① My Social Media I have been writing a lot of meaningful reflection on Mastodon lately. The brevity of the 500 character limit frees me from perfectionist ambitions. It's a format designed for jots, idea notes. It's communication, if anyone cares to look, but it's not a commitment. If there's a miscommunication, and anyone asks for clarification — I might reply and sometimes conversations do happen — but the stakes feel so low. I like it. It's hard to explain with my pain-induced mind fog, but in one sense it's not disposable (whereas content put onto Meta-owned sites feels identical to throwing it away) because I can always link to it, search for it, and edit it, if I ever desire to refer, return, or revise past slapdash ideas. It feels perfect to me, like notes for future use with the added frisson that others can see it & comment if they like. It's low pressure. There's not even a commitment for those who wish to see the content (unlike some sites—I followed a recent referral to TikTok that I was prevented from viewing without joining). You can search for me within the fediverse @rmiddleton@mastodon.art or read my Mastodon posts at the public link mastodon.art/@RMiddleton. My Mastodon posts are also available as RSS or embedded on the home site of my humanist philosophy, humanissome.org. This month I added a short introduction to the fediverse to humanissome.org. The fediverse is instrumental in providing me a positive outlook on humanity. Social media does not only come in doomscroll.

② Other writings I'm not so great at putting ideas into words. In this blog post as example, To My Fellow Creatives & brain users, I have little confidence that my meaning gets across. That seems to happen with revelations. I am thinking that further adjustment in my thinking is required: I may have to trust readers more. The revelation in the above post is that I feel freed from greedily guarding my ideas. I feel more confident in my brain's ability to sort and recall. To me that's huge. I cannot know how it strikes others, so I think I ought to leave that part to you.

I've been developing my story. Planet B resides at a blog that is not dated. New posts are appended. The 2 most recent posts, written in the latter half of June, are School is For Life and Stories of Starling & Earthling. Nothing on the story blog is “ready for publication” yet there it is. I recently learned that the celebrated author with atrocious human values J. K. Rowling spent upwards of a decade developing her famous wizard books. That is inspiring. Sadly I never thought her books were well written so it might take me 2 decades! Or I can just put out whatever, as I'm doing now.

And here's an incomplete column on US politics, The left is actually doing pretty well, considering. I say the Left is doing well, considering, because dehumanization has the support of a centuries long, well-funded marketing campaign.

③ The Future I have not progressed as expected towards my dream of moving out of the country. I have barely filtered through my belongings, as can be seen in the linked video stream. When things aren't going well I find more success in altering my thinking than in trying to bifurcate myself into half taskmaster & half meekly obedient. I choose to say that I haven't progressed as expected (I considered saying as hoped) because as time passes I believe changing my expectations is what's necessary. In the linked video I say that I'm offering communication that's available to friends and relatives if they desire. While it's true I'm not communicating in conventional ways, I am not actually making connections, I am not reaching them where they are... I am communicating from where I am. These newsletters are another example. I don't expect anyone to read them, but they are available weekly, monthly, and quarterly. I have written to members of my family and to friends, in different ways. I am starting to see that the problem is me in a certain sense. I am thinking that me leaving home and saying take anything you want and do anything you want with the rest might be the best way. Because I am infirm. And turning to me to ask what do you want to do with this item over and over impedes progress. Me not being here would be the fastest way to empty my home of belongings, I think. So I am thinking that may be the best route forward.

By Rob Middleton who can be reached @RMiddleton@mastodon.art on Mastodon

The first draft of this update included a dialog between PessimistRob & WiseRob. Noticeably there's no place for an OptimistRob.

For decades, if pressed to name a favorite book my answer was Voltaire's Candide the full title of which is Candide, ou l'Optimisme. Optimism is the philosophy of the title character's mentor, Dr. Pangloss, who frequently asserts that ours is the best of all possible worlds. Roughly speaking that's what optimism means, the best possible while pessimism means the worst possible. If you do not know, Candide is satire. The events of the short novel do not support the premise that its characters are living in the best possible world. Constructing a philosophy around “best possible” or “worst possible” is so easy to refute. From my perspective the proper counter-balance to pessimism is not optimism but wisdom. Etymologically wisdom is a clear view of consequences; realism we might even say.

Nevertheless, happiness is mandatory

I regret to inform you that the above is a roundabout path to get back to a positive outlook. I can see why many might lose patience with me! I share my views because I have not seen others articulating my outlook. [a]

I believe that happiness, or more accurately feeling good, is a requirement of life.

