Real...
Such a shaky concept, at least in her world.
It had always been difficult, holding to the belief that something was undeniably true.
Real.
As a child, that which she believed had always been questioned.
Doubted.
That which she held to be true, which she dubbed “Real”, was often snatched away at a moment’s notice.
If it was only real when she observed it, was it even real at all?
What about when others turned their gaze to it? What would they say?
Their dismissal could easily shatter her.
If it was true, and she lived this experience every day, but all those around her denied it…
What was it?
As she grew, she held tight to what she knew, afraid to speak it into existence. For fear that speaking her truth would render it null and void.
Simple, nagging statements ate away at her.
What if they don’t believe I have a job? What if they don’t believe I have a dog?
She could laugh about it.
It was clear to her how silly it sounded. She would joke with friends and together they would roll.
But deep down it terrified her.
Even in her happy ever after, when she had gotten everything she wanted, she feared.
What if this isn’t real?
At times, the journey to get here felt like a dream. A haze. She knew it happened. It had to have, or she wouldn’t be here.
But was it real?
And now she sits. Living in a land of dreams. Far away from everything she’d ever been.
Was this happening?
How could it be, that this was really, truly her life?
How could she have someone who loves her? Have a place where she’s safe?
Was it all going to go away?
If she lost it all and went back home, would she look back a year down the line, and feel like any of this had happened at all?
She wants something solid. Something tangible. Something she can cling to.
But on days like today…
She just doesn’t know what’s true.