city tour and mum stuck under snow

#mum

Went on a guided tour to some American places, and got allocated to a little house in a secluded land, and then we (the whole tour group) are going out for meal and a walk outside. Tbh only the house part feels American, the rest feels like UK and the place we went to visit outside somehow gave me the assumption we were at Kai Tak near Airside.

After prepping what to pack for the day trips using my notion lists, somehow the scenery changed to a snowy place on a street. Feels Korean. Me and mum were at an underground tiny store selling Valorant merch. Then we had to climb out of the store which was pretty narrow. I actually have already done it once before, and this time I am going first again. After squeezing myself out I looked around and looked back to the hole I came from, which was a bit collapsed into the snow. I helped getting the snow out and I saw the hands inside (presumably mum) also trying to get rid of the dirt and snow and water that got inside the hole. I was a little bit worried because it might suffocate mum, so I continued helping by taking her snow and putting aside on the ground. But later I got distracted by other things around, such as a queue waiting for the shopping mall lift, and some brighter bigger stores (with Valorant logo lol), so I went to take a look. Later when I was also queuing for the lift, mum was behind me so I pleasantly said oh you got out of the hole !! And she's like “yes I did”, and I looked at her and seemed it was a bit difficult though judging by her face but she didn't really commented on that

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late night walk with friends

#sushiro #charlottec #arthur

Our squad, sushiro, went on a late night walk on the streets/ near the promenade for sightseeing purposes. _{(Probably because my another squad had a gathering at SYP + Ktown promenade last night)}

We walked past a bunch of different things by the sea, for example, you can shake hands and interact with sealions and animals that were chilling there, visit small stores whatever. It was a blur after I woke up, but one of the things I had the biggest impression is shaking hands with a new creature, a “sea-seahorse” (the size was like a fat sealion with coarse wet skin that was 180cm tall, with the beak/ mouth part similar to a dolphin, or a horse??). This sea-seahorse introduced himself to me and we shook hands, when he noticed my scars on my arm. He said he saw the scars, so I looked down onto my arm and saw my scars glittering in many different colours, with tiny stars popping here and there. It was very pretty, and it was a stark contrast to the darkness of the late night especially by the shore where there isn't much light. I was very touched and a bit glad and replied with a slight exclamation: You saw it! You are the first one so far who noticed! My other two friends of the sushiro group were busy chatting with other sea creatures on my right so they didn't noticed our interesting conversation and they still didn't know about the scars (on my left arm).

After a while of walking, we went to sit at a table in a building (I forgot if it's a restaurant or Arthur's clinic). There are also other people sitting at other tables. We were just chatting and I asked Ruby how to do the fingering (cuz idk how to finger myself pleasurably). And then Ruby just flip up her skirt to demonstrate. Me and Charlotte were like aaaaaaaaa fr here???? But Ruby was like yeah And I guess me and Charlotte's exclamation attracted the attention of the table behind me aka in front of Ruby and they can easily see Ruby's stuff from their perspective. Anyways Ruby demonstrated. aaaaaaaaaa

Later Arthur came and I said hi. He saw me. But I am not sure if it's because he was supposed to be working with Ruby this time, but he was quite focused on chatting with Ruby (she was sitting properly now), so he didn't reply to me. After Arthur and Ruby chatted briefly, we four began to watch the TV they had in the room, which was an unboxing and introduction video to a leather wallet. Coincidentally, I had the same wallet (but slightly different texture in the inner compartment) in the dream so I tried to show and tell them about me having the actual thing here! But they didn't respond and kept watching the show. I think Charlotte looked at me for a bit, Ruby too, but Arthur completely ignored me and was chatting with Ruby about the show. I tried to attract Arthur's attention in other ways I forgot (but definitely not the seducing kinds) but he didn't even bat an eye. I was too bored and a notification popped out from my phone. A rare strong pokemon showed up in pokemon go. I wanted to tell Arthur but by this time I kind of given up because he was likely to be ignoring me. So I was playing it and I felt a bit ashamed and useless because my hobbies are all the same as his and I don't have something I am interested in organically by myself.

