yes — Paper.wf

2021/6/9 #poetry Everything you need, right where you need it. That's the dream. Ice cream, custard, in a cup. How do you know when you've had enough? Like a child who will eat candy until they throw up. I have an infinite stapler. I think that it is a good thing to have. It can't staple as many sheets together but it can go forever. So there. Maybe I should get out more often. It's not easy to pull myself away. Like a bandaid. It's better if I do it fast. I wonder how long it's been since I took out the trash... Slipshod and slapdash. Yesterday I got some cash for a cable, because I was able. Oh, and I had a wonderful time on a table, massaged by two women who are very capable. If I'm frank I think I took a trip to another dimension. Took awhile to get there but then off I went! Took awhile to come back too. Now THAT is something I should do more often.

2021/6/8 #poetry Well, it finally happened. The curtain hanging out the neighbors window, in strips and tattered threads, was brought in. What does it mean? For years the curtain has been trapped outside, the mold stained window closed on it. Rain seeping in to color the bottom of the interior portion through capillary action. Recently, crows have been tearing at it as it flittered in the wind. I would look on and think that in a few years it will have dissolved away; crows, rain, sun, and wind eroding it to the last. Now the stained curtain is still displayed inside the window, and the wall below is colored dark with grime and growth from where the curtain lay, but the sight of a decomposing fabric, the frayed flag flying as a reminder of universal decay, is no longer there. The memento mori gone, the city seems a might less derelict. Did the owner wake up to their squalor? Did they die to have their mess cleaned up by someone else? Perhaps they just had a concerned visitor? Maybe the window needed to be opened to clear out some smoke. I doubt I'll find out.

2021/6/7 #poetry Coordination, quite a complexity. So many pieces, so many points. Considerations, attempts to capture everything. Anything overlooked? Won't know until it's over. How about conflicts? Breakdowns? Changes of circumstance? Is planning even possible? Seems amazing that it ever works. I'll take the chance and spend the effort. What else can I do? Keeping the goal in mind and adjusting as needed to stay moving to the target is the only way. Even giving up or in is a goal, fulfilled one step at a time. One day, perhaps, goalless, planless living can be my way. The skill of thinking only ever of the present point of action is a prerequisite. Working on it.

2021/6/6 #poetry Steps to producing writers block: Write a sentence. Tell yourself it's a bad sentence. Delete the sentence. Write another sentence. Shake your head and think that this sentence is no good. Delete the sentence. Write another sentence. Stare at the sentence. Read the sentence and then grumble in disgust. Delete the sentence. Write the first sentence again. Decide that it still won't work. Delete the sentence. Think that there's nothing for you to write. Think about other things that would be a better use of your time than staring at the screen and waiting. Think about how much easier it is to type words than it is to compose them. Start a sentence. Bemoan that you can't finish the sentence. Give up and go do something else.

2021/6/5 #poetry Inspiration can feel so so very strong. Love expression interest clarity concentration. It means to breathe in, and it is within that it stays centered. It expands, and encompasses from there, within. When it hits as such a powerful wave, becoming lost in it, swept away, is hard to avoid. Who would want to? Avoid a balloon ride, the chance to fly? Be buoyed up above the din of petty concerns over, well, everything else and bask in the shining sun. Say no? Not likely.

2021/6/4 #poetry Perhaps my instincts were right. I should have avoided the fight. We could have waited until it was light. Not get nuts in the dead of the night. Man that punch sure had a bite. I guess it just must be my plight. I got hit but I did alright. With my fists balled up so very tight. Wasn't long, you might say it was trite. Then they ran off way out of sight.

