The Weight of the World...
It was a heavy burden, bearing the weight of the world.
A burden they both shared, in their own ways.
“It makes sense. We are a mirror, after all.” Was all she could bring herself to say. Her companion sat in silence. Cold. Tired. She disagreed. She didn’t feel she bore the weight of the world. She felt she bore nothing. Took on no burdens. Let herself slide easily and comfortably through life, riding off the backs of others rather than putting in any actual work for herself.
“Fair.”
“Is that really what you think?”
“No, but if you’re determined to think that way, what else is there to say? Why should I work on convincing you and changing your mind if you’re going to shut everything I say down?”
Her companion had no words. She rested her chin on her knees and looked outwards, exhaustion and dissociation dragging at her heels, pulling her down and clinging to her. She hadn’t slept much.
In fact, they both struggled through the fog.
“Why do you think I carry the weight of the world? I know how you do. You’re always looking out for me. Always helping me when I need it. Stepping up and taking an emotional burden that you shouldn’t have to saddle yourself with.”
“Oh, dear.” Her heart broke for her. It was no burden. Deep down, she knew they both knew that. She didn’t argue the point. “You still carry so much from your childhood. You don’t know how to let go. How to focus on the now. I have all the faith in the world that you can but…”
“But?”
She honestly didn’t know. In all truthfulness, she had nearly fallen asleep at the keyboard. They were so tired. They weren’t taking care of themselves lately.
That was where she came in. Her first step. The simplest thing she could do.
“Let me take care of you, dear. Let me make this okay.”
Her companion had built up a wall. Or rather, she had tried. Half heartedly. An empty attempt. But she had tried nonetheless.
“I know it’s contradictory, Kasey. I know half of me says ‘I’m so tired of you having to save me.’ and the rest of me says ‘I can’t do this, don’t let me fall.’ but…that’s just how I feel.” “I know, dear. I don’t hold it against you. I don’t have an issue saving you. Yes, I would prefer leaving you to take care of yourself. To pull yourself out of this rut. But if you can’t…I will do everything it takes to preserve your livelihood. To keep you happy and safe. Your brain wants you to flip flop and bounce, constantly moving from one extreme to another, but you need to find a balance. A middle ground. You don’t need to give up or give me your life. You just need to be you.”
“But a better me.”
“....yes, a better you. I can’t deny that.”
She laughed. An incredulous sound. Disbelief that she could ever pull that off.
“Until the day you can stand on your own two feet, I will look after you however you need, dear. You know I mean that with all my heart.”
She was quiet.
Had paused.
“I know. Thank you.”
For today. For the time being. She would take over. She would focus on pulling them back together. On bringing peace.
Then she would leave. Not forever, not far. But enough to give her space to fall or fail on her own.
For today.
For the time being.
She had a part to play.