exam things and gaming

I had to do a meta analysis during my exam Also played a bunch of coop minecraft with friends? I was using a controller though

love hotel with Arthur

#arthur

I was at a little mountain for an outdoor class (I forgot who were there). I climbed a bit further than the rest of the group so when the class was about to dismiss I had to walk back down. Arthur was one of the mentors, and he waited for me on the stairs of the mountain, so we became the last in the group. He called a taxi and it arrived quickly, and I asked if I could ride it as well. He was okay with it, and opened the door for me. I let him enter the taxi first. (We both took the backseat.) The inner seat had a few throws and quilts on it, presumably left by the taxi driver, anyways he sat inside and I followed. The taxi was a bit cramped so my shoulder was touching to his, I looked at his side and he was actually wearing a black windbreaker, which was similar to or identical with my black arcteryx jacket that I wore almost every day during my exchange.

We got off the taxi in one of the streets. It felt like Japan, and specifically near one of the very few familiar metro stations I sometimes dream of recurrently. The sky was already dark by the time we got off the cab, and I stood at the right of Arthur as we walked along the streets, locking his arms in mine. It was almost the corner where we would turn left and enter the metro station, but I didn't want to. I looked at the LED banner of the department store (actually a several storeys love hotel) right before the corner. Arthur asked me, wanna go in? I said yes, and so he turned into the store, alongside me, who was sticking in his arms.

The store has several non-connected lifts, i.e. you have to transit between lifts to reach different floors. To filter off suspicious people like idk police? or illegal prostitutes, and allowing genuine couples to enter.

At first we took a lift right in front of the entrance that should be leading us to 1/F where the general reception was, but it went down to -1/F. Actually during the lift ride I was so weak and steamy from the realisation that Arthur indeed proposed we fuck, in addition to while we both knew that Arthur had a wife and this was all in secret, so my legs were trembling from being weak and I was so wet down there it was actually dripping.

I was a bit shy for making the lift floor dripping with secretion, so I teleported back to home (still unconsciously, not lucid dreaming) to get some tissues to wipe myself to at least not let it drip. I was wiping myself in the corridor when my mum walked out of the toilet and saw me. I just told her I was wiping, and asked her not to step onto the drippings on the floor, which she already didn't before I reminded her. She left. I was super aroused still and wondered how would it look like if I have a dick and being aroused at this level. So as I was walking to my bedroom, I looked down and saw I had an erected dick. But then my dick seems like the size of people in senior primary/ junior secondary school aka it was a bit small...... Anyways it felt interesting to see my arousal presented in a physical, observable form.

(while sleeping I can feel my blood just goes down lol, quite exciting)

I was back in the space with Arthur as we walked out at -1/F and there was a lady with a writing board, she apologised for sometimes the lift being a bit malfunctioning and flagging people out of random. She said if people were rightly flagged they would be trapped here forever since there would not be any buttons to call the lift to fetch them in -1/F. She unflagged us and accompanied us to ride the lift back up to ground level, to guide us onto a correct lift. During the lift trip she asked/ chatted about basic things like what brought us here. And I answered her 今日係即興，不過其實已經諗咗好耐。(it was impromptu today, but actually [we] had it in mind for a while already.) She seemed to be approving of our response. Actually Arthur was just standing lovingly behind me and holding me so although he didn't speak, we seemed like a sweet, genuine couple.

She escorted us out of the lift and she left. We then took another lift at the inner side of the department store which was the correct lift. We lifted the cover fabric with a giant puppy printed on it, and saw the back of the lift, so we went to the other side where the door was. It was quite tricky so perhaps this is one of the ways to prevent unknown guests from accessing the love hotel.

Then we went to 1/F successfully where we were given a number, 170, and proceeded to take another lift to 2/F, where the rooms were.

The 2/F was so big with many signs as if we were at the airport searching for gates. We walked for a while when I realised 170 was probably our room number, as I assumed it was a queue number previously. We walked to find signs for directing us to 170. Actually by this time we had already wasted a lot of time and my drive is losing and I was worried the more time we stalled, the more Arthur did not want to fuck anymore or regret bringing me to a love hotel/ having conscience to be loyal to his wife. And irl it was around 7 or 8am and my bedroom was bright which made me semi-awake and I was definitely not pleased by it !!!!!!