2021/6/3 How to be immortal – I watched a pointless, gross, and violent anime miniseries about an immortal woman. I don't recommend it but there was one idea that was illustrated that really struck me. She was usually able to remember that she was immortal but sometimes she forgot. When she forgot she would feel afraid and the need to work for money to survive so she got a job that she didn't really like with a mean boss and lots of stress and boredom. When she was aware that she was immortal she would do work that she really wanted to do and worked for herself. If you are to be immortal there are some things that you must take care of. You'll need to make arrangements to clean and organize your psyche regularly because if you just collect information and experiences for centuries without organizing, processing, and discarding, you'll have an overload of unnecessary info and emotional garbage getting in the way of what would be useful to you. Here are some guidelines: – You must process everything Every memory must be dealt with and processed until it is able to be used or let go if needed. Unprocessed trauma or information overload will make it difficult to function. Generally, if you live somewhere with more than 400 people or are traveling you'll find that there are more things going on than you can account for and understand as they come at you. If you live with 10 people in a stable ecological niche and don't go anywhere or have visitors or any sort of media then perhaps the inputs from your senses will all be able to be processed in real time when you are fully grown and not actively learning any new skill. We'll assume that that is not the case and that you have more activity surrounding you than bandwidth to take it in and what you do take in is more than you can focus on and respond to as it comes. Some way to process it when away from activity must be used. Meditation, conversation, cognitive or somatic therapy, deeply thinking on it, dream work, or any other tool set might be used. – You must forget everything If you don't forget you'll find that eventually you don't have room for more. Good organization can help with making better use of the memory available to you but eventually you'll have to let things go if you want to continue to function. Even over the span of a mere decade, if you don't reduce the fidelity of your memories and collate them so that similar experiences and ideas can make use of the same references you'll find that reviewing and finding memories takes too long, that you loose the ability to prioritize and make some memories more meaningful than others if you always make sure to have accurate and full replays of every event without distinction. Unprocessed memories are harder to discard. Eventually, when the world around you has no relation to the one from your past, you'll not have need of any of the memories from then. Fresher memories of walking, chewing and other basic body functions can be used and the longer past ones let go, if your body is still at all similar to the one you had that is. – You must renew and start over so that you can forget and experience novelty You'll need to seek out other places and styles of living so that you can actively disconnect old memories from your present life and let ancient memories go. New language, new environment, new customs, new people, new philosophy, new interests, new music, new foods, new everything. – You must take care of the world or at least not create a bad situation for yourself in the future If you start wars and totalitarian regimes where bad things are done to people and threats are destroyed or imprisoned, you are setting yourself up for some negative experiences. You may one day find yourself at the wrong end of the power structures you built. It would make sense for you to spend your effort on creating a better place to live since you'll be living in it. Teach kindness and respect. Enforce freedom. Push the boundaries of understanding and inclusive humanitarianism. Reduce suffering. If nothing else at least don't fund warlords or become one yourself, it'll come back to bite you. The same goes for monopolistic enterprises. – You must learn to be happy and to be ok with not being happy Situations will change. Long stretches of stability may happen but they won't be forever. You need to understand how to be ok with change and adaptable to different circumstances. You would do well to understand how to find contentment regardless of external events. Sometimes major upsets will occur. You might try to numb yourself but then what's the point of continuing. Better to be at peace with the negative as well as the positive. Train for a positive baseline, thought processes that trend toward nice feelings and are resilient with and recover from negative feelings. – You must remember that you are immortal Sometimes it might be really boring. The lack of pressure from time or physical need can be demotivating. Getting those back may seem like a fun and exciting idea for a moment. There are ways that you could brainwash yourself into the belief that you are mortal. It is a dangerous game and I advise you not to play. Unless you can somehow be assured that you will be reminded or rediscover your immortality you could find yourself in many negative situations. Once you let go of the assurance and safety of the knowledge that you can not die you might be convince to do any horrendous thing. There really isn't a way to ensure you will remember. You could always be convinced of some new derivation of being long lived, preserved, copied, virtualized, new with old memories implanted, or otherwise still alive but still fragile. Even if you know you will live for a million more years you could be afraid of being imprisoned for that time and coerced into action that you don't yourself think good. You should strive to maintain the knowledge that you are immortal. Refresh it regularly, and let go of the oldest memories pertaining to it perhaps, but don't let it go altogether. – You must not let yourself be controlled You are powerful. If you let another use that power without your discernment you may not like the consequences. You'll be around to experience them. There are other ways of coercion besides fear of death or loss of years of life in confinement. If you start to cede your power it becomes a slippery slope to get it back and all too easy to find yourself with much less leverage than you thought you had. At some point you might be convinced to give up your power entirely, becoming a permanent slave to some system or family. You would have to give the first bit of your self control away to begin with or none could ever get the leverage to coerce you further. If you feel a need to escape confinement, or protect a love, a principle, a treasure, a technology, then you open yourself up to control. This is not to say that you shouldn't connect or align yourself with anything or anyone, just remember to asses what you are giving to that idea and always be ready to cut it off if the future of that connection is untenable or under too large a threat. You will outlast it all so maintain what is most important first, your self command.

