yes

Daily writing practice

2022/3/26 Radiating heat feels warmer than ambient heat. I said this seems to be true and got told, no, actually that's a fact. I talked about lack of ability to cool as the primary cause of the sensation of heat. I mused on the regulation and sensing that is required and how just some very little amount of warm, covered skin can throw it off. I said it was too bad that we are accustomed to clothes. I thought about how small the range of comfortable and survivable temperatures are and how wide the ranges of temperatures in the environment are. I radiated heat off into my room.

2022/3/25 #poetry I'd go and check it out but I'm scared. I heard there was a giant bear. Man eater they say. With a tiger in its mouth. Big one. With poison fangs. The tiger that is. And it can see you from miles away. So it can prepare. Get into a good hiding place. And ambush you. You never see 'em coming. No one's ever seen 'em. And no one's lived to tell about it. That's what they say anyway. I'd go and check it out but I'm scared. I heard that the sea there is treacherous. That it is always churning. Violently. Some say there are whirlpools every 100 feet in every direction. Deep ones. And that the rain falls up there. Out and up from the soupiest thickest cloud that you ever laid eyes on. Sitting right there on the the surface of the water. Would be called fog 'cept the rain comin' out of it makes it a cloud. Can't see more than an inch in front a ya. Can't hear neither. The wind sucks the words right out of your ears. And mouth. Sneaky wind. Spinnin' around and going in every direction. Nothing you can sail with. Tears your cloth to ribbons. Also got told the water is sulphurous. Burns your skin right off. Nothing lives in it. Seizes up your propeller if you bring one. Melts your oars. Smells right awful too. No one who's gone in there makes it back. That's what they say anyway.

2022/3/24 Last night I woke up a bit after 3 and grabbed what I assume to be a spider off my forehead. I didn't know what it was or that it was alive or an animal when I rolled over and turned on the new lightbulb next to my bed for inspection. The lightbulb is not bright enough to see much by, really more for decoration, so I had no luck identifying what I held, just black shadow between my fingers. I figured that I would bring it closer to the light source and open my fingers so the light would be directly on it but at just a slight opening of my fingers the bug leapt out onto the floor and rushed off into the darkness. Shadow into shadow. I turned on a real light and looked around but didn't catch sight of anything so I can only assume that I held a spider.

2022/3/23 “How's it going?” “I don't think you mean to get into that with me. If you really want to know we can talk about it later.” “Oh...Something wrong?” “You kind of don't have time to hear me out on this right now, and neither do I. Lord knows it'd be good for me to talk about it but that'd have to be another time.” “Sorry I... uh, it's really long?” “Not necessarily, but for most people it requires a lot of explanation since they have preconceptions that are incorrect or are otherwise ignorant of the implications.” “I, don't know if I can make time later.” “I don't need you to, that's just the honest answer to the question you asked.” “S-Sorry.” “Don't worry about it. How are you?”

2022/3/22 #poetry I've ridden this roller coaster before Not a big fan of the ups and downs Everyone tells me that I'm special special special But I can't make them stick around One day their here and another their gone My heart's gotten used to the pain Rather than ride on this coaster again I'd much prefer a long steady train Knowing this person will be here to stay Would certainly help me along I could enjoy some happier days I'd no longer be singing this song Everyone knows what it's like to be held Most know too what it's like to be dropped Even if we've been through some heavy things Our longings can never be stopped Looking out for someone that is true Willing to risk hurt again I know that if I hold strong to my dream I'll find my inseparable friend

2022/3/21 #poetry Sometimes I think that this is not a poem, this is not insightful, I don't even know why I'm doing this. Then I make a couple typos and I wonder what you get when you combine ding and dong. Doing, or a doorbell? Now, that doesn't make my activity any more insightful or poetic, but it does distract from a simple elucidation of current experience. Some days it gets good, some days it's all right, some days it's like blowing bubbles in mud. Fun, but not something you want anyone to see you do. And some days it just seems like it won't happen. Not even up to entertaining myself. It's all I can do to be grateful that I like using the writing tools.

2022/3/20 It could be a good feeling, that is kind of how it goes, the sensation is just a signal and we interpret it in a positive or negative way. This one is pretty subtle, I'm thinking of it as bad, really bad because it could mean a very bad outcome, getting much worse before it gets better, if it gets better, but it could be good in a different context. It could be even in a negative sense simply less bad than just before. If I was in great pain yesterday and today I'm in slight pain I think I'm doing pretty well. I can be happy about it. Diminished pleasure can feel bad too. Accounting for this doesn't make it easy to interpret all things in a nice way. It can help bring things into perspective though.

2022/3/19 #poetry When all the noises really stop, it becomes apparent how loud you are. The scratch of fabric when you move. Your breath. Your heartbeat. Noises!

2022/3/18 #poetry Tomorrow might be brighter, it's true, but at some point things have gotten so bright it hurts and after that any brighter things get makes things worse not better. Searing brightness. On the other hand, darkness just goes one way, and while metaphorically things can always get darker, on a physical level it can only get so dark before darkness is complete.

2022/3/17 #poetry Arrangements have been made for a longer day of work than I've ever attempted before. If it goes really well I'd be decently surprised my expectations are poor. I think it will be tough and exhausting to boot I doubt I will be asking for more. At the same time, with the plans that we have, it will certainly lessen the chore.