first time smoking 爆珠

I had a dream friend who was smoking pink 爆珠煙 She lighted her cigarette with a big blue+ green flame. Her cigarette tip glowed in pink.

I don’t have a lighter and I was scared of flames so I asked for her lighter and she gave it to me. I was originally hoping she would light my cigarette for me- but nvm cuz I don’t want her to know I’m lowkey scared and I look stupid for wanting to smoke but scared of the fire bruh

So I lighted my purple 爆珠 and the cigarette light was purple too which was super cool. I tried to breathe in the smoke but I have never tried smoking real cigarettes irl so idk how to smoke in the dream either………… I put in too much of the cigarette into my mouth and the ashes fall in a kinda wrong place bc of that. Anyways we cheered our cigarettes together like drinks, and smoked together. Mine tasted kinda sweet like blueberries.

_{I think I dreamt it because I saw a redbook post of someone lighting a black devil pink vanilla cigarette and the flame tip was actually pink in colour too which was super pretty and interesting and I wanted to smoke too…… and previously I also saw other posts about 爆珠煙 and the idea of it sounds interesting and I wanted to try popping the sweetener balls??? *ik now that pink vanilla wasn’t 爆珠 but my dream just works like that and combining both tgt}

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glasses and camera filter making me obese

I was tidying up my bedroom (specifically the shelf next to my table). I was reorganising the stuff inside the shelf by removing all the items and reordering it one by one, starting by putting a chiikawa face cushion to a new compartment. Then next I found a new item which was a pair of big black thick plastic framed glasses. I wore it. Curious of how the biiiig glasses would look on me, I looked at the mirror in front of me and held my phone up to take a mirror selfie using the in-built camera function of the 拼多多 app bc there was a filter function. I looked at the mirror and found my face was so morbidly obese. Legit there was a ring of fat around my face when I was looking at it but istg (at least irl) I am not fat and I am fit. But it just looked so ugly and different. Then I looked at my phone and saw how it photoshopped and filtered away my ring of fat. And I look so pretty like those internet kols.

Some feelings after waking up: The way the mirror, and the filter played tricks on my eyes was crazy- and tbh idk which one was true which one was not. What if I was indeed fat in the dream but I kept the idea I wasn’t in real life? Am I gaslighting myself again? Also the filter editing my face to become so pretty was wild- it was kinda difficult to admit I was drawn by the powers of the app despite knowing it was fake beauty in the dream; and for half a sec I was actually considering dieting for the sake of losing that weight although there might not be such a deposition of fat at the first place and my eyes and brain were just playing tricks on myself I think I can sort of feel how people with eating disorders perceive their bodies…

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exam things and gaming

I had to do a meta analysis during my exam Also played a bunch of coop minecraft with friends? I was using a controller though

love hotel with Arthur

#arthur

I was at a little mountain for an outdoor class (I forgot who were there). I climbed a bit further than the rest of the group so when the class was about to dismiss I had to walk back down. Arthur was one of the mentors, and he waited for me on the stairs of the mountain, so we became the last in the group. He called a taxi and it arrived quickly, and I asked if I could ride it as well. He was okay with it, and opened the door for me. I let him enter the taxi first. (We both took the backseat.) The inner seat had a few throws and quilts on it, presumably left by the taxi driver, anyways he sat inside and I followed. The taxi was a bit cramped so my shoulder was touching to his, I looked at his side and he was actually wearing a black windbreaker, which was similar to or identical with my black arcteryx jacket that I wore almost every day during my exchange.

We got off the taxi in one of the streets. It felt like Japan, and specifically near one of the very few familiar metro stations I sometimes dream of recurrently. The sky was already dark by the time we got off the cab, and I stood at the right of Arthur as we walked along the streets, locking his arms in mine. It was almost the corner where we would turn left and enter the metro station, but I didn't want to. I looked at the LED banner of the department store (actually a several storeys love hotel) right before the corner. Arthur asked me, wanna go in? I said yes, and so he turned into the store, alongside me, who was sticking in his arms.

The store has several non-connected lifts, i.e. you have to transit between lifts to reach different floors. To filter off suspicious people like idk police? or illegal prostitutes, and allowing genuine couples to enter.

At first we took a lift right in front of the entrance that should be leading us to 1/F where the general reception was, but it went down to -1/F. Actually during the lift ride I was so weak and steamy from the realisation that Arthur indeed proposed we fuck, in addition to while we both knew that Arthur had a wife and this was all in secret, so my legs were trembling from being weak and I was so wet down there it was actually dripping.