2021/6/2 “Only this one time, OK?” “Of course!” “Alright, go.” “The light shone off the top of the puddle as if it were a silver blade polished to unblemished smoothness. She threw the stone in, scattering the light and shattering the reflection. Unlike the expected return to stillness, the puddle remained in frenetic chaos as it folded and congealed itself around the stone.” “I see it.” “She quickly stepped back as it began to rise up away from the impression in the ground it had been filling. The mass was about the same shape as the stone but about fifty times larger and it was starting to modify its surface to match the stone as well. The color was still that of a mud-puddle. It reflected tones around it in rapidly shifting shades of brown and grey as it continued to change shape. The flitting movement slowed as it settled into a replication of the stone. Once the surface had seemed to cease moving the colors flowed over its surface for a few seconds until it had matched that of the stone but in the inverse. “She looked at it, waiting to see if the transformation was complete. Rotating, ever so slowly, the massive stone was otherwise still. She swayed forward, almost tripping when her foot didn't leave the ground as intended. She again attempted to step toward it and this time her foot dislodged from its nest in the grass but then hovered in the air. She slowly, hesitantly, put it down just in front of where it had been. She checked herself. She knew what she was going to do and that she was doing it now and would not do anything else before this was complete. What was preventing her from taking action? It was a tense moment to be sure, plenty of reasons to be overcautious. She would just have to push through that. Focus on the goal and breathe. Act to the best of her knowledge and accept that that would have to be enough. If something unexpected came up she would have to deal with it then, not before. “Closing the distance between her and the stone she took one last deep breath and bent forward, pulling her hair back out of the way with both hands, and pushed her forehead into the object.” “Urhmf...” “It moved again, more quickly than before. Its surface bulging out in every direction. As she confidently and calmly righted herself the material remained attached to her forehead and trailed back to the main mass in a long snaking cord. The mass seemed to move up the cord, pouring itself into her head, the main body shrinking as the cord thickened and it flowed in. In less than a minute the whole shape was an elongated cone, point in between her eyes, and rapidly disappearing. In another half a minute as the last dollop of material slid into her head, she let out a forceful breath, suddenly realizing that she had been clenching and only inhaling shallow sips.” “Argrgrrrahh!... Huuhh.” “That's it! That's the stone! You /can/ pull things out of peoples memories!” “The story has to be well told. You...aren't bad.” “This is incredible! Unbelievable! wowww... Why does the story have to have it disappear into their head? Be inverse? Couldn't I just have told my actual memory of me with the thing?” “I'm tired.” “That felt weird, not like I was telling a story, it's almost like I was there and here at the same time.” “...” “OK, you're tired, I get it.”

2021/6/1 #poetry I have a few minutes to tell you about my incredible, amazing, wonderful, fabulous, thrilling, fantastic, superb, dazzling, stupendous, magical, magnificent, unbelievable, awesome, impressive, astonishing, extraordinary, miraculous, astounding, stunning, remarkable, exceptional, tremendous, splendid, marvelous, sensational, terrific, spectacular, momentous, outstanding, arresting, phenomenal, special, fascinating, eventful, striking... ...oh, out of time. Remind me, ok?

2021/5/31 #poetry Most of the time I'm awake and alive I feel good, I'd say, overall Getting sick really takes the fun away The extra pep, the vibrance and keen interest, is dulled The simple joy of just existing is dampened The glint and sparkle of all the wonderful things becomes a harsh shine Being forced to turn inwards is not all bad Having a break to focus on self-care is really nice Spending time doing nothing can't be overvalued. The best I ever feel is after I get better That contrast does wonders I'm not interested in getting sick But if I can't avoid it entirely I do hope I can appreciate it when I do