bpd diagnosis discussion among wellness team

#arthur #ruth #t

I was listening to a talk about exchanging to overseas universities in the common area in my dorm with a dream guy friend (not irl)

(there was a university called ... tomato university in canada... and the girl who was tryna promote the uni was wearing a tomato mascot outfit... oml)

Anyway, the guy friend left right before the talk ends, and I helped him collect his handouts and worksheets and I looked back and saw Arthur sitting kinda diagonally behind me, using his phone. I looked at the screen and saw my emails (not irl) with him. (using outlook) The content of the emails were all conversations I had during the session. I asked him what that was, and he swapped to whatsapp and showed me a whatsapp group where he sent all our conversations out. He explained he kept the emails and forwarded them to a group with the rest of the wellness team, and this group is specifically to monitor? my behaviour through discussing about my words with him. (sentences with the vibe like I'm never gonna leave you/ just you/ previous “arguments”/ sentences about I like him a lot) I was checking the whatsapp group members but I couldn't recognise the people, as they are using their default names (not phone numbers nor contact numbers) which were all nicknames. But apparently that's the team. The group chat was kinda quiet though. Just him sending out the convos and occasionally someone would reply briefly. I suspect they were discussing in person.

Arthur admitted slowly but frankly that he thought I was a bit borderline, to which I said it's ok cuz I felt I was kinda this too. And I felt a bit recognised because I haven't had a definite answer from him before. But internally I was also slightly upset because they think I have such a condition.

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Halloween event: searching Ruth's Guinea pig in Disney

#ruth #chinok #secschool #uni

I was having dinner in school food court, assigned into tables with secondary school schoolmates (weren't that familiar). One of the waiter seemed a bit intellectually disabled + mentally handicapped, a bit schizo some of the classmates accidentally and unknowingly provoked him by saying things that didn't align with what the waiter was saying when he came around to serve dishes. During the most serious time, the waiter seemed he was about to explode. So I spoke up and chatted along with the waiter and agreeing on his points (which were diverted from what he was mad about), so I swap his attention away We sort of had a conversation which was not too meaningful, but enough to stop him from exploding. He's like a damp firepit now

I felt relieved.

Later we all had to go to a computer room. I was chatting a bit loudly until we entered, and I realised the people inside the room were super silent. I was kinda embarrassed but luckily I realised the silence pretty soon so I wasn't that embarrassed. Turned out they were assessing the audio noise in their headphones. So basically we had to record voices and noises using the headphones w microphone and equipment we got assigned with, but in order to eliminate unnecessary noises, like the accidental breaths into the microphone, the school will determine our personal baseline noise level first.

And we had to get the equipment and then participate in a halloween event by wellness team. (I wasn't sure whether the equipment was related to the event, but the event was definitely organised by wellness team)

So we were watching a slides presentation in the room to get briefed about the event. So Ruth got a golden guinea pig. (imo it is a very cute cat, but somehow it said guinea pig so guinea pig it is) And she put it somewhere in Disney. And we were going to find it. There were clues about the guinea pig, like size data, a picture of Ruth dressed in feminine clothes by the shore; (and also more info about ruth- like which district and which building she lives in – I was like SEE i think she lives in mid-levels) _{(not confirmed irl- just purely my imagination)}

And very quickly our group is leaving to catch the Disney shuttle van. But I was far from ready. I needed to wear my socks, my shoes, get my disney headband, pack my bag... and my phone started to glitch as well- the keyboard function broke. And I can't interact with anything, I tried sending messages in our team chat but it would just send random stickers and irrelevant texts. Chinok looked over to check on me as I looked confused. and I was choosing which plushies to bring with me, as I have a few- a disney related kuromi, a momonga, a dumbo...

They asked me/ looked like they wanted to wait for me, so I told them not to wait for me, and go on the 6 shuttles and I will catch them later

I eventually took dumbo I think because it was the most comfortable and softest to touch. _{(Dumbo was a high school christmas present from 6grass to me during school christmas party- and jau touched it during the party so I was overjoyed)}

i rushed out in the rain, keeping dumbo under by coat in my chest/ where the heart was, to get on a shuttle metro cuz the road led me there (i was kinda lost and I thought the metro won't be too far from the shuttle van destination as they were both Disney related) But the metro actually went back to the urban districts (there was a hidden mini side / another Disney park)

I was like oh,,, and then I wondered what if we got kinda tricked and actually Ruth hid the guinea pig there instead. And I checked the slides and saw one of the photo is the disney receipt and there was the disney address it was actually this one that I was heading alone

The metro line was brown, just like the Tuen Ma line. _{(maybe because I rode that line during the day to get to my driving school)} I got off around that disney station (the station didn't say there was a disney though) Hopped on a bus. But later it was in a traffic jam as it was Halloween and there were so many people on the street. (The road was like shared with pedestrians, so the bus cannot force through) I got off immediately and walked along the street to find the place where Ruth took her picture.

