lunch set choices

#uni

It was a really long dream with a lot of characters involved, but I only remembered this excerpt very clearly.

On a train and it was my turn (and others on the same table) to order our lunch from the menu handed by the train staff.

Set A: chichen + docetaxel Set B: broccoli + eggplant (very disgustingly cooked with a lot of unknown broth overlying the mixture, according to menu photo)

I was thinking, both were so shit I couldn't make a choice! I don't want taxane but I don't want that broth mixture either.

Woke up mumbling the menu so I could recall it.

_{(I know if knowledge seeps into my dream, my revision is not bad. Yay)}

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This dream made me feel like as if fri sat sun mon tue has passed

buying macarons

At a bakery stall. I wanted to buy some macarons. Asked the dream friend next to me if she wanted to buy some as well, and I’ll talk to the staff on behalf for her.

There were like 5 flavours, white brown and some rainbow colours in between (* it changed later on). I got a little paper pouch to hand to the bakery guy behind the counter. I found there were already some inside of brown flavour, and told the bakery guy about it. He asked me how many were inside. Originally I said wow around 5? Cuz it looked so big and many. I handed the pouch and the guy was talking to a female staff nearby and he said there’s one. And when I thought about it and imagine it from multiple angles I saw 1 giant cookie of irregular shape. It just seemed like 5 but isn’t.

The bakery guy was very chill and easygoing and he said he’d take care of it and asked for our order.

I asked my dream friend how many would she like, she said 3, so I was also gonna order 3, making 6 in total.

She picked a brown one and I picked white – we picked one each in turns to make it more fun.

Later the flavours were changed to multiple whitish brown flavours on top of rainbow ones. There were like oreo, toffee, caramel, hazelnut flavour etc. Looked quite yummy and I was planning to pick hazelnut next.

waiting for meetup and observing a class

#uni #mum Me and Stephanie K discussed previously via text about a meetup time to get her notes or whatever. It would be on a Sunday. I was having a day off on Sunday but I still agreed.

It’s Sunday. I finally showered and dressed up in my uniform and answered most questions from my curious mum (about where I’m going and what time will I be back)

And she said she can’t do Sunday and let’s do Monday before class instead. I was very annoyed as I was already about to go out And I looked at the calendar she shared and saw today’s time was monday before class. So I said then it’s now, let’s meet at the campus then.

So I headed to campus and walked into a small computer classroom with a full class of students and a teacher all using their desktop computers. I was curious of what widgets the teacher was using for her iPad, so I walked up to the big projected screen but didn’t see anything in particular. _{(that’s because it’s the screen of the desktop computer dum dum)(prob because I was reading a list of recommended iPad games before I fell asleep)} I walked right through and walked around to see what each of them were doing. The classmates and teacher didn’t seem bothered. I wondered if they can see me actually. But nevertheless I felt nervous to be the only one walking across a focused class.

I noticed the screens of the students and found a lot of them were just daydreaming and looking at their desktop homescreen. Some were using their phones and iPads. I thought it made sense because uni classes were boring.

I walked quickly out of the classroom.

(This is more of an interlude between the previous and latter uni class dream)

kirsty and sister lucia

#primschool

Entered a food court and there was a sister sitting on my left. After her sharing she asked a question to the floor: how does sister lucia’s saliva taste like?

I leaned towards her mic and exclaimed it is sweet- no it is salty!

She asked why would I thought so? And handed me her mic.

I replied, because in primary school sister lucia kissed me (in the cheek) so I (wiped the saliva off my face and) tasted her saliva. It was in the Chinese oral speaking class when she was teaching me. And then a few years later she kissed me again so I tried the saliva again. _{(… sacrilegious) and in the dream I didn