I struggled to keep myself sleeping and return to the unconscious state in the dream (because there was no point if you become fully conscious) And all I remember while we were walking slowwwwwwly around the floor was hearing passerbys chitchatting about the 170 room being so messy with so many liquids all over the room and nobody wants to claim/ use the room. So I was feeling a bit like uh oh our room might be disastrous and idk how it would play out.

And then I just couldn't dream anymore as I was waking up by the sunlight :(

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late night walk with friends

#sushiro #charlottec #arthur

Our squad, sushiro, went on a late night walk on the streets/ near the promenade for sightseeing purposes. _{(Probably because my another squad had a gathering at SYP + Ktown promenade last night)}

We walked past a bunch of different things by the sea, for example, you can shake hands and interact with sealions and animals that were chilling there, visit small stores whatever. It was a blur after I woke up, but one of the things I had the biggest impression is shaking hands with a new creature, a “sea-seahorse” (the size was like a fat sealion with coarse wet skin that was 180cm tall, with the beak/ mouth part similar to a dolphin, or a horse??). This sea-seahorse introduced himself to me and we shook hands, when he noticed my scars on my arm. He said he saw the scars, so I looked down onto my arm and saw my scars glittering in many different colours, with tiny stars popping here and there. It was very pretty, and it was a stark contrast to the darkness of the late night especially by the shore where there isn't much light. I was very touched and a bit glad and replied with a slight exclamation: You saw it! You are the first one so far who noticed! My other two friends of the sushiro group were busy chatting with other sea creatures on my right so they didn't noticed our interesting conversation and they still didn't know about the scars (on my left arm).

After a while of walking, we went to sit at a table in a building (I forgot if it's a restaurant or Arthur's clinic). There are also other people sitting at other tables. We were just chatting and I asked Ruby how to do the fingering (cuz idk how to finger myself pleasurably). And then Ruby just flip up her skirt to demonstrate. Me and Charlotte were like aaaaaaaaa fr here???? But Ruby was like yeah And I guess me and Charlotte's exclamation attracted the attention of the table behind me aka in front of Ruby and they can easily see Ruby's stuff from their perspective. Anyways Ruby demonstrated. aaaaaaaaaa

Later Arthur came and I said hi. He saw me. But I am not sure if it's because he was supposed to be working with Ruby this time, but he was quite focused on chatting with Ruby (she was sitting properly now), so he didn't reply to me. After Arthur and Ruby chatted briefly, we four began to watch the TV they had in the room, which was an unboxing and introduction video to a leather wallet. Coincidentally, I had the same wallet (but slightly different texture in the inner compartment) in the dream so I tried to show and tell them about me having the actual thing here! But they didn't respond and kept watching the show. I think Charlotte looked at me for a bit, Ruby too, but Arthur completely ignored me and was chatting with Ruby about the show. I tried to attract Arthur's attention in other ways I forgot (but definitely not the seducing kinds) but he didn't even bat an eye. I was too bored and a notification popped out from my phone. A rare strong pokemon showed up in pokemon go. I wanted to tell Arthur but by this time I kind of given up because he was likely to be ignoring me. So I was playing it and I felt a bit ashamed and useless because my hobbies are all the same as his and I don't have something I am interested in organically by myself.

There were three battles before I can catch the pokemon and my pokemons died in the battles quickly so I lost it. While I was playing that, they seemed to be done with their business so I was following them (sushiro) back into the streets.

working in hotel mart cashier

#mum

Then I entered a hotel and after checking in to my hotel room, the hotel gave me a job as the cashier helper for their mini mart by the reception. Basically those are all self-serving cashier kiosks and I am just a helper, so the workload was pretty simple. I was registering new products to the cashier, which are four different kinds of earplugs from Sony and Apple. I was also teaching my even fresher staff how to do these and one of the staff is my mum (but I wasn't surprised at all in the dream). I tried to listen on one side of the earplugs as I was registering them because I was curious on how they sound. And my mum also tried out some too. But eventually after finished registering them on the kiosk we were reassembling the earplugs back to the case, and matching the series and colours, but couldn't find most of the missing earplugs that we wore. So I was very confused because after wearing those one by one and only choosing the left side and placing it on the kiosk bench with care, it was impossible to lost them. And the dream ended.