I was a bit shy for making the lift floor dripping with secretion, so I teleported back to home (still unconsciously, not lucid dreaming) to get some tissues to wipe myself to at least not let it drip. I was wiping myself in the corridor when my mum walked out of the toilet and saw me. I just told her I was wiping, and asked her not to step onto the drippings on the floor, which she already didn't before I reminded her. She left. I was super aroused still and wondered how would it look like if I have a dick and being aroused at this level. So as I was walking to my bedroom, I looked down and saw I had an erected dick. But then my dick seems like the size of people in senior primary/ junior secondary school aka it was a bit small...... Anyways it felt interesting to see my arousal presented in a physical, observable form.

(while sleeping I can feel my blood just goes down lol, quite exciting)

I was back in the space with Arthur as we walked out at -1/F and there was a lady with a writing board, she apologised for sometimes the lift being a bit malfunctioning and flagging people out of random. She said if people were rightly flagged they would be trapped here forever since there would not be any buttons to call the lift to fetch them in -1/F. She unflagged us and accompanied us to ride the lift back up to ground level, to guide us onto a correct lift. During the lift trip she asked/ chatted about basic things like what brought us here. And I answered her 今日係即興，不過其實已經諗咗好耐。(it was impromptu today, but actually [we] had it in mind for a while already.) She seemed to be approving of our response. Actually Arthur was just standing lovingly behind me and holding me so although he didn't speak, we seemed like a sweet, genuine couple.

She escorted us out of the lift and she left. We then took another lift at the inner side of the department store which was the correct lift. We lifted the cover fabric with a giant puppy printed on it, and saw the back of the lift, so we went to the other side where the door was. It was quite tricky so perhaps this is one of the ways to prevent unknown guests from accessing the love hotel.

Then we went to 1/F successfully where we were given a number, 170, and proceeded to take another lift to 2/F, where the rooms were.

The 2/F was so big with many signs as if we were at the airport searching for gates. We walked for a while when I realised 170 was probably our room number, as I assumed it was a queue number previously. We walked to find signs for directing us to 170. Actually by this time we had already wasted a lot of time and my drive is losing and I was worried the more time we stalled, the more Arthur did not want to fuck anymore or regret bringing me to a love hotel/ having conscience to be loyal to his wife. And irl it was around 7 or 8am and my bedroom was bright which made me semi-awake and I was definitely not pleased by it !!!!!!

I struggled to keep myself sleeping and return to the unconscious state in the dream (because there was no point if you become fully conscious) And all I remember while we were walking slowwwwwwly around the floor was hearing passerbys chitchatting about the 170 room being so messy with so many liquids all over the room and nobody wants to claim/ use the room. So I was feeling a bit like uh oh our room might be disastrous and idk how it would play out.

And then I just couldn't dream anymore as I was waking up by the sunlight :(

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winnie driving and super late to attachment

#6grass

Me and Candice were sitting at the backseat of Winnie's car. She was driving me to have an orthopaedics attachment session at Duchess of Kent Children Hospital and Candice was just tagging along._{(The hospital was oddly specific because I just read an orthopedics newsletter featuring that hospital yesterday evening}

The view outside the window was the road below my home. I wasn't sure if Winnie knows the way to the hospital because she didn't seem to have a map with her, so I was guiding her way until we get out of Cross Harbour Tunnel bc after that idk where was that Hospital either. We also had a “task of the day” which was refilling petrol for the car which we have never tried before.

I guided her to on which lane to take when waiting for the traffic lights etc but there was a mini cone on the road so I told her to switch but she swerved too late and hit the cone- I was like uh okay not too big of a deal- and then told her to use the outermost lane after we turn bc it was going from 4 lanes to 3. But she knew it so it was ok

We were stuck in the traffic for a while and we got a call from the doctor- it was 1:31 pm and our attachment (only us 2) was supposed to start at 1:30- winnie told him we were coming

Anyways I told her there would be a gas station after all the bus stops and it would be obvious. _{(non existent irl)} She drove slowly and I still missed/ couldn't see the entrance but we saw the exit of the gas station so we decided to reverse into the station lmao

She refilled the car and I asked her to double check if she had put away the petrol gun thing back safely and if our car refilling lid was closed, she was a little bit annoyed but say ofc she did those so I was like ok cool

We got past the toll station but since we were at the leftmost lane after getting out of the petrol station, it was only accepting the smart autotoll chips which Winnie did not have on her car. We drove past and a mobile station appeared for Winnie to tap with her octopus so it was kinda solved

I was chilling and lying on the seat, looking at all the advertisements on the walls of the tunnel along with Candice.