So you see the problem is that my ambitions outstrip my energy. The problem & help is that I have given myself deadlines. Meeting a deadline pushes me to publish without improving the content. But like that tortoise I am moving however slowly. [3]

An available option that I'm embracing seems to be the exact opposite of improving my content. I'm spewing as many disjointed rough drafts as I can as the notes for future refining. It feels like the best I can do.

I'd love to offer an eloquent description of my feelings as I move forward with drastic changes. I think that would be great content. But the entire reason I'm moving is that I cannot function in the current setting. I am fleeing to save my (creative) life. It's a long shot hope. If you're interested, stay tuned. That's all I'm offering right now: Potential.

Links	• fellow Pee-Wee lovers check out Pee-Wee Herman Himself documentary on HBO • video satirizing the extreme marketing age we currently suffer through (why I live a nonprofit life) [4] • I've never seen a film quite like Alamar — Watch on Kanopy

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[a] More on this later, late-breaking realization of how to put into words why I share: it would make most sense for me to exchange my views based on experience with those closest to me {my family observations with family, my thoughts on community with my community, my whiteness thoughts with whites} but it happens that next to none of those with whom I most closely share time & space are open to my kind of examination. Obvs I can think that the problem is me! I'm choosing to uproot myself. & I share widely in hopes of finding folks. In lost audio from my most recent stream an hour ago I said that it would make most sense for me to share my family thoughts with family but my family isn't open to thought & that that's why I stream & why I might fashion my perspectives around fictional characters in hopes of A. exorcising them & B. maybe someone somewhere will relate, even if it's just futureMe. [1] The philosophy also relates to my humanissome project & the positive sci-fi story I dream of writing. The confusion of overlapping projects with unclear borders does not give me grief. Mostly I feel a single purpose. [2] The easiest past writing for me to refer to still is what I placed on my own websites in the 90s that I can access via Archive.org. (Support the Internet Archive! They are under attack & they are a wonderful resource.) I rarely review material that I collected in notebooks or that I uploaded onto closed-format corporate social media. [3] Some incomplete bits I'd like to add to the above: I am super-into the power of words as revealed in etymology. I've spent time meditating on happiness, fun, feeling good, satisfaction, and other word choices. Happiness is sort of a compromise. I do not mean escapism. More on this “in the book”! Lol. Happiness is Mandatory is an intentional, intentionally forceful word choice. Typically I do not like terminology that denies agency to the self. Many commonly used terms invoke servitude and coercion, subjugation and subordination. The word mandate is tarnished by its association with abuse by the powerful. The word itself is too perfect for me to let go. Mandate means put in one's hands. I do believe that happiness is mandatory. Returning the gift of optimism is partly a reference to a recurring conflict in my relationships. It's easiest to pin it on my boyfriend, because that relationship is most prominent at the moment. There are a great many interactions in my experience in which communication gets derailed or curtailed by the 2-sides fighting, optimist & pessimist, when what's needed is a wise realist. I've habitually expressed that “what I need is someone who'll listen.” And OK that may be true, but after so many decades of being alive I'm just now deciding to work on what I can do positively when I'm not getting what I need. Because I have relationships with many loving people and it's still difficult for me to feel affection, trust, and support. Rather that waiting for a unicorn who always responds as I desire, what can I do to change myself for the better in appreciating each relationship as is? So, to return to my boyfriend: I know that when I express fear and doubt he is going to reply with enthusiasm and optimism. I can't talk him out of that. Should I? Should I want to? Even though enthusiastic optimism strikes me as facile, unrealistic, and feels like disregard of my emotions in those situations... the best question for me to ask myself is not how do I get my boyfriend to respond differently? but how can I grow? I control me & no one else. What do I want out of these interactions? What do I want from relationships? Honestly I do not know yet. But those are where I want to put my energy instead of disappointment in others. [4] Weirdly I had another link on the same theme that will not display correctly no matter how many different ways I try to share it. I'm at a loss so I took it out. It looks fine in the draft version of this post

By Rob Middleton who can be reached @RMiddleton@mastodon.art on Mastodon

What is a monthly perspective? ⚬ Looking 2 weeks back & 2 weeks ahead ⚬ Reflecting on the previous 4 weeks & upcoming 4 weeks ⚬ Describing the current calendar month's activities (April) ⚬ Describing the current month's activities, comparing to the previous month & anticipating the upcoming month (3 months of info)

I'm not sure, but here it is anyway.