_{After waking up I think maybe my staff were wearing them and forgot to take them off, idk bruh}

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after class and protecting stray kitten

#arthur #mum

After class we were all packing our schoolbags We were also distributing some discount sheets for some particular people in the class including me in a hurry so it is not obvious. The sheets are related to extra classes (or therapy) Arthur is teaching/ giving us. I passed mine to Chi Nok who was beside me, because in the dream I thought he was in the class too, and I thought I’ll get another one, but the last sheet I got is a promotion cover sheet instead of the discount coupons which I was actually supposed to keep. So basically I gave my coupon away. I was like ah it sucks a little but idc.

I walked home on the bridge from my old train station, while thinking I’m going to commit once I got to my estate. On the bridge I saw my mum walking towards me, which was a coincidence, she talked to me about something I forgot now, but I found her annoying because she disrupted my suicide thought and I shooed her away.

I needed to walk past a little garden and an old stone bridge across a little river in order to reach my estate, which was kinda interesting. _{(the feelings reminded me of my exchange dorm and the scenery reminded me of tsinghua for some reason?? although they dont look alike)}

Reaching my estate, the scenes were familiar like in some very old previous dreams. _{(Now I think it was similar to my dreamed 家維邨+ kindergarten/primary hybrid scene)} I found a stray kitten alone just chilling there, I picked it up because I was scared it would get hurt. I walked around pinching the cat neck to find a spot with more humans to place it down so that there would be more people looking out for the kitten. I walked to an area with loads of stray cats and kittens, they look calm but somehow I was scared the kitten would get bullied and attacked by them so I didn’t place it there. I walked to another alley and I saw loads of rats and hamsters kept pouring out of a sewer hole and I was like oh shit wow ew ah and then I ran away, and I saw the rats spreaded to the cat area but all the cats are just chilling when I thought the rats would scratch and eat the kittens for some reason. Finally after walking around a lot I was back to my original spot after recognising the little stone bridge from the start and walking over it. And I returned the stray kitten I have been holding back to its spot, which was the safest spot for her, although it wasn’t the most ideal from what I have been searching for. And the kitten was just chilling there on its own again.

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meeting wellness team at dining hall; arthur pacifying me after A's provocation

#arthur #T #A

The dining hall is connected to a big supermarket, you need to get pass the supermarket in order to get to where the tables are.

On the way I saw the wellness team walking by, seems like they are having some things going on here (like a booth)

Walked back to wander in the supermarket, when I saw A. I ignored her but I heard she called me. [my name], she called nicely. I turned and saw she holding a piece of patterned clothes thingy, but I can't see clearly because I don't have my glasses. She said, this is for you (sth like that), I think you would like it. I said thanks, and then I stepped closer to see what it was, it was newborn baby clothes. So I continued, but maybe you need it more, how about keeping this for yourself? And then I left

I was very scared if she would be following me so I was looking around vigilantly since then. I was almost there at the dining hall when I encountered A, but I decided to turn back with a different route to find wellness team. I got past the cashier and back to where they were setting up stuff previously. I saw Vincci and Ruth passing by. Ruth had earlobe earrings and I looked closer and saw she actually had 5 piercings on her right ear, and also she had some makeup (black sparkly eyeshadow!!!) on and she looked super hot, and I was breathing heavily haha. But anyways Arthur wasn't here so I walked back to the dining hall where supposedly the rest of the team is meeting schoolmates for briefing/ reg day stuff whatever

I was back and I saw Billy and another lady's table, I originally wanted to go there because at least they are counsellors and are ready, but their table is full, I was creeping and walking alertly the whole time as I was really scared of seeing A. But then they noticed me and pointed me to another table, where I found Arthur and another few unknown therapists are there. There were only a few seats left (I saw monika in one of the seats and some of my younger high school schoolmates on other seats), Arthur was talking to an old man with grey hair, perhaps an invited guest, and I took the remaining empty seat next to an unknown therapist. The unknown therapist seemed to left her bag and left, when I was looking at Arthur.