By the time we got out of the tunnel, we received a notification on our phones saying the marks for the attachment was out. We noticed the time was already 2:42 which was already the end of attachment. We saw a missed comment from the doctor's assistant saying we were going to miss the doctor starting a surgery on a patient. Then we looked at the comments the doctor gave on the mark sheet. Initially it appeared some generic template like adjectives that people would describe normal students with, with a mark of 20. We were chuckling a bit because we thought it was funny to get a 20 despite not showing up at all. Then the mark sheet updated with the comments replaced as sth along the lines as “highly collaborative”, hardworker etc (we guessed the highly collaborative referred to us skipping class together). And the mark was changed from 20 to 19. We thought it was a nice mark until I asked Winnie and we realised total was 40 and now we failed the session.

volleyball match with a cat

#OurLady

Me and a rather competent/ demanding or dominant friend (I forgot who that was- either Ivan or Queenie) were invited to a cat's home to play volleyball. So basically it was the cat's 主場. We were winning by so much initially- around 17:2 . Until I began to make errors in starting the ball, And also my friend who suddenly decided we swap roles from time to time (unpredictedly) when we were already playing by that she receives the ball and I hit the ball back. She argued because I stood closer to the net sometimes so I should be the one receiving the ball. _{(ok as I was writing it was a she so probably Queenie)} I was pretty mad but she was not going to change at all and we still have the competition in front of us so I said Fine. And asked her what role I am playing every time the ball was started. (Her words wouldn't count before the ball starts)

Anyways me and the cat were playing quite crappy and then Qu**nie decided to pause the game as she saw the lightbulbs were shining in a weird colour. She unplugged the bulbs and hold it closer to show me, while I was like I knew it was like that. And then she saw the cat's eyes were also in this glossy weird mix of colours so she began to tell the cat it must be difficult for it to see, and babbled a lot of “touching and relatable shit for the cat to listen and showing she empathise with the cat” I was like ........ and then she decided to end the game here and we prob gonna continue the match someday.

_{After waking up and processing the plot of the two dreams again I just felt the common thing was I wasn't providing an adequate amount of support for my “groupmate” and I wasn't competent enough- hence the title inadequacy :P also I dislike how Queenie was showing up in my dreams more often now holy it's like having a new character who downplays and criticises you in the dream for the most unnecessary shit ever- and maybe I need to make a new hashtag dedicated for HER ew}

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tension/ intimacy w ivan

#ivan #charlotteh

Many things happened before this but I’ll start from here:

I was lying on my bed waiting for piano class which would be homeschooled When I look to my left Ivan opened my door and entered my room. He was wearing secondary school uniform with a schoolbag. He sat/lied beside me on the bed. We seemed like a pair of very close couple. I turned back to my right, feeling a bit warm and i think i was blushing. I wondered if he will get closer to me. He turned to my side and I felt his face was very close to me, as if his breaths can be felt by my ear. We were sure we were just friends, but it was the first time I felt that way. Yet it was the first time I had such a feeling to gay people, and I was also thinking how come he would be “interested” in me, a woman.

At this very intense moment when we were both anticipating each other to be more intimate, mum came back home and opened my door. All she saw was Ivan sitting appropriately on the bed in his school attire. I explained to her Ivan just came. Mum seemed ok with it and left the room.

Then it’s time for piano class and we (or me only?) had it. On WhatsApp Charlotte hon told me she’ll wait for my class to finish before grabbing dinner together. During the class I was thinking then she needed to wait for so long for me but i was busy in class so i couldn’t reply to tell her about the time my class will end and tell her to think if she don’t need to wait for me. After a long class I finally met her but seemed like she also had a class soon.

_{holy fuck he’s just a friend but i read and ahem enjoyed an erotic literature ahem which coincidentally was my name + his and I sent to him lol so the dream probably came from that but although the story has his name i didn’t imagine the person as him aarrrrjakdhkasjks}

_{nani the fuck my mum said she dreamt I brought a guy back home who is not tall (ard 5cm taller than me) and not slim but not fat either I told her i dreamt about ivan She said but ivan is gay I said why is that related She said because usually people bring bf gfs to see parents I said oh u mean seeing parents in terms of bringing a guy back She said yeah and the boy has pale skin I said ivan also has pale skin Anyways she began to said he’s probably lacking love thats why he’s gay and asked me about ivan if he is doing girl or boy role in a gay relationship So I reeducated her about being gay is an inborn thing and told her not to care about ivan’s love life}

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I grew big seductive boobs !

These happened over different dreams in different days in the past week. But because I was demotivated to write them down, I forgot all the details but only the gist.