What's going on this month I launched this, along with a weekly and quarterly update. The purpose is to maintain and strengthen connections as I work to mend social unraveling & as I anticipate physical distance. I've been social distancing since 2020 for sure. I never recovered from Covid (specifically the politicization of public health). Looking forward I anticipate moving away from where I've lived for decades. I know that I can't count on corporations to keep me connected so I'm creating sites that are under my control.

I expect to move by the end of 2025 so I created a new site displaying available paintings at sale prices, Rartsy.com.

I got to spend a day with Bankie, the pictured pup. We took a nice walk on a sunny but cool day & played fetch with his stuffed toys. And of course we cuddled. He's a great cuddler.

On my preferred social media hangout [1] I participate in a discussion group for artists & writers. Some of the questions inspire meaningful reflection and the supportive community uplifts me. Recently they asked for us to offer song lyrics that resonate and that prompted me to recall how I utilize 2 lines pulled from random songs {“Everybody wants the same thing” & “There is no right or wrong”} in developing my humanissome philosophy. See Resonant Song Lyrics for that reflection. To see where I answer these types of questions every day you can check out my public feed at https://mastodon.art/@RMiddleton or you can visit another new URL I've purchased [2] where I embed my Mastodon posts & my live video stream, humanissome.org.

I own 2 URLs for my 2 types of work, visual art & my spiritual journey. Everything I do is interrelated, but it also feels good to have a place for each. Currently they both redirect to pages within the same free site (humanissome.neocities.org). Sometimes I dream of someone else selling my art (since I hate marketing) & in that case they could use the Rartsy.com address while I use the dot-org for my spiritual humanism. I prefer to put content up on free sites anyway, while the domain names serve as shortcut bookmarks to get there.

See here for more about acquiring paintings & other ways to support me.

Thanks for reading. There are multiple ways to follow this monthly update, depending on your delivery preference:

• Visit this URL: https://paper.wf/rmiddleton/
• Request email newsletter: send email to me at big.changes.in2025🥰icloud.com [replace 🥰 emoji with @] & ask for monthly email
• Follow within the fediverse: @rmiddleton@paper.wf
• Subscribe to RSS: https://paper.wf/rmiddleton/feed

See you next month! Rob

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[1] I'm an enthusiastic fediverse & Mastodon user. If you happen to prefer BlueSky, you can still follow what I post on Mastodon from within BlueSky. See: https://bsky.app/profile/RMiddleton.mastodon.art.ap.brid.gy

[2] Thanks to a patron's gift 🙏🏼 when I reached out for funding specifically designated for web restructuring.

By Rob Middleton who can be reached @RMiddleton@mastodon.art on Mastodon

If you're not me I don't expect you to understand. If you don't understand then you might disagree. Not understanding and rejecting often travel together. That's the world as it is now, barreling towards destruction.

My obstacles happen to be {a particular subset that I'm too tired to enumerate again} while others have their own unique struggles. It is well known that not everyone makes it in this world. The message I get, the message I expect that many on a downward trajectory have received, is to try harder with a good attitude in order to improve. But I'm not doing well enough to get better.

I have many ideas of ways that I could be helped, but my ideas are fantasy. I don't think I know anyone in a position to help me. That would be very complicated to explain. Short version: my society isn't doing well enough to get better. The ways that I can imagine that would help me are beyond the capacity of the world that I know. Things like a freely provided healthcare advocate without emotional dependence on their patients. Or, closer to this reality but still out of reach, a friend who enjoys my company even when I'm miserable, willing to help me achieve my goals. People try, they get drained, my sickness spreads. Or people substitute their judgment for mine, as humans like to do, and I must trade my agency for help.

I'm tired. I'm in nonstop pain. I'm not doing well enough to get better.

See also: April 11 I can't function · April 13 Sunny pessimism

By Rob Middleton who can be reached @RMiddleton@mastodon.art on Mastodon

By Rob Middleton who can be reached @RMiddleton@mastodon.art on Mastodon

The New York Times [1], citing a police [1] source, reported that Thompson had “recently received several threats.” The paper added that executives at “health care companies often receive threats because the nature of their work.”

Gee, I wonder why that would be.

“It appears as though this was a targeted murder,” Mayor Eric Adams [1] said.

How is that guy still mayor?!

