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from ikichigai

Введение в ЦВЦБ

  1. Исторические предпосылки определения ЦВЦБ перспективной формой денег (1 ак ч) Рассмотрим историю возникновения денег, их функции, формы, достоинства и недостатки различных форм в контексте отношений гражданина и государства.
  2. Особенности и отличительные характеристики ЦВЦБ в сравнении с криптовалютами (1 ак ч) Проведём аналогии, найдём общие черты и различия между этими явлениями. Исследуем юридическую базу, определяющую их статус в РФ и зарубежом.
  3. Технические реализации ЦВЦБ (1 ак ч) Проследим за рекордами технологических прорывов, создавших почву для бурного роста проектов цифровых валют.
  4. Цифровой рубль как экономическая и политическая необходимость (1 ак ч)
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from Language Daemon

Ser y estar: identity or condition

Posada, Catrina

Posada, Catrina

When it comes to the difference between ser and estar, most students have been given the explanation that ser refers to things that are permanent or lasting, and estar to things that are transitory or short-lived. While sometimes this rule works, and in a general sense it hints at the fundamental distinction between the two verbs, in other cases it can be totally misleading. It suffices to remember that “I'm dead” in Spanish is “Estoy muerto”, and what is more permanent than death?!

A better clue, with regard to living beings, is to envisage the opposition between ser and estar as a matter of identity or condition, respectively. When I'm talking about myself and I use ser I'm referring to the traits that I believe make me who I am, the characteristics that conform to my persona.

“Soy mexicano. Soy profesor de español. Soy un poco tímido. Soy un buen amigo. Soy divertido.”

When I use estar I'm speaking about states, about things that are occurring to me in this particular moment, situations that I'm passing through but do not define me.

“Estoy enojado. Estoy enfermo. Estoy desempleado. Estoy feliz.”

I might have been sick for a few days, but that's not an attribute of my identity, it's just a phase!

Also notice how the meaning of a sentence can change from this perspective. “Estoy feliz” is a mood, it will pass, it is my current state of mind. But “soy feliz” is a completely different assertion, it means that I am a happy person, that's who I am, that’s what defines me. [Keep in mind that in some cases with ser you will need an indeterminate article un/una (“soy un loco, soy un enfermo”), that's because those adjectives (“estoy loco, estoy enfermo”) have become nouns, objects and not characteristics.]

Whether something pertains to my identity or not is not a matter of permanence. I can identify as a teacher today, but suppose tomorrow I switch careers and pursue my dream of living on a farm. Then I will say “soy granjero”. It's not persistence in time that is important, but the intention to identify at the moment of speaking.

We can also reveal ourselves and show how we really feel about our professions: “soy profesor” means that I identify with my work, it's a career, a path that I'm taking. “Estoy de profesor” or even “estoy dando clases” means that what I do for a living it's not part of who I am, I don't identify with it, it's just what I currently do while I wait for something better to occur. [In this sentences the de is mandatory: “estoy de mesero”, “estoy de asistente”.]

Likewise when we talk about other people: “Vince es un gran estudiante, pero está un poco distraído hoy”. Vince is normally a great student, but today he's a bit off. The first is his identity, the second a condition.

In some sentences this distinction is a bit blurred. When native Spanish-speakers say “está guapo” or “es guapo” we are virtually expressing the same thing, but even there a slight difference survives. When we say that someone “es guapo” we are pointing to a definition of this person, this person is handsome. When we say “está guapo”, while it could also mean that this person is handsome, we could actually only be saying that this person looks good today or for the time being (or we could be in a philosophical mood and be stating the inescapable process of corruption in all organic matter, the forlorn rags of growing old, memento mori, etc. “He looks handsome today but just give it a couple decades”). In the first case, “es guapo”, we are speaking of beauty as an attribute, in the second, “está guapo”, as a state, as a condition.

Time and Space with ser and estar

The distinction exposed above applies mostly when we're speaking about living beings (persons but also animals, or even plants: “la nochebuena es muy bonita, pero la mía está seca”). For other uses of ser and estar keep in mind the following:


Ser is used in most sentences involving time: the hour, the day, the month, the year, etc. “Son las ocho de la tarde” “Es medianoche” “Hoy es lunes” “Es diciembre” “Es 2020”. [The hours are given in plural, except 1 o'clock.]

But there's a certain way of building the sentence that uses estar instead: “Hoy estamos a lunes” “Estamos a diciembre”. Notice how the person of the verb is we. In relation to the identity or condition approach, this means that time is a condition that we are going through. The subject in these sentences is not time, which is the case with ser. In these sentences we become the subject, experiencing the passing of time.


When we give the location of something in space we use estar. “Estoy en mi casa” “Mi casa está en la Ciudad de México” “México está en América Latina”.

BUT when it is an event, such as a concert, a meeting or a party, we use ser. “¿Dónde va a ser el concierto?” “Es en el Auditorio Nacional”. “Te invito a mi cumpleaños, será en mi casa”. “La junta de maestros es en el aula 202”

Keep these notions in mind and you'll be able to solve the majority of cases involving ser and estar.

[This is an old post rescued from my Verbling account. I still find valid the distinction between identity or condition]


from Andy's RPG blog

This post is part of a series of solo adventures in a randomly generated dungeon. Find the first session here. Spoiler alert from here on!

In the previous session, the party geared up for revenge against the troglodytes and then nearly died in the attempt.

This session did not develop the map further than last time.

In Town

The party planned to go back into the dungeon to further investigate the troglodytes, and hopefully find some treasure after the deaths of the eight reptilians. Yaïma decided to sit this one out after her own near death experience.

In her place, the party sought out hired hands. The party offered a standard fee of 1 gold piece per day and a half-share of any treasure recovered. The party was able to keep quiet Yaïma's convalescence, so their reputation was unaffected.

Getting little interest from their initial offer, the party finally found two retainers at a rate of 2.5 gold pieces per day and 60% shares. This added Parex the Fighter and Gobrei the Halfling to their ranks.

Adventure Session

The party entered the dungeon, passed through Radwen's Domain, and reached the passage toward the troglodyte territory without incident [see streamlining in the Referee Notes].

Artuna, with her infravision, scouted ahead through the dark, smelly curving passage toward the site of the last battle. From the right-hand passage at the Y-intersection she could hear the reptilian speech of troglodytes in the chamber ahead.

Artuna returned to the group with her intel. The group decided on a plan of attack: Artuna would lead the group to the troglodyte's antechamber in the dark. Then, she would light and launch Dark Rain's flask of oil into the room, creating enough fire light to fight by.

The party slowly and quietly made their way to the chamber, each holding on to the member in front of them. Artuna lit the flask and launched it at a troglodyte, setting the reptilian ablaze! She then moved into the chamber, next to the entry way. The other party members broke out their shortbows and shot arrows at the troglodytes. Due to the poor light, none hit their targets.

In addition to the burning troglodyte, there were three others. One rushed at Artuna, while the other two closed the distance to the group members in the passage (Brother Haris and Parex in front, due to their chain mail armor). Each was hit by the troglodyte's claw: Artuna and Parex were bloodied, while Brother Haris dropped to the stone floor. The burning troglodyte shrieked as it died in a flaming heap.

The party members redoubled their attack. Artuna missed her target. Parex and Gobrei pushed forward out of the entry way, drawing their short swords. Parex was nauseated by the troglodyte's stench, unable to hit his mark. Gobrei just nicked the troglodyte that felled Brother Haris. Dark Rain was blocked from attacking, for the moment.

Artuna was killed. The nausea began to set in for Gobrei. Dark Rain pushed past his retainers to avenge Artuna.