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Very mad at parents for them signing me up to a master's degree that I had no interest in and I didn't want.

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Mum is a tailor. One day she forced me to wear one of her outfit in her shop which had an open design on the street (putting her goods on the sidewalks). I wore and so many men looked at me while they walked past. I looked at myself at the full body mirror by the sidewalk and saw that the tight dress is semi transparent and the material was like stockings. I saw I had big boobs, and the nipples were quite visible. I looked and looked and found them quite seducing and pretty. Mum found out my dress was semi transparent and she told me to take it off. I thought I wore it enough and I took it off and put it on the ground. But later I miss the feeling of wearing it and seeing my breasts and showing off to the men, so I wanted to wear it, but some smaller shopkeepers girls said no and prevented me from wearing it while I was trying to put it on.

_{(After waking up I started to understand why people like big boobs. They have a motherly characteristics that are special to women.)}

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Next day (dream) I had class at uni which was kinda long, uneventful and boring

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city tour and mum stuck under snow

#mum

Went on a guided tour to some American places, and got allocated to a little house in a secluded land, and then we (the whole tour group) are going out for meal and a walk outside. Tbh only the house part feels American, the rest feels like UK and the place we went to visit outside somehow gave me the assumption we were at Kai Tak near Airside.

After prepping what to pack for the day trips using my notion lists, somehow the scenery changed to a snowy place on a street. Feels Korean. Me and mum were at an underground tiny store selling Valorant merch. Then we had to climb out of the store which was pretty narrow. I actually have already done it once before, and this time I am going first again. After squeezing myself out I looked around and looked back to the hole I came from, which was a bit collapsed into the snow. I helped getting the snow out and I saw the hands inside (presumably mum) also trying to get rid of the dirt and snow and water that got inside the hole. I was a little bit worried because it might suffocate mum, so I continued helping by taking her snow and putting aside on the ground. But later I got distracted by other things around, such as a queue waiting for the shopping mall lift, and some brighter bigger stores (with Valorant logo lol), so I went to take a look. Later when I was also queuing for the lift, mum was behind me so I pleasantly said oh you got out of the hole !! And she's like “yes I did”, and I looked at her and seemed it was a bit difficult though judging by her face but she didn't really commented on that

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late night walk with friends

#sushiro #charlottec #arthur

Our squad, sushiro, went on a late night walk on the streets/ near the promenade for sightseeing purposes. _{(Probably because my another squad had a gathering at SYP + Ktown promenade last night)}

We walked past a bunch of different things by the sea, for example, you can shake hands and interact with sealions and animals that were chilling there, visit small stores whatever. It was a blur after I woke up, but one of the things I had the biggest impression is shaking hands with a new creature, a “sea-seahorse” (the size was like a fat sealion with coarse wet skin that was 180cm tall, with the beak/ mouth part similar to a dolphin, or a horse??). This sea-seahorse introduced himself to me and we shook hands, when he noticed my scars on my arm. He said he saw the scars, so I looked down onto my arm and saw my scars glittering in many different colours, with tiny stars popping here and there. It was very pretty, and it was a stark contrast to the darkness of the late night especially by the shore where there isn't much light. I was very touched and a bit glad and replied with a slight exclamation: You saw it! You are the first one so far who noticed! My other two friends of the sushiro group were busy chatting with other sea creatures on my right so they didn't noticed our interesting conversation and they still didn't know about the scars (on my left arm).

After a while of walking, we went to sit at a table in a building (I forgot if it's a restaurant or Arthur's clinic). There are also other people sitting at other tables. We were just chatting and I asked Ruby how to do the fingering (cuz idk how to finger myself pleasurably). And then Ruby just flip up her skirt to demonstrate. Me and Charlotte were like aaaaaaaaa fr here???? But Ruby was like yeah And I guess me and Charlotte's exclamation attracted the attention of the table behind me aka in front of Ruby and they can easily see Ruby's stuff from their perspective. Anyways Ruby demonstrated. aaaaaaaaaa

Later Arthur came and I said hi. He saw me. But I am not sure if it's because he was supposed to be working with Ruby this time, but he was quite focused on chatting with Ruby (she was sitting properly now), so he didn't reply to me. After Arthur and Ruby chatted briefly, we four began to watch the TV they had in the room, which was an unboxing and introduction video to a leather wallet. Coincidentally, I had the same wallet (but slightly different texture in the inner compartment) in the dream so I tried to show and tell them about me having the actual thing here! But they didn't respond and kept watching the show. I think Charlotte looked at me for a bit, Ruby too, but Arthur completely ignored me and was chatting with Ruby about the show. I tried to attract Arthur's attention in other ways I forgot (but definitely not the seducing kinds) but he didn't even bat an eye. I was too bored and a notification popped out from my phone. A rare strong pokemon showed up in pokemon go. I wanted to tell Arthur but by this time I kind of given up because he was likely to be ignoring me. So I was playing it and I felt a bit ashamed and useless because my hobbies are all the same as his and I don't have something I am interested in organically by myself.

