meeting wellness team at dining hall; arthur pacifying me after A's provocation

#arthur #T #A

The dining hall is connected to a big supermarket, you need to get pass the supermarket in order to get to where the tables are.

On the way I saw the wellness team walking by, seems like they are having some things going on here (like a booth)

Walked back to wander in the supermarket, when I saw A. I ignored her but I heard she called me. [my name], she called nicely. I turned and saw she holding a piece of patterned clothes thingy, but I can't see clearly because I don't have my glasses. She said, this is for you (sth like that), I think you would like it. I said thanks, and then I stepped closer to see what it was, it was newborn baby clothes. So I continued, but maybe you need it more, how about keeping this for yourself? And then I left

I was very scared if she would be following me so I was looking around vigilantly since then. I was almost there at the dining hall when I encountered A, but I decided to turn back with a different route to find wellness team. I got past the cashier and back to where they were setting up stuff previously. I saw Vincci and Ruth passing by. Ruth had earlobe earrings and I looked closer and saw she actually had 5 piercings on her right ear, and also she had some makeup (black sparkly eyeshadow!!!) on and she looked super hot, and I was breathing heavily haha. But anyways Arthur wasn't here so I walked back to the dining hall where supposedly the rest of the team is meeting schoolmates for briefing/ reg day stuff whatever

I was back and I saw Billy and another lady's table, I originally wanted to go there because at least they are counsellors and are ready, but their table is full, I was creeping and walking alertly the whole time as I was really scared of seeing A. But then they noticed me and pointed me to another table, where I found Arthur and another few unknown therapists are there. There were only a few seats left (I saw monika in one of the seats and some of my younger high school schoolmates on other seats), Arthur was talking to an old man with grey hair, perhaps an invited guest, and I took the remaining empty seat next to an unknown therapist. The unknown therapist seemed to left her bag and left, when I was looking at Arthur.

I guess Arthur saw my troubled face and he came to chat with me. He stood at the back of my chair and I guess he wanted to ask me how I was doing, but the schoolmates were already crowding around me chatting about their issues or whatever, so it wasn't convenient for me and Arthur to have a private chat. Arthur put his hands on my shoulder and I felt very hot and a bit physically thrilled in a pleasant way. But I was still jolty and looking for signs of A. Arthur put his left finger on my lips but I was scared people would see this happening because it wasn't supposed to, so I tried to turn to my right as it was closer to the wall. But he continued touching my lips when I turned back. He also put his finger within my lips and I felt i was beyond wet and weak now. Very intense but seemed the crowd of schoolmates didn't notice our intimacy. And I was still jumpy whenever I see someone who seemed like A in my line of sight. So I wasn't fully in the mood for such intimate actions but I sorta enjoyed it (didn't get wet or really aroused irl this time tho, I just had raised heart beat and feeling flustered) _{(I think I imagined this because I saw a super hot gif *nsfw? of a girl sucking a man's finger on tumblr and I was imagining that as Arthur's hand yesterday)}

school bus adventure on way home

#cecilia #uni #6grass

• nanny van with the auntie from me when I was Primary six

• ordering lunch boxes on van but no one wanted the salmon with white broth (white broth is not yummy irl)– the one sitting next to me asked don't you like salmon lol, I say not with this lunch set

• Went to centennial campus Lg floor/ or did we go separately? We had a lecture and after class me and a few friends like Vienne, and Monika were wearing green gown and discussing where to eat lunch.

• went to a big building as a middle resting point. We were playing in one of the toilets upstairs and cecilia find me making jokes a littttle bit suggestive so she pushed me out of the toilet for fun (we had fun), and then I went to the staircase to check at the irl time with my irl apple watch and found it's time to go to school so now im typing this

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mum's new partner

#mum

it was a long dream but since I didn't record it once I was awake, I forgot most of it. I just remembered my mum was inside and she has a new partner, which was a kinda naughty a bit chubby boy, which reminded me of someone.