There were three battles before I can catch the pokemon and my pokemons died in the battles quickly so I lost it. While I was playing that, they seemed to be done with their business so I was following them (sushiro) back into the streets.

working in hotel mart cashier

#mum

Then I entered a hotel and after checking in to my hotel room, the hotel gave me a job as the cashier helper for their mini mart by the reception. Basically those are all self-serving cashier kiosks and I am just a helper, so the workload was pretty simple. I was registering new products to the cashier, which are four different kinds of earplugs from Sony and Apple. I was also teaching my even fresher staff how to do these and one of the staff is my mum (but I wasn't surprised at all in the dream). I tried to listen on one side of the earplugs as I was registering them because I was curious on how they sound. And my mum also tried out some too. But eventually after finished registering them on the kiosk we were reassembling the earplugs back to the case, and matching the series and colours, but couldn't find most of the missing earplugs that we wore. So I was very confused because after wearing those one by one and only choosing the left side and placing it on the kiosk bench with care, it was impossible to lost them. And the dream ended.

_{After waking up I think maybe my staff were wearing them and forgot to take them off, idk bruh}

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after class and protecting stray kitten

#arthur #mum

After class we were all packing our schoolbags We were also distributing some discount sheets for some particular people in the class including me in a hurry so it is not obvious. The sheets are related to extra classes (or therapy) Arthur is teaching/ giving us. I passed mine to Chi Nok who was beside me, because in the dream I thought he was in the class too, and I thought I’ll get another one, but the last sheet I got is a promotion cover sheet instead of the discount coupons which I was actually supposed to keep. So basically I gave my coupon away. I was like ah it sucks a little but idc.

I walked home on the bridge from my old train station, while thinking I’m going to commit once I got to my estate. On the bridge I saw my mum walking towards me, which was a coincidence, she talked to me about something I forgot now, but I found her annoying because she disrupted my suicide thought and I shooed her away.

I needed to walk past a little garden and an old stone bridge across a little river in order to reach my estate, which was kinda interesting. _{(the feelings reminded me of my exchange dorm and the scenery reminded me of tsinghua for some reason?? although they dont look alike)}

Reaching my estate, the scenes were familiar like in some very old previous dreams. _{(Now I think it was similar to my dreamed 家維邨+ kindergarten/primary hybrid scene)} I found a stray kitten alone just chilling there, I picked it up because I was scared it would get hurt. I walked around pinching the cat neck to find a spot with more humans to place it down so that there would be more people looking out for the kitten. I walked to an area with loads of stray cats and kittens, they look calm but somehow I was scared the kitten would get bullied and attacked by them so I didn’t place it there. I walked to another alley and I saw loads of rats and hamsters kept pouring out of a sewer hole and I was like oh shit wow ew ah and then I ran away, and I saw the rats spreaded to the cat area but all the cats are just chilling when I thought the rats would scratch and eat the kittens for some reason. Finally after walking around a lot I was back to my original spot after recognising the little stone bridge from the start and walking over it. And I returned the stray kitten I have been holding back to its spot, which was the safest spot for her, although it wasn’t the most ideal from what I have been searching for. And the kitten was just chilling there on its own again.

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mum's new partner

#mum

it was a long dream but since I didn't record it once I was awake, I forgot most of it. I just remembered my mum was inside and she has a new partner, which was a kinda naughty a bit chubby boy, which reminded me of someone.

After I woke up I realised this kid was a secondary school boy I met at Mong Kok mtr station yesterday afternoon, and I had a deep impression of this guy because he kept playing with his domestic helper's hair and making suggestive moves, for example we were riding down the escalator, he stood at the right side of the helper, and he he's trying to make his groin touch the helper's hip on the side. But that time I was still trying to figure out if it was a domestic helper or his girlfriend, since the helper was wearing rather casual hot pants with laces and holding an english textbook, and they both look a bit brown and I couldn't hear what language they were communicating with, so I was rather confused. But this “domestic helper” seemed to be quite annoyed by his action of trying to play with her hair. Anyways I was quite shocked by what I saw and I just thought the world/ Mong Kok station was rather fucked. I didn't intervene because I wasn't sure if that was normal between them, and I was scared if the boy would subsequently harass or unleash his anger onto me. But then I felt kind of ashamed of myself because I didn't lend a helping hand towards another person who was potentially being harassed, as if I didn't go back in time to save myself.