I guess Arthur saw my troubled face and he came to chat with me. He stood at the back of my chair and I guess he wanted to ask me how I was doing, but the schoolmates were already crowding around me chatting about their issues or whatever, so it wasn't convenient for me and Arthur to have a private chat. Arthur put his hands on my shoulder and I felt very hot and a bit physically thrilled in a pleasant way. But I was still jolty and looking for signs of A. Arthur put his left finger on my lips but I was scared people would see this happening because it wasn't supposed to, so I tried to turn to my right as it was closer to the wall. But he continued touching my lips when I turned back. He also put his finger within my lips and I felt i was beyond wet and weak now. Very intense but seemed the crowd of schoolmates didn't notice our intimacy. And I was still jumpy whenever I see someone who seemed like A in my line of sight. So I wasn't fully in the mood for such intimate actions but I sorta enjoyed it (didn't get wet or really aroused irl this time tho, I just had raised heart beat and feeling flustered) _{(I think I imagined this because I saw a super hot gif *nsfw? of a girl sucking a man's finger on tumblr and I was imagining that as Arthur's hand yesterday)}

school bus adventure on way home

#cecilia #uni #6grass

• nanny van with the auntie from me when I was Primary six

• ordering lunch boxes on van but no one wanted the salmon with white broth (white broth is not yummy irl)– the one sitting next to me asked don't you like salmon lol, I say not with this lunch set

• Went to centennial campus Lg floor/ or did we go separately? We had a lecture and after class me and a few friends like Vienne, and Monika were wearing green gown and discussing where to eat lunch.

• went to a big building as a middle resting point. We were playing in one of the toilets upstairs and cecilia find me making jokes a littttle bit suggestive so she pushed me out of the toilet for fun (we had fun), and then I went to the staircase to check at the irl time with my irl apple watch and found it's time to go to school so now im typing this

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halted session w vincci; intimate with Arthur 2

#T #arthur my new session would be with Vincci instead, and it would be conducted over zoom. It would be my first time having a session with her. Arthur was a little bit worried if she can handle the session, so he joined the zoom meeting as an observer too. But around the mid part of the session, while Vincci was speaking, she suddenly quitted the zoom. I assumed it might be some internet issues of her. But she didn't rejoin. I was confused and initially I was a bit hopeful, so I was joking with Arthur about the situation. But after 10 mins of her not appearing, Arthur decided to call her but she didn't pick up her phone. Around 20 mins of waiting and almost the end of the session I was kinda upset because I think she didn't want to see me so she disappeared. I also told Arthur about me being a bit unhappy. I also felt a bit empty in the dream. Thinking back it might be because I felt like both Vincci and Arthur didn't want me (Arthur referring me to Vincci and she just ditched the session) and I felt abandoned.

I forgot how the scenes changed, but I was still in my new house bedroom/ old house parent's bedroom (direction of bed and door were similar), when I finished the zoom. Then Arthur came into the room. (I think) (The parts below were blurry) He lied on the bed and I was on top of him. We were naked this time. I was again humping him. (I couldn't really recall the sensations I had after I woke up- but I did moan a lot in dream) I leaned forward and our chests touched. Then I gave him a hickey on the left side of his neck. _{(shit now I googled it, I actually gave him a bite with my right canine... LMFAO)} He also gave one on my left neck (not sure bite or hickey), and as I felt that light sharp pain I was quite aroused and moaned again haha

I continued humping him while (we kissed? I think) Until I was kinda wet and I can also feel his cock erected and was rubbing against my butt as I moved myself. Then we changed position as he stood at my back and teased me by rubbing it without putting it in. Finally he put it in. Honestly it just felt like a foreign body inside and it wasn't really arousing haha- but interesting experience

_{After I woke up, the sensations in the dream are much less vivid to recall than the first dream (except the “hickey/ bite”)– so it was just pleasant watching but not feeling. I'm not sure if I felt a lot while dreaming though.}

prepping high school final exam in y4

#secschool school distributed papers to us for practice I got mine and I ran to school (my old home) in order to scold my f6 eng teacher for giving me an ass SBA mark but I arrived at school just when the recess bell rang (:35) (aka recess ended), so I didn't continue my plan

walk two dogs

#mum Mum led two dogs into my bedroom, telling me to walk them later. I was putting on the collar and leash for them but I forgot which collar is for which dog, and I took some time to attach them when eventually I realised I swapped them. Mum came in and helped me reattached the collars and leashes swiftly- but she reattached the ones I was meaning to remove. So I told her no, this is wrong and we need to change it. She replied they are similar, then you swap by yourself, and she left the room. I figured it out by a while and was halfway done, but seemed she waited a while already and she was a bit impatient so she came back into the room and helped me with it. I felt happy. Then we were about to go out and walk the dogs.