After I woke up I realised this kid was a secondary school boy I met at Mong Kok mtr station yesterday afternoon, and I had a deep impression of this guy because he kept playing with his domestic helper's hair and making suggestive moves, for example we were riding down the escalator, he stood at the right side of the helper, and he he's trying to make his groin touch the helper's hip on the side. But that time I was still trying to figure out if it was a domestic helper or his girlfriend, since the helper was wearing rather casual hot pants with laces and holding an english textbook, and they both look a bit brown and I couldn't hear what language they were communicating with, so I was rather confused. But this “domestic helper” seemed to be quite annoyed by his action of trying to play with her hair. Anyways I was quite shocked by what I saw and I just thought the world/ Mong Kok station was rather fucked. I didn't intervene because I wasn't sure if that was normal between them, and I was scared if the boy would subsequently harass or unleash his anger onto me. But then I felt kind of ashamed of myself because I didn't lend a helping hand towards another person who was potentially being harassed, as if I didn't go back in time to save myself.

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new advisor & back to school

#uni #secschool

• used my skateboard and travelled very fast (on par with/ faster than the speed of other buses) on the street at night near either cwb or tst. i felt a bit free?

• academic advisor:

brief slip about your background (PMH) – i wrote about my PTSD and about to start EMDR soon, along with my suspected BPD

academic advisor is clinical oncologist _{(prob because groupmate shared he wanted to be one bc his dad died of cancer)} I walk up a narrow and weird staircase in a small building like alice in the wonderland to reach this office/ home of the clinical oncologist. the guidelines on the stairs are just red taped lines to tell you not to go past this floor etc but eventually i arrived, and an office lady/ his assistant was there to wait for me, she told me about previewing his room and make sure to lock it before he comes or else hes angry. we looked inside but the oncologist arrived, and he looked mad at the office lady, and she was apologetic and I was very scared and apologised as it was my fault. the oncologist ignored me and and office lady didn't look at me as well, as if she didn't blame me, and then they chatted like normal as if nothing big really happened. the lady told me to enter his room with him, and I went inside and chatted with him

he looked at my slip and asked me to tell him more about my ptsd. I tried to start recalling and narrating the scene (only did a brief description of the surrounding and about to start describing the incident) but I immediately feel (in the dream) that I wasn't automatically doing the dream and I was sort of pulled out and my consciousness has to come in to continue the dream like a lucid dream and i didn't like it. I apologised a bit to the oncologist because I couldn't continue talking about it. He says it is alright and you will have EMDR soon. And he hopes we can get better soon (or similar things like this), and i asked him “we”? and he say yes. So I was thinking if he was saying my unconscious + my conscious self. Then the little academic advising initial meeting ended.

Later I had to grab lunch at the “canteen” but it was the lecture hall. with my friends?? and the ppl in the hall were sitting according to their flats which was according to academic advisor. There’s a lot of people as if it’s induction day but it’s probably not

• meet matthew yip – asked me about my relationship with “her” – i thought he meant our lady but I looked up and saw A instead and i realised he was talking about A, and I said nahhh

• later? went out and saw shuttle bus to penylan from cardiff so i took cuz it looked familar, and after I rode it i found out it was going back to dorm.

• jamie holding my ipad mini and scrolling in my gmail in my very original game email account from junior high school . i was furious and kept scolding her loudly why she did it again, it was not the first time, she was also looking at my gmail when i was back then using ipad air 1 very very angry (but now thinking about it it was A who did it)

_{(ahh im quite anxious for next week's EMDR, it would be my first time doing it. I guess it is because I've finally built a stable enough relationship with my therapist aka trust him enough to allow it to happen. I heard it would be very tiring, but im not sure if it would also be traumatising again, I hope I can still comprehend sentences and not get lost at school after I started it and wouldn't be as bad as the real thing previously)}

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school and old friends and people

#secschool #cch #teacher

sports day See carrie and ashley and some others walking at most back although some ppl’s numbers were supposed to walk further back but they were walking with friends but im alone Walk to tst pier Floating and swimming was faster than walking See angelika waiting bus and we briefly chatted