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halted session w vincci; intimate with Arthur 2

#T #arthur my new session would be with Vincci instead, and it would be conducted over zoom. It would be my first time having a session with her. Arthur was a little bit worried if she can handle the session, so he joined the zoom meeting as an observer too. But around the mid part of the session, while Vincci was speaking, she suddenly quitted the zoom. I assumed it might be some internet issues of her. But she didn't rejoin. I was confused and initially I was a bit hopeful, so I was joking with Arthur about the situation. But after 10 mins of her not appearing, Arthur decided to call her but she didn't pick up her phone. Around 20 mins of waiting and almost the end of the session I was kinda upset because I think she didn't want to see me so she disappeared. I also told Arthur about me being a bit unhappy. I also felt a bit empty in the dream. Thinking back it might be because I felt like both Vincci and Arthur didn't want me (Arthur referring me to Vincci and she just ditched the session) and I felt abandoned.

I forgot how the scenes changed, but I was still in my new house bedroom/ old house parent's bedroom (direction of bed and door were similar), when I finished the zoom. Then Arthur came into the room. (I think) (The parts below were blurry) He lied on the bed and I was on top of him. We were naked this time. I was again humping him. (I couldn't really recall the sensations I had after I woke up- but I did moan a lot in dream) I leaned forward and our chests touched. Then I gave him a hickey on the left side of his neck. _{(shit now I googled it, I actually gave him a bite with my right canine... LMFAO)} He also gave one on my left neck (not sure bite or hickey), and as I felt that light sharp pain I was quite aroused and moaned again haha

I continued humping him while (we kissed? I think) Until I was kinda wet and I can also feel his cock erected and was rubbing against my butt as I moved myself. Then we changed position as he stood at my back and teased me by rubbing it without putting it in. Finally he put it in. Honestly it just felt like a foreign body inside and it wasn't really arousing haha- but interesting experience

_{After I woke up, the sensations in the dream are much less vivid to recall than the first dream (except the “hickey/ bite”)– so it was just pleasant watching but not feeling. I'm not sure if I felt a lot while dreaming though.}

prepping high school final exam in y4

#secschool school distributed papers to us for practice I got mine and I ran to school (my old home) in order to scold my f6 eng teacher for giving me an ass SBA mark but I arrived at school just when the recess bell rang (:35) (aka recess ended), so I didn't continue my plan

walk two dogs

#mum Mum led two dogs into my bedroom, telling me to walk them later. I was putting on the collar and leash for them but I forgot which collar is for which dog, and I took some time to attach them when eventually I realised I swapped them. Mum came in and helped me reattached the collars and leashes swiftly- but she reattached the ones I was meaning to remove. So I told her no, this is wrong and we need to change it. She replied they are similar, then you swap by yourself, and she left the room. I figured it out by a while and was halfway done, but seemed she waited a while already and she was a bit impatient so she came back into the room and helped me with it. I felt happy. Then we were about to go out and walk the dogs.

_{(...... now I am feeling mixed)}

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long dreams from yesterday afternoon till today morning. There were like 4 dreams but not too special

mum found out my cuts

#mum I was cutting and mum went inside my room and saw me holding my blade and my arms with cuts. Idk how to explain to her, I felt the scene is a bit embarrassing. I was scared if she would be angry. But she was more like shocked and a bit frowned, but didn't scold me. She asked me loudly why did it happen though. _{probably because yesterday afternoon my parents tidied my room and also added the window grilles to this new home, and dad was saying how dangerous it is if I was being too excited or whatever and stood up on bed because it was very easy to fall off onto the street when the grilles were not installed previously. And they took out my locked messenger bag which was usually put on the bed, so I later on took a look inside and found that one final little blade I didn't turn in to Arthur, and I opened it, and despite not feeling upset, and obv not upset enough to cut, I decided to cut a little because why not, and I have been refraining from cutting for a long time already, so I should give myself this... uhm treat. And that blade was sharp af so I just moved a little and I got a funny feeling and it bled just a little. I kept questioning myself why I would want to do it, because Arthur also asked me the same question, but I still dont know, but I want to do it}

