bontenblackcard

Membawa tas berisi baju ganti (dan sebuah kue kecil untuk ibu Baji, ia merasa tidak enak datang kosong tangan), Sanzu akhirnya sampai di depan pintu apartemen Baji.

Ia baru saja mau mengetuknya, tetapi Baji sudah membuka pintu sebelum ia mengangkat tangan.

“Yuk, masuk!”

Baji menarik lengan Sanzu, menutup pintu kembali saat si pirang sudah masuk. Dikunci juga. Sebenarnya, saat Baji menyentuhnya, mukanya agak memerah. Ia langsung menahan diri sebelum ada yang melihat, menyibukkan diri dengan kue yang dibawanya tadi.

Ibu Baji sedang duduk di ruang tamu, jadi Sanzu mendekatinya secara sopan dan menyerahkan kuenya.

“Ini, buat Ibu.”

“Eh? Wah, kok tahu ini rasa kesukaan saya... Makasih ya, Haruchiyo.”

Senyuman Baji dan senyuman ibunya nyaris sama, ternyata.


Baji duduk tepat di sebelah Sanzu, menonton film yang sedang tayang di layar laptopnya. Itu bukan masalah baginya. Yang menjadi masalah itu betapa kecil jarak di antara mereka. Padahal, sebelumnya, ia tidak pernah malu duduk di samping siapapun.

Mungkin ia mulai gila karena baru sembuh dari sakit. Itu saja alasan yang dapat ia terima. Tidak mungkin ia benar-benar menyimpan perasaan untuk teman sendiri, kan? Kan?

Alasan itu dengan cepat hilang dari pikirannya saat Baji secara tidak sadar mengelus rambutnya, layaknya ia mengelus kucing. Tetapi Sanzu tidak merasa marah ataupun tidak nyaman. Ia merasa sangat nyaman, malah.

Sial.

Sanzu tidak berani bergerak sedikitpun. Ia tidak mau elusannya berhenti, tetapi ia juga malu untuk mengatakan apapun kepada Baji. Padahal biasanya ia yang paling anti disentuh orang lain.

“Eh, maaf, Yo!”

Akhirnya ia sadar, menarik tangannya dari kepala Sanzu. Menepuk muka sendiri dengan tangan sebelah, Baji bergeleng-geleng.

“Duh, gimana sih gue... kok lu gak bilang apa-apa?”

Ya, gara-gara gue suka, tol. Ngapain gue nyuruh berhenti kalo suka?

Sanzu berpikir kalau itu ia simpan dalam hati, tetapi ekspresi Baji berkata lain. Awalnya ia terkejut, lalu tiba-tiba tersenyum. Lain cerita bagi Sanzu, ia memasang muka malu. Ia benar-benar tidak bermaksud, menjauh seakan-akan tersetrum.

“Ooh, yaudah. Gausah malu, kayak sama siapa aja!”

Baji dengan santai mendekat kembali, tangannya pas diletakkan di pinggang Sanzu. Ini sama sekali bukan sesuatu yang ia kira akan terjadi malam ini. Kelakuan Baji tetap tidak tertebak walau ia sudah berteman lama dengannya, sepertinya.


Hebatnya, ia bisa tidur nyenyak. Biasanya ia susah tidur, apalagi kalau habis mengalami kejadian yang membuatnya berpikir sangat panjang. Tidak hanya itu, ia tidur sekasur dengan Baji.

Mereka tidak berpelukan, ruangan dengan AC yang tidak terlalu dingin tidak memungkinkan, jadi mereka saling membelakangi. Bayangkan betapa terkejutnya Sanzu saat ia lupa keesokan harinya dan buka mata menghadap muka Baji.

Langsung beranjak dari kasur, Sanzu berhati-hati agar tidak membuat Baji ikut bangun. Moodnya hampir selalu jelek kalau terbangun pagi-pagi. Ia tidak mau mengambil resiko itu.

Hari ini Sabtu, sih, tapi ia merasa terlalu malu untuk berlama-lama lagi disini. Setelah ganti baju dan rapi-rapi, Sanzu pamit kepada ibu Baji dan pulang.

Sanzu bukan korban penculikan, setidaknya untuk sekarang. Ia sadar saat melihat kaos Baji tersampir di kursi dan selembar kertas di atas meja yang diperuntukkan dirinya. Beranjak dari kasur, ia meraih kertas tersebut.