The party and the troglodytes traded blows, resulting in the death of one troglodyte, until finally Dark Rain and Parex fell. Gobrei attempted to flee, making it almost to the columned corridor before being killed as well.

Yaïma lived.

Referee Notes

I stream-lined the dungeon entry process:

From the surface to Level 2 is about 300'. From the entrance to Level 2 to Radwen's Domain is about 150'. Since it's well-covered, I will count that as three dungeon turns. The wandering monster check will happen somewhere around the slope between levels.

From Radwen's Domain to the troglodyte curve is about 450'. That's about two and a half turns, so I'll put the wandering monster check somewhere in the columned corridor.

R.I.P. to the entire party, except Yaïma.


from Octavia

Je viens de recevoir un mail d'Amazon pour prévenir que dans quelques jours il y aura un minimum de 3€ de frais de livraison sur les livres pour les commandes de moins de 35€ et ça m'a rappelé des questions que j'ai vu énormément de personnes poser à des autrices et des auteurs quand ils sortent un nouveau livre: « Où est-ce qu'on peut le trouver ? »

Ça me fait vraiment bizarre de me dire que les gens ne savent sincèrement pas où acheter des livres 😅 Alors voilà quelques recommandations :

Le plus évident c'est « dans votre librairie » mais si la question se pose, c'est que c'est pas évident.

Donc, comment on trouve une librairie ? Il y a des sites pour ça !

Mon préféré c'est Librairies Indépendantes parce que je le trouve simple, sobre et joli. On tape le nom d'un livre, on va sur sa page et on saisi où on habite, puis le site affiche les librairies à proximité.

Mais on peut pas commander directement dessus. Heureusement à côté de chaque librairie référencée il y a un bouton qui indique « En Stock » ou « Sur Commande » et en cliquant dessus on est redirigé vers la page de commande des deux références qui suivent : Place des Libraires ou bien Les Libraires.

J'ai une préférence pour le premier car il permet de réserver le livre et de le payer directement dans la librairie, le second gère la partie paiement aussi et donc prend sûrement une commission.

Et sinon, on peut aussi chercher la librairie la plus proche sur Google et aller demander directement au libraire si le livre est disponible. On peut le faire en personne, par mail ou par téléphone. Même si ils l'ont pas, ils sont toujours ravis de le commander pour nous et ça arrive à la librairie, sans frais de ports, quelques jours plus tard.

La seule complication c'est pour les livres qui ne sont pas traduits en France.

Parfois ils sont dans le catalogue de nos libraires préférés et ils peuvent nous le commander comme n'importe quel livre, mais parfois il faut essayer plusieurs librairies et malheureusement en dernier recours, Amazon reste assez imbattable à ce niveau.

Et si vous ne jurez que par l'occasion, allez voir du côté de Recyclivre

Il y a un gros catalogue et il est possible de recevoir des alertes si vous cherchez un livre précis.

Ou alors dans certaines villes il y a encore des bouquinistes mais c'est plutôt pour les gens qui aiment fouiner un peu, pas trop pour trouver des trucs précis.

Voilà, c'est comme ça que j'achète tous les livres que je veux entasser dans mon appartement et ça fait super longtemps que j'ai pas eu à aller acheter de livre sur Amazon (sauf livre étranger non-traduit) ou que j'ai pas mis les pieds dans la partie librairie d'une Fnac ou autre !

#Litterature #Livre #Livres #Lecture #Amazon #VendrediLecture

Lire la suite...

from deusexhominem

The Porpoise Mark Haddon

Wanted to get through the rest of Mark Haddon's titles, to deleted them, assured by my correctness. I start reading this. First thing that is different from many other books is the chapter-length prologue. Nice. He could have done a timeskip and later on or progressively tied it to the past. But no, he didn't. The prologue merely introduced the main (I assume, writing from 10%) character. Who over the course of a few pages and some weeks has had, to me, major personality changes. From a somewhat unfeeling, somewhat ruthless business manly man, to an in love yet wholly uncaring for parenthood dude, to a hopeless in love, mourning youth adult, to a bending-over-backwards, concerned parent. Roughly; I don't buy. Each one of these emotions in a real person would be uncredible, as if programmed in. A few things so far have been contrived: why the accident, the prologue, happened; who and when something will just be accepted or challenge as it. I'm starting to think that Marky Mark really likes his contrivances, arbitrariness for the sake of plot, or book thickness. Also, there is no hook so far. Literally nothing about the sea, let alone porpoises. Despite being a tenth of a book, what's occurred that is, or rather has been, relevant is 1—2 sentences. Talk about saying and doing nothing. The pieces aren't connected, I've no reason to continue reading.


from deusexhominem

This is a likely to be short experiment with a popular, packed instance of a ActivityPub platform for macro- and or microblogging. Over the past 1.5 years, I've looked at the (public?) posts on many of the instances listed on the writefreely homepage. Only this time was I not assaulted by automated advertisement spam. It being (mostly?) plaintext, the more decent should people be likely. More human humans? Something like that. The traffic is higher than in other instances, and isn't of Marxists and or (post-wall?) females. Certainly no children as in neocities. Mal schauen.

I'm unlikely to find companionship or readership, but I have somethings to say and if this is my attempt to find somebody to listen or reflect back.



from Andy's RPG blog

This post is part of a series of solo adventures in a randomly generated dungeon. Find the first session here. Spoiler alert from here on!

In the previous session, the party pressed further into level two of the dungeon. They avoided an encounter with gnolls and neanderthals, but lost two members to troglodytes. A sympathetic elf guided them out of the dungeon.

The map from this session:

A digitally hand-drawn map of the second floor of the dungeon, updated from last session. Labelled to indicate the location of Radwen's domain, the gnolls/neanderthals, and the troglodytes.

(The dice under the troglodyte label indicates that one group out of the lair-population has been rolled.)

In Town

Back in town, Yaïma and Dark Rain sold the equipment they looted from the hooded figure they killed in the dungeon. For the plate mail and mace they earned 65 gold pieces. They took the acolyte's symbol to the local church, where it was identified as belonging to a chaotic cult; they received a 25 gold piece reward for it.

Yaïma spent a portion of her share upgrading from chain mail armor to plate mail armor. Dark Rain spent his share on equipment he couldn't afford before: a crowbar, grappling hook, hand mirror, stakes & mallet, and a flask of oil.

They also recruited two more party members. To quest for revenge against the troglodytes, they found Feog's sister Artuna (also a dwarf). To defeat the chaos cult, they found Brother Haris, a cleric from the local temple.

Adventure Session

The party snuck through the first floor of the dungeon, following the path from the previous session. Once on the second floor, Radwen met them on the way to his domain. They rested there for twenty minutes, telling the elf of their plan for revenge on the troglodytes. He wished them well and sent them on their way.

The party reached the curving passage without incident. They sent Yaïma ahead to sneak through the dark for reconnaissance. She quickly came to a door with a lock.

She went back to get Dark Rain and the others. In torch-light, the thief inspected the lock, finding it quite rusty. He determined the door could easily be knocked open, rather than picked; however, this would eliminate any element of surprise the party had.

Dark Rain and then Yaïma listened at the door, neither hearing anything on the other side. Yaïma shouldered the door, breaking it open. On the other side, the party found a Y-intersection, empty and dark. The right-hand path stank of troglodyte.

They followed the right-hand path into a 30' x 50' chamber. In the center of the stone floor were the bodies of Feog and Elomi, as well as the two wounded (now dead) troglodytes.

Artuna gasped and nearly rushed into the room, but at the last moment she noticed the four troglodytes lying in wait, camouflaged against the walls. The party drew their weapons as the troglodytes stepped forward from their hiding places.

