How To Be

Introduction The imagined roots of this project extend deep into my past. I am writing this in 2023. I am editing this in January 2024. My first experience with debilitating depression was in 1991. (Well... that was the first time as an adult. I will dig deeper into childhood eventually.) I began regular therapy and picked up a few diagnoses. I changed how I saw myself, and I have continued to change how I see myself.

In Netflix's animation of depression Bojack Horseman, the character Diane wants to channel all her past mental struggles into a written work that justifies it (wc). [1] That's what this is for me. Or that's what it was in the 1990s when I planted those imagined roots. That project was to be titled How To Be Depressed: A Self-Help Memoir. Nowadays I do not identify as depressed. This project is tentatively How To Be, divided into two parts: How To Be Depressed & How To Be Happy.

We'll see!

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Endnotes
1. (wc) I have decided to keep things moving by not lingering over word choices. When I find myself stuck on particular phrasing for too long I'm going to insert (wc) and keep writing. Later I can search for the wc's to replace.

I'm sure that there are other ways to arrive at being depressed. The following is what worked for me.

In this section I plan to—without getting too morose—explore the circumstances and dysfunctional thoughts that I perceive as causing emotional difficulties. Topics that may be covered include family, religious upbringing, conservatism, sexuality, the state of upper middle class US whiteness, education, employment, alienation, and health care.

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※ — below this symbol I keep scraps removed, not yet committed to, etc.

obstructed my contributed to the mental health

mid 2024 thoughts on how I can increase the benefits and reduce the harms of being online

Terms to consider: Communicate Social Media Immediate Reply guys Terminally online Algorithm AI

I am social, part of society. I cannot deny that. The food I just ate, the electricity and internet I’m using, the dwelling I’m within, the monthly $60 from patrons that was deposited today—social multipliers that expand my brief existence beyond my own capabilities.

Society depends on communication. Communicate = to share, to make common. I feel it says something about the centrality of human communications that a simple word meaning between comes to be the collective noun for methods of communication between humans. Media is the force multiplier in communications. Immediate naturally means with nothing between, as in “not one moment nor thought came between something happening and being shared and being commented on.” Immediacy in media may be harmful to me, I have found: The 24/7 breaking news story with no facts. Every single human tragedy worldwide live-streamed into my psyche. Limitless distraction and entertainment. It’s easy for me to become overloaded by all these and more.

Immediacy in social media can take a form some call reply guys, quick to use up your bandwidth, attention, and time without engaging you openly. Terminally online is a related term for those whose desire for communication begins and ends online. The discourse, the memes, the one-liners are fast-paced and addictive. Who needs the real world? “Touch grass,” some say — though isn’t that a terminally-online style of response? I have great news, fortunately. There are no such people as reply guys and the terminally online. Every human being is more than what they put on the internet. Oh good, but what about the non-human forces online?

The question to ask about algorithms and AI is what is their purpose? What need or want are they fulfilling? Do the benefits justify the costs? Media is a force multiplier in human communications; algorithms and AI are force multipliers in media. Currently these powers are hoarded and they are being employed for financial gain without ethics. That sucks and I hate it. Lack of trust and sincerity in communications erodes the foundation of human society. We are seeing that clearly. In very few words here I have shown how simple and vital these connections are. We are on a fatal path.

How can I be online? I’m avoiding algorithms and AI by spending my time in the fediverse and utilizing as much free and open-source media as I can. I remove nearly all advertising from my awareness. These priorities divide me from much of society. I pay for zero streaming services, video or audio. My internet access provides me with free Max. With my public library I have access to more media than I will ever consume. The includes books, the best form of non-immediate media I know. Reading books I feel my mind strengthen. It’s a sharp contrast to the dysfunctional spiral I experience by ingesting for-profit media’s overwhelming distractions.

I like the places I hang. There’s such a trove of excellent media off the beaten path. Here are a few musical sources I enjoy (I believe all are either ad-free or the ads are not in English):

• radiofreefedi.net
• www.nts.live/infinite-mixtapes/expansions
• mkmradio.com
• player.48fm.com

All is not perfect, of course. The social and immediate aspects of being online invite imbalance. I imagine asking a helpful AI: Please construct an algorithm that enables me to interact with those open to lengthy discussion on topic {y}. When I share posts I could designate “show to everyone” or “only show to cogitators”! What a wonderful dream!