I walked past the crowd and went up an alley. There were many rats running around but I still walked up quickly. I wanted to find the guinea pig. There were less and less people gathering there as it was more unhygienic and secluded. I imagined her exposed legs. Rather slim and smooth. I looked at her hands. Ahaa. And she put on kinda sexy eye makeup. _{(huh interesting she always wore long pants irl)}

Eventually I arrived at a cliff on the mountain, and looking down was the coast. It was the place Ruth took her pic. But not the exact spot. There was an escalator down to the seashore so I went down to see whether that would make me closer to the spot. Tried and didn't. I planned to took the escalator back up when I saw a mini museum thingy, so I asked the entrance security guard about the guinea pig, whether she knew about it or even was taking care of it in case someone gave it to her. She had no recollection of it, and she seemed uninterested in our convo

I took the escalator back up and found the exact spot. I imagined Ruth in a beach dress just like in the pic, standing by the rock “fence” thing by the cliff, and just enjoying the wind and beautiful scenery.

I can't find any guinea pig though. Then my phone received a group chat message (group of all participants including those from other teams), people asking whether it was the location on her receipt. I was like shit, they discovered, and I don't like the fact that they would be the one finding guinea pig and this nice secret destination that should be just for the both of us

So I kinda panicked and tried to run around back and forth to find the guinea pig. I wanted to be the one who find it. (And get noticed by Ruth.)

And I woke up.

_{Now after I wake up I think I could read the guinea pig data file, what if the guinea pig is so small that I can't see without really checking every bush/ every blade of grass? What is the Guinea pig? Something atypical? Who knows? Maybe I need to make use of all the given information.}

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bloody bandages; explaining assault

#claudia ’s bf #JY

I was woken up in my dorm bed. I saw there was a few bloody unopened bandages at the end of my bed. By my leg/ foot. I wondered when I had put my bandages from the shelf onto my bed. Her bf (ernest) asked me about the assault. So I told him. And we simulated the situation with consent. In the toilet in front of the mirror. He was nice that he shoved his dick to the left before pressing down even harder.

Claudia was actually in the room next to us, when she chimed in saying JY was indeed sus

falling merry go round

Everyone was on a … circular bicycle kind of thing, like a merry go round. The floor would eventually disappear. So if they stop, they will fall. Many quitted the “game” and observed by the side. Only like four people remaining that were playing the game. At first there were also three girl otakus (one of them looked like Ame from Needy Girl Overdose) that were doing nothing and just sitting in the bicycle, people despised them. They didn’t care. (They later also contributed) And towards the end, a brother and younger sister goldfish also joined.

Meanwhile I wondered why they would continue, if quitting wouldn’t kill them (as the audience weren’t dead), but stopping the effort in the merry go round would.

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spooky lift, fake dad

#dad Dad came home from work. There was a ring in the front door. The back door opened at the same time and dad came from the back. We looked through the door hole in the front door and saw another dad as well. But something tells me it was fake, and i was more certain of it when dad was here from the back door It was supposed to be a cake delivery at the front door. And that person wasn’t holding any cake. I didn’t open the door for it. Mum also agreed, dad was just settling down after work so he didn’t really get involved

Later this person left and another colourful monster came. Didnt open After like 15 mins of it standing there, it left and another colourful monster came out of the lift and stood again Didnt open After a long 30 mins it left. And finally a young man carrying a colourful suspicious cake came. Although the cake was unusually vibrant and sus, i opened the door. He apologised profusely for being late because the lift was acting strange. I thanked him and immediately closed the door cuz I was scared monsters will come out of the lift again.

There were no monsters so far. And i was a bit curious so I went to the corridor to look at the lift. It wasn’t going to the floor it was supposed to. (Like in most of the dreams).