Yaïma began to chant while Dark Rain and Artuna shot arrows at the troglodytes. Both arrows missed their targets. Yaïma's magic filled the room, sending all six into a slumber.

The party took up positions at four of the sleeping troglodytes. Dark Rain quietly directed Brother Haris to take the short sword from Elomi's possessions, but he refused to touch the deceased or their belongings. Instead he would have to attempt to coup de grace the troglodyte with his mace.

Dark Rain, Yaïma, and Artuna were able to slit the throats of three of the troglodyte targets, while Brother Haris brought his bludgeon down on a fourth, bloodying it.

The wounded troglodyte and the two uninjured ones woke up, shrieking. The injured clawed at Haris, ineffectively. The other two scrambled to their feet and moved toward Yaïma.

Brother Haris hit his target again, glancing off the scaly hide. Yaïma swung her sword but missed, as did Artuna and Dark Rain.

One of the troglodytes struck Yaïma with its claws. She fell to the floor, possibly dead.

Artuna struck back at the troglodyte that dropped the elf, slashing it with her battle axe.

The remaining party members and troglodytes traded blows and parries for another minute. Finally the troglodytes were dead and the party members severely wounded [Haris: ¾, Artuna: 2/4, Dark Rain: 1/3].

The party carried the bodies of their companions slowly through the dungeon (with Brother Haris carrying the dying Yaïma). Exhausted, they reached Radwen's domain. He was more than a little disgusted by the remains, but tried to remain sympathetic to the plight of the adventuring party. In the safety of Radwen's home, they were able to revive Yaïma.

Radwen guided the party to the surface. They returned to town and rested for two full days at Brother Haris' temple.

Referee Notes

I was annoyed by the slugfest with the troglodytes and decided to give Yaïma a death save since she was only brought to 0 and they recovered her body immediately. I will admit, I probably wouldn't have for Brother Haris or Artuna!

I don't know, I think I like DCC a bit better when it comes to death.

Next Session


from the sunday needle

Last night I had a dream that Milo came to my house to see Johann after his surgery. I was in bed watching videos about Esperanto and he came in to talk to me, he said he was sorry but instead of listening I got up and punched him in the face and dragged him to the kitchen by his scalp. And he started crying and I screamed at him and then I also started crying.

Woke up to the stench of gas because Johann bumped into the downstairs oven knob when he got in from work last night. The gas was on for upwards of 7 hours and the only reason Pinwheel isn't dead of carbon monoxide poisoning is because Mom always has the windows cracked open to avoid buildup. I don't really trust him around Pinwheel anymore because he clearly doesn't like him very much and he's so air-headed that he's bound to hurt him by accident someday. The other day Pinny ran upstairs and Johann came bumbling after him and grabbed him so hard I could hear him yowling from several rooms over.


from Skinny Dipping

Now that I’m entering the second year of this reading+writing project and I’m putting these words out in public (even if, effectively hidden) I do feel the need for certain limits. When V.W. writes about her work-in-progess, she’s telling us about Mrs. Dalloway and that’s of interest to everyone. When I was writing privately (and maybe some of these chapters will be held back), I let myself talk about my own works-in-progress, but that was because the only reader I imagined was a future version of myself. Now that my idea of a reader includes you, I have to guess what it is that you want to read, or worse, I’m obliged to entice you to keep reading. So … the less I say about my works-in-progress, the better, right?

A safe guess is that you are reader. Maybe you are even a writer or a secret writer. Even though I post these words here, I do so in the spirit of Bernardo Soares, in the way someone might toss a bottled message into the abyss. Not really expecting an answer.

My fault is that of the person who wishes to do everything that I dream up for myself to do. Reading the diaries of Virginia Woolf in real time is only one of a dozen or more really big reading projects. If only I could spend my days reading rather than toiling in the back office at a desk where my talents (if any) as a writer are spent in drafting correspondence and editing “business” communications. It would have been better if I was an honest laborer ,, and I could spend my days digging ditches and carrying rocks and when I return home in the evening I would be exhausted, sweaty, covered with earth, and could then devote myself to relaxation, but as it is, when I clock out and am freed from my paid labor, I’m nervous, empty, hungry, needy. What have I done with my day? Sold my time to a low bidder? I want to immerse myself in a river of words, I want to drink the ocean, but once I’m wet I begin to feel cold, tired, and I choke on the few gulps I manage to ingest before it’s time to fall asleep dissatisfied.

In V.W.’s 1923 diary, there’s a break from 18 September to 15 October, so maybe I will put that break to good use, and go back to 1917 when V.W. diary was a more regular diarist and the entries shorter. For 28 September she writes, “Another very quiet day, which grew dark, though warm & still … Old man brought our flowers out.” Yeah, my day will be quiet. I still have another hour to add words to my work-in-progress and I’ll do my best to add the best words. Old man, Old man, will you bring me flowers too?


from 你有没有见过他【天卓】

Summary: “你有没有见过病毒一般的他,借眼神传播。”

卓定很少会去想游戏之外的事,和高天亮在一起时,他会帮他做很多决定。 高天亮平时吃什么,卓定就会以他为参考随便吃点东西,高天亮如果要往前走几步,他都会把卓定领子扯着一起往前走。身边的人都说,卓定像是高天亮养的一条狗。

当然人生到底免不了离别。 卓定离开他要去其他地方的时候,高天亮也只是挥挥手,什么都不会说,只是后来偶尔在和兄弟嘴上跑火车的时候拈酸一下,故意提起已经离开很久的卓定。酒过三巡,骂一声忘恩负义的小兔崽子,不知道又在哪给别人当狗呢。

女朋友问高天亮,你恨卓定吗。 他有些烦躁。 刚才还没完全射到里面去就拔了出来,高天亮的那根东西软得有点太快了。 其实他是觉得女朋友的逼没有卓定的逼好进去。前一刻要到高潮的时候脑子里突然浮现出了卓定那张丑脸,他的性器本来就立不了很久,结果因为刚刚脑子里的那个画面性器也迅速萎了。 我操你妈,死逼崽子。 女朋友有点怕他。虽然高天亮只比她高一点点,但每次他生气的时候她又不得不去哄他,她怕这个人发疯。 但高天亮发起疯来不会攻击旁边的人,他更爱自残。享受挑开自己快要愈合的伤口烂肉产生的那些片刻刺激,直冲上他的神经中枢,让他感觉愉悦又痛快,然后在一遍遍阵痛后又笑歪了头,将痂口一层一层撕下来在手上随便搓了下就扔到看不见光的地方。但他疯完又像被针扎爆的气球,蜷缩在角落悄悄泄了气,瘪在一边,像是死了一样。 女朋友尝试着去安抚他,被高天亮一把推开了。


他随便扯了一件衣服披在身上下床,拖着纵欲后疲乏的身体慢吞吞地走到阳台边,他几乎是把全身的重量都倚在了高透玻璃门上,右手下意识地挠着玻璃故意制造出难听刺耳的声响。 他冷冷地开口: “我们分了吧。” 那种无所谓的姿态,像是在说一件很寻常的事。

女朋友不同意,高天亮就任她在旁边闹。女孩动静闹得很大,从不敢置信到大声咆哮,她疯狂地摔了很多东西想引起高天亮的注意。但高天亮故意装成了没听到的样子,耳边的嚎叫会化作他心里前所未有的快感。 女朋友气狠了,冲上来扯着高天亮的领子就给了他一巴掌。高天亮没有还手,阴测测地站在原地眼神呆滞地盯着她,仿佛在看一个不存在的人。 女朋友是什么时候走的高天亮没去注意。她好像收走了一些东西,窸窸窣窣地磨蹭了很久,在房间里到处踢踢踏踏发泄自己的怨气,但她就是气得发疯也觉得自己撼动不了高天亮这个真精神病半分。



