Went to the post office and dropped off more trash/compost.

Spoke with a very famous academic related to my research on the phone. That was very cool.

Tried writing, nothing really substantial though. Just lots of messy notes. I'm going to share what I wrote so you can get a sense of what it often looks like when I free write:

 

an alternative history to how the internet became personal

  -so theres how I want to apply this notion. -sets the limits of what is considered acceptable behavior -it gives personal information meaning and stakes. I echo sociomaterial approaches to user practices and assert that how it is how information is used that makes it remarkable.

-I am influenced by the essay, Closer to the Metal, as this essay similarly emphasizes cultural histories through materials. But this materiality is not separable from the cultures, discourses, institutions, that equally have developed doxing as a digital counterpractice and counterartifact. -a dox, like spam (compare it to how Brunton discusses spam).... -Further, the response to doxing, also makes doxing what it is. The way that doxing, like fake news, becomes a prejorative can be thrown on an investigative journalist its disagreed with. -I argue that the practice of doxing is what brought to light the opacity and ambiguity embedded in previously presumed anonymous and apolitical communication systems technologies and mediums. -pastebins/ portals -xbox live -search engines -IP addresses: an IP address is just a string of numbers, its power comes with how its applied. IP address: whois/ -how you found an IP address -where you published it -the response to it. -VPN services. the marketing of it. cybersecurity, online safety groups, services like Deleteme, promote themselves through the potential threat of being a victim to doxing, hacking, and scams. Mcafee, Deleteme, Doxing is a history of how the internet became personal. Just like how this account is one history of doxing, doxing is just one way of telling the history of how the internet became personal. However, I argue that this telling of doxing isn't to overshadow other accounts, but to inform them, help them expand their contours. Other ones being: -identity fraud -content influences, personal branding. -surveillance , targeted and mass surveillance. alternative cultures are important to internet history that still to this day inform internet governance and discourse. Doxing origins. Literature on Doxing Approaching doxing through materiality: platforms: pastebins tools: Who is/ -history of how the computer became personal -Finn Brunton

Tother thing about doxing history is a personal history of the internet is because of the importance of personal to the definition of culture wars. This is exactly why doxing is such a potent tool that upholds culture wars. Because culture wars are all about personalizing a social issue. Masking contributes to the moral panic. There is then this cyclical nature where masks used to protect themselves from surveillance become the point of interest to doxing someone.

People search engines Platforms: Pastebin -archive, dump, trash, portal IP addresses: -bulletin board > phone numbers -whois/ function -Cybersecurity VPN Video games? Masks: how a physical object comes to be important to internet history is going to be a difficult framework to develop. It involves thinking about how an analog object is important to the internet. -the masked hacker -black bloc -KKK/ Far right mask -V for Vendetta -If I take this as a chapter i will have to acknowledge the racialized element of the black hoodie/ masking. However I need to try and do this while asserting why race isn't my object of focus.

Nooney's book Apple II Age: How the Computer Became Personal, orients her history through individual ownership of computers, speciifically through 1960s-1970s electronic hobbyists. She then goes to examine the role of profit-seeking in the proliferation of computers, enveloped by entrepreneurs and preestablished electronic companies. Her book is not oriented by individual events or inventors, but instead focuses on the habits, contexts and practices of computers. “By foregrounding these broader themes and phenomena, this account emphasizes habits, contexts, and practices rather than individual events or inventors. In doing so, this chapter parses what was actually important in the history of computing as it contributed to the development of the Apple II. As we will see, what was important wasn’t always just technological concerns.” (Nooney, 2025, p. 21).

So right now i've been writing about pastebins. But i'm also curious if I should switch to writing about IP addresses.? I'm nervous that I can't make a case as to why Pastebins are important even though Pastebins exist now. I need to figure out a way to explain how looking at a history is relevant to now. IP addresses and Pastebins still exist.
-I think it'd be interesting to look at the response to doxing. Cybersecurity and online safety organizations and the imagery, language they use as well as the tools they suggest. So I guess making some connection between the relevance of cybersecurity marketing and online safety governance/moderation in regards to doxing is one way. I could look at the emphasis on using VPNS, the fear of hackers that develop the image of the doxer. The emphasis on this imagery as a marketing scheme obfuscates the divisively socially political nature of cybersecurity
How doxing has come to be defined through the image of the doxer, the panic of being doxed, and overemphasizes mainstream social media and VPNs that end up diswaying and ignoring materials and conditions that make doxxing what it is today. People come to doxing from different political and cultural positions. That is too broad.