I think something happened and I kept trying the lift along with other lift passengers. The buttons on the lift weren’t even in order. And finally, I figured out. Button 31 goes to 4/f. (Like add the two numbers together). But some rules are like sometimes it subtract if the initial sum has a bigger floor number than what the building has. Anyways after figuring out, the dream ended.

second in marathon

#secschool #arthur Someone held my hand and brought me to a headstart. I was mainly competing with another duo of Zoe Cheng and (Ruby i think) (both very bright and competent classmates I liked a lot) With the person leading me, we were rather ahead. But later the person released her hand and I’ll have to continue this marathon on my own. I kept the pace but the duo was slowly picking up the speed because I sort of slowed down compared to before. When we were racing head to head, I tried to run harder. So I was a bit behind but not too much, like within 2 metres. At the final 100 m, I picked up my speed and ran full force to the finishing line. I think I was faster because my side of the finishing line was kinda closer. (It was a curve) So I was faster then them I think And i heard i got second (an unknown guy was the first with 1h 37m?) And i spent two hours exactly.

Random auntie/ meagan yu’s mum was surprised at my final sprint. I explained i kept some energy during the marathon just for it.

But despite winning I felt a bit empty because Arthur wasn’t joining this marathon, and I won’t be there to see his marathon race.

Japan shopping, unsupportive mum

#mum In Japan. At first i was chilling in my dorm with my roommate. Later mum came and interrupted us. And mum lied in my bed as if it was hers. And I just stood there cuz i had no bed. I felt gross for her to get inside my bed and blankets and touch my cushions

Later me and my parents went to an anime department store. Dad was supportive and walked behind me and shopped and offered suggestions although he didn’t really know the anime Mum was just trying to make us stop shopping and leave I feel unhappy.

I was trying really hard to find Rika / チリ’s merch in pokemon store but they only had figures and not the mats I was looking for. There were so many colours of the mats with different trainers and pokemons, but just not her. and mum kept telling us to leave so i was pretty stressed. (Mats as in like those children’s puzzle foam mats where you can buy one piece of different colourful pattern)

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marrying random groupmate

#roy (looks like) #claudia

So we were kind of like good friends pretty chill One day this dude proposed to me (in the dream we were groupmates, but now i think he gave me the vibe of my driving coach) And im like uh why not, sure And we are gonna arrange stuff

We walked on the bridge to med campus And there were actually two offices there, the first one is the primary school teacher’s staff room and the second was the secondary school one And I saw ptam in front of the primary school one, so i dragged my friend to walk away quickly, telling him this teacher was bad

I forgot the order of the dream, but anyways we got the marriage celebration, i was wearing long dress and kept tripping myself over cuz I’m wearing platform shoes too Our parents were here Mum was kinda annoying again but I sort of ignored her Dad was kinda cringe too

Anyways we got it done, our background music is an opening music from a random tv show And we have a video to go along with the music, they were just shutterstock photos of two people, photoshopped with our faces in it

Lmao

Then I returned to my dorm and had a nap with some gloves (3?) filled with warm water or blood. They felt nice as if I was holding hands with someone When I woke up, I found the lower part of my bed was all blood. Turned out the glove with blood bursted when I was asleep, maybe I was holding it too tightly cuz it felt nicer The ones with warm water didn’t burst

Ye and I told my roommate not to report to the hall staff/ student leaders cuz I was scared of getting reprimanded and I can try cleaning it myself, but it was too late. The student leaders whatsapped her back nicely and I actually get free cleaning supplies and no penalty. Slightly surprised

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mum tagging along for my private hairstyling event

#mum #dad

Dad drove super awfully to get me to a road to drop me off He just stopped diagonally on the road wtf

And I was supposed to bring something which was stored in our microwave to the event- i was invited to get hairstyling by an artist

I opened the front part of the car cuz it was where we stored the microwave

But turned out mum reordered everything and now the things i needed weren’t in the microwave, it became shopping bags Mum forced me to get a shopping bag and she would give me the things I need after she get ready

I was annoyed because she wouldn’t give me the things now, and she getting ready means she would come along to the event, which I did not want I told her no but she insisted

And she took a long time to get ready and wear “decent outfit” and do makeup And I was very impatient because I was already running out of time

She insisted she come along to chat with the hairstylist and thank her Meanwhile I know the hairstylist speaks english so she couldn’t do it + bruh I don’t need her to thank her it would make the situation super awkward but she didn’t understand. How come someone would bring their parent to an individual private event. Ew

Disgusted I was sighing all the time and yelling no and it’s not the case

And i woke up because my emotions in the dream were too strong. I was actually sighing irl. _{(luckily roommate was on a trip so she wasn’t here and I wouldn’t affect her)}

_{I think i dreamt this because I’m getting a piercing today with a stylist who presumably only speaks english? And I didn’t tell my parents about it}

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(relatively) expensive food ingredients

#charlotteh yesterday's dream

Charlotte was sharing with me on how 龍躉 was very high class food and she saw people offering it during official company dinners?

so I told her it was actually not that expensive and occasionally we cook that back at home too and told her (something else) was more expensive

(i think)

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spooky dorm door

#roommate ('s boyfriend) day before yesterday

I am in our dorm room. Her boyfriend came to visit her. My roommate was rather busy coming in and out of the room occasionally, so he sat by the door to wait for her.