至于卓定,他跟他很早就认识了。在十七岁一起住地下室的时候,两个人第一次摸索着小网站上的动作互帮互助,那个时候高天亮在昏暗的灯光下偶尔瞟一眼卓定,看了一眼又觉得太丑了立马就把头扭到另一边。 卓定的脸型本来是垂直的走势但到了下颚角那里又急转直下,骨骼紧贴着两边脸皮,摸起来也不太对称,他本来想说他兄弟很瘦,其实只是很崎岖。但是高天亮也没好到哪去,两人紧贴在一起,竟也分不清谁是谁的手,谁是谁的脸。 我们合在一起的那瞬间,以为占有了你的全部。

后面他们又在很多地方做爱,赛场后台的洗手间盥洗池上,外出比赛商务酒店的落地窗前,出事之后基地小单间摇摇晃晃的单人床,但卓定唯独没有来过高天亮自己买的这套房子。 这是他的家,房产证上写着他一个人的名字。老家的房子有父母,烦人的亲戚经常走去走来。基地的小房间有人心隔着肚皮的同事,还有不会被人主动丢弃的外卖盒堆在门边默默地发臭,等每周的保洁阿姨来定时收走。 而在这个房子里,高天亮想干什么干什么。

他一边收拾一边咒骂,空气里尽是女人的味道还有欢爱过后的淫靡味,高天亮有点烦躁,打扫整个房子的卫生使他很不耐烦。尤其是看到凌乱的床单和跌落一地的衣物,他心里第一次生出了羞耻感,哪怕是被别人听见他和卓定在厕所隔间里弄,他甚至都不会脸红反而还会捂住卓定的嘴越干越起劲。 他想念卓定的逼了。

“喂小逼崽子,你在哪。”高天亮轻快地按下发送键。就像以前一样,他约他他就会出来。 过了好久,对面才弹来一道消息。 “我在忙。” “O.O” 高天亮轻笑一声,这小逼崽子已经学会骗他了。 他收起手机放进口袋里,准备直接去找卓定,他突然有点好奇这人会忙什么。 但高天亮其实不知道应该在哪里找他。他发现,除了比赛和裤裆子里面那点事情之外,他对卓定好像并不了解。他会忙什么,不打比赛的时候还会打游戏吗,他喜欢打什么游戏。

高天亮好像从来没有见过卓定做英雄联盟之外的事,休赛期他一般不会主动直播也不会出去旅游,可能呆在家里吧,也可能是在女人的床上。 他自嘲地笑了笑,发现这么多年他对卓定的所有事情并不完全了解,明明是一到夜里就会严丝无缝贴合的两具身体,到了白天在开灯之前穿上衣服,便自动地隔绝了对方。

他根本不在乎。 想着想着高天亮突然开始烦躁起来,他感觉到在这段关系中自己好像不是占有主动权的那一方。可是他们不是恋人不是亲人更不会有任何实质性的契约关系,谁做主导对他来说重要吗,换而言之,卓定对他来说重要吗......

我不想了解他。 我讨厌他。 我不认识他。 高天亮突然被脑子里的这个想法吓了一跳,如果他跟卓定从没认识过会怎么样。 人与人认识真的是一种缘分,比如在当初那个路口做了一点点细微不同的选择,可能只是慢了一秒说出那句话,可能只是在另一个地点也见到同样的人。但因为蝴蝶效应,很多事情都会改变,可能首先就是他不会成为职业选手。 如果没有走上职业那条路,高天亮觉得凭自己的智商好像真的可以考上清华。 但是有时候很多事情就是会发生的,他去到PDD家里看到一个用左手玩游戏跟他差不多大的男孩的概率应该要比他考上清华的概率大。 于是他们就这样认识了,在无数个平行的瞬间确定下来。高天亮刚开始把卓定当作神,他的游戏操作让他眼前一亮,表面瘦弱得像竹竿一样的男孩却在游戏里当大杀四方的solo王。而生活不会自理不会自己点外卖这种小说中不食人间烟火的设定,更是给高天亮心中卓定的形象蒙上了一层神秘的纱,好像小时候看的武侠小说里天才都是这样。 后来高天亮明白了,卓定不过是白痴而已。 他们的第一次发生在什么时候呢,发生在高天亮某个遗精的清晨。最开始高天亮还只是试探,后来逐渐大胆了起来。都是一起看过片的兄弟了互帮互助一下怎么了,他说服自己。 他比卓定还要矮一点,虽然两人都不怎么高,做那种事情的时候像两具干瘦的木偶抱在床上缠斗,硌得骨头生疼也不会停下来。两个人疯狂宣泄高刺激比赛后过剩的欲望,相互去侵略对方骨瘦如柴的身体。


不过一切都在他看到卓定和一个女生在卫生间做爱的时候结束了。 他觉得恶心。 自那以后他再也没有碰过卓定。 后来高天亮跟卓定分开了,没有人再说“他去哪里,我就去哪里”。卓定在SN被雪藏了半年,后来又去到TOP。高天亮兜兜转转去到FPX,和新队友拿了人生中第一个S赛冠军还得到了象征个人最高荣誉的FMVP。 他看着曾经的队友,曾经被他亵渎过的所谓神明只能站在解说台上看他登上世界之巅,高天亮心中产生了一种恶意的快感。 他还知道卓定精致的西装底下穿了一件印有妙蛙种子的T恤,那天晚上他俩的cpf磕疯了,大家都说他好爱他。 高天亮简直要笑疯了,什么狗屁爱不爱的。不过他才不会像队友那样发布一些没有意义的澄清微博,根本没有的事,为什么要澄清。 虽然高天亮有时候很不想承认他最开始是认为卓定先背叛的他,他觉得有点儿可笑,大家都是直男,兄弟之间存在什么背不背叛的东西呢。 又不是情侣。 他只是偶尔会想起曾经有个夜晚,他第一次真正地去拥抱了卓定。那个时候卓定发了烧,强撑着打完训练赛,不关注他的人根本不会发现他脸色的苍白。他总是这样,就是不舒服也不会说,憋在心里,以为能憋一辈子。 而高天亮没法不注意到他,他跟着走路走不出一条直线的卓定在转角处把他拽进了男厕所。卓定以为高天亮又要干他,吓得双腿一软差点滚到地上。高天亮什么也没说,只拿手探了探他额头,然后拿出手机就给领队打电话。 他们的战队刚创立还很穷招不起队医,平时大家感冒生病都是随便吃点药就过去了,不然只能打一个多小时的车去很远的市中心的医院。 高天亮当晚带着卓定从医院回来的时候,带回了一大包药。其实用不着那么多的,他们从医院出来后高天亮又跑到旁边药店里跟药师绘声绘色描述了卓定的身体是有多么不好,他举起他干瘦的手臂,跟药师说这个男孩因为小时候家里穷吃不起饭导致现在营养不良,每次生病都能被要半条命去。药师实在不想被纠缠下去了,装模作样地糊弄了好多中成药给他。 卓定说小天你真好。 高天亮抱了他一下,知道你爹好就行。 那天晚上外面雨下的很大,高天亮就这样静静地抱着他,第一次脱下了自己长年累月背着的龟壳,他们之间好像从来没有这么安静过,以后也没有过。 或许有那么一刻某个答案要呼之欲出了,但他们都没有选择打破这个平衡,卓定不说,高天亮装瞎,最后变成了我们没好过。