There is acknowledging pastebins, and using doxing and pastebins to consider portals that circumvent moderation boundaries and the role of repurposing technologies that then point to a larger issue

Theres one article framework that looks at takes doxing, positions it as important to the history of the internet, and focuses on the role of cybersecurity media, marketing and online safety policy?

Options:
-doxing and the role of repurposing technologies (take one technology? or take two?). This would then have to point to a larger argument and showcase its relevancy to the now.
-analyzing the moral panic and discourse around doxing. doxing,media representations/discourse of doxing and the doxer, institutional, organizational responses to doxing,
-doxing and its role in the history of how the internet became personal. I'd have to pick a time frame, and two objects/phenomena/conditions, and then figure out how that is important to this day
-doxing and something about the impoortance of cybersecurity industry and hacker culture to contemporary digital media studies.

-I find it interesting that pastebins aren't really written about
-I find it interesting how the role of cybersecurity and security discourse isn't discussed much
-I find it interesting to think about doxing through materials
-I find it interesting to think about how doxing has made the internet personal
-I find it interesting to figure out a way to hold a critique of the marketing, rhetorics of cybersecurity regarding doxing. Something about how doxing is spoken about, addressed, and the tools used to protect from it, end up defining and reifying doxing/developing its meaning.

The discourse, responses, and panics of doxing actively shapes what doxing becomes, what technologies get used for it, and how the practice gets governed.
platform design, use, moderation.

 

when the same infrastructure serves both legitimate and transgressive purposes simultaneously?

 

Use cybersecurity marketing/discourse to examine how doxing gets defined and understood in ways that shape platform governance, user behavior, and internet culture.

How “security solutions” obscure the social/political dimensions of doxing

how industry discourse shapes cultural understanding of digital practices.

moral panic becomes a material reality.

narratives of doxing actively shapes what doxing becomes, what technologies get used for it and how it gets governed.

Platform design response

The technical “solutions” to doxing.

Panic about doxing creates specific policies and enforcement practices that materially change platform affordances.

 

social meanings and technical systems co-evolve

 

Sociomateriality + user practice + co-evolution suggests asking:

• How do users and technologies mutually shape each other over time?
• What happens when technologies get used in ways that change their social meaning?
• How do material affordances enable new social practices that then reshape the technology?

 

How do [specific technology] and [specific social practice] co-evolve, and what does this reveal about how digital technologies acquire social meaning?

 

PRactices of doxing foreshadowed what the internet was capable of being/doing.

Wednesday I gardened in the morning. I sent off the draft of the paper I'm working on with Cole and Chris. I did not feel good about it. I again felt overwhelmed by my notes and how to make it better. I resorted to seeing how genAI would improve it and tried to compare and see what I was not getting right. There is a way that doing that kind of comparison is helpful — I try to take note of what it is about their version that is better than mine. I will never send something that genAI wrote as is. But honestly, the guilt of using probably adds to why I didn't feel that accomplished.

The problem i'm having with that paper is similar to the one i'm having with the other article i'm working on. I don't have a firm, decided upon thesis, which then makes organizing the paper and writing feel harder. I want to say a lot and I don't know how to cut it down. Trying that exercise where I rank how important the point I want to make is (and if it should be cut out, footnoted, or larger sense) is helpful. But when it comes to the broad overarching thesis, I still feel stumped.

I'm flying Friday, so I'm going to try and write through why this feels difficult to do on the flight, and maybe if I write it out like a blog, it will help me.

Reflection: I did not start early like I wanted to. In fact, I started much later than I wanted. I went to the gym around 9, walked my dog, then laid around for a bit and played a game. Then I tried working for a bit but then decided to clean my house in anticipation of my friend coming over to co-work. Then the meeting I had at 1pm got cancelled. I talked to my friend when she first got here. Then, I got to working again around 1pm but started to feel anxious because I felt overwhelmed with my paper.

My plans later in the day got cancelled. I was able to get some more work done, but nothing that satisfying.

I got back very late and did not sleep well. I went to the vet with my dog, walked her a bit.

