nostalgia
visiting arthur’s home
Today’s session was at Arthur’s home. It was my first time vising there. I was wearing today’s irl pajamas aka just a dress.
We were about to begin our session when he got a bit shocked and asked me what time would today’s session end at, and I told him 4 sth pm? Maybe 5 sth, and he was seemingly feeling in trouble and needed to do some work on his computer (i suspect I clashed the time with another client at 5 sth) so I peeked around his desk and found him writing his travel journal. He stuck a few photos of him at egypt, and used felt pens to write on the book. I was pleasantly surprised we have such similar handwriting. I looked around his other piles of paper and they are all written in colourful felt pens and with the same handwriting and so I commented happily to him that his handwriting was similar to me! Then I went to his other rooms for a while and saw his bedroom behind a closet door. I went in and kneeled on the bed. I imagined him and his wife on this twin bed and yet I am kneeling on the bed with my very short dress so I was horny. There was a mirror on the side and I looked at my curves on the mirror. I wanted to take a selfie of me on his bed but I didn’t take my phone with me, so I went out of the bedroom and decided to peek around the rest of the rooms before going back to his therapy room (his study room) to grab my phone.
I glanced and saw the kitchen at the very end, and towards the other side of the corridor it was his rather spacious living room with big shelves of books.
I went back to his room and he wasn’t ready yet. He wrote a slip with blue felt pen and i guess it was for the next client to tell her to wait, but after reading I don’t think it was for that purpose. But I couldn’t recall the sentence when I woke up.
I got my phone and headed back to the bedroom, however now there were much clutter in the closet, so no matter which closet door I open, I could see the bedroom just there but I couldn’t reach it because of the clothes piled up. So I eventually decided to try and step over the clothes to reach the bed, at least closer to which I could selfie with the bed, but at this moment Arthur came out of his room and called me. I looked back and saw him reaching out his arms. I came out of the closet and he hugged and carried me, and I felt like I was back at a very young age of kindergarten to early primary, when my parents still carried me like that and when I was light enough to be carried. I was lifted high into his chest, and I held his face. I leaned over, looking straight into his eyes and face for the first time. His face was very clear. I couldn’t read his emotions, but he was at ease and perhaps his eyes were smiling. I had a strong urge to kiss him. As I was leaning forward, I felt kissing on the lips was not quite good, so I eventually kissed him just by his lip to his right. (* like how a toddler would lightly kiss their guardian on their faces)
(I am not even sure if I kissed my parents like that before because I really disliked doing so. I only remember my dad would rub his stubble on my face and the prickly sensation of it. I kind of miss being a very young kid, but at the same time I don’t bc school was very scary and boring and pointless asf + I had ZERO days of decent sleep back then And also hugs are scary when parents throw you and you get that centrifugal force and it would constitute in most of your childhood nightmares)
presentation
Did 3 group presentations, and every time actually I wasn’t sure which part would be my script so I had to focus intensely and when it arrived to a familiar slide I knew it was mine and I would have to start talking without preparation, and at the mean time if my part came too late I worried if I was freeriding this presentation and I would have 0 contribution and be reported (I wasn’t anxious about freeriding I was just anxious of getting reported) And at the third presentation my slide was actually not polished and it included a bit of my personal behavioural change project part rather than the group part so while I was talking I had to explain for it and transition to a brand new group part with elaboration
Dreams like this are really draining and it impacted my energy level to head to school not gonna lie. They are a bit too vibrant, or maybe because I put too much effort to perform well in my dreams too. I can’t help it though I think. If I don’t work hard in the dream it would turn into a nightmare. Also my friend told me recording my dreams wasn’t too sustainable because I spent a bit too much time on it, but I like it, idk what to do. I actually don’t know if I like dreaming or not- like ofc I like seeing my therapist in my dreams and it makes me feel better during the day but I’m thinking if my dreams were too vibrant although sometimes I knew I was dreaming so I wasn’t too scared. Idk if I need to get it checked out or sth honestly.
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