may 21

xm6 gift

I dreamt my mom or whoever gifted me the newest sony headphones which is the xm6 lol

may 22

moaning lady

#cudorm

I was having this dream of me having dinner with my friend, Jenny, at the canteen which is a 5 min distance away from our dorm. (I showed her the estimated time in the google map was 5 min but when i pressed for walking details it showed 25 min so idk) We planned to go back with the rest of the people in the canteen later when the rest are leaving (it felt like a group travel tour that sort of thing) I used my laptop after dinner and accidentally resumed a video in full volume. I quickly hit pause but someone in the queue for fetching food (Pretty sure it is either Beatrice or Louisa) said oh that's Donkey Kong music! And then a teacher sitting at the teachers desk (a corner) near the food bench asked if I wanna play it in the classroom. It seemed like B or L was interested, and the teacher was actually genuinely asking so I said sure. My laptop magically connected to the speakers of the canteen, and I played the video. And I looked around to come to the realisation that this was actually once a music classroom thats why we got like bass speakers hanging on the ceiling of different corners. And the teacher said yeah it was a music room as well!

I ate a bit of the “slice” of the fried chicken “patty”? from Jenny's homemade burger- the McSpicy Chicken Filet _{(I actually went to google what's 脆辣雞腿包 in english lmfao)}

The music got a bit loud despite me adjusting the volume of my laptop and the video to 1% only. So I raised this question of how to tune it down to the teacher. She said I can put the cross to the volume settings on the music room computer. I did and understood that way the bass speakers won't be playing the music and the music would only come from the main computer of the room.

At the mean time, I ate the rest of the unfinished slice of the chicken Jenny offered me. Then she also gave me a portion of the bread and the veggies of the bun (either by hand or with a bowl). She fed me sweet potato fries using her fork directly into my mouth swiftly and smoothly (it felt like how my mum fed me stuff when I was small- Jenny was kind of skilled ngl). I felt thankful to Jenny for the food and how she fed me. The teacher began to put on a video she was personally interested in without interfering with my Donkey Kong music, but at this point I don't think B and L were interested in listening so I turned it down myself asw. The video is about promoting Lady Kim Chung Un (wow will i get cancelled)'s thoughts. (yes, Lady). By featuring an old lady who was doing gratitude exercises in front of the camera. She shared how we should be thankful of 6 out of 7 (or 8) things in our life. (like on average). When I was listening to that, I was thinking, if she said like we should be grateful for 6/10 things I would be persuaded, as you will be thankful/ happy for the “majority” of the things that happened cuz 6 is larger than 5, but then now it is out of 7-8 rather than 10 and that is unrealistic to implement. The old lady in the video kept thanking different stuff in a sustained high voice, and even high later. To the point I thought, is she moaning lol?

And then. Cuz she's moaning too much. I woke up. And actually the moaning is from the dorm room upstairs.

_{This is just so funny I have to write it lol}

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_{Speaking of upstairs (and opposite door) with the increasingly active sexual life (I think it's because of finals season). On one hand it sort of validates my previous year of being super into masturbating, I thought it was just me but nah I wasn't abnormal.}

_{But two days ago also hearing this I was immensely triggered (it's not about the moaning, but rather because of the shit sound absorption of the house, every bed and step move upstairs projects directly down onto my bed as we have the same room layout, and I unavoidably imagined the prof dude or whoever just pressed down on me again and I can't escape and fucked or assault me again and the worst thing is the guy upstairs laughed in a chuckling way which the prof dude also liked to do!!!! and it fucking triggered me so much- but the upstairs dude was innocent ik but it's just my ptsd at it again) (they fucked harder because 520 is a special day in asian language) And so I lied in bed for the whole 1.5 days and I got back to being unclean like cutting which fucking sucks so fucking suicidal And then the next morning, feeling less suicidal (but more of a I-wanna-fuck-it-up), I tried od but I was being obedient by eating just within the safe amount so technically I didn't od. But dosing without any illness is also technically over- dosing? lol idfk (being obedient as I don't have fucking NHS and I heard it was slow as fuck and also 522 I had an exam so I couldn't just pass out and miss it I mean- I already missed my precious learning, not studying, time of two entire days! (oh i also started vaping i have no life essentially- i mean the whole house vapes so im highly influenced asw lmfao) and I also came to the awareness that I actually didn't recover lol and Arthur is right I will go back to therapy when I get back there- SIKE}

_{but anyways yes I felt a bit better writing it out, and today 522 the exam is not too bad, I think I will pass. Because I had a big brain moment and prepared for JUST the right essay question. yes I guessed the essay question (4 questions choose 1) right. I felt immensely proud (because i skipped the content of the other 4 lecturers and just dived into this one and briefly on another one). Not just the TOPIC but the QUESTIONS (like one essay question asking two questions) itself. I executed my answer with shitty poor time management so i only answered half of it. bruh but I will pass.}