I made a list of house chores/things I need to do which felt helpful for my brain. I met up with my friend to talk about something time sensitive and that went really well.

Unfortunately, I did not stick to my schedule.

worked maybe 45 ish minutes on my Stop Cop City Paper. I worked for maybe 30 minutes more later in the day.

I'll be getting back to town the 17th. and then leave on the 22nd again until the 24th. I still, however, can get things done.

• I am sending a rough draft to Chris and Cole on SCC on the 20th. with that I plan to
  • [ ] Revise my draft abstract
  • [ ] Read 2-3 articles
    • [x] Geography SCC one
    • [x] Social Media plus Society one
    • [ ] one more either from Media Culture Society or Surveillance Studies journal
  • [ ] Write an updated thesis
  • [ ] Suggested “tensions”
  • [ ] Compile together formerly written things
• the 21 and 22 I hope to switch to working  on my Pastebin article.
  • Right now I don't know what I want to write about. I don't think its working that well for me to just go into the day and say “I want to try and consider what would be most useful for my dissertation and my AOIR paper
  • Practical things I can do
    • [ ] see what every mainstream platform says about Doxing
    • [ ] go through the databases and actually use the python script
    • [ ] timed writing exercise- options
      • [ ] why is it important to look at the materiality of doxing
      • [ ] how does one define what are the relevant materials to doxing?
      • [ ] how does doxing, pastebins, and politics of openness relate to each other
      • [ ] what can be said about what it means to misuse a technology through a case study of pastebins
      • [ ] why are pastebins important to internet history and platform studies
    • [ ] Read articles relevant and actively note take

 

Other to do

• respond to Schrock email
• check Kolektiva 3x
• Pay Esho
• Pick up books from the library (wednesday)
• Get the book Contagion online.
• Edit Khristina's photo
• Edit V photos
• Write Peppy a letter
• Write Grier a letter
• Go to the gym once, and work out from home once. I need to make this a habit.
• Finish a small blog write-up for ASM? Do I say that I work on that for an hour and nothing more? If I don't get it done this week, then it's not worth doing.
  • I told Robert I would do this. I want to set a good impression and follow through since I didn't follow through on thr summer reading group.
• i'd like to buy a mirror for my bedroom. I keep putting it off.
• mail out former tenants emails. I don't want to do this, but I need to.
• weed yard. Bring yard waste to Green Earth
• Take Cassie to the vet at 10am Monday
• Try to make time to do something creative. I put one of my guitars upstairs, and it's now lying out. I'm contemplating hanging it up on the wall to let me see it even more clearly.

 

I'm trying to think about how I can plan out without overwhelming myself. Should I plan things out for the week? I keep wanting to map it out physically on big paper to figure out what I need to do, but then I never actually make the time to buy the big paper and markers. My whiteboards got mold on them, and I need to make the time to buy new ones.

August 1-8 Reflection

I don't feel great about how much work I got done this week. I feel like I hit writers block multiple times. I also am PMSing and am feeling moody and generally out of it. I'll try, however, to focus on what I did get done this week.

What worked?

-making a list at night and in the morning of what I need to do -I found the time reading and writing about how to write to be helpful even though it didn't involve me producing words for my dissertation – the 10 minute timer for emails and texts (even though I don't do it every day). – Using a Thesaurus, especially power thesaurus. I also have downloaded a Thesaurus software in case I want to write without the internet turned on. -Taking one sentence and putting it in a separate word document to parse out how to make it better

What didn't work?

-Working in places on my laptop where I am in bad posture. I need to make sure I spend as little time as possible working where I am in poor posture. – Being at home too much: I have to limit how often I work from home. And when I do it needs to be on my PC and not on my laptop.

Goals

-setting reasonable goals for what I want to accomplish instead of just “writing.” I suppose sometimes that is the right choice but that didn't work well for me this week. – Walking my dog first thing in the morning. -Finding a reasonable small non school task/goal to do every day

Academic writing has always been challenging for me. The mental effort it requires ends up producing harsh self-criticism, and I've convinced myself that other graduate students write both faster and better than I do. To address this struggle, I've been examining the various factors contributing to my difficulties and negative feelings about writing, with the hopes that it may elucidate something that could help me in my “learning how to write” journey.