Took pics with a blind student in fromt of miffy tourist spots at the star ferry pier with my storage card Took a while to access the pics in the card for preview in a public classroom nearby, occupied around 1.5 mins of a tsang’s time before her class

Went back to class at school slightly late- RS lesson, camille and others were doing group discussion alr, found out cch is my rs teacher I went back to sit at my usual seat by the door, but the people doing discussions were at the middle of the classroom I asked (forgot name- a kinda chubby 留班 student w glasses who dislikes sh chan) to confirm if cch is teaching us this year cch just finished taking attendance and walked out with the attendance book supposedly to put it on the umbrella rack

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meeting cora *2

#cora

Aug 23 hugging her

I was carrying paper bags of gifts and travel souvenirs, on my way to visit my parents/ relatives in their apartment. I was walking in this mini shopping mall which was connected to their estate. I didn't want to go and I was having a slight sense of dread at the back of my head. I was looking at the ground as usual, following the path and just turned to the right when I heard someone calling my name. I looked back and looked up when I saw it was Cora. I dropped my bags and walked towards her and gave her a hug. She was a bit tall like usual, and I was hugging her waist and I buried my head in her abdomen _{(such an odd term lol)}. (I forgot what happened but I remember I felt very thankful towards her.) We chatted a few sentences and I gave her another hug. Then we went to a nearby cafe in the mall to chat a bit. After a happy chat we parted ways and I continued on my way to visit.

_{I dreamt her probably because I kind of miss her and I don't think we have a chance to meet again and I was thinking about her before I fall asleep.}

Aug 24 glimpse

I was at uni walking with some groupmates after class. (Many things happened previously but I forgot about them already) I was still kind of reminiscing my encounter with her the day before in the dream.

We walked down the staircase from the bridge entering sassoon 3. Just as I was walking into the automatic glass door, I heard a familiar voice. It was Cora's and she was talking to a male student/ colleague. I looked up immediately and saw her in a knee-length dress with a bit of floral + Chinese style, walking near the bridge connecting the dorms to sassoon 3 and disappeared behind the escalator walls as they walked down the stairs. It was just a glimpse and everything happened in less than 2 seconds. Initially I would like to say hi but I didn't because she was in a conversation and they were too far and they left so I didn't think it was necessary, since I already met her yesterday.

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math test by supervisor

#primschool #jau

ptam is coming to watch our math class, which was originally taught by another math teacher. Jau happened to be substituting the teacher so she just watched our class nervously. We were also very scared of ptam because she was a fierce teacher. ptam arrived at our class and told us to open our textbooks. I, especially, was super nervous because it was like the first week of school and our math teacher doesn't use textbooks to teach so I wasn't sure if I had it in my drawer or not, because I am pretty sure I didn't pack it in my schoolbag. And I (the dreamer) wasn't here for the first few days of school so I don't know what was in my drawer actually. Nervously I checked the drawer and found it. I was very relieved.

She then gave us a math question to do and we were nervously doing it and didn't dare to do it too slowly or else we would picked out of our classmates and get scolded by her.

movie & superkids with Q*eenie

#exchange #OurLady _fuck We were chatting and we found out we both go to Superkids and we would be having the same class today in the evening. She suggested watching a movie together to spend the time before heading there. _{(I had english tutorial class at Superkids when I was in primary – junior secondary)} So we watched one about apocalypse and how people were establishing contact with others on the planet at the cinema. Towards the end of the movie we were looking at the time as we need to catch our tutorial class.

She said it was her first time going to this branch of Superkids at TST, so she made me the one responsible to look at the time and guide directions using google map.

We were walking quick but she kept telling me to walk faster. On some crossroads I was waiting for my phone to calibrate my directions (because it only showed the dot but not the perspective thing) so I stopped for a few seconds, but she was immediately crossed and blamed me for being so slow. She took one look at the map and chose one of the directions to walk, which was fortunately correct after I double checked while we were walking.