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touched by strangers

Last week’s dream. Didn’t record it instantly so it’s now fuzzy. Anyways I was at a train station like Cardiff Central. (Or honestly York) I walked by the entrance and a couple of men sitting by the entrance teased me. I think I either ignored or rejected. And then one of them groped my breast. So gross

Woke up with kinda bad mood but im in a month long trip and i need to appear normal which is stressing And now when I began to establish my own boundaries i realised a lot of my friends lack the sense of boundaries (it was off topic but yeah) Honestly a bit bad and stressful trip And I resumed scraping my arm with nails again after … 3 months No sharps so no bleeding Still sucks Not necessarily perfectly clean anymore

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Mar 2 Plane dream Taking a lot of photos for joseph and others A little bit anxious cuz I couldn’t frame the picture properly (i feel like it’s not good but they didn’t say it’s bad/ didnt disapprove me)

Mar 4 (I left this blank in my google keep notes app- maybe i forgot to write it down)

9 mar Got a new pair of converse shoes Liked it Dreamt lost my left lobe earring and I was gonna put my new earring i got from camden market into the hopefully still opened piercing hole

11 mar Went to korea with charlotte hon (n charlotte chan?) as a trip The street is quite boring and i was a bit disappointed when all the shops were just daiso and 日本城 I met with some friendsike uni pbl group and charlotte liu Went to join the choir with charlotte liu with a row of hkcc senior group at the back, and we just sang the initial tuning part with c18?? Then I went to different car companies showcase rooms with pbl, they’re a bit slow so i went to explore by myself. The sales assistant was serving other rich people and i just walked around to try their game machines confidently (pretended) lmfao It was getting late and i needed to hide I went to book a hotel room I chose the cheapest range And I got a very cramped room, just a standing spot, maybe the bed can be pulled out? Not sure, I saw the room a bit next to me there was a lady who did so The room was way smaller than a fitting room And there was no ceiling so basically just a compartment And if I shower the water would spray onto my clothes which were hanged by the side of the wardrobe/ door And i was also using my hanged clothes to sort of block out the top part of the entrance door cuz the door was actually a bit short I don’t like the room but the price is low

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#arthur #mum #uni _{Not much dreams, or maybe I didn't actively recall them so a lot was lost}

抬頭又是湛藍天。

feb 20

Session w arthur after a long long time

And I spent the time scolding him for his incorrect thinking/ opinions and ideals that he had for a long time that I didn’t mention my disagreement before.

feb 22

Mystery man.

PBL mass session. Assigned to a group sitting in a rectangle. Pleasantly surprised the tutor is someone I know. He invited me to sit next to him. Turned out he manually put me into his group, haha. Later a uni friend of mine also came to our group and sit slightly diagonally opposite to me. I was happy, I guess he deliberately assigned him to our group too. I leaned next to him (tutor), I told him if he’s guiding the group then I would start to enjoy and love PBL lol.

I woke up peacefully after quality time in the dream. Who’s this guy? It felt astoundingly familiar. And the leaning as well. I’m not sure if I looked at his face in the dream, I probably did at the start, but not once I sat down. And which uni friend? I forgot as soon as I woke up. Feels nostalgic and warm, but a little bit empty because I don’t know/ forgot who they were but they’re definitely irl people. :(

25 Feb

random

Throwing up in dream Saw i have a pair of 麵包鞋 trainers with thick shoelaces

26 Feb

nostalgic touch

Meeting arthur for an informal session Sitting next to him at a food court Leaned my head to his arm as we talk He was wearing short sleeved shirt So I was also touching the sleeves as I was leaning and talking I also recognised the faint scent of him Comfy and cozy A bit nostalgic

A lot of different things in the long dream I think at some point I wanted to masturbate in this little room i got in the dream- and somehow this city I live in was infamous for messed up hostel rooms by too much sex by guests While I was setting up the pillows they were airing 春晚 on the tv as well- and a rather famous hk singer sang the lyrics wrong and switched back to the original lyrics in the middle which was quite obvious. While I was almost done with setting up I noticed the “door” is just a fabric curtain and there is a big angle where I can have eye contact with a random girl outside the door- so I didn’t masturbate