 

1. I took a large amount of time off between degrees: I went into a Masters program right after undergrad. My Masters as an MFA at an art school in Film, Video, New Media & Animation and my undergrad was at a private liberal arts school in Film Studies and Gender Studies. I then took almost 10 years off before starting a PhD program. I don't regret my time outside of academia. I partook in a range of jobs from a teacher, barista, freelance videographer, social worker, dog walker, etc. that gives me a lot of perspective on jobs than someone who has solely been inside the academy. Further I also appreciate my experience being at a range of higher education institutions. However, taking that time off meant that I was a lot rustier at academic writing compared to many peers of mine who took far less time off (or even none at all). During my Masters I wrote plenty of class essays, but getting an MFA at an art school does not give you the same experience and institutional knowledge than getting a Masters at an R1 school. Before starting my PhD program, I didn't even really know what an academic journal was or the methodological and theoretical differences between many academic fields and subfields. I didn't know that for someone to study media through quantitative means involves working off almost entirely different scholarship than someone who is, say, a film studies historian (—–) which sounds pretty embarrassing to write out now. The first 2 ½ years of my PhD felt like a masters —– learning the ropes about what academic research constitutes and how to navigate the system. Now, I finally feel like I more or less get how academia and research work. I also now finally have a sense of what “field” I want to be a part of (if I am able to get a job in academia at all...which is unlikely), but it took me 4 years to finally figure that out.

2. Mental health: I have ADHD, anxiety, depression, PTSD. The world is also on fire. I'm constantly questioning what even is the point of me being in grad school. I miss my friends. I miss having more hobbies and playing music and traveling. These things together are inhibiting.

3. Learning my limits and daily rhythms If I'm realistic with myself, unless I'm working on a strict deadline, I on average can only really write for 2-3 hours. Depending on my anxiety levels, sometimes it's more like an hour. If I am really in a flow mode I can get into more. When it comes to reading academic papers, I can probably do deep readings of texts uninterrupted anywhere between a meager 15 minutes to an hour (It really depends on how dry the writing is).
   I also have learned that I write best in the late morning and early afternoon, that I need to do something stimulating or “fun” before starting work, and that snacks and things to hold in my hand helps me too.

4. I generally have a very difficult time articulating myself. I have been that way since I was a kid. I often have described to friends and mental health clinicians that my brain feels like a theme park. I have a lot of competing thoughts that are all going on at the same time. They swirl and take shape in different ways. But the ideas are not thought-out sentences. They are sensory, abstract, and visual. I think very visually. There are things about what I'm writing about that I feel viscerally have something important to provide to scholarship, but I can't seem to articulate that in any formulaic manner. If I could submit a collage board and a video essay with fragmented thoughts for a dissertation I would.
   This has been worse in the past, particularly when I was struggling far worse mentally and having a lot of issues with obsessive intrusive thoughts. It has gotten a little better (as in the intrusive thoughts I get are just not as “sticky”) but it is still an accurate way to depict my brain. From what other people share with me about their brains, it does not seem like other people's brains run as fast as mine does. I wonder what writing would be like if I could just be capable of slowing down more. I wonder if I would be able to write and read for longer, and then have time to make art and music and read for fun if expending energy to just focus on one thing wasn't so exhausting.

5. I want to do everything I have so many things I want to do. Honestly I have too many things I want to do. Everything is interesting to me. Its not just that I want to make art, play in bands, and be a writer (which is already a lot) its that I want to make all different kinds of art, play in multiple bands, and write all different kinds of things. Instead I can barely do any of them; and certainly not well. Not only has it been hard for me to pick a specific niche field I want to write within, but even when addressing one topic within one methodological and theoretical framework. I can't seem to figure out how to narrow it down from there.

6. Challenging distorted thinking: The reality is that I do not know, empirically, if my writing perils are specific to me or if other graduate students feel similarly to me is. To be honest, I'm too scared to ask other graduate students how much they write in a day or how quickly they can finish an article or essay. I know it'll just lead to me comparing myself. What I do know from years of therapy is that I can't lean too much into this distorted fabricated story. It is very likely that writing is difficult for other graduate students. While there may be people who write much faster than me, there may also be people that struggle with it more than me.