…Ya, pasti ini dari dia. Tulisannya berantakan sekali dan sulit dibaca. Dengan susah payah, ia memecahkan puzzle rumit yaitu tulisan tangan Baji. Pasti guru-guru sekolah mereka geleng-geleng kepala mengecek pekerjaannya.

Sebelum ia sempat menaruh kertas itu kembali, pintu kamar terbuka. Sanzu mengira ibu Baji yang membukanya, tetapi suara nyaring yang terdengar jelas-jelas bukan milik beliau.

“Sumpah Yo, lu diliatin semua orang, njir.”

Ia hanya dapat membayangkannya. Pingsan di tengah lapangan yang terik... malu sekali, menurutnya. Apalagi kalau dilirik betapa banyaknya murid yang mengikuti upacara hari ini. Tapi, tidak mungkin ia pingsan hingga jam pulang.

“Lah, Ji, lu bolos?”

Baji menggangguk, selagi menata rambut.

“Sans, emak gue gak marah kok. ...Gak marah banget,” candanya.

Nah, Sanzu jadi tidak enak hati sudah menumpang di rumahnya. Sebelum-sebelumnya, ia pernah datang kemari, tetapi hanya sebentar dan di ruang utama saja. Sekarang ia berada di kamar Baji dan di kasurnya pula?

Seakan mendengar isi pikiran si rambut pirang, Baji tertawa.

“Dah gue bilang, santai aja, Yo. Makan dulu, sini!”

kakuiza au: kakucho died during tenjiku arc

“Lupakan mereka yang sudah mati.”

“Mereka tidak disini untuk melindungimu.”

Ya, itulah kata-kata yang Izana kecil ujarkan kepada Kakucho sebelum mengangkatnya menjadi abdi. Abdi yang melayani raja dengan impian memulai era baru. Masa kecil itu bersamanya bisa dihitung salah satu kenangan indah baginya.

Namun, masa itu sudah lampau. Impiannya— tidak, impian mereka berdua, sudah hangus, diinjak-injak dan mati bersama satu-satunya orang yang paling ia percayai. Tangan Kakucho mulai mendingin. Izana menggenggamnya lebih erat.

Terbaring disini berlumur darah, melihat langit yang menghujani mereka dengan salju, ia hampir dapat mendengar suara dua anak kecil. Bertahun-tahun yang lalu, pada salah satu hari salju. Menatap langit yang luas sambil tersenyum, mata berbinar.

“Kita pasti akan menciptakan era yang hebat!”

Dua anak kecil yang tidak tahu apa-apa. Bulu mata Izana basah, ia tidak memberanikan diri untuk menengok ke kiri. Ia tidak kuat juga, setelah kehilangan darah hingga kepalanya berasa ringan.

Mungkin suara itu sebuah halusinasi. Bayangan terakhir yang dialaminya sebelum nyawanya hilang juga, mengikuti Kakucho ke alam berikutnya. Lemah begini, Izana berpikir kalau ia pasti akan mati.

Meninggal di sisi Kakucho tidak terdengar seperti cara yang buruk untuk mati.

“Tunggu aku,” bisiknya.


Berdiri di tempat pertama ia bertemu Kakucho, Izana menanggalkan antingnya sebelah. Diletakkan dalam sebuah gundukan tanah, serupa dengan kuburan yang pernah Kakucho buat. Terkadang, ia merasa bahwa sebenarnya dialah yang memberi nilai pada hidupnya.

Sayang sekali bahwa kisah mereka bersama terpotong pendek secepat ini. Andai ia berkuasa, mereka akan selalu berdua selamanya. Izana terus berpikir, “Mengapa bukan aku? Mengapa harus Kakucho?” Ia masih muda, masih banyak hal yang belum dia alami.

Yang takkan pernah ia alami di sisi Izana sekalipun. Kejam sekali dunia ini. Izana tahu itu betul, telah mengenal dekat dan bahkan mengubah diri untuk berkembang dengan baik di dalamnya. Tetapi Kakucho menjadi bagian besar dalam hidupnya, bahkan bagian yang penting.

Menyadarkannya bahwa, tidak, tidak semua orang dapat digantikan. Dilupakan. Buktinya, ia berada di sini dan bukan di apartemennya yang jaraknya puluhan kilometer. Jumlah orang yang benar-benar berdampak dalam hidupnya dapat dihitung dengan jari tangan saja.