Towards the last scene I was drawing. I was drawing a train ticket. And then I planned to trace the shape of an (/my?) actual ticket onto the drawing to cut it out Dad offered a high quality expensive paper for me to draw but I need to cut it into a strip shape rather than a rectangular ticket I rejected the idea and after a few times and he let me be Later mum came and kept looking at me while I was doing my artwork I felt extremely annoyed as I told her to not look but she kept reappearing- I told her I felt like I am a fish in the aquarium kept being observed and supervised She said you are I told her isn’t there any other things you should be busy on, go work on your stuff But she doesn’t have other stuff to work on I was angry ans I was about to tell her then tidy our messy home- but at this point I became aware that I was dreaming, so I lost a big chunk of anger and I don’t see the point of telling her to tidy stuff in the dream. And I woke. _{I spent the whole day lying on my bed. It’s 2347 and I still haven’t moved.}

27 feb

scratches

I still see scars on my wrist/ forearm- 2 deep ones with the shape of human nail marks other than the light scratches with a blade i guess

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traumatic physical fight with mum, finding arthur, trip with pal

#mum #arthur #onlinefrd

I was fighting with mum over something. _{I forgot if the item was supposed to be hers or mine} Anyways I wanted to get it back But she kept trying to snatch it out of my hand When her hand was not enough she used some tools to attack my hand. I forgot how exactly already, but it was so painful and gruesome and longlasting. There are many scrape marks and scratches on my hands arms and probably legs as well. Some are kind of bleeding and there are red marks all over my fingers and hands. She was like an animal and I couldn’t communicate with her as she just focused on what she wanted. Her ears weren’t open (metaphorically). Legit in the dream I was like holy moly such traumatic dream it hurts at a level similar to the court dream where I was suing the prof who SAed me but this one was fortunately a bit less painful

Fuck

So sad and then later on I dreamt I went to a building where wellness team resided- first floor was a tiny reception + another shop/ laundry store in which my grandma (mum’s side) was the owner and she was sitting there. The actual wellness team office is two floors up, (first floor is just staircases and an empty floor)

I was standing at the entrance of the building for quite some time, because I was thinking my sessions supposed to have ended already and if I go there again I seem to be over relying on them And I’m like moving abroad very very soon but if I go there again it seemed like I was too weak to handle my emotions on my own- how am I able to take care of it when I really went abroad?

I was pretending to look at the flyers stuck on the glass panes outside, and I also took a couple of walks around the whole building n the surrounding shops And I eventually came back to the entrance again I was staring at it for some time until I decided if I don’t go now I can’t go in the future anyways so why not I pushed the door and went inside. I just stood at the g/f reception area as I planned I’ll just stand here for a bit and not go up The area (shared by counselling and laundry) was tiny. Imagine a lift. I just stood there until the laundry lady told me, therapy was upstairs. As I was a bit shy and unwilling to explain to her I just wanted to stand here- or maybe I was kind of want to go up- so I went in

I’ll complete typing this dream later

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cockroach den in mum’s kitchen

I was searching for something in our kitchen and i opened a cabinet under the stove There were quite a few cockroaches but i dont think theyre moving, but still they’re quite groass. They’re attracted to the cockroach medicine/ catcher thingy mum had placed in the cabinet.

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weekly log 9-13 Jan

(Because im too lazy)

Prob 9 or 10/1: mum/ my family was in the dream, i forgot

Prob 11/1: A frog was being ungrateful for the precious water and was wasting water, so I held it by its neck and forced it to swallow until it can’t and keep huge cups of water in its mouth, and then squeezed it to force it to vomit all the water it had ingested, and repeat this over and over again I think I was aware I was torturing it in the dream and I deliberately did so to make it regret its action…

Prob 12/1: I had a few dreams, they were relatively interesting and fairly original but I had too many original dreams here that they aren’t that original anymore… so I didn’t have the urge to recall them and now they’re lost… They’re just a twist in the generic and common “at the shopping mall buying stuff” dreams _{(oH.. speaking of common- I think I can add a “rarity” list to rank my dreams- that would be interesting)}

13/1: several dreams again, during one of the dreams a stranger young boy at around 11 years old bit my riolu doll’s ear… (a light bite) And I became very very pissed and used my riolu doll as my weapon and SMACKED my riolu’s head forcefully onto the boy’s belly. The boy was hurt and “ow”ing. I just felt my riolu’s head is a bit too soft and I wanted the hit to land harder but I already attempted landing quite a heavy hit The final dream is at my primary school. There were refrigerators for our uni dorms, in the covered playground. There was a big one for my floor, and it was viewable from the outside just like a vending machine. Mum was with me at the covered playground, and I was actually on my way to something- I was wearing something business casual- maybe I just finished an interview. I warned my mum not to touch the fridges. But when I was kneeling down to fix my shoelace?? Or my bags, my mum opened the fridge and reordered the veggies, because they’re at the “not the best” spot (like freezer vs fridge) and put the veggies together. After I finished with whatever I needed to do while kneeling, I found out and shrieked in panic and annoyance, and ordered my mum to redo her arrangements back to how it was before, because the veggies were not mine- they were my floormates and they were all unlabeled- if she swapped the places people couldn’t find their food and didn’t dare to eat the misplaced food either- plus it was very rude to touch and rearrange other’s food without permission.

