It didn't work out the way I thought it would

I thought by freeing myself of the burdens of thinking about porn and its effects on society. I would be able to self heal myself. Maybe I need more time. I don't really know. I know I need therapy. I am using some therapy like apps on my phone.

Anyway I went over and realized that my addiction got worse after forgetting about all these things. I mean I guess I sort of did the whole I don't have an addiction route again.

So now I am back. I think why bother to leave something that worked. I mean if I become judgmental or moral. It doesn't mean much. I already know what is going to happen. I would rather become judgmental and do moral policing than go to another length of depravity in porn addiction.

Course on sex addiction

I am also watching a new course in Path For Men. It's free. It is a good course. I have never thought about my purpose before. Try to do the exercises. I do if they seem difficult or interesting. The website name is misleading, it is not stereotyping or anything. I guess their main audience is men.

Data is incredibly important

I thought I failed miserably. I mean like yes. I have failed. But it is not as bad as it looks. I have gone back to how I used to be before 9 months ago. Actually I am not quite sure if my progress was this good the past 6-7 months. But since my mind is playing tricks I have to accept the reality.

There are some discrepancies. But at the least the data works to know how many times I have masturbated. It also shows how many times I have watched video porn. It skips other forms sometimes.

I basically use an excel sheet. You can also use an app called Loop Habit Tracker for Android. I would start with this now. You can easily visualize the data too.

#course #recovery #data