后来是卓定先来找的他,那段时间所谓的背刺事件闹得沸沸扬扬,卓定连道歉都不会,他只会怯怯地站在一边用余光看他,在他看过来的一瞬间瞬间把头低下,只有握紧的双拳出卖了他不堪一击的心虚。 高天亮摸上卓定颤抖的身躯,你也很讨厌我是吧。 卓定害怕地收紧全身,以往被支配的感觉又重新侵入他的心脏 是啊,卓定面上不显,心里仿佛默认了这一事实。 他一直觉得高天亮是个精神病,虽然跟他做爱是卓定自己也顺从的事情,但他同时也恶心着。在被高天亮顶在高潮的时候才会稍微承认一下他其实也很爽。至于后来高天亮不再找他做爱的原因他也知道,因为当年在卫生间的事情是他故意要让他看到的。 只有暗戳戳地恶心他,他才会在操他的高天亮身上找到一点平衡。他跟高天亮这么多年来一直在以为对方没有察觉的状态下隐隐博弈,像小时候爸爸教他下围棋一样,他也在和高天亮下棋。 卓定知道,在高天亮的眼里,自己一直是个只会展示自己的脆弱来博取别人同情的虚伪的人,有时候他也不想的,扮演一个正常的人太累了,他只想好好打游戏。然后一切一切都积压在那年高天亮夺冠的那一刻爆发了,没有人知道那个时候卓定已经崩溃了。 在两家俱乐部的撮合和联盟造势下,他跟高天亮简直是一对联盟里公认的模范兄弟,女粉丝们心中的纯爱CP。没人知道是他们是多么复杂的关系,更不会有人知道他们都想把对方的骨灰盒深埋在六尺之下。他们在床上互相撕扯来获得快感,在雨夜里抓着对方头发拥吻来获得永生。 但那个与他分开的朋友,那个曾经把他当作神的朋友,竟然,竟然...... 可他不会表现出来,他只会为伟大的挚友庆贺,然后适时地流露出自己的遗憾,引来大家一阵又一阵的浮想联翩。而隐藏在虚无下的恶意,甚至连卓定自己也不会察觉到,他反应总是迟钝,意识不到自己的卑劣。 他伏在好多女人的身上,博取她们的怜爱,展示自己脆弱的一面,跟她们讲述自己被兄弟霸凌的过往,一切都是那么的自然,这不是演的!他和高天亮的那个前队友金泰相不一样,他可不会在直播间大声消费自己的痛苦,然后当成烂梗故作轻松地讲出来。 他是真的觉得自己很惨。 但那一天所有的连卓定自己也没有承认过的卑劣突然被摆在了阳光之下,他第一次感到舆论的威力,谩骂和指责纷纷化作利剑刺入他空洞的内心,但他第一时间想到的竟然是高天亮。 他会不会因此恨他, 他不想让他恨他, 他知道自己做了所谓背刺兄弟的事情,可是在卓定模糊的善恶观里面,他并不会因此产生忏悔之心,他只会因为高天亮的态度产生害怕。 可是高天亮什么都没有说,卓定以为他会掐着自己的脖子用肮脏的词语咒骂他,他经常听见的,高天亮骂人一向很脏。 他更害怕了,他避免一切能见到高天亮的场景。自从出事以后,他每次打比赛都感觉是被人按在水里,只有鼻子露在外面维持着最后的呼吸,他死死地攥着鼠标仿佛抓着唯一能救命的浮板,强迫自己神情坚定地盯着电脑画面,他把身边的压抑全都发泄到游戏里,在游戏里他们的配合依旧是天衣无缝,比赛结束后无论是输还是赢,他都恨不得马上从座位上逃离,感觉如果取下耳机的速度慢一点高天亮就会拽住他,把他拖到阴暗的角落羞辱他。

而高天亮只是冷眼旁观。 他看着卓定因他而慌乱,因他而痛苦,因他而暴露出自己的阴暗面,被迫扯下伪善面具的他,如在床上一样赤身裸体将真正的自己展示给他看。 高天亮觉得爽极了,一切的阴影都无处遁藏。 他想到了当年那个潮湿的地下室,卓定陪着彼时还是替补的他度过了好多个夜晚,那里没有窗户,晚上关了灯,他们只能在黑暗中摸索对方的模样,在没有光亮照进来的地方中诞生了异样的情感。

卓定不是他的神和无双,他是游离在他体内的病毒,从见面对上的第一眼就传播进了他的眼睛,日积月累地在他血管中蔓延,他的血液里都是狂流,静脉中跳动着发疯的因子,连接到心脏化作不间断的起搏。 高天亮是卓定心里的一块疤,在他全身最脆弱的皮肉上疯长,做他午夜梦回最不愿意承认的梦魇,见证他所有不被承认的卑劣不堪。 他们合在一起不是天下无双,是无药可医的绝症。

高天亮不知道自己什么时候走出小区门口的,这时突然下起了雨,他没有带伞,但也没有回去的打算,他只能沿着路边商店的屋檐下漫无目地的走着。 恍惚间高天亮好像看见了卓定撑着伞向他走过来。他看了下黑屏的手机,嗤笑了一声,不知道缩在哪个女人的床上呢。 “小天。” 眼前那个模糊的影子开口了。 真的是卓定。 高天亮有点惊讶,还没缓过神就被他递了一瓶矿泉水过来。 卓定不说话了。

两个人陷入诡异的沉默。 可能是他们碰见的地点不对,仿佛离开基地和赛场上他们就不会说话了,不知道说什么。 早年间刚认识的时候他们也无话不谈,聊完游戏就聊最近新出的番。鉴于卓定真的爱好很少,在那之外他们更多的都是有一搭没一搭的应和。 那个时候他们也不觉得无聊,身上都有使不完的劲,脑子里装的都是对未来的幻想。高天亮拧开矿泉水瓶盖,随意地坐在台阶上,卓定也跟着他一起坐下来。

“你来干什么。” 高天亮打破了尴尬的平静。明明一个小时前他才给他发过消息问他在哪,但他还是问了一遍,不然他觉得卓定这个逼崽子肯定会跟他一起打坐到晚上。 卓定闻声泄了一口气,依旧是用他黏黏糊糊的语气说:“明天我就要去集训了。” 其实卓定说完就有点后悔了,他不知道自己为什么要来。刚才接到他信息的时候,他正在收拾明天去集训的行李,简单回了他几句话放下手机加快了速度,收完之后就往高天亮家这边赶。 他们有很久没见面了,卓定今年换了队之后成绩不错,有很多很多的比赛要打然后还拿到了亚运会的名额,整个一年几乎都被安排满了,忙碌得只有机会在客户端和微信上跟高天亮偶尔聊两句。私底下更是很难见面,高天亮也没有强迫他偷偷溜出来。