7. Challenging distorted thinking pt 2 Nothing feels good enough: While I have written zines, a book chapter, and class papers as a bachelors and master student, I have only once been published through a peer-reviewed journal. It simultaneously was deeply gratifying and a phenomenal learning experience but also so incredibly difficult. It took me almost two years to finish it. I cried in the library multiple times and met with at least 6 people to have them look over my writing. I somehow finally submitted it. Months later I finally heard back. Even though I didn't get it accepted right out (instead it was a revise and resubmit), after receiving the email, I broke down crying while at the gym. What got me crying was mostly from the thoughtful feedback I received from the reviewers.. I didn't realize until later that Social Media & Society is a top academic journal in my field. Given my pessimism that I will be able to get a job in academia that journal article will probably amount to nothing. But if anything, I can see that as physical proof of the work I've been doing during my time at IU. I guess I need to just remind myself of that every once in a while.

Writing tips.

 

Paragraph structure:

• Topic Sentence (general sentence)
• Supporting Sentences
• Concluding statement (general sentence)

Questions:

• How does this paragraph relate to the one above?
• What is this paragraph saying that adds to my broader argument?
• How would I sum up this paragraph in one sentence?
• Am I building toward something?

 

Sentence structure:

• Express one clear idea
• Have a logical structure (subject → verb → object/modifier)
• Avoid redundancy or vagueness (don't say, “this issue”. What exactly is the issue?)
• Use subordination and coordination effectively (to combine ideas smoothly): How does sentence A relate to sentence B?
• A sentence should express one clear idea, have a logical structure (subject > verb > object/modifier), and use subordination and coordination effectively (aka combine ideas smoothly)
• Unless qualifiers are essential to nuance, cutting them strengthens the sentence. (go with a strong verb and add an adverb if really needed).
• Avoid “there is” “there are”: try and go with a stronger subject as it makes it more engaging.

 

Does this sentence say what I need to say in the simplest, strongest sense?

 

Other things to consider about sentences!

• Switch up sentence length
• Don't overdo em dashs, slashs, colons, but don't stray away from them either
• Use active voice when possible (means that the subject of the sentence performs the action of the verb, making the writing clearer and more direct.)

 

Avoiding Wordiness

this resource

Synonyms i've collected myself to avoid being wordy:

“Addressing the issues of”:

Engaging with the challenges of

Responding to concerns about

Confronting the problems associated with

Exploring the complexities of

Examining the implications of

Tackling the issues surrounding

Interrogating the conditions of

Analyzing the problems related to

Dealing with the matters of

Considering the issues of

Looking into the problems with

Handling concerns regarding

Approaching the question of

 

• a number of = several, numerous.
• came to a realization= realized
• at this point in time – now
• in spit of = despite
• close proximity = proximity
• in regards to = regarding
• in the absence of = without
• in the event that = if
• on the grounds that = because
• due to the fact that = given that, because
• has the ability to = can
• have to = must
• in a situation which = when
• on the grounds that = because, since, why
• there is a need/necessity for = must, should
• this is an example of = this is
• this is why = because, since, why
• this serves as a way to = this
• this shows that = thus, (delete)
• where X is concerned= about, concerning, regarding
• whether or not= whether
• in terms of = as
• the fact that = since
• in order to = to.
• it is important to note that = importantly (or leaving it out entirely)

 

Transition phrases:

To Add Information/ Build on a Point

• Furthermore,
• In addition to this,
• Moreover,
• Alongside this,
• This also suggests that…
• Building on this idea,
• This can be further seen in…
• Another dimension of this is…

To Show Contrast / Difference

• However,
• In contrast,
• Yet,
• While [X] emphasizes…, [Y] instead…
• On the other hand,
• Despite this,
• Whereas previous work assumes…, I argue…
• Nevertheless,

To Introduce Examples or Evidence

• For example,
• This is evident in…
• As seen in…
• One instance of this is…
• To illustrate this point,
• This can be observed in…
• Consider the case of…

To Show Interpretation / Meaning

• This suggests that…
• What this reveals is…
• This can be understood as…
• This reflects a broader pattern of…
• This raises questions about…
• More importantly,
• Underlying this is the assumption that…

To Explain Method or Structure

• In terms of methodology,
• To approach this question, I…
• I use [method] to…
• This paper draws on…
• My analysis is grounded in…
• I situate this within the framework of…
• This section will focus on…

To Introduce Background / Context

• Historically,
• In the context of…
• Since the early 2000s…
• This emerged alongside…
• As [scholar] notes,
• Within this framework,
• Over time,

To Shift Topics or Sections

• Turning now to…
• In the next section,
• This brings us to..
• Shifting focus to…
• Before moving forward, it’s important to consider…
• Now that we’ve established X, we can consider Y.