I think she was annoyed at the indirect path to Superkids, so she blamed me for choosing Superkids as our tutorial centre. I was rather annoyed because I didn't choose this tutorial centre for her! She picked it herself! We were just happened to have the same class! I should be the one annoyed of getting her into my class so to speak. So I talked back by stating she told me she picked it herself. And told her if you're talking this much then you do the guiding. She shut up and said we were running out of time so you should continue walking.

Fuck bro anyways we finally arrived at the location right on time after she kept being such a jerk and talking so much unconstructive shit. I forgot superkids was at 3/F, and I was attracted by the designer store at G/F so I was window shopping at the store, while she sat there chilling (I guess she also forgot we were here for tutorial). The dream ended here.

_{Bro this is literally what happens every single day in our trip and this was worst in Athens ! And the streets in the dream resemble those in Athens!!! Fuck I hate my time travelling with this... person! And the mini argument about Superkids is literally her blaming me for choosing Meteora over another city for day trip destination !!!!! (She thought it was too sunny- bro! You can't blame the weather on me wtf and the weather was actually similar to Athens- you're just using me as a punching bag) – and about the thing where she told me to walk faster, she kept telling me to walk faster and then i did, and then she was upset i was too fast and told me to walk slower like What the FUCK do you WANT}

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had multiple dreams where I was spending time/ having different classes with my new PBL group for CFB

shisha with friends

#exchange

After class. Went to a bright cafe to shisha w exchangemates _{(well I did went shisha once with one of the girls recently irl)} I picked the flavour for the shisha- a mix of passionfruit and two other fruity flavours (which is the same as irl) I was wondering if Arthur would come shisha with his friends/ colleagues. But I knew it was unlikely because he was a healthy person who did not have such bad habits.

I was having the shisha and chatting with my friends, who was sharing about what areas of the city was safe for citizens because currently we were under attack/ war. She was drawing a map for us to read. Where we currently were was at the city centre & close to the city border which was the right lower corner, where it was relatively safer, with more commercial activities and markets. While the areas further upwards to the left there was a bricked wall commemorating the efforts of the fallen soldiers and citizens, and there was a waterfall to the left of the bricked wall. And that area was very dangerous as it was in the rural areas and the borders with the neighbouring places were unclear, so it was easy for adventurers to be targeted and killed. Also, the areas outside city centre were generally less secure and you would get traced for speaking something wrong/ more controversial.

I closed my eyes to imagine the map, and I didn't know I took a nap until it was almost time to leave. I looked at my shisha which I haven't took much sips of, feeling kind of a pity because I wasted my money lol. But we paid and left the shop happily.

losing slippers after swimming class

#uni

we had a group session and we listened to Calv*n C's big plans about his AI projects and how he made multiple AIs with funny names like DeepSok

later we had a swimming class, and I separated from my PBL group. I chatted with another classmate casually _{(Ir*s who sit in front of me in exam)}, until I reached the pool and we parted ways.

I forgot the middle part of the dream but anyways, I lost my pair of slippers when I finished swimming. And I met with another friend who also lost her pair of slippers. We walked around the pool a bit and she decided to go to citysuper which was directly right of the pool to find her slippers/ buy another pair. I was planning to walk the pool a bit more since we just walked once in one side of the pool, but I decided to follow her. She told me she would just buy a new pair. I was thinking I wouldn't do that because slippers still cost a bit of money and I have not checked thoroughly yet. She went to pay and I went to the discount area. There were a lot of people around the rotating stand where they put a lot of ointments and stuff – like toothpaste, mosquito repellents, soap, wet wipes... And I chatted with a stranger 師奶 about which one had the biggest discount and it was kinda interesting. I didn't buy anything eventually though, and recalled I still needed to find my slippers. I was contemplating if I should also buy a new pair instead.