_{(...... now I am feeling mixed)}

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grinding with Arthur wowiowoiwoiwwo

#arthur

I think we were riding a bus home, and my friend was next to me too, but I forgot who she was. Later we were back at my home, at the living room. Somehow at first I went to Arthur's seat naturally and a little bit playfully and sat on the front part of his lap. _{(This act of walking towards him felt similar to how I feel when I enter his therapy room. It's hard to describe- like exploring a new place with anticipation of how we are gonna interact?)} I sat while I was chatting with my friend. I think Arthur feels a bit of tension but didn't show it, and then I also felt this “suggestive tension” going on. He didn't push me away or hold me closer, so I remained in the same position. He took his right arm out and I held onto his, and I took his hand and locked into his fingers. It felt really nice.

After chatting with the friend for a bit I decided to make things more interesting and see his reaction, so I readjusted my posture very briefly, and sat very into his lap in a split second and he yelped loudly (and jumped a little bit from his seat). His dick, although covered by his trousers, became harder and bigger than before while I was sitting on top of it. I also immediately felt aroused by it.

I think I was rubbing it for a while and he grabbed both of my arms or whatever. Then I held his arms, asking him to use them to surround and wrap my body more. _{(Essentially a bit like hugging, but in the dream I was thinking like a pair of wings surrounding/ protecting me.)} He twitched/moved/thumped a few times and I was very aroused. But I was hoping to change positions so I could face him and lean onto his chest with mine. But I didn't say so because what he was doing was rather comfortable and I wanted to continue feeling this way.

Later he led me to my bedroom. He was grinding me at the back, and I leaned forward a little bit. He grabbed me by my waist and thumped like two times, to which I was very sensitive to. I think I was moaning the whole time, and my conscious self wondered if I did irl, so I tried to moan a little bit and heard that one moan in reality. So it meant the rest of the moans just happened within the dream. I continued rubbing Arthur, hoping for more thumps but he didn't do so. But I felt nice nevertheless.

_{actually there are multiple dreams (different stories) but now I only recalled this juicy one hahahahahahawaawawawa I suspect I dreamt this one because I had english class with Mancy yesterday and we spent the time doing an online BDSM test. (We started the topic on it after telling her multiple people- including her already commented if I am ドM after sharing my bad trip story with the terrible classmate)... and my result is 100% switch 91% brat and 87% submissive- After reading an article I felt called out at the brat part- and I think Arthur can be a good Brat Tamer Though I think I prefer switch if possible- but in impossible situations im very much brat hahhhshasfhfjhfsdkjfhhahahaahaaaaaaa}

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found Arthur’s wife’s 小紅書

#arthur #mum

(Before this happened I was shopping with my mum in the dream and we went to a little cutesy cafe and we can take film instant pics and mum took 3 and printed one; mum wanted to join my camera and i rejected and took also 3 pics alone and about to print one- but actually mum’s pics were all better than mine but I am a bit too tired to take again so I’m just editing one to be printed and somehow the below happened)

I found the acc when there was a hovering screen scrolling different Rednote posts itself on the side of the camera machine? and then I see Arthur’s face on the screen at the corner of my eye and im like holy shi wait whoa and i pressed inside and bam it’s his wife’s account

Wow god knows how excited i was so I kept browsing her posts which consisted of a lot of pics of her working env at bedside (elderly home or hospital??) and also a comsiderable amount of family pics and videos with Arthur inside. Arthur looked very cute and happy haha Their bedroom curtains were of the same pattern to the ones in my parents’ bedroom in the old flat which was quite interesting to me There was also a video post of him lying on bed and his wife sat on top of him but somehow in the dream I didn’t press inside to watch although I was a bit interested

And after obtaining such precious information idk how to deal with it because I don’t want to send to others so I just kept looking at the pics and trying to memorise all the relevant pics

But at the same time I was thinking to myself what would I feel about our therapeutic relationship after learning too much about him which I think I am not supposed to, maybe I couldn’t continue therapy, but I decided to keep scrolling lol.

