average). When I was listening to that, I was thinking, if she said like we should be grateful for 6/10 things I would be persuaded, as you will be thankful/ happy for the “majority” of the things that happened cuz 6 is larger than 5, but then now it is out of 7-8 rather than 10 and that is unrealistic to implement. The old lady in the video kept thanking different stuff in a sustained high voice, and even high later. To the point I thought, is she moaning lol?

And then. Cuz she's moaning too much. I woke up. And actually the moaning is from the dorm room upstairs.

This is just so funny I have to write it lol

Speaking of upstairs (and opposite door) with the increasingly active sexual life (I think it's because of finals season). On one hand it sort of validates my previous year of being super into masturbating, I thought it was just me but nah I wasn't abnormal.

But two days ago also hearing this I was immensely triggered (it's not about the moaning, but rather because of the shit sound absorption of the house, every bed and step move upstairs projects directly down onto my bed as we have the same room layout, and I unavoidably imagined the prof dude or whoever just pressed down on me again and I can't escape and fucked or assault me again and the worst thing is the guy upstairs laughed in a chuckling way which the prof dude also liked to do!!!! and it fucking triggered me so much- but the upstairs dude was innocent ik but it's just my ptsd at it again) (they fucked harder because 520 is a special day in asian language) And so I lied in bed for the whole 1.5 days and I got back to being unclean like cutting which fucking sucks so fucking suicidal And then the next morning, feeling less suicidal (but more of a I-wanna-fuck-it-up), I tried od but I was being obedient by eating just within the safe amount so technically I didn't od. But dosing without any illness is also technically over- dosing? lol idfk (being obedient as I don't have fucking NHS and I heard it was slow as fuck and also 522 I had an exam so I couldn't just pass out and miss it I mean- I already missed my precious learning, not studying, time of two entire days! (oh i also started vaping i have no life essentially- i mean the whole house vapes so im highly influenced asw lmfao) and I also came to the awareness that I actually didn't recover lol and Arthur is right I will go back to therapy when I get back there- SIKE

but anyways yes I felt a bit better writing it out, and today 522 the exam is not too bad, I think I will pass. Because I had a big brain moment and prepared for JUST the right essay question. yes I guessed the essay question (4 questions choose 1) right. I felt immensely proud (because i skipped the content of the other 4 lecturers and just dived into this one and briefly on another one). Not just the TOPIC but the QUESTIONS (like one essay question asking two questions) itself. I executed my answer with shitty poor time management so i only answered half of it. bruh but I will pass.

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Hashtags to sort the dreams (and for me to remember what tags I have used)

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