_{I think I dreamt citysuper because my mum had quite a few vouchers from it and she wanted to give it to me yesterday as she wouldn't use it, but I wouldn't go citysuper either.}

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halted session w vincci; intimate with Arthur 2

#T #arthur my new session would be with Vincci instead, and it would be conducted over zoom. It would be my first time having a session with her. Arthur was a little bit worried if she can handle the session, so he joined the zoom meeting as an observer too. But around the mid part of the session, while Vincci was speaking, she suddenly quitted the zoom. I assumed it might be some internet issues of her. But she didn't rejoin. I was confused and initially I was a bit hopeful, so I was joking with Arthur about the situation. But after 10 mins of her not appearing, Arthur decided to call her but she didn't pick up her phone. Around 20 mins of waiting and almost the end of the session I was kinda upset because I think she didn't want to see me so she disappeared. I also told Arthur about me being a bit unhappy. I also felt a bit empty in the dream. Thinking back it might be because I felt like both Vincci and Arthur didn't want me (Arthur referring me to Vincci and she just ditched the session) and I felt abandoned.

I forgot how the scenes changed, but I was still in my new house bedroom/ old house parent's bedroom (direction of bed and door were similar), when I finished the zoom. Then Arthur came into the room. (I think) (The parts below were blurry) He lied on the bed and I was on top of him. We were naked this time. I was again humping him. (I couldn't really recall the sensations I had after I woke up- but I did moan a lot in dream) I leaned forward and our chests touched. Then I gave him a hickey on the left side of his neck. _{(shit now I googled it, I actually gave him a bite with my right canine... LMFAO)} He also gave one on my left neck (not sure bite or hickey), and as I felt that light sharp pain I was quite aroused and moaned again haha

I continued humping him while (we kissed? I think) Until I was kinda wet and I can also feel his cock erected and was rubbing against my butt as I moved myself. Then we changed position as he stood at my back and teased me by rubbing it without putting it in. Finally he put it in. Honestly it just felt like a foreign body inside and it wasn't really arousing haha- but interesting experience

_{After I woke up, the sensations in the dream are much less vivid to recall than the first dream (except the “hickey/ bite”)– so it was just pleasant watching but not feeling. I'm not sure if I felt a lot while dreaming though.}

prepping high school final exam in y4

#secschool school distributed papers to us for practice I got mine and I ran to school (my old home) in order to scold my f6 eng teacher for giving me an ass SBA mark but I arrived at school just when the recess bell rang (:35) (aka recess ended), so I didn't continue my plan

walk two dogs

#mum Mum led two dogs into my bedroom, telling me to walk them later. I was putting on the collar and leash for them but I forgot which collar is for which dog, and I took some time to attach them when eventually I realised I swapped them. Mum came in and helped me reattached the collars and leashes swiftly- but she reattached the ones I was meaning to remove. So I told her no, this is wrong and we need to change it. She replied they are similar, then you swap by yourself, and she left the room. I figured it out by a while and was halfway done, but seemed she waited a while already and she was a bit impatient so she came back into the room and helped me with it. I felt happy. Then we were about to go out and walk the dogs.

_{(...... now I am feeling mixed)}

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so many dreams today again but not really “interesting”

catcalled as a femboy

I was a 男娘 wearing oversized coat and very short pants, me and my 女僕frd (real female) are going on a trip to an european country, probably france/ italy, and we just got pass the border control entering the country. And the surroundings are different tax free shops and a lot of other travellers. And some male travellers catcalled me and I felt happy (even a bit thrilled) to be noticed albeit lowkey feeling slightly gross in hindsight. After getting my attention off this “event” I looked around for my female friend but couldn't see her. I walked out of the tax free corridor and entered the grand lobby to phone her, but she said she was already on the next country. I was a bit shocked. (however this dream felt recurrent to me because the lobby was familiar and her reply was the same for one of my dreams before)

uncontrollable AC temp again

I was queuing up for book fair/ random HK exhibition with my parents. And I saw a AC remote on the table next to me. As I was bored and I felt a tad bit too hot (26C), I wanted to change it to 25C. But I press the remote and the numbers fluctuate so much again (even worse than the one 2 weeks before), this time it can shoot up to like 100C and down to -300C or some shit. And I was annoyed so after trying to press many times I simply hold the button and see what number it jumps to and if I find it reasonable I lift my finger, but the way it jumped was completely random. And when it jumped to very low temperatures I could feel the frosty air blowing onto me and I was very scared, and it also does that for high temperatures. I was a bit freaked out by it so I cried in dream and yell for my dad to come help me (because they moved along with the queue but I was too attentive to the air con so I stopped in my steps)

