For the record, baking and cooking are... not that different? Baking uses an oven, but the principles in 'cooking' are also applied in 'baking'.
Bakers use unclear directions all the fucking time: “Cinnamon to taste.” “A pinch of salt.” If you swap out ingredients in something, you usually have to rework the recipe yourself.
People pretend baking is this strict chemistry where there are no unknown variables and that baking is entirely confusing and full of problems! But they're the same process.
Just that you're using a fucking oven to make something that is likely closer to bread or cake than you are a roast chicken with potatoes or whatever.
Honestly, baking is not “more clear” than cooking.
As an autistic person myself, there are an increasing number of times where other autistic people annoy the fuck out of me.
Specifically, the ones who make zero attempt to learn anything and then default to “well, my autistic brain wouldn't like this.” It's fine if you don't like it, and I don't even think you need to bring autism into it. Because it's probably more that you don't like it rather than your autism doesn't like it.
And I say that because what you're doing by bringing your autism into your likes/dislikes is basically finding ways to say that all autistic people should function that way and that it's wrong if we don't. And even if you don't mean that, that's how it feels.
Because the rest of us on this fucking spectrum can realise where our autism plays into something and where it might play into it but really it's just that we don't like it. You can just not like something without medicalising it, y'know.
Someone immediately discounts what you're saying and then gets mad at you for being upset.
“Why are you like this?!”
Gee, I wonder why. It's not like I want to have an actual conversation with someone or anything.
I get so tired of someone always forcing me to do things by their own schedule and desires and whims. All the fucking time.
It doesn't seem to matter what I'm doing, what I'm working on, if I'm in the middle of something... Whatever. It only matters that he wants to do whatever he wants to do it when he wants to do it.
Everything else isn't important.
Being in a relationship with a cis man, particularly one who sees himself as “not like other cis men,” makes my life so much harder and more difficult.
He always makes me feel like cis men, especially cishet men, just have no desire to question anything and that they will find every excuse to avoid doing so. They have no desire to question their relationship to society's definition of masculinity or what “masculine” even means. Rather than challenging what it means or who can access “masculinity,” they'd rather just continue to succumb to society's demands and pretend it's purely out of their own identity.
They have no desire to question their relationship to sex and how that makes other people uncomfortable, including people who they want to have sex with. And full offense, but that does not make anyone want to have sex with them. If anything, the increased discomfort makes people want to avoid having sex with them. I do not want to have sex with someone who talks about it with such disrespect and talks as if every person they desire sexually is an object.
They have no desire to question gender and how they see other people, even if they're tentatively supportive of gender non-conforming people. Hearing a cis man constantly refer to my genitalia and relate it to the gender he perceives me to be (seeing me as 'a woman' despite being agender)... makes me sick, and it makes me feel as if he doesn't see me for who I am. I'm just, to him, a 'pussy to stick it in'.
And even if he doesn't actually feel that way, it's what he says. When I say that it bothers me, I'm “funny” because I “get fussy over little things.”
But if they bother me this much... How are they 'little'?
Why... is it so hard for someone to just... change how they behave when their behaviour routinely causes problems.
Like breaking things because, rather than learn to do things in a different way, they'd rather just obstinately do something in larger and larger gestures.
Not everything is always about you.
“I walked over here, and you made this huge annoyed gesture.”
Yes, and if you gave me ten seconds to explain, I could've told you that, at that exact moment, I felt annoyed at having failed to do something that I had been doing for about twenty minutes and couldn't finish. I could've told you that sometimes! sometimes! I express my frustration physically, which you should know after having lived with me for more than five years.
If you cared to pay any fucking attention to me and learn my habits.
But apparently you haven't. So you chose to ask me “What did I do?” instead of asking “What's wrong?”
Because, I guess, you think the world revolves around you.
Maybe if you don't want people to call you out for your actions, you could just not do the things you're going to get called out for.
Instead of gaslighting people who point it out.
Genuinely feel that patriarchal structures have enforced a “solve problem” mindset for every conversation. Which is so fucking obnoxious. I want to be able to name a collective problem and discuss it without asking for someone to solve my personal issue.
When I'm trying to explain why there are a lot of resistant people to, say, switching to Linux and how that could be addressed via a collective strategy? And I'm like, “Look, if Linux users just did like monthly or bi-monthly 'Linux Days' somewhere and had a bunch of laptops with a bunch of Linux distros installed? And people could come use them and ask questions and actually discuss it and get comfortable with it? I bet you'd see a lot more people getting involved. Especially if it was geared and marketed toward low-information people instead of Linux Veterans.”
I don't fucking need you to be like, “Well, I could set up some distros on a USB so that you can try them and see which one you like before you install it.”
First, I didn't ask for that. Second, it doesn't fucking address the goddamned problem that we were having a conversation about! You want to know why people don't switch, but you also want to personally thrust your solution (THAT I DIDN'T ASK FOR) in my face.
Cis men, collect yourselves and realise that your style of communication? Is not the rest of ours. And if you're not a cis man and do this, also collect yourselves and unlearn some patriarchal communication structures.
Here's a simple way to start: Before you start giving unsolicited advice, ask a question about the purpose of the conversation and the goals of the other person. “Do you need help installing Linux, and do you want my opinions or assistance?” will go over much better than just trying to solve a problem that no one asked for help with (especially because they've likely had THAT VERY SOLUTION thrown at them any time they try to be like, “Yo, I think the so-called activism of Linux dweebs to getting people to switch away from Windows is pretty garbage for these reasons...”).
Prefacing this with: I wish no one had any problems around any forms of bigotry in medical systems.
But honestly, able-bodied and thin cishet white men (or those from the local dominant racial/ethnic group) need to realise that their experience of medical treatment and consideration for any problem is not the same as the rest of us.
I spend a lot of time getting told that all of my problems are in my head, even when they manifest physically. I spend a lot of time being told that all of the problems my doctor will recognise are because I'm fat, so they get ignored as things that I need to correct without help (because I “should lose weight”). I spend a lot of time being told that my pain either isn't real or isn't as strong as I say it is.
Because of that, even for problems where I think I can go to my shitty GP who harasses me about how awful or horrible I am? I really fear going to see her. Because I'm tired of my issues being swept under a rug or being hassled about the same few things that I can't do anything about (especially if I'm SICK).