But every time after he operate the room door, the door would suddenly open itself after some time. I found it hilarious. I wasn't scared because the door wouldn't open itself if I was the one interacting with it. But after like 5 to 6 times he became a bit frustrated and also spooked out. And then I got a bit scared as well. During one time my roommate was briefly here, the guy told her about it and she laughed while heading out again.

I went to close the door again, and tried to demonstrate to him how he should close our door. And after comparing, I realised it was because I would press the door inwards firmly for a second time to make sure it was closed, but the guy didn't know so he just flung the door shut, which wasn't shut

Now the issue was closed at least before the next time someone opens the door e.g. roommate reenter or this guy wants to try again

_{(Oh maybe because I used to do this to my home bedroom door to make sure it was actually closed, because the door “clicks” after closing weren't trustworthy at all)}

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roommate sh

#claudia I was just scratching and making cat scratches on my bed, and my roommate was sitting by her desk. Then she turned around and showed me her freshly cut arm with long cuts and blood slowly coming out like little droplets out of the lines I think she asked me something but I forgot (it was very graphic but I wasn't feeling much from seeing it??)

anyways turned out she was cutting but I thought she was revising by her desk ye _{(maybe because I think she stress herself out a lot and she got a fever by overworking)}

hon's letter

#charlotteh I was sitting at university upper street, and among the crowd walking by, I saw charlotte hon in her law cape ?? walking by. I think she graduated/ was graduating. I waved at her and she waved back. I was surprised and happy because so far I haven't seen her in campus at all since the beginning of uni. She chatted briefly with me and took an elevator next to me and went down and left, cuz she was busy.

Later I received a digital letter (hmmmm not email), saying things like, friends are meant to support each other, and asked me if I disinfected and how are my thoughts and to reach out to them anytime if I ever feel like it

I was touched, and at the same time wondered if charlotte c told others (like jamie and her)

exhibition fair with mum

#arthur #ruth #mum #caitlyn #cecilia

I wanted to go to the exhibition fair to buy something/ collect something from Arthur but mum kept bugging me like where exactly was I going, what did I bring with me and I accidentally answered wrongly and “invited” mum to go along with me bruh also at one point mum was saying something really stupid and I was frustrated and grumbled during my sleep- (i hope my roommate didn't mind)

and I tried to get away from mum once we entered the fair and I was pretending shopping until I saw Arthur by his booth, I think he was promoting his own organisation we had a brief convo and I walked around to check if mum was there I saw her also walking around and she saw me so we got together again, and I had to pretend nothing happened, and Arthur also just looked at us and pretended nothing happened between us

and then caitlyn's and cecilia's mum came and they gathered together later I think I had a slip of the tongue and caitlyn's mum kind of caught it and inferred that I know ruth, who was her therapist. I didn't have much to explain, I could only say oh she worked at hku cedars (LMAO), and I help out in related fields so yea

and basically they're chatting about therapy is good and caitlyn's mum find it quite rewarding and useful, and then Arthur came around naturally to have a chat/ promote his work I think at some point they also raised the idea of getting therapy to my mum mum was just treating it as casual talk without actually reflecting on this idea i think

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jellycat frog pride edition

Mancy posted a 小紅書 about a jellycat blue frog (pride edition) (black frog is normal edition)

And this line also includes not just the plushies but also a hoodie and (damn i forgot)

And im thinking if i wear it/ bring the plushy to school i can hint it to Elsa during tutorial (my new crush😩🤯😁)

Pride edition has a symbol 🌈⃤ But they would also have deviation of the rainbow according to different pride flags like les and bi And also gender queer So a total of 4 so far

Wowowowowo Mancy was just posting to share about it, instead of posting to ask if ppl can buy with her and combine shipping (Well her other posts are about buying jellycat so idk Ye And im wondering when would gbp drop so i can exchange some

Interesting i wonder if there are actually pride jellycat merch

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