To Show Causality / Relationships

• As a result,
• Therefore,
• Because of this,
• This led to…
• Consequently,
• In response to this,
• This dynamic produces…

To Conclude / Summarize a Point

• In sum,
• To summarize,
• Overall,
• Taken together,
• In short,
• Ultimately,
• This highlights…
• This underscores the importance of…

Extend/same level:

and, similarly, likewise, in the same way that, moreover, also

Extend/summative:

then, thus, therefore, as a result, accordingly, in sum, in short

Exemplify/ explain

for example, for instance, because, that is why, for

Contradict

but, however, although, in spite of, despite, nonetheless, even as, even so, that said, while , whereas, at the same time

Restatement

in other words, that is, in short

Temporal/ narrative

after, before, until, eventually, in the long run, meanwhile

Deictic/logical

here, now, then, at this time

Lexical transition

using a word from the sentence before as a transition.

“interruption is detrimental to “the poetical”“”
option 1 for second sentence: By poetical I mean that...
option 2 “At this point, we need a theory of interruption”

Questions to ask when revising my notes

- How important is this topic, and to what end? - important to my field?
- to my dissertation?
- professionally?

  How much time do I want to a point I want to make?

7- its actually not important at all
6- I can write about it but in a different piece at a different time
5- Mention it in a footnote
4- Mention it in a sentence
3- Mention it in a paragraph
2- core point: Mention in multiple paragraphs
1- main point: several pages/ this is a bread and butter theme

• Is it a novel point? Has it already been written about? If so, how? What hasn't been written about yet?
• How does a side point work towards my main point?
• What are the empirical evidence that backs up my point?

This week turned out to be somewhat funky. I drove back from visiting my parents on Monday. Tuesday, I realized I left my laptop charger at my parents house and that there was mold growing in my basement (where I currently have my PC set up). I finally got my charger in the mail (thanks, Mom), but it did involve me not doing as much work as I wish I could. I also had a couple times this week when my anxiety was getting heightened which impacted my work stamina. 

what work did I do ?

-I organized prior notes and quotations for my Pastebin article.

-I read a relevant essay and took notes on it. 

-I had a meeting with my advisor.

-I had a meeting about the Cop City article that got rejected. I worked on that paper for about 45 minutes before the meeting.

-I tried revising my writings. I wasn't able to complete two polished paragraphs as I hoped, but I did make some headway. 

 

I've been taking notes on how to write better and then reflecting on my writing. Some things I've taken note of:

Paragraph flow: starting general to specific. what is this paragraph trying to get at?  Ask yourself: Does each sentence add new information? If not, can I combine or cut it?

Specificity: Where am I speaking too vague? How can I make it more specific?

-where am I repeating myself? 

-I made a list of transition phrases as well as replacement words for overly wordy phrases. 

 

Some reflections:

• The more I have written on the page the more it overwhelms me to revise it.
• Figuring out how to articulate myself just overwhelms me in general. I feel this way when I talk too. It's why I waffle so much when I speak and tend to go on tangents or add prefaces to talking. Its like I have so many ideas in my head that i don't know how to calm my brain down to get what I want to say in a succint way. 
• It's difficult to figure out how to be more articulate and specific if you still haven't fully figured out your thesis and are still doing research while you are writing.
• Presently, my desk set up (which is in our gross basement) isn't very ideal. I wish I could wake up with a post it note immediately on my forehead that overviewed what I'm trying to do that day. 
• I notice I focus better (and feel better generally) if I stick to a morning routine and start working at 10:30 to 11am. Unless I am having mental health or physical health things come up, I do my best if I work for 2-2:30 hours. However, I feel guilty for only working 2 hours a day.
• I need to have some kind of 'dopamine' boost in the morning. I tend to play a stupid video game for 45 minutes before I do that work. I have felt bad about that, but maybe I have to accept that I need some kind of chill/enjoyable activity before I work?