A place to shout into the void.
Things that probably would never have pissed me off in the past piss me off more now than ever, and I think it's just because I've been existing in situations where someone expects me to fucking deal with their absurdity just because it's “how they are” with no consideration for anyone else in the room.
And, as per usual, this seems to be the most common among the cis men who expect everyone to follow their desires but do nothing at all to accommodate anyone else.
When your anti-capitalist partner focuses so much on how much money you make that you start wondering exactly how anti-capitalist they really are.
Being positive isn't how this world changes, and it's a bit absurd to force people to engage in toxic positivity in a world where everything is going to shit faster and faster by the day.
It's one thing to try to maintain an air of optimism about things, especially if that's more in line with your personality. It's another thing to force everyone else into your desire for positivity-over-everything.
Not all of us are positive people. I certainly have never been. I have to quasi-catastrophise and think of the worst-case scenario in order to get through things. I find it easier to believe the worst possible things will happen so that I can be surprised when things go way better than expected.
Because when I've thought of the best-case scenarios only to be met with everything going to shit? That has ruined me. That put me out of commission and made it harder for me to keep going.
But I can keep going when I prepare for the worst and have the relief of not engaging with it.
So telling me to “be positive?” You can fuck off.
My least favourite attitude is the whole bit about how “we should just get along” and people who conflate criticism (of individuals, of structures) with hatred.
Not liking someone doesn't mean I hate them. Criticising a person I don't like isn't inherently done out of hatred. Criticising them for engaging in similar behaviours to those they're calling out at the exact same time that they're calling them out is not hatred.
Being suspicious of people who enable one bigotry while shaming another is justifiable, and we should critique people who are being bigoted while they're calling out bigotry.
It's not hard. A person can be a victim and an abuser at the same time. A person can be a bigot while being the victim of bigotry at the same time. These things are not mutually exclusive, and we need to stop pretending that the way you fix this is to just...
... Love thy neighbour.
I wonder what would happen if, instead of telling people to “let it go,” we actually addressed problems and recognised consistent patterns of behaviour.
Seems to me that we might actually be able to get shit done, to actually handle multi-pronged problems, to recognise that people can simultaneous wrong others and be wronged themselves...
But I guess it's easier to tell people to shut up than it is to actually engage anything head-on.
Please, just do your “work” from your side of the house and leave me alone. Whatever I planned to do today, I couldn't because you kept coming here and distracting me to whine and complain. Or after you solved the problem, which was truly very simple to solve, to show it off or bother me about something entirely inane.
I don't know why it is that I can request that you leave me alone, that you stop bothering me, that you let me focus... Only for you to act like I don't fucking mean it and to interrupt everything I do, forcing me to do next to nothing.
I want to be alone. I want you to go away. I want this world to dissolve its borders, to make all housing free, and to make it possible for people to live in the ways they need and want.
I don't want to be tied to you because I have to be, because otherwise I have nothing and no one and feel as if I may as well die because I can't survive otherwise.
I hate it. I truly hate it.
I don't care about your fucking watch. Your handling of the adversity in buying it has further shown how horrible your views are.
Your watch can break tomorrow, for all I care.
But it'd just inconvenience me, while you do absolutely nothing to fix it and demand more work and effort of me to solve the problem that is yours.
Jackass thinks I'm kidding when I tell him all the things I hate about his views, even when I tell him I'm not. Even when I tell him I'm actually angry and upset at his bullshit.
Makes me hate him more.
Piece of shit.
I told you last night that, if you decided to “work” from home because you can't cope with having one moment of simple adversity, you needed to let me have my space because I had shit to do.
And now I can't focus because you won't stop hovering over me, as if I'm supposed to entertain your whims because you can't handle one simple problem that people deal with on a daily basis.
I want to be left alone. I wish I had a room with a door and a lock so that I could keep you out.
I don't know how many times my cishet man partner needs to hear me tell him that I refuse to be his second mother, but it's certainly a non-zero number. And despite him trying to treat me as such, despite him knowing that I refuse to be that person, he keeps trying.
And yet, he proclaims himself an anarchist. He proclaims himself to be a person seeking the liberation of other people.
All while he tries to subjugate me to traditional gender roles that I have never asked for and always clearly said I would never follow.
It makes me sick, all these patriarchal figures in a movement that can never be patriarchal.