It was only after I woke up when I realised it was just a dream

_{Btw I had a few other interesting (by which I mean they have a complete plot) dreams from a few days ago but I am too lazy to write them down they’re too long?? One was about starting new school year and finding new classroom with old secondary and primary school classmates and I was quite anxious about choosing seats but I was so relieved after finding people put their bags next to my seat which means they don’t hate me and they’re willing to sit next to me wuwuwuwu also the floor where my classroom was also has #jau ’s office but I decided to ignore it because it has already passed)}

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hacked phone & ipad in max volume at Arthur’s workshop

#arthur #mum #dad

_{Bruh!! Today (yesterday) was one of the rare days of not feeling suicidal for the whole day and it ended with a nightmare!}

I was with my mum and dad, returning from our travels. I decided to catch and attend Arthur’s talk- I forgot what informative talk was it about- but brought my parents as well since it was the most natural to do so in that setting (it felt strange if you’re rushing to a talk but your parents are not included)

The info workshop was held in a shopping mall, next to a big setup for another talk. I sat separated from my parents. I chose a seat next to the big setup and much closer to Arthur, while I let my parents sit at the outlying areas where there are more vacant double seats, but with some sunlight shining down as their side was in a half open area and no ceilings above.

I was just seated and shortly after, an auntie with two young male kids (around 8-10 years old) came, the auntie sat next to me and the kids opposite to her, I used the opposite seat of mine to put my bags so it was empty. Then Arthur arrived. I saw his steps and smiled _{(I didn’t look at him directly so I actually didn’t see his face or the upper body, just like that time after EY gala day)}. He went to the back to test the setup and probably microphones.

He turned on some nice music that was easy to sing along. After maybe like 3 songs suddenly my phone began to blast loud music and I couldn’t turn it down. I tried putting the phone between my thighs and shoved a cushion under my seat but it was of no use and still very loud. During the split second while I was putting the cushion I related it to my habit of muffling the sound of my vibrator. I didn’t feel much other than thinking it was a bit odd to do it in public, but now thinking back I felt a bit embarrassed. I kept this posture while I quickly check my phone, there was a pop-up notification saying something like login/ registration failed and about 5 accounts or what (I forgot). So I immediately went to check my apple id as I suspected I accidentally authorised something and let foreign ids to use my phone. At this time, Arthur’s music was already paused so I was even more stressed as I felt everyone was waiting for me to fix my music. But the auntie and the kids appeared very normal, the auntie was minding her own business while the kids were playing around as usual, and they had not batted an eye at me even once- as if they had never noticed the music. Back to the phone, I found quite some accounts linked to my phone. Because of time and difficulty in manuvering the phone (dim screen and buttons kept flickering), I only managed to delete two of them which were the most conspicuous on screen and sounded the most suspicious. But the phone kept ringing and getting more and more hot. So I tried to force turn off the phone but it took me many tries. While I was turning off the phone, my iPad started to blast loud music too! Luckily the music on the phone ceased so the two songs were not overlapping so it was not as disastrous and chaotic, but still very bad! I tried to turn off the iPad using the same method but somehow it was even harder to swipe the power off toggle despite having a bigger screen, as if the touch function was not responding intermittently so I can’t “swipe”. The iPad also began to turn warm. Anyways at this point I was super stressed and my heart was pounding and began to notice the songs around me aka from my irl headphones and woke.

_{(Btw the HRV and real-life stress function in stresswatch can really visualise my irl bodily sensation to the nightmare lmao… peak heart rate of 96bpm while asleep just before being fed up and waking up)}

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#arthur #mum #uni _{Not much dreams, or maybe I didn't actively recall them so a lot was lost}

抬頭又是湛藍天。

feb 20

Session w arthur after a long long time

And I spent the time scolding him for his incorrect thinking/ opinions and ideals that he had for a long time that I didn’t mention my disagreement before.

feb 22

Mystery man.

PBL mass session. Assigned to a group sitting in a rectangle. Pleasantly surprised the tutor is someone I know. He invited me to sit next to him. Turned out he manually put me into his group, haha. Later a uni friend of mine also came to our group and sit slightly diagonally opposite to me. I was happy, I guess he deliberately assigned him to our group too. I leaned next to him (tutor), I told him if he’s guiding the group then I would start to enjoy and love PBL lol.

