void-shouting

Maybe if you don't want people to call you out for your actions, you could just not do the things you're going to get called out for.

Instead of gaslighting people who point it out.

Genuinely feel that patriarchal structures have enforced a “solve problem” mindset for every conversation. Which is so fucking obnoxious. I want to be able to name a collective problem and discuss it without asking for someone to solve my personal issue.

When I'm trying to explain why there are a lot of resistant people to, say, switching to Linux and how that could be addressed via a collective strategy? And I'm like, “Look, if Linux users just did like monthly or bi-monthly 'Linux Days' somewhere and had a bunch of laptops with a bunch of Linux distros installed? And people could come use them and ask questions and actually discuss it and get comfortable with it? I bet you'd see a lot more people getting involved. Especially if it was geared and marketed toward low-information people instead of Linux Veterans.”

I don't fucking need you to be like, “Well, I could set up some distros on a USB so that you can try them and see which one you like before you install it.”

First, I didn't ask for that. Second, it doesn't fucking address the goddamned problem that we were having a conversation about! You want to know why people don't switch, but you also want to personally thrust your solution (THAT I DIDN'T ASK FOR) in my face.

Cis men, collect yourselves and realise that your style of communication? Is not the rest of ours. And if you're not a cis man and do this, also collect yourselves and unlearn some patriarchal communication structures.

Here's a simple way to start: Before you start giving unsolicited advice, ask a question about the purpose of the conversation and the goals of the other person. “Do you need help installing Linux, and do you want my opinions or assistance?” will go over much better than just trying to solve a problem that no one asked for help with (especially because they've likely had THAT VERY SOLUTION thrown at them any time they try to be like, “Yo, I think the so-called activism of Linux dweebs to getting people to switch away from Windows is pretty garbage for these reasons...”).

Prefacing this with: I wish no one had any problems around any forms of bigotry in medical systems.

But honestly, able-bodied and thin cishet white men (or those from the local dominant racial/ethnic group) need to realise that their experience of medical treatment and consideration for any problem is not the same as the rest of us.

I spend a lot of time getting told that all of my problems are in my head, even when they manifest physically. I spend a lot of time being told that all of the problems my doctor will recognise are because I'm fat, so they get ignored as things that I need to correct without help (because I “should lose weight”). I spend a lot of time being told that my pain either isn't real or isn't as strong as I say it is.

Because of that, even for problems where I think I can go to my shitty GP who harasses me about how awful or horrible I am? I really fear going to see her. Because I'm tired of my issues being swept under a rug or being hassled about the same few things that I can't do anything about (especially if I'm SICK).

Cis men will really get upset when you, a non-man of any form, talk to them in the same kind of tone they often take with you.

Him: “Why do you get so defensive?” Me: “This is the tone of voice you talk to me in all the time when I ask you a question. Do you not like it?” Him: “I don't talk to you like this!” Me: “Yes, you do. All the time, actually. And it's not like I'm responding in an angry or whiny tone. I'm just adding to the conversation, which is what you tell me all the time when I tell you to stop being so defensive about everything.”

And then he goes on to pretend he doesn't.

Honestly, I wish more cis men would at least spend some time considering their speech and actions when people call them out on it. But that'd require reflecting on their behaviours, and I guess society would collapse if they spent even a fraction of a moment on recognising the ways in which their communication styles with other people create negative environments.

Before you make the “I'm not like other men” jokes, perhaps you should try being less like other men.

But also just don't. It stops you from recognising how you're engaging in the same behaviours, ignoring the same things that people routinely tell you are wrong and that you profess to believe.

Things that probably would never have pissed me off in the past piss me off more now than ever, and I think it's just because I've been existing in situations where someone expects me to fucking deal with their absurdity just because it's “how they are” with no consideration for anyone else in the room.

And, as per usual, this seems to be the most common among the cis men who expect everyone to follow their desires but do nothing at all to accommodate anyone else.

When your anti-capitalist partner focuses so much on how much money you make that you start wondering exactly how anti-capitalist they really are.

Being positive isn't how this world changes, and it's a bit absurd to force people to engage in toxic positivity in a world where everything is going to shit faster and faster by the day.

It's one thing to try to maintain an air of optimism about things, especially if that's more in line with your personality. It's another thing to force everyone else into your desire for positivity-over-everything.

Not all of us are positive people. I certainly have never been. I have to quasi-catastrophise and think of the worst-case scenario in order to get through things. I find it easier to believe the worst possible things will happen so that I can be surprised when things go way better than expected.

Because when I've thought of the best-case scenarios only to be met with everything going to shit? That has ruined me. That put me out of commission and made it harder for me to keep going.

But I can keep going when I prepare for the worst and have the relief of not engaging with it.

So telling me to “be positive?” You can fuck off.

My least favourite attitude is the whole bit about how “we should just get along” and people who conflate criticism (of individuals, of structures) with hatred.

Not liking someone doesn't mean I hate them. Criticising a person I don't like isn't inherently done out of hatred. Criticising them for engaging in similar behaviours to those they're calling out at the exact same time that they're calling them out is not hatred.

Being suspicious of people who enable one bigotry while shaming another is justifiable, and we should critique people who are being bigoted while they're calling out bigotry.

It's not hard. A person can be a victim and an abuser at the same time. A person can be a bigot while being the victim of bigotry at the same time. These things are not mutually exclusive, and we need to stop pretending that the way you fix this is to just...

... Love thy neighbour.

I wonder what would happen if, instead of telling people to “let it go,” we actually addressed problems and recognised consistent patterns of behaviour.

Seems to me that we might actually be able to get shit done, to actually handle multi-pronged problems, to recognise that people can simultaneous wrong others and be wronged themselves...

But I guess it's easier to tell people to shut up than it is to actually engage anything head-on.