_{(this is again aircon, what happened- what if it is a sign for me to not skip finishing the dream from before, maybe i shouldn't have started talking/ analysing the intensive dream last time- but I liked it)}

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long dreams from yesterday afternoon till today morning. There were like 4 dreams but not too special

mum found out my cuts

#mum I was cutting and mum went inside my room and saw me holding my blade and my arms with cuts. Idk how to explain to her, I felt the scene is a bit embarrassing. I was scared if she would be angry. But she was more like shocked and a bit frowned, but didn't scold me. She asked me loudly why did it happen though. _{probably because yesterday afternoon my parents tidied my room and also added the window grilles to this new home, and dad was saying how dangerous it is if I was being too excited or whatever and stood up on bed because it was very easy to fall off onto the street when the grilles were not installed previously. And they took out my locked messenger bag which was usually put on the bed, so I later on took a look inside and found that one final little blade I didn't turn in to Arthur, and I opened it, and despite not feeling upset, and obv not upset enough to cut, I decided to cut a little because why not, and I have been refraining from cutting for a long time already, so I should give myself this... uhm treat. And that blade was sharp af so I just moved a little and I got a funny feeling and it bled just a little. I kept questioning myself why I would want to do it, because Arthur also asked me the same question, but I still dont know, but I want to do it}

korea trip with friends

#charlottec #secschool me and around 6 friends were at the park at night, somewhere in Korea, as we were travelling. These were from my senior secondary school squad with heidi, charlotte, kaka and others. We bought an ice-cream each and ate together on our own little cube stools. I had a strawberry ice cream cone with a few actual strawberries, but I had to hurry to eat because mine was melting especially quickly idk why lol. 3 others also had either similar or identical strawberry ice-cream but theirs didn't really melt that quickly. Maybe because my ice-cream arrived the latest out of them so it was served late, and already melting. (thinking back it didn't make sense because if it was so, my ice-cream should be the coldest, but I really did get the ice-cream the latest out of them) _{Maybe I dreamt it because I recently found a photo of their secondary school grad trip to Korea again, which I was unable to join (I think should be because I was travelling with family elsewhere during that time). I wasn't particularly fond of going though because charlotte said it happened to be a kinda bad trip lol, but I kinda miss out on it}

chatting with schoolmates

I was sitting at the bench with a few others (I forgot the names, but one seems to be Annie? who likes horses, and Lauren), plus a new dream friend, whom I met in primary school nanny van. They were a year younger than me. We were just chatting casually until when Annie wants us to guess her personality or whatever, and I just shared my (educated) “guesses”. The dream friend and Annie looked surprised because I was accurate, and I explained to the dream friend that I met Annie in the school van before. Annie didn't respond though. (Perhaps the “dream her” didn't know about this information) But the convo went on nicely. (I think this wasn't a lucid dream. I spilled out the irl info about school van naturally)

omw to school and battling giant monster

At a “dream fake city where I was on exchange” in the morning. Gives vibes like this:

I was waiting impatiently at a traffic light, wanting to get across to go ride metro to go to school. Finally the light turned green and I went across. Then it swapped from first person to third person as I saw a gigantic monster (godzilla size but not that ugly), protruding out of the metro station building. It was swallowing people's aura, which were blue orbs. And I observe this girl (the main character) dashed towards the monster in mid air and jumped really high to mid air to face head on with the monster by getting her two white iridescent aura orbs from her chest and out came two strong aura waves and shot the monster with that powerful beam and the monster appeared injured, and the dream ended (idk if the monster was dead or not).

---

Arthur asked me whether I am awake and fantasizing when I said I was aware when I am dreaming. But I am sure they are lucid dreams. If not, then you can say I have not been sleeping for years. So it would be impossible. And my watch also shows I am sleeping. Therefore I am sleeping. Perhaps he hasn't tried lucid dreaming before, nor doing reality checks in dream, so it is hard to imagine.

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