然后他又好像是想到了什么,他笑着说,“我跟女朋友分手了。” 卓定诧异地看着他,不过很快就想恢复了神情,这么多年他也算是对他有一定了解。高天亮做很多事情仿佛是没有理由的,情绪也来的莫名其妙。 卓定本来就是一个很懒的人,在生活中懒得说话懒得思考,所以除非是别人告诉他今天应该是什么日子否则对他来说又是个普通的一天,而高天亮呢,他更多时候跟他说话感觉只是通知他,不会说为什么。 他们认识很久了,却发现不是无话不谈而是无话可言。 去年的风波之后他们也没有就那件事进行正式的交流,两个人可能自己心里做了很久的心理斗争,但所有的挣扎在面对对方的那一刻什么话都说不出来。渐渐地,什么也没说就回到往常了,他们依然碰拳拥抱,出征仪式举起对方的手,在外人眼里比以往更加亲密,后来还引发了一波新的对他们关系解读的高潮。 可裂痕是实实在在存在过的。 他们不再谈论,就假装从未发生过。 也许不是去年那场风波,可能从遇见对方产生了恶之花开始,他们一开始就背道而驰了。 高天亮自诩聪明,拿阴阳别人当作保护自己的工具,但却对卓定纵容,他分不清这是一种什么样的心态,就这样囫囵地过了好多年。 他们可以大胆的在年少偷尝禁果,但只做不敢在黑暗里直视自己内心的胆小鬼。做爱不过是靠着动物本能,而情感却是人类该思考的事。 他们的连接其实很脆弱,靠着抵死纠缠才能保持藕断丝连。恶意是珍贵的养料,每次要濒死之际就会给这段关系续上一口气。要是一旦看明白了说清楚了这是什么感情,脆弱的连接就会不堪一击。 所以,嘘,请不要说你爱他。


要害怕要懦弱,要沉默要欺骗,就做腐烂的发臭的恶之花,暴雨之中听不见对方的呐喊,横冲直撞,一路向北,被世俗杀死在黎明之前。 至少这一刻我们是在一起的,即使是死亡。






卓定突然一口气说了好多话,这一刻他好像从未认识过卓定。起初高天亮张开嘴还想回答他,但发现想说的话都卡在了嗓子眼儿里,然后他愣愣地低下头,这次胆怯的人变成了高天亮。 太多问题了,他为什么这么多问题,以后又不是不见面了,问这些有什么用,额间暴起的青筋显示着他此时的无措,他的身体不受控制地发抖,在越来越大的雨势中逐渐溃不成军。 今天不过是个普通的一天,今天他只是甩掉了那个很舔他的女朋友,今天他只是突然有点想念卓定的逼,今天只是莫名其妙下起了雨,今天只是又被浪费掉的一天。 突然他回过神来,发现卓定只是呆呆地看向雨中,好像原来刚才的一切只是他的幻觉。




from Andy's RPG blog

In the first session, the party entered the dungeon, were chased by robed figures with maces, killed two of the figures, and discovered a secret passage in which to rest.

The party is: Feog the dwarf, Yaïma the elf, Elomi the halfling, and Dark Rain the thief.

The map from this session:

A black-and-white digitally hand-drawn dungeon map.

Adventure Session

From the darkness of the passage in which the party was resting, a lone elf suddenly appeared. Feog and Yaïma quickly rose to their feet. “Hail,” Feog said. Dark Rain re-lit his torch.

Through discussion, the party found out that the elf, named Radwen, was not allied with the robed figures; in fact, he knew little about them. They were a recent addition to the dungeon environment, and had other denizens concerned. Radwen allowed the party to cross through his room.

The door led to a passage angling at 45° to the southwest, then again another 45° toward the south. At the end of the passage, it connected with a 40' wide corridor with a double row of columns supporting the ceiling. This massive corridor stretched far beyond the torch light.

The party continued down the corridor, off to the side behind the northern row of columns. A 10' wide passage branched off to the south, but the corridor of columns continued on to the west.

The party followed the branching path, around a turn to the right. It shortly ended at a door. Dark Rain pressed an ear to the door, but heard nothing. He pulled at the door but found it stuck. Yaïma yanked at it, pulling it open to reveal a continuation of the passage.

From further on, the party could hear chittering and yipping and saw lantern light. Dark Rain crept down the passage to scout ahead. At the end, he peeked around entry way to find a trapezoidal room inhabited by four (distracted) gnolls.

Suddenly, a group of 6 neanderthals entered the room from a passage on the opposite wall of the room from where Dark Rain was eavesdropping. The gnolls and neanderthals began to converse, each speaking their own language but communicating with seemingly little difficulty.

Unwilling to deal with 10 fearsome humanoids, the party backtracked out to the columned corridor. Dark Rain lit a new torch and guided his companions to the west.

The corridor finally came to an end [Referee's note: mercifully, when I reached the edge of my graph paper!], with a passage leading to the north. As they followed it, the party members began to pick up a nauseating stench on the air.

They reached an intersection where the passage continued on ahead while a side passage branched off, curving toward the north as well. The stench emanated from the curving path. As they pondered their next move, the sound of sibilant speech followed the odor. The party headed back to the corridor of columns as 8 troglodytes appeared from the curving passage!

The troglodytes broke into fighting stances with their claws at the ready. The party immediately turned and ran!

The party rushed down the center of the columned corridor. Feog started to fall behind, owing to his dwarf-y physique. He cried out for help when the troglodytes reached within 10' of him, their disgusting odor sharp over his shoulder. The troglodytes were running along the edge of the room, behind the columns; some started to break out into the main path down the corridor.

Yaïma turned and began chanting, waving her arms about in the air. Elomi stepped behind the columns with an arrow knocked; Dark Rain shot an arrow from within the main path. Feog continued to run toward his party mates.

The arrows of both Elomi and Dark Rain struck true, bloodying their targets. Nevertheless, the troglodytes advanced. Yaïma unleashed her spell, causing four of the troglodytes in the main path to fall to the flagstones in a magical slumber (one of which was wounded by Dark Rain). Feog reached the column closest to Elomi, turned to face the troglodytes, and drew his battle axe.

The four standing troglodytes (including the one injured by Elomi) charged: two at Elomi and two at Feog. The injured troglodyte exacted his revenge on Elomi, slashing her to death with his claws. The two troglodytes on Feog did the same, leaving him a shredded mess on the stone floor.

Yaïma and Dark Rain ran for the side passage, and escaped back to Radwen's domain. Taking pity on the remaining two adventurers, Radwen guided them back to the surface. From there, they returned to town.

Referee Notes

I want to remember to re-roll if the generator puts a door in the middle of a passage... See the passage right before the gnoll room!

And what is up with that massive corridor in the middle of the dungeon!? :)

Next Session

R.I.P. Elomi the halfling and Feog the dwarf.

Character sheet index cards for Elomi and Feog, with a skull stamped in red on each.


from Andy's RPG blog

Inspired by this series on the Smoldering Wizard blog, I decided to try blogging a solo game of OSE.

I rolled up four characters (3d6 down the line): Feog the dwarf, Yaïma the elf, Elomi the halfling, and Dark Rain the thief.

The map from this session:

Adventure Session

The party descended down the stairs into the dungeon (I have not developed an above ground setting yet). At the foot of the stairs was a room, 30' by 30'. Each wall had a door in the center: The door on the northern wall did not have a lock; the southern door had a lock, but Dark Rain said it looked simple; the western door had a lock that looked more complex.

Elomi listened at the northern door, Feog and Dark Rain at the western, and Yaïma at the southern. None heard anything. The group decided to go through the southern door. Since the door had a lock, they thought that it could contain treasure; however, since the lock was simpler than the other, it would make for a better starting point.

Dark Rain quickly opened the lock. He pushed open the door to find a parallel passage on the other side.

From the darkness further down the passage, a solitary gnome approached. The gnome seemed unsure about the intrusion by Dark Rain, but when Feog entered the passage, the gnome seemed more relaxed, although a bit disinterested.

Feog addressed the gnome, “Hail, sir. Do you live here?”

The gnome responded, “My burrow is deeper below the earth.”

Feog said, “I see. Then we will continue on our way. Is there any danger ahead?”

The gnome shouted, “No more questions!”

Feog responded, “Okay...”

The gnome passed the party, frowning at them. The party continued slowly down the passage. They arrived at an intersection with a side passage branching off to the left. Furthermore, a group of four cloaked figures, illuminated by lantern-light, approached from ahead. The figures passed the party, with a nod.