korea trip with friends

#charlottec #secschool me and around 6 friends were at the park at night, somewhere in Korea, as we were travelling. These were from my senior secondary school squad with heidi, charlotte, kaka and others. We bought an ice-cream each and ate together on our own little cube stools. I had a strawberry ice cream cone with a few actual strawberries, but I had to hurry to eat because mine was melting especially quickly idk why lol. 3 others also had either similar or identical strawberry ice-cream but theirs didn't really melt that quickly. Maybe because my ice-cream arrived the latest out of them so it was served late, and already melting. (thinking back it didn't make sense because if it was so, my ice-cream should be the coldest, but I really did get the ice-cream the latest out of them) _{Maybe I dreamt it because I recently found a photo of their secondary school grad trip to Korea again, which I was unable to join (I think should be because I was travelling with family elsewhere during that time). I wasn't particularly fond of going though because charlotte said it happened to be a kinda bad trip lol, but I kinda miss out on it}

chatting with schoolmates

I was sitting at the bench with a few others (I forgot the names, but one seems to be Annie? who likes horses, and Lauren), plus a new dream friend, whom I met in primary school nanny van. They were a year younger than me. We were just chatting casually until when Annie wants us to guess her personality or whatever, and I just shared my (educated) “guesses”. The dream friend and Annie looked surprised because I was accurate, and I explained to the dream friend that I met Annie in the school van before. Annie didn't respond though. (Perhaps the “dream her” didn't know about this information) But the convo went on nicely. (I think this wasn't a lucid dream. I spilled out the irl info about school van naturally)

omw to school and battling giant monster

At a “dream fake city where I was on exchange” in the morning. Gives vibes like this:

I was waiting impatiently at a traffic light, wanting to get across to go ride metro to go to school. Finally the light turned green and I went across. Then it swapped from first person to third person as I saw a gigantic monster (godzilla size but not that ugly), protruding out of the metro station building. It was swallowing people's aura, which were blue orbs. And I observe this girl (the main character) dashed towards the monster in mid air and jumped really high to mid air to face head on with the monster by getting her two white iridescent aura orbs from her chest and out came two strong aura waves and shot the monster with that powerful beam and the monster appeared injured, and the dream ended (idk if the monster was dead or not).

---

Arthur asked me whether I am awake and fantasizing when I said I was aware when I am dreaming. But I am sure they are lucid dreams. If not, then you can say I have not been sleeping for years. So it would be impossible. And my watch also shows I am sleeping. Therefore I am sleeping. Perhaps he hasn't tried lucid dreaming before, nor doing reality checks in dream, so it is hard to imagine.

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im not interested in this dream but Arthur does eeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhh

hugging naked mum & crazy AC controller

#mum

I was chilling on my bed in my current bedroom, around morning, with sunlight and heavy rain from the outside. It was like black rainstorm/ typhoon 10 type of rain. The street view outside was like the path which the shuttle bus took from Cardiff dorm to the uni. It felt like a school day but I didn't go to school, although I wasn't sure if it was because it suddenly became a holiday because of weather, or because I skipped it because I didn't want to go. _{(but such weather leading to class cancellations, and my own skipping class happened in the past two weeks so either way made sense.)} Anyways I felt a sense of relief but with an odd mixture of guilt underneath. So not necessarily happy, but happier than going to school. My mum came into the room and we hugged together while chatting about different things. I was on top of her, and we were both naked. I talked about my classmates, about my sessions with Arthur, etc. (Although a little voice at the back of my head thinks, I didn't mention anything about Arthur to her, how come I spilled the tea so naturally? It doesn't make sense, I shouldn't be doing that.) During the hug I guess my clit was on top of hers so I felt pleasurable sexually, while the little voice felt this felt wrong. _{(Idk why we spent so much time during session on this, didn't expect, I thought only Freud likes this kind of stuff but okay lol)} I wondered if she felt the same way as me, though she does not show any special emotions related to this. I also did not show how I was feeling regarding this aspect to her, as it did not exceed my threshold for such emotions/aka I can contain it easily, and it felt wrong.