I woke up peacefully after quality time in the dream. Who’s this guy? It felt astoundingly familiar. And the leaning as well. I’m not sure if I looked at his face in the dream, I probably did at the start, but not once I sat down. And which uni friend? I forgot as soon as I woke up. Feels nostalgic and warm, but a little bit empty because I don’t know/ forgot who they were but they’re definitely irl people. :(

25 Feb

random

Throwing up in dream Saw i have a pair of 麵包鞋 trainers with thick shoelaces

26 Feb

nostalgic touch

Meeting arthur for an informal session Sitting next to him at a food court Leaned my head to his arm as we talk He was wearing short sleeved shirt So I was also touching the sleeves as I was leaning and talking I also recognised the faint scent of him Comfy and cozy A bit nostalgic

A lot of different things in the long dream I think at some point I wanted to masturbate in this little room i got in the dream- and somehow this city I live in was infamous for messed up hostel rooms by too much sex by guests While I was setting up the pillows they were airing 春晚 on the tv as well- and a rather famous hk singer sang the lyrics wrong and switched back to the original lyrics in the middle which was quite obvious. While I was almost done with setting up I noticed the “door” is just a fabric curtain and there is a big angle where I can have eye contact with a random girl outside the door- so I didn’t masturbate

Towards the last scene I was drawing. I was drawing a train ticket. And then I planned to trace the shape of an (/my?) actual ticket onto the drawing to cut it out Dad offered a high quality expensive paper for me to draw but I need to cut it into a strip shape rather than a rectangular ticket I rejected the idea and after a few times and he let me be Later mum came and kept looking at me while I was doing my artwork I felt extremely annoyed as I told her to not look but she kept reappearing- I told her I felt like I am a fish in the aquarium kept being observed and supervised She said you are I told her isn’t there any other things you should be busy on, go work on your stuff But she doesn’t have other stuff to work on I was angry ans I was about to tell her then tidy our messy home- but at this point I became aware that I was dreaming, so I lost a big chunk of anger and I don’t see the point of telling her to tidy stuff in the dream. And I woke. _{I spent the whole day lying on my bed. It’s 2347 and I still haven’t moved.}

27 feb

scratches

I still see scars on my wrist/ forearm- 2 deep ones with the shape of human nail marks other than the light scratches with a blade i guess

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traumatic physical fight with mum, finding arthur, trip with pal

#mum #arthur #onlinefrd

I was fighting with mum over something. _{I forgot if the item was supposed to be hers or mine} Anyways I wanted to get it back But she kept trying to snatch it out of my hand When her hand was not enough she used some tools to attack my hand. I forgot how exactly already, but it was so painful and gruesome and longlasting. There are many scrape marks and scratches on my hands arms and probably legs as well. Some are kind of bleeding and there are red marks all over my fingers and hands. She was like an animal and I couldn’t communicate with her as she just focused on what she wanted. Her ears weren’t open (metaphorically). Legit in the dream I was like holy moly such traumatic dream it hurts at a level similar to the court dream where I was suing the prof who SAed me but this one was fortunately a bit less painful

Fuck

So sad and then later on I dreamt I went to a building where wellness team resided- first floor was a tiny reception + another shop/ laundry store in which my grandma (mum’s side) was the owner and she was sitting there. The actual wellness team office is two floors up, (first floor is just staircases and an empty floor)

I was standing at the entrance of the building for quite some time, because I was thinking my sessions supposed to have ended already and if I go there again I seem to be over relying on them And I’m like moving abroad very very soon but if I go there again it seemed like I was too weak to handle my emotions on my own- how am I able to take care of it when I really went abroad?

I was pretending to look at the flyers stuck on the glass panes outside, and I also took a couple of walks around the whole building n the surrounding shops And I eventually came back to the entrance again I was staring at it for some time until I decided if I don’t go now I can’t go in the future anyways so why not I pushed the door and went inside. I just stood at the g/f reception area as I planned I’ll just stand here for a bit and not go up The area (shared by counselling and laundry) was tiny. Imagine a lift. I just stood there until the laundry lady told me, therapy was upstairs. As I was a bit shy and unwilling to explain to her I just wanted to stand here- or maybe I was kind of want to go up- so I went in

I’ll complete typing this dream later

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