I woke up in annoyance, and later mum came to check on me so I looked pretty pissed at her and she was confused lol

This week was rather violent idk why maybe cuz I moved back home from dorms

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farewell/ arthur driving me home *2

#arthur

After therapy he drove me back to main campus where I can ride the metro/ more convenient. The first time I sat in the backseat.

The second time aka final therapy session I decided to swap to the front passenger seat because I wanted to be closer and see his face for one last time. I sat and told him now the scene from the previous dream where he drove me to his flat was reenacted and I felt amused. I took photos of the view outside from the side window, and ones from the front pane and selfies of me and Arthur driving. Though Arthur turned his head away every time I held the camera/ when he’s in the frame. I pointed it out and we were both amused. I think he was smiling. But I can only see the side/ back of his face.

I kept telling him to drive slower and drive to a few more streets before reaching my destination. I wanted to stall time as I didn’t want to leave. He said eventually I would have to leave though.

After a while, he steadily and slowly pulled over to the usual parking place in front of a temple (/ entrance of my uni??) where it was kinda crowded and lively. He picked a slightly more inwards (around 20m) parking spot for me to alight. I didn’t want to, but I knew I needed to. It’s time, he gently reminded me.

I was still sitting in his car when the dream ended.

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_{oh geez im going to miss him}

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Yooooooooo first time dreaming about her omg

uni group tour & shopping with cora

#cora #secschool

Feels like summer sem chinese course, but the setting of the dream is in winter I had to attend a basic chinese course Need to memorise long sentences for class, and speak together as a group I was scared to memorise + lazy to attend the stupid course so I just went to the staircase where they rehearse to peek at them The course instructor (a thin old lady- i don’t like the vibe, feels like f2 vice classmistress) spotted me and led the class to walk around the staircase and caught up to me (I couldn’t run fast) She asked why didn’t you join I said I am scared She explained they’re actually pretty chill, but it’s okay if I didn’t wanna participate and skip class So I felt better and joined

After class me and my new friend group (Zoe Wong and a few others) somehow joined a school activity And we matched with our group leader, Cora I was behind her the whole time when she’s leading We exited a place that feels like lecture hall into a shopping mall, then went onto the streets On the way they were chatting (I forgot what was it about), Cora casually commented that I was already blushing We went to a small shop on the street, where we were given a free kitty for each of us Initially the shopkeeper gave me two/ two kittens walked towards me. One walked towards me first, it was quiet and obedient, had white fur with mini light blue polka dots dyed on it. The other one dashed towards me. It was more active, with blue stripes. I felt my forearms were slightly painful from cradling them, so I looked down onto my arms and realised the active cat didn’t withdraw its claws fully when kneading on my forearm. So I asked it to withdraw the claws because I felt painful, and it learnt and did. (The first cat was napping gently the whole time.) I chose the second cat.

Afterwards we went inside a cosmetics shop. As I didn’t have much experience with cosmetics, my groupmates and Cora were explaining them and point out ones they like/ were popular as we walked by. They were commenting on something that looks like a lip gloss. But they were commenting on the smell and how long lasting it was. I was confused so I asked them to explain. Zoe explained it was actually perfume, and a small amount of it was enough to [make you horny] (i forgot how they phrased it exactly, but definitely horny and not aroused). Cora added, it could last you the whole night, and was perfect for bar nights.

As we exited the shop it was dark outside already, and we were walking uphill towards a bar. I think I asked Cora if she’s ready to hit on some men

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Yeah bruh can’t believe i asked her that in the dream _{hit on me first pls- or did she}

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tidying up for messy class

I sat at the end/ corner of the classroom and was responsible for cleaning everyone’s pajamas

But everyone was giving me wet dripping pajamas And i clean after every class

And the teacher also scolded me for taking time to clean the mess So my anger exceeded the threshold and I put down everything and didn’t clean anything anymore

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I (in the form of a young man who was a little bit ugly/ average) was following a professor (that Indian? pathology prof) as his good friend in hku, he’s gonna bring me to a good place I walked onto a boat in hku Many prof sitting and chatting, like triad members

I stood at the entrance politely feeling a bit scared too, while looking at the prof walking past the sitting crowd and chatting with them at the same time A random stranger boy ran on board and rushed past everyone The profs all stood up and pointed long knifes at him Quite scary

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