Later she left to do housework in the living room/ kitchen. I looked at my room which has two air conditioners. The first one was working normally, and it is located at a similar spot in real life, while the second aircon was next to the first one, but this part of the room is expanded in the dream as well, separated by a wooden shelf, just like two ikea kallax shelves stacking on top of each other but the material is wood. I looked at the second aircon and found it to be operating at 4x degrees, which I thought no wonder the air blowing out is so hot. I took my remote and tried to lower the temperature. But the temperature panel dropped to -60. I tried to turn it up again and it went to 0 at first after a few simple tries. But I want an appropriate temperature, but it just jumped directly to 40 again. And even 50 I think. So I turned it down again and it went back to like -40 or -60, and the air con is beginning to roar and make cold air. I began to panic when I heard the aircon making such a sound as it implies the room is going to be unbelievably cold and I might destroy the aircon/ the aircon would explode or overwork and make a fire. So I walked a bit out of my room into the corridor, and called my mum to come back and help. She heard my call and responded in the kitchen and I think she would come soon, when the dream ended.

_{(Irl I had a lecture on killing cells using temperatures higher than 60C or lower than -40C just the day before I sleep, so I think it is related.)}

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terrible gigantic argument with mum at wellness team waiting room

#T #mum #secschool

It is my birthday today. I felt a bit bad so I went to sit in the wellness team office. The waiting room was spacious. It was actually a big computer room. I sat there for a long time but couldn’t pacify myself, and my trembles continued, and I was still crying. So Vincci came and check on me. And she gave me a notebook to write what kind of subjects I chose during secondary school. So I listed all 13 from junior high and 7 in senior high. We carried this book with us to our uni entrance, and we sat at the middle of the slope where everyone would walk down to exit school. Ashley walked by and gave me a jellycat peanut keychain as a birthday present. She wished me happy birthday. Then I recalled (knew about in the dream that) it was my birthday. I was very thankful of her for remembering and the birthday wishes and I bursted into tears again. Some other old secondary classmates who also walked by said hi to me. After a quick while Ashley came back and apologetically took away my gift (which weirdly became a white plushy rather than the peanut), saying that she had recognised me wrongly and gifted wrongly. Still crying from receiving the gift, I was a bit sad but thought to myself that it wasn’t a big deal to be sad about yet I sobbed.

I think we went to a supermarket afterwards to check out on desserts yogurt and ice cream. _{(irl yogurt is my mum’s favourite and I’d pick ice cream.)}

Vincci was still next to me and we went back to the waiting room. My mum came to the room as she found out somehow that I would be here. Probably she checked my geolocation or she saw my notebooks, which I was deliberately not writing about therapy most of the time. When she saw me, she looked crossed, but when she saw Vincci beside me, she rose from the stool and put up a smiley face full of gratitude and thank her for taking care of me. I was angry and loudly told her to stop being so fake and put on a show when she dislike student wellness team _{(idk if she does irl but very likely, if she knows about it)}. So she scolded me back for wasting time talking to strangers and trusting them. That I was a total letdown and I couldn’t even study properly. I was furious and upset so I also stood and yelled at her telling her that she didn’t even understand how come my study is so bad, she never asked about my mental health and she ignored all the issues that I presented at home and those I told her about. She knew that my mind was so bad I was lost at school. I couldn’t even recall important stuff about myself. That I was in my room abnormally moody and I only showered every five days. I was yelling at her and getting very irritated every day and I never smiled but she didn’t even think anything beyond that! She only cared about the results I bring forward. But it was never me.

When she heard me yelling and screaming at her, it triggered her and she also yelled back with such explosive temper like usual.