The party continued straight. They soon found the door the hooded figures had come through—guarded by another hooded figure!

As soon as the guard saw the group, he pounded on the door and then hefted his mace.

Dark Rain said to his party, “I think we took the wrong path.”

Feog replied, “Yes, run down the side passage!”

The guard ran towards Dark Rain, brandishing the mace.

The group ran down the passage, with the guard 20 feet behind them. Feog the dwarf fell to the back of the group. They turned a corner to the left; The guard followed them. The passage turned left again and descended to the next floor below.

The slope ended at a door. It didn't have a lock, but when Yaïma pulled it, the door was stuck—the group was trapped!

Feog quickly took out his battle axe. The guard swung his mace, but the dwarf dodged the blow. The dwarf counterattacked, but his battle ax bounced off the armor under the guard's tunic!

Elomi joined Feog and swung her short sword at the guard, but she missed. While the dwarf and the halfling kept the guard busy, the elf worked to unstick the door.

Dark Rain joined in and stabbed the guard with his short sword, mortally wounding him! The guard fell to the ground, bleeding out.

Yaïma unstuck the door and opened it just as reinforcements arrived around the corner. The group of adventurers quickly passed through the door and closed it behind them. Elomi took an iron spike and a small hammer from her backpack and drove the spike under the door to keep it closed.

On this side of the door, the passage turned a half angle to the left. Although tired of running and fighting, the group continued forward, concerned by the sound of the guards banging on the door. In the passage, the thief's torch went out, plunging him and the halfling into darkness; the elf and the dwarf, however, could see in the dark. Dark Rain lit another torch.

At the end of the hallway, they came to a circular chamber with no clear exit. They began to search the walls for a secret door, when they heard a crash. The door was broken down and guards could be heard shouting in the passage. Dark Rain extinguished his torch and the group took up sniping positions at the entrance.

Dark Rain, Elomi, and Feog shot arrows at the guards. Dark Rain the thief hit the first guard and killed him, causing the rest to flee! The fallen guard held no treasure, but Dark Rain took his mace and (un)holy symbol and Yaïma carried off his plate mail.

The group continued searching for secret doors. Yaïma found one hidden in the western part of the wall. They entered the quiet passage on the other side. Weary, the group decided to rest in the dark, with Yaïma and Feog on guard.

Referee Notes

It was a little odd going from indifferent to immediately hostile with the cloaked figures (Acolytes). I guess I should have modified the reaction roll for the door guard! Oh well, it provided action.

Next Session


from Mr. Funk E. Dude's Bread Blog

I came up with this delicious formula a few years ago and my girlfriend and I have loved it ever since. It takes a full day to make but the results are DELICIOUS! Let me know if you try this yourself and how it turns out! If you want to see how I make it, check out my video

Sourdough buttermilk sandwich bread. A soft and delicious sandwich bread that's will have you wanting more.

EQUIPMENT oven stand mixer


Levain 125 grams sourdough starter 25 grams starter 50 grams flour 50 grams water

Tangzhong 30 grams bread flour 150 grams water

Dough 420 grams bread flour 217 grams buttermilk 10 grams salt 25 grams granulated sugar 55 grams butter


The Levain The night before you bake, create your levain and let it sit out over night. Mix 25 grams of starter with 50 grams of flour and 50 grams of water.

Make the Tangzhong In a small sauce pan mix 30 grams of bread flour with 150 grams of water over a medium heat stirring constantly until it begins to thicken. Once it begins to look like runny mashed potatos, remove it from the heat and allow it to cool.

Making the dough In your stand mixer add the flour, salt, sugar and mix it all together. Attach the dough hook to your stand mixer and set it to a low speed. Slowly add your buttermilk and let it incorporate into the flour. Once the buttermilk is mixed in, add your levain and Tangzhong. Slowly add the butter. Increase mixer to the third setting and allow it to knead the bread for 6 minutes or until it's become smooth. Remove the mixing bowl with your dough still in it from the stand mixer and set it on a counter top. Leave the dough in the mixing bowl and let it rest for 30 min.

Stretch and fold Once the resting time for your dough is done you will need to begin the first set of stretch and folds. Begin by wetting your hands and taking the top of the dough and stretching it up, and then folding it down. Then turn your bowl to the side and repeat for all 4 sides. Once done, cover and allow it to rest for 30 minutes. Repeat stretch and fold as above two more times with a 30 minute rest in between each set. Do a window pane test. If it doesn't pass, do another set of stretch and folds and test again. If it passes add the dough to a bulk container or a bowl and allow it to rise 50%.

Shaping Once it's risen dump the dough onto a non floured surface. Shape into a boule and cover with a damp cloth for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes flour your work surface and place the dough on top. Degas your dough lightly and stretch into a rectangle. You can use a rolling pin if you need to. I preffer doing it by hand. Taking the left and right side of your dough, fold both sides to the center. From the bottom, roll the dough to the top, and then place into a buttered loaf pan. Cover with a damp towel and allow it to rise 50-75%.

Baking Preheat oven to 375F. Place loaf pan in center of oven and allow it to bake for 40 minutes or until golden brown and internal temprature reaches 210F. Remove from oven an place on cooling rack for 30 minutes.

NOTES This is a high hydration dough and can be intimidating to new bakers. When handling it make sure to keep your hands wet. Shaping can take longer because of this so be patient.


from Language Daemon

The role of the unconscious (in language learning)

Remedios Varo, Nacer de nuevo

Remedios Varo, Nacer de nuevo

[Spanish version below]

One of the foundations of input theory is the distinction between learning and acquisition. The former has to do with memorizing grammatical rules, use and endings of verb tenses, etc., and the latter with an internalization, a “becoming one” with the language, the Sprachgefühl of German, in which we can produce sentences even while ignoring the rules of grammar that explain them. I think it is possible to relate this distinction, at the risk of pop psychology, to that of the conscious and the unconscious. When we are studying grammar, doing exercises, flashcards, etc., there is a very rational part at play, very “luminous”, very volitional. When we are just exposing ourselves to language, letting it come to us, and trusting that from there will come production as a consequence, there is a belief in the productive capacity of our unconscious part.

Your brain is a very rare and mysterious thing, and it can surprise you if you give it a chance. One of the loveliest moments in language study is when you produce a sentence or word and you don't know where it came from, it wasn't on your vocabulary list, on your flashcards, on the gap-fill you did that day... it came, it seems, from nowhere. It's as if it came from the dark tides of the mind, where we are not actually present. Like in the fairy tale, you open your mouth and a jewel comes out of it.

The logic of comprehensible input is that when you get in touch with the target language, in a “passive” way, just receiving the language, behind your consciousness a process starts to occur that is hidden from you but is actually very active, your brain is ordering the language without “you”, the conscious part of you, being involved. It is as if you have a secret, silent employee doing that for you, and one fine day, all of a sudden, you can claim the fruits of his labor.

Of course there is a place for willpower, discipline, the “rational”, but it seems to me that it is limited to committing yourself to the study, deciding on a schedule, a routine, having the discipline to do something every day, paying attention, being focused, looking for the materials. Where I don't think conscience or rationality plays a major role is in deciding on language proficiency. I see students struggling, at the moment of speaking, as if, by sheer will, by force, they want to call words and structures into their mouths that they have not yet assimilated, or forcing the sentences they are capable of making into the mold of the grammatical rule they have just learned but cannot yet reproduce spontaneously. The result is stumbling and arduous communication.