In Midtown, meanwhile, Adams insisted that New Yorkers and tourists should continue to go about their day as usual. He said the scheduled lighting of the Christmas tree at Rockefeller [1] Center—mere blocks away—will still go on as planned Wednesday night.

The assailant poses no threat to daily life. [2]

“This is a horrifying and shocking act of violence,” said Sen. Amy Klobuchar. [3] “My thoughts are with Brian Thompson’s family and loved ones and all those working at United Healthcare in Minnesota.”

Quotes from The Daily Beast [4], https://www.thedailybeast.com/slain-unitedhealthcare-ceo-brian-thompsons-wife-says-he-had-been-receiving-threats-over-insurance-woes/

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[1] corrupt

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[2] unlike the for-profit healthcare system that does pose a threat to the daily life of millions

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[3] likely corrupt I would vote for Amy Klobuchar if I lived in her state but the fact that the "left" in the US Senate is not fighting every day for free public health care is a tragedy, a tragedy much bigger even than the death of one person. The inability to achieve equity via electoral politics will necessarily lead to some who resort to violence. I hate all violence and I recognize fair democracy as a safeguard against it. We have nothing close to free and fair democracy in the USA.

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[4] likely corrupt For-profit news is a threat to the public good.

By Rob Middleton who can be reached @RMiddleton@mastodon.art on Mastodon

Who are the Van Vlecks? I have no idea. Their names sit in many places of honor at the museum that's closest to home. I am aggressively anti-capitalist, a true believer that the love of money is the root of all evil (the love of acquisition for its sake). I despise all manipulative marketing. The charity industrial complex is an impediment to progress. So yeah, those are my beliefs. So yeah, by the time I saw the name Van Vleck on the umpteenth inscribed surface umpteen times each, I began to think: Fuck the Van Vlecks! What would I have to pay for them to engrave that message on a brick?

Thus Fuck the Van Vlecks became an expression I use whenever I think about the astronomical benefit to humanity it would be if we would all STOP FELLATING THE WEALTHY.

By Rob Middleton who can be reached @RMiddleton@mastodon.art on Mastodon

As part of my mental management in recent years I pay careful attention to what goes in my brain. I do not permit careless blatherers to have access to my brain. This prohibition excludes most news organizations, commercial speech, hype for clicks, pointless arguers, Republicans, etc. Many good folks use social media for emotional venting. I certainly do. I'm rearranging what shows in my feeds so that I get what I want to see. For me, I don't have time to read and learn what improves my soul if I'm breathlessly following every bad thing done by the people I already know are very bad.

By Rob Middleton who can be reached @RMiddleton@mastodon.art on Mastodon

The abused become perpetrators Without extraordinary effort And to improve is to ostracize oneself

The culture is whiteness The lies are that whiteness exists, that white existence is superior to all other human existence, that America is exceptional (in a good way), that America has ever been more good than bad, that America believes in liberty and justice for all. There are so many lies. The cognitive dissonance is so intense that it causes widespread dysfunction. The cognitive dissonance must either be reckoned with or avoided with great effort. The cognitive dissonance is so strong that avoiding it requires epidemics of drugs, drunkenness, overeating, overspending, waste, violence, sleeplessness, conspiracies and other nonsensical beliefs, and so much more. America is by far the worst nation on a range of issues, and it's much much worse when taking our wealth into account. The current most widespread avoidance technique is never thinking at all. None of these coping strategies result in peace of mind but they do enable the state of cognitive dissonance to continue rather than it being faced and overcome. The cognitive dissonance causes learned helplessness because brains do not work well under the above conditions. Being able to make decisions, knowing what one wants, clear perceptions — all are impaired.

This is the standard status of a majority of my fellow white Americans, in my opinion. I do not speak to the rest of the population because I am not sufficiently familiar with nonwhiteness. Based on voting alone I'm gonna say that other groups are doing their best and the problem is with my fellow white folk. These feelings that I have as an insider raised in affluent white Christian America are why I have no hope for humanity.

Prove me wrong. Please.

By Rob Middleton who can be reached @RMiddleton@mastodon.art on Mastodon

white goodness is to be in eternal conflict throw it off do good, be good, feel good where does that lead my heart? i know this: I must love what I do not like I must love my existence despite it coming out of what I hate paradox compossibility

paradox is more emphasis on conflict; compossibility = 2 things coexist those 2 things? i love my family of origin / they are bad i thought i was going to write a list but doesn't everything flow from that?

By Rob Middleton who can be reached @RMiddleton@mastodon.art on Mastodon