At the midst of our argument, I also yelled at Vincci in frustration to see how me and my mum are both double-faced with such dramatic emotions. (To clarify the loudness is simply because I was arguing and I wouldn’t randomly speak in a low tone to another person. Not that I have beef with Vincci)

I’m too tired to write down our arguments, and I couldn’t remember them anyway. But we had a terrible big loud argument and my voice was coarse again. But it still did not reach her.

_{Maybe Arthur is right about I shouldn’t be expecting from my parents as we knew how they’re like. But I am lonely in this little place which is supposedly home.}

post exam driving

#uni

During exchange, I went to a distant place to have an exam, so a prof drove me there. On the way back I drove a part of the highway back with my riolu on my lap, and Cecot in backseat lol. But I got distracted by it after a pause of waiting other cars to pass- as in I forgot to start driving again and I became too focused on my doll. So Cecot said he would drive it and I sit at the back. Reluctantly (because I like driving), we swapped seats. When we reached the urban streets, I asked if I could try to drive. He said “you need more experience to handle the road.” I’m like ok Then I asked “how can I train my attention as I couldn’t see the rest of my vision if I look at the lane in front of me,” He replied, “by training.” I was left speechless because he wasn’t answering me. Maybe he was annoyed by my previous mistake of not focusing on the road. But I asked, “training?” in hopes of clarification. And he said “yes.” … so I asked “what kinds of training?” I think he was planning to answer, but at this point he already arrived at a parking spot and I had to get off. He asked me, “is it over?” (This part starting was all in canto) I asked “what do you mean by it, if you’re talking about my module then I completed it, if you’re talking about the exam then yeah?” And he repeated, “is it over?”

So I was very confused and kept thinking what’s over until I woke up.

But now after typing this down I realised he just probably wanted me to end the conversation.

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found Arthur’s wife’s 小紅書

#arthur #mum

(Before this happened I was shopping with my mum in the dream and we went to a little cutesy cafe and we can take film instant pics and mum took 3 and printed one; mum wanted to join my camera and i rejected and took also 3 pics alone and about to print one- but actually mum’s pics were all better than mine but I am a bit too tired to take again so I’m just editing one to be printed and somehow the below happened)

I found the acc when there was a hovering screen scrolling different Rednote posts itself on the side of the camera machine? and then I see Arthur’s face on the screen at the corner of my eye and im like holy shi wait whoa and i pressed inside and bam it’s his wife’s account

Wow god knows how excited i was so I kept browsing her posts which consisted of a lot of pics of her working env at bedside (elderly home or hospital??) and also a comsiderable amount of family pics and videos with Arthur inside. Arthur looked very cute and happy haha Their bedroom curtains were of the same pattern to the ones in my parents’ bedroom in the old flat which was quite interesting to me There was also a video post of him lying on bed and his wife sat on top of him but somehow in the dream I didn’t press inside to watch although I was a bit interested

And after obtaining such precious information idk how to deal with it because I don’t want to send to others so I just kept looking at the pics and trying to memorise all the relevant pics

But at the same time I was thinking to myself what would I feel about our therapeutic relationship after learning too much about him which I think I am not supposed to, maybe I couldn’t continue therapy, but I decided to keep scrolling lol.

It was only after I woke up when I realised it was just a dream

_{Btw I had a few other interesting (by which I mean they have a complete plot) dreams from a few days ago but I am too lazy to write them down they’re too long?? One was about starting new school year and finding new classroom with old secondary and primary school classmates and I was quite anxious about choosing seats but I was so relieved after finding people put their bags next to my seat which means they don’t hate me and they’re willing to sit next to me wuwuwuwu also the floor where my classroom was also has #jau ’s office but I decided to ignore it because it has already passed)}

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gang bang in me & my friend's home