Izana sudah jauh terlalu terlambat untuk mengakuinya. Orang yang ingin disampainya sudah tiada. Namun, tetap saja ia berlutut. Menangis karena tidak ada apa-apa lagi yang dapat ia lakukan. Habisnya, ia sadar setelah napas terakhirnya terhembus pada malam itu.

“Aku merindukanmu. Maafkan aku sudah ceroboh, tidak mengindahkan perkataanmu. Kamu benar.”

“Andaikan kamu mengetahui isi hatiku sebelum kamu pergi.”

Karena ialah yang menempati hatinya yang sebelumnya Izana pikir kosong. Tidak berempati atau berperasaan untuk siapapun lagi. Dengan satu pengecualian, yaitu Kakucho. Selama ini, ia buta terhadap perasaannya sendiri.

Izana akhirnya beranjak, menepuk sisa-sisa tanah dari celana yang ia kenakan. Sudah malam, ia tidak dapat berlama-lama lagi sebab masih berurusan keesokan harinya. Menatap kuburan yang ia buat untuk terakhir kalinya, ia berjalan ke stasiun.


Jika seterusnya ia hanya memakai anting sebelah kanan, tidak ada yang bertanya ataupun berkomentar. Satu kali melihat tatapan Izana yang kosong, mencerminkan lautan yang murka, sudah cukup memaparkan keadaan batinnya.

Tidak perlu ditanya lagi, Izana Kurokawa truly did love Kakucho.

He was just far too late to realize it.

ranzu typical content you'd expect from bonten arc

Sanzu thought Ran would be the last person to come and help him. Especially at such a late hour. To him, the older man seemed too distant and uncaring to even lift a finger for anyone aside from Rindou.

Could you blame him? He'd never seen a nice side to him, just that irritating smirk and smooth voice. All business, his playfulness felt like manipulation more than a personality trait.

Which was why he was caught totally off guard by Ran picking him up off the floor, careful to step over the scattered bodies and shattered glass. Sanzu's left leg was hurt badly, and he expected Ran to tell him to just “walk it off,” not carry him.

Under any normal circumstance, he would have chewed him out and fought back, but he was already woozy from the blood loss.

Next he knew, he was in the back seat of an expensive car—presumably Ran's—while the aforementioned tended to his wounds. Surprise, the Haitani knew first aid. He figured it was because Rindou tended to be far more careless, so it made sense.

What didn't make sense was how strangely gentle he was being. Sanzu wasn't some wounded kitten, but he might as well have been with how careful Ran was treating him. When he was offered a bottle of water, he almost knocked it away while trying to figure out his next move.

Observant as ever, Ran pulled back before he could actually spill it.

“Feeling lively enough to reject help?”

Those sleepy lilac eyes narrowed, but not in malice or annoyance. In fact, it was due to the smile gracing his lips. Sanzu had never seen him smile with his eyes, so it was a new sight.

“No, sorry.”

A curt response. He didn't have the energy to think of any comebacks.

He reached for the bottle that Ran still held in his hand, drinking about half after it had been handed to him. Only after he nearly choked trying to swallow did he realize how thirsty he actually was.

“Do you have any painkillers? Hurts like shit.”

Ran shook his head, which made him groan. Sanzu had been through worse without them, but he wasn't exactly sober those times. Guess he'd just have to grin and bear it.

“Unless you want the 80 proof I keep in the car.”

That definitely raised several questions, none of which he knew the answers to. However, he'd much rather be drunk than feel all his injuries for the entire ride back to headquarters.

Sanzu only had about two glasses, since that was all Ran let him drink. After that, Ran got in the driver's seat and started the car. He left the water bottle in the back, storing the liquor bottle (and glass) God knows where.

It was a long way back, they'd be on the road for two hours at least. Sanzu was getting blood all over Ran's car seat, but he couldn't find it in himself to care right now. Leaning against the window, he began to drift off.

When he opened his eyes again, he didn't see a familiar building. It was an apartment complex, one he'd never been to before. Why didn't Ran just drop him off back at base?

“Before you ask, it was closer. I'm not exactly awake enough to drive all the way back there.”

Oh.

“Still can't walk.”

Ran quickly helped him out of the car, walking Sanzu to the lobby before asking him to sit and wait a while. He still needed to park, and he couldn't exactly get a valet driver to do it. Didn't trust them enough with his car.

It was quick, at least. They were in his penthouse in about 5 minutes. Exactly the kind of living quarters he expected from Ran. Judging from the muffled music coming from another room in it, his brother also lived here.

