Just Me...
Despite everything...
It's still me.
What a frightening, unexpected thought.
The notion has been creeping into my head as of late. I've been filled with ideas of grandeur. Of some magical, new person waiting for me at the end of this all.
The idea that people would see me and say “Wow, I didn't even recognize you!”
Even my own family.
But reality has been creeping in.
I won't be.
Despite everything...I'll still just be me.
“Are you sure you want to be someone completely new? What's wrong with just you?”
I didn't know how to answer that. Do I want to be someone new? No. Of course not. I like me. I find myself struggling to articulate my feelings. Struggling to understand why I want to be me...yet can still be so terribly sad at the idea.
Because I'm not enough?
Because I worry the me that I'll be in a year or three never will be either? That if I'm still just me, all this is for nothing.
Because some small part of me still hates me. That part is so quiet lately. It's truly lessening. But little things still make it act up. Still make it hit me.
I guess this is one of those times.
I just want to believe That despite everything It's okay to just be me.