#cecilia #mum #dad

_{The dream is a bit messy to recall}

So originally me and my best childhood friend, Cecilia, were observing a series of events unfolding: two main characters (friends) in their newly rent home, just beginning to set stuff up and enjoying new life in this cozy flat, but there was always a rumour in the neighbourhood that their floor lived a very scary muscular man. But so far the two characters haven't seen this man on their floor, and there were only like three flats on their floor. One day the two characters were walking up the staircase to their door, hands carrying bags full of groceries, and saw their flat were being broken into. And the muscular man walked out of the flat with a very menacing aura (im not sure if his hands were covered with blood too). The characters believed the man saved them, but were also very scared, not just because the man really looked like a murderer of some sort, but also upon realising the man was also living in their flat. In the dream I was guessing maybe they were living in different dimensions, so they did not detect each other's presence. _{(Note: watched a RPG horror game intro video last week with the theme of making warp holes and how the character was murdered with loopholes in the time dimension; and a weird shorts of a man trying to live in a 2D way in this 3D world- basically aerial shots of him lying on the floor and pretending to walk. So maybe these influenced the dream)}

In the dream, I was also sure that this was a movie or story I had watched previously, so I thought I was sure about how the story would end despite not being able to recall it. But I didn't realise I was in a dream. But I felt like this dream has been on repeat for a few times in the past (around secondary school era) because the door entrance was familiar to me.

Then the dream perspective has changed from us being observers to us being the two main characters. Some unknown time has passed in the dream and one day, me and Cecilia were at home when we heard someone by the door. We had the hinge that it was the muscular man/ murderer. We urged each other to look at the door hole but we were scared and we were running out of time. Quickly and eventually one of us (I forgot. I think I pushed Cecilia to look) took a glimpse across the hole and confirmed it was the murderer. But it was too late to hide as I saw him unlocking and pushing open the door.

_{... And then my memory for the rest of the dream became fuzzy} Upon seeing us, he didn't became violent or defensive, but invited us to a gang bang with a bunch of guys including him. We were still a bit scared so we agreed to his invitation. _{(I think this decision was also kind of influenced by how I was looking back at my scary Balkans trip with the girl with such! shit! personality! just before napping and having this dream, as one night I was a bit provoked by her usual dominant and rude way of speaking (she's actually scolding me for using google map because I led her wrongly with google map- just a 5 min walk, but she didn't tell me what to use instead and was backseating the whole time) my voice became uncontrollably babyish and spoke in a baby tone as if I was fawning. She told me to stop speaking in that way and I tried my best to maintain a normal tone and asked her wdym by that way, and she told me to ignore what she's saying. :P But I really couldn't control it and I was so ashamed of myself. Speaking in a baby tone pleading to a classmate who treated you like a fucking servant?? Unbelievably shameful. And that's just one thing out of the half month we were travelling together. I didn't even mention that one time after receiving her silent treatment, I went to ride the tube and my whole body was shaking so badly for the whole journey of like 45 mins from Euston Square to fucking O2 wembley and even after queuing into the concert and getting seated. Embarrassing as fuck. I hate myself.)}

Oh I was distracted. Anyways very soon the murderer's friends all appeared by the door and all are very muscular and tall. And I began to realise this looked different from the “story” I was expecting to unfold as the plot changed. Really looked like they were strong enough to kill us if they wanted. I forgot it was who's suggestion, but I was going to grab sex toys for use. I walked into the living room and saw my parents lying on the sofa bed. And I think my mum overheard a part of the convo so she named a few sex toy brands which I have never heard of (very sure they are just random names in dream). I ignored my mum's suggestion as 1 I couldn't hear what new jargons she mentioned, 2 I don't want to confirm to her I was indeed searching for sex toys. _{(Oh yesterday night Ivan invited me to come downstairs to had late night dessert and so I told my parents about it when I left home, and they suggested like 2-3 places nearby to have desserts. And I also sort of ignored as I don't understand where their suggestions were, and Ivan already had a spot in mind. Wow the plot was all interconnected in real life)}

Anyways starting from this part of the plot it became more blurry to me because it's hard to remember the whole dream... But I secretly took some toys? or what? but just sex related items. And we went to a room (idk within the flat like another direction to the door, or a random room outside the flat.) and then I started to become aware this is just a dream, and me and Cecilia got fucked by these (around 5-6) men.

_{I also don't know if it's related but I threw my vibrator I've been using for quite some time previously and got a new identical one two days ago and it is good.}

...... uhhhh

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