fantasyisbad

I have been on hard mode for 12 days. I don't even know the reason how this streak started. But, I have been feeling lackluster with the results. Usually after I stop, even within days I would feel the change: more confident, happy, energetic. But this time there is no such change. I am not sure what the problem is. Is it because I expect too much just from giving up porn. I am doing the same things I do without any kind of porn or masturbation. So, there is no change to see.

I did get urge a few times. But it did go away on its own. I think I was not really very focused on the urges. I didn't get to see porn accidentally. I may have stayed a few seconds than I wanted. But I didn't relapse. Earlier today, I realized that.

“Your life won't change unless you will it. Life will not change automatically.”

I am making meditation my habit. I have started waking up early. But it is not enough. 10 days of meditating out of 30 days this month. Waking up early is good, but sleeping early and waking up fresh is the whole package. I need to start working out. I am not completely out of shape so that's a good thing. But how many years am I going to be like this?

It is not just new habits. I may need to revaluate my mindset too. Become more positive or at least neutral, set more goals, face challenges. Ask help from others.

#update: Okay so I checked the dates. Since my last post was 21 st and 5 days. Where did the remaining days go. So, according to my excel sheet. I haven't updated it since 16 th. So, now it is actually 12 days. I may have given the wrong track in the discord group I joined. I also found another discord group for porn recovery. This group is very structured. It has nofap, easypeasy and another one. This one is new. I mean it is just a combination of the other two done by a youtuber. But they call themselves the Porn Reboot. It is very systematic. I really like this.