I believe it is because of these difficulties that proponents of input theory recommend not studying grammar. I have seen it several times: students who have spent a lot of time learning the rules of the language exert a certain violence on their own production, correcting themselves at every step, getting frustrated. A policeman, hired by themselves, hinders communication. They have a high grammatical knowledge but, in reality, an acquisition of an earlier level and which is under constant attack. The question remains as to where they would be if all that time and effort poured into grammar had been spent reading and listening, if they could let their production, at whatever point it is, flow spontaneously, easily, without surveillance and punishment (Foucauldian wink).

In my own practice I am not so radical about banning grammar. I consider that a five-minute explanation can speed up the subject, resolve a certain doubt, and allow to move on to something else (like taking out a map during a hike). But I have seen the negative effects in students who have put too much emphasis on the “rational” part, too many flashcards, too many memorized rules, too many practiced conjugations. And I see them call on that same rational part when producing, but it cannot come to their aid because it is pure force, will without content. It is not to it that we must call in the production, but to what is really acquired, which resides in the depths and decides to come to us, easily, without effort.

[Please note that the Spanish and English versions are not an exact match]

El papel del inconsciente (en el aprendizaje de lenguas)

Uno de los fundamentos de la teoría del input es la distinción entre aprendizaje (learning) y la adquisición. El primero tiene que ver con memorizar reglas gramaticales, uso y terminaciones de tiempos verbales, etc., y el segundo con una interiorización, un “hacerse uno” con el lenguaje, el Sprachgefühl del alemán, en que podemos producir oraciones incluso ignorando las normas que las explican. Creo que es posible relacionar esta distinción, con el riesgo de hacer psicología pop, con aquélla del consciente y el inconsciente. Cuando estamos estudiando gramática, haciendo ejercicios, flashcards, etc., hay una parte muy racional en juego, muy “luminosa”, de mucha voluntad. Cuando sólo estamos exponiéndonos al lenguaje, dejándolo venir hacia nosotros, y confiando en que de allí vendrá la producción como una consecuencia, hay una creencia en la capacidad productiva de nuestra parte inconsciente.

Tu cerebro es una cosa muy rara y misteriosa, y puede sorprenderte si le das la oportunidad. Uno de los momentos más lindos en el estudio de lenguas es cuando produces una oración o palabra y no sabes de dónde salió, no estaba en tu lista de vocabulario, en tus flashcards, en el gap-fill que hiciste ese día... vino, parece, de ningún lado. Es como si viniera de las mareas oscuras de la mente, donde no estamos presentes en realidad. Como en el cuento de hadas, abres la boca y una joya sale de ella.

La lógica del input comprensible es que al ponerte en contacto con el idioma objetivo, en una manera “pasiva”, sólo recibiendo el lenguaje, detrás de tu consciencia empieza a ocurrir un proceso que te está oculto pero que es en verdad muy activo, tu cerebro está ordenando el lenguaje sin que “tú”, la parte consciente de ti, esté involucrada. Es como si tuvieras a un empleado secreto y mudo que hace eso por ti, y un buen día, de repente, puedes reclamar los frutos de su trabajo.

Por supuesto que hay un lugar para la fuerza de voluntad, la disciplina, lo “racional”, pero me parece que se limita a comprometerte con el estudio, decidir un horario, una rutina, tener la disciplina de hacer algo cada día, poner atención, estar concentrado, buscar los materiales. Donde no creo que la consciencia o la racionalidad tengan un papel preponderante es en decidir el dominio del idioma. Veo a alumnos luchar, al momento de hablar, como si por mera voluntad, a la fuerza, quisieran llamar a su boca palabras y estructuras que todavía no tienen asimiladas, u obligando a las frases que sí son capaces de realizar a entrar en el molde de la regla gramática que acaban de aprender pero todavía no pueden reproducir de manera espontánea. El resultado es una comunicación tropezada y ardua.

Creo que es debido a estas dificultades que los defensores de la teoría del input recomiendan no estudiar gramática. Lo he visto varias veces: estudiantes que han dedicado mucho tiempo a aprender las normas del idioma ejercen una cierta violencia sobre su propia producción, corrigiéndose a cada paso, frustrándose. Un policía, contratado por ellos mismos, obstaculiza la comunicación. Tienen un conocimiento gramatical alto pero, en realidad, una adquisición de un nivel anterior y que está bajo constante ataque. Queda la pregunta por dónde estarían si todo ese tiempo y esfuerzo vertido en la gramática lo hubieran pasado leyendo y escuchando, si pudieran dejar a su producción, en el punto en el que esté, fluir de manera espontánea, fácil, sin vigilarla y castigarla (guiño foucaultiano).

En mi propia práctica no soy tan radical respecto de prohibir la gramática. Considero que una explicación de cinco minutos puede acelerar el asunto, resolver cierta duda, y permitir pasar a otra cosa (como sacar un mapa durante una excursión). Pero sí he podido ver los efectos negativos en estudiantes que han puesto demasiado énfasis en su parte “racional”, demasiadas flashcards, demasiadas reglas memorizadas, demasiadas conjugaciones practicadas. Y los veo llamar a esa misma parte racional al momento de producir, pero no puede venir en su auxilio pues es pura fuerza, voluntad sin contenido. No es a ella a quien debemos llamar en la producción, sino a lo realmente adquirido, que reside en las profundidades y decide venir a nosotros, fácil, sin esfuerzo.


from the sunday needle

Sometimes I wish petty revenge on Milo, things far too violent for me to type here, but then I remember how miserable and alone he is and I know I've gotten my revenge before I even realized I wanted it.


from Mr. Funk E. Dude

I waited for this game to go on sale since I played the first one for free and although I enjoyed it, I didn't enjoy it enough that I would have paid full price for it. So when Requiem dropped I knew I wanted to play it, and decided to wait for it to drop in price by half.

Plague Tale is the story of two 14th century children. Hugo a 6 year old boy, and his 15 year old sister Amicia, who are trying to cure Hugo of a disease that's killing him and is somehow connected to the plague of flesh eating rats that are invading cities all around them. The game is essentially 50% hiding and evading capture, and 50% creating light sources in order to evade the rats who wont go into the light.

Requiem, the second game in the series, takes place shortly after the first game ends and continues the games motif and gameplay. The only thing it seems to do differently, aside from progressing the lore, is ramp up the obvious PTSD in the children that they gained from the first game and put it on display. Amicia and Hugo both are heavily traumatized by their situation and display the classic signs of disassociation and intense anxiety one would expect.

And this is where my biggest criticism of the game comes in. While I applaud Asobo Studios for showing the reality of how these situations in video games would actually affect people, and especially children, the constant complaints and appeal to fear from both of the main characters although appropriate to their situation, gets tiring to listen to about half way through the game. I got sick of hearing Amicia tell Hugo that she wont leave him or give up on him and I was even more tired of hearing Hugo complain about how dark and scary things were and that they should go back.

There's just so much of it.

And of course there are little things that bugged me about the mechanics of how the game was played. For example there's a heavy need for fire, to keep the rats at bay with the light. Yet the game makes you drop necessary tools like torches, just to climb a ledge or jump down one. At one point in the game when you are both in the clutches of the rats nest, the game has you drop the torch and run from the very creatures the light of the torch forces back. It's little things like that which took me out of the game and scratch my head in wonder.

However, pushing through all of that, the game is fun to play. Figuring out what you need, collecting inventory along the way, solving puzzles, hiding from capture, it gets intense and can be very enjoyable. The graphics are beautiful, the voice acting is spot on, and the story is consistent in it's theme and strives to create a lore for future sequels. Would I recommend this game? Yes, but not at full price. It's fun, but gets annoying as well.

If you're thinking about buying this game, I suggest trying out a demo first if one is available to you. If not, pick it up when it drops under $35.

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