RiverXerces

22 03 20 [10:00]

I'm having to really suppress my desire to add a violently shaking duck to this. Maybe it should just be my signature or something. We will see. I'll try not to focus on it too much at the moment. I have not gotten the best sleep these past couple days. I should really focus on going to sleep for the next couple.

I'm currently sitting here typing this with a cup of coffee at my side and a debate regarding the modern Christmas holiday on in the background. One debater is wearing a loaf of bread on her head. She speaks more sense than the rest from my perspective. One of them, I can't hear without this actor from Breaking Bad popping into my head. [Badger, Matt Jones]Badger from Breaking Bad

I'm not going to really type much more right now. I want to set this up so I can make images show on hovering over a sort of reference.

22 03 19 [09:10]

I ate too much ice cream and spicy nuts last night. I'm definitely paying for it more than I thought I would. My insides desire to be my outsides.

22 03 18 [20:50]

I vaped some THC earlier, probably a couple of hours ago. I feel pretty chill. I've been listening to Deca[1]; I almost forgot how much I liked getting things done to it. I'm reading some essays on Anarchistic things because I don't know much about it and want to learn what it really means as a philosophy. It's slow going but I think it's worth it.

My day went surprisingly well. I refrained from binging on food which is good as I don't know if I'd have enough for the week if I did. I did last week for a few days... and the week before. I end up not having food for a day or so. It's not ideal. I'm trying to keep a steady, healthy diet going.

Mickey did pretty well. We got a couple miles in, did some puzzles, played, etc. It's hard to give him enough stimulation and exercise because he has no yard to run in at the moment, due to a situation involving my father's teenage friend-who-won't-talk-to-him-now's cat kept back there until he finds a different home? Regardless, he's having a hard time-- my dog that is, Mickey. He's a bit depressed and the best thing that seems to happen to him now outside of walks in the forest :/ (great but it gets old when you go every ~1.5-2 hours, even for him) is food. He wasn't like that until I've not been able to let him run around. It'll pass, though.

I got a bit done with a top down shooter I was working on and then just started a new project that I haven't put anything into yet. But I didn't like it anyways to be perfectly honest. I liked how far I was able to go for sure. The project got pretty big and I'm learning how to better handle it. I'm simultaneously unlearning what I've learned from other people on the internet. I got some bad advice for managing a project. Great advice for a project with 5 scripts and 1 tile sheet asset. I'll go further on this next one. I've been alternating between 2D and 3D projects and this one will be 3D, so I get to design some models and 3D textures. I'm not so excited about the 3D textures but I definitely need some practice.

So I've noticed these past few days that a soft hit from my THC makes reading and writing a great deal easier. I'm not confident that it's as cohesive, chronological, or nonrepetitive as normal, but I'm not confident it isn't either. I have an easier time writing directly what's in my head, I think. I don't stop as often.

1. The Way Through from Deca [bandcamp]

22 18 March [1145]

I woke up quite motivated in contrast to recent days.

I drove to two different stores to buy some coffee filters and incense. Neither could wait apparently. I took my dog Mickey with me as usual when I'm going in and out of a small store. The cashier at the dollar store where I got the coffee filters told me they liked my sweater! I loved that.

I felt slightly awkward because I felt like I should say more than “Thank you!”, though I don't think I exuded too much of an air of discomfort, a common concern of mine in such situations. I don't want the other person to think my uneasiness is due to not wanting to be complemented by them specifically; it's most likely due to being complimented by anyone for any reason.

I had a great time listening to music in the car. The feeling takes me back years as it hasn't been a common occurrence in as much time. I'm writing this is in my bedroom now. I'm losing my motivation as the day progresses due to the usual unnecessary stressors and not being able to do anything about them. This may be solved with some rap. My main stressor seems to be deterred by rap. My main de-stressor seems to be encouraged by it as well! I suppose there is something I can do, or at least try.

Writing with the moment now, I hope my mood stays somewhat elevated. It's hard to imagine it will when I can't just focus on what I'm doing. My stressor left! I'm out of juice to write at the moment but the day is already looking better!