There were three battles before I can catch the pokemon and my pokemons died in the battles quickly so I lost it. While I was playing that, they seemed to be done with their business so I was following them (sushiro) back into the streets.

working in hotel mart cashier

#mum

Then I entered a hotel and after checking in to my hotel room, the hotel gave me a job as the cashier helper for their mini mart by the reception. Basically those are all self-serving cashier kiosks and I am just a helper, so the workload was pretty simple. I was registering new products to the cashier, which are four different kinds of earplugs from Sony and Apple. I was also teaching my even fresher staff how to do these and one of the staff is my mum (but I wasn't surprised at all in the dream). I tried to listen on one side of the earplugs as I was registering them because I was curious on how they sound. And my mum also tried out some too. But eventually after finished registering them on the kiosk we were reassembling the earplugs back to the case, and matching the series and colours, but couldn't find most of the missing earplugs that we wore. So I was very confused because after wearing those one by one and only choosing the left side and placing it on the kiosk bench with care, it was impossible to lost them. And the dream ended.

_{After waking up I think maybe my staff were wearing them and forgot to take them off, idk bruh}

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A’s family doing crappy shit to me

#A

Seems we lived near the same big train station

Often A’s parents would look after me when my parents weren’t there, because I have the task of looking after A’s younger sister when they were away But the way they look after me was pretty … not well They like to take away stuff I earned with my effort to give to A and her sister instead

A’s mother and A were the one taking away my stuff and sort of bullying me in such ways? While A’s dad wasn’t the one really doing it. Usually when I met A’s dad I would report on A’s sister’s recents and updates as it is part of my job, and we would also chat. Her dad was proud of A’s sister, which I found was rather heartwarming. So I was contemplating if her dad was less evil than her mum and her, but then they come from the same family. So I couldn’t really trust him and change my view simply because of how her dad presented.

The “bullying/ unpleasant events” persisted but eventually they set up my study desk which is kind of a sunshine yellow colour for me, as a reward for my job, and because I need it for my academics as I grew up. Although they again took away some of my stuff But it was better than my parents who weren’t available for me

I felt complicated and unpleasant. I’m not sure how to react to it.

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after class and protecting stray kitten

#arthur #mum

After class we were all packing our schoolbags We were also distributing some discount sheets for some particular people in the class including me in a hurry so it is not obvious. The sheets are related to extra classes (or therapy) Arthur is teaching/ giving us. I passed mine to Chi Nok who was beside me, because in the dream I thought he was in the class too, and I thought I’ll get another one, but the last sheet I got is a promotion cover sheet instead of the discount coupons which I was actually supposed to keep. So basically I gave my coupon away. I was like ah it sucks a little but idc.

I walked home on the bridge from my old train station, while thinking I’m going to commit once I got to my estate. On the bridge I saw my mum walking towards me, which was a coincidence, she talked to me about something I forgot now, but I found her annoying because she disrupted my suicide thought and I shooed her away.

I needed to walk past a little garden and an old stone bridge across a little river in order to reach my estate, which was kinda interesting. _{(the feelings reminded me of my exchange dorm and the scenery reminded me of tsinghua for some reason?? although they dont look alike)}

Reaching my estate, the scenes were familiar like in some very old previous dreams. _{(Now I think it was similar to my dreamed 家維邨+ kindergarten/primary hybrid scene)} I found a stray kitten alone just chilling there, I picked it up because I was scared it would get hurt. I walked around pinching the cat neck to find a spot with more humans to place it down so that there would be more people looking out for the kitten. I walked to an area with loads of stray cats and kittens, they look calm but somehow I was scared the kitten would get bullied and attacked by them so I didn’t place it there. I walked to another alley and I saw loads of rats and hamsters kept pouring out of a sewer hole and I was like oh shit wow ew ah and then I ran away, and I saw the rats spreaded to the cat area but all the cats are just chilling when I thought the rats would scratch and eat the kittens for some reason. Finally after walking around a lot I was back to my original spot after recognising the little stone bridge from the start and walking over it. And I returned the stray kitten I have been holding back to its spot, which was the safest spot for her, although it wasn’t the most ideal from what I have been searching for. And the kitten was just chilling there on its own again.

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