Great, now both Haitanis knew he had a fucked up leg, as if he needed more shit for them to make fun of. (They never said anything to his face, but he knew.)

Sanzu sat on a stray chair while Ran was busying himself with finding medical supplies. At some point, as Ran redressed his wounds, Rindou left his room and saw the two.

“Finally making a move?”

Ran paused only for a moment, before looking up at his brother.

“Hah. Lend him some of your clothes, his are dirty.”

Rindou huffed, narrowing his eyes. There was a bottle of soda in his hand, likely the reason he came out in the first place.

“Why not yours? I don't want to.”

“I'm too tall, Rindou.”

“Ugh.”

As the younger Haitani closed the door behind him, Sanzu thought over what he said. What the fuck did he mean by “making a move”?

Before he could ask, Rindou threw a set of clothes at Ran, breaking his concentration. The older caught them, placing the shirt and sweatpants in Sanzu's lap. They didn't look nice or anything, but they'd do for the time being.

“Need help changing?”

“No. Turn around.”

Ran did as he was told, facing away from Sanzu. He struggled a bit, having to wriggle into the pants while sitting. It would have been much easier to just say yes. Would it be worth the embarrassment, though? No.

He didn't have to tell him he was done, the lack of grunting was enough of a sign.

“You'll have to stay the night.”

“Great, am I sleeping on the couch?”

“We have a guest room, unless you intend on getting cozy with my little brother.”

Sanzu cringed at that, clearly not considering the latter option.

“No thanks. I'll take the guest room.”

The next morning, his leg was healed enough for him to walk. Not far and not without pain, though. He didn't expect any more hospitality past last night, but Ran was full of surprises, apparently.

The older already had food set out, drinking coffee as he texted someone on his phone.

Sanzu limped to the dining table, taking the seat across from him. There was only one meal, which meant Rindou likely left already. Why did he stay behind, then?

“Boss already knows you're out of commission.”

He ate in silence, still trying to make sense of everything Ran was doing for him. It was out of character. In the past, he'd even thought Ran hated him.

“By the way, I'm in love with you.”

What.

What?!

”...?”

Utterly speechless, Sanzu only stared at him, teal eyes wide open. He couldn't believe what he just heard. Ran seemed like a womanizer, so why him? Was he drunk? He said it so casually—

“How's your leg?”

“Why are you changing the topic?”

Ran looked confused. Like he didn't expect Sanzu to ask.

“You didn't say anything, so I thought you didn't care.”

“How am I supposed to respond to that?!”

Sanzu would have leaned over to grab him by the collar and started shaking if his leg didn't hurt so badly.

“Oh, I don't know. “I love you too,” or “I'm not”.”

“You can't just spring that on me. Give me time to think, you fucker!”

How did they get to this point, again?

Sanzu can't remember not living in the Haitanis' penthouse, with all the eccentricities of the two brothers. Despite living with both, he was much closer with one.

After Mikey's untimely demise, Bonten eventually faded into the shadows. Some of its members, like Ran and Rindou, chose to leave and work on their own projects. Sanzu, left without a place to go, decided to follow them.

Of course, he probably wouldn't have if he wasn't dating the older of the two. Rindou teased him endlessly about it at first. He shrugged it off. Ran was much kinder than he initially thought, and genuinely cared for him.

He often found failure in his past relationships, apparently. It explained why he was so nonchalant about his feelings and didn't expect to have them reciprocated. At first, Sanzu thought he wouldn't be able to reciprocate them either, but Ran grew on him.

Ran made him feel less lonely. Even with the expectation of being rejected, he never treated him differently. Only waited patiently for his answer.

Sanzu didn't expect him to actually cry when he said those four words.

“I love you, too.”

That was all it took to bring tears to Ran's eyes. Happy tears, judging from the soft laugh and tight embrace Sanzu found himself in.

He returned the hug, sighing. As soon as he was let go, he wiped Ran's tears. They looked out of place on him, but they were proof of just how long he'd been waiting for this.

“You look stupid.”

“Thanks.”

There was no venom in their exchange, only teasing. Everything leading up to this was unexpected, for sure, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

Ha, to think it all started because Ran happened to be the one to pick him up from a botched mission. Whatever god was out there, Sanzu thanked them for the chance to get this close to him.

For Ran, he'd get injured a million times over, so long as he stayed by his side.

end.

eng tl, partially by DeepL one-sided ranzu cw: alcohol

Sanzu growled when he found Ran drinking himself dizzy in the back room of one of the nightclubs owned by the Haitanis.

Rindou should be the one taking care of his careless, drunken brother, not Sanzu! He wasn't anyone to him either, but Mikey was looking for him, so Sanzu had to drag Ran back to headquarters. Whether he wanted to or not, the King's order was absolute.

After all, there was still plenty of work to do. How dare Ran be having fun here instead. He didn't look like he was having much fun, though. He looked stressed, maybe from a breakup. With whom? Is there really a woman out there who could fool Ran Haitani until he looked this pathetic?

It's none of Sanzu's business, anyway. The only thing that mattered to him now was how to persuade Ran to come along without making a scene. He could just pull out a gun and force him to come along, but who knew if Ran was too drunk to care. It would also make a scene if he fought back.

“Haru, did you mean it?”

Those five words managed to break the concentration of the man whose name he called. What? Sanzu didn't feel like he'd said anything that had anything to do with that, so... was Ran starting to hallucinate? Maybe.

“What are you talking about? Hurry up and finish your drink, the boss is looking for you.”

Instead of getting up from where he sat and following Sanzu who had already started walking, Ran just stared at his half-empty glass. Sanzu had never seen him smile sadly before, only that irritating smile that was iconic of the Haitani brothers.

“Ah. I see. Go first, I'll follow.”

If Sanzu had been a little more concerned or curious, he might have stayed and asked Ran what he meant. But he had things to do aside from pestering the eldest Haitani, so he left without further ado. He shut the door firmly.

Ran gulped down the rest of his drink, feeling an uncomfortable warmth creeping down his throat. It was foolish of him to think that someone like Sanzu would heed his feelings once sober.

“If only you really loved me back.”

one-sided ranzu cw: alcohol

Sanzu menggeram saat ia menemukan Ran tengah minum hingga pusing di ruang belakang salah satu klub malam milik para Haitani.

Seharusnya Rindou yang mengurus kakaknya yang mulai ceroboh dan mabuk-mabukan, bukan Sanzu! Dia bukan siapa-siapanya juga, tapi Mikey mencarinya, maka Sanzu harus menyeret Ran kembali ke markas. Mau tak mau, perintah sang Raja itu absolut.

Lagipula, masih ada banyak kerjaan. Bisa-bisanya Ran malah bersenang-senang di sini. Dia tidak terlihat terlalu senang, sih. Lebih ke stress, mungkin putus cinta. Dengan siapa? Memang ada wanita yang bisa membodohi seorang Ran Haitani sampai membuat keadaannya terlihat sesedih ini?

Bukan urusan Sanzu juga, sih. Yang sekarang jadi urusan dia hanya cara membujuk Ran untuk ikut tanpa membuat keributan. Bisa saja ia menodong pistol dan memaksanya ikut, tapi siapa tahu Ran terlalu mabuk untuk peduli. Itu juga membuat kegaduhan kalau misal ia malah memberontak.

“Haru, did you mean it?”

Lima patah kata itu berhasil merusak konsentrasi pria yang dipanggilnya. Apa lagi? Sanzu tidak merasa pernah mengatakan apapun yang ada hubungannya dengan itu, jadi... apa Ran mulai berhalusinasi? Mungkin.

“Apaan? Udah, cepetan minumnya, lo dicariin Bos.”

Bukannya beranjak dari tempat ia duduk dan mengikuti Sanzu yang sudah mulai berjalan, Ran hanya menatap gelasnya yang setengah kosong. Sanzu tidak pernah melihatnya tersenyum dengan sedih sebelumnya, hanya senyuman menyebalkan yang menjadi ciri khas Haitani bersaudara.

“Ah. Begitu, ya. Pergi dahulu, akan saya susul.”

Kalau Sanzu sedikit lebih peduli atau ingin tahu, mungkin ia menetap dan menanyakan apa maksud Ran. Tapi ia sibuk juga selain mengganggu si Haitani sulung, jadi ia pergi tanpa basa-basi. Pintunya ia tutup dengan kencang.

Ran meneguk sisa minumannya, merasakan kehangatan menjalar di tenggorokannya secara tidak nyaman. Memang bodoh ia berpikir kalau seseorang seperti Sanzu akan mengindahkan perasaannya saat sudah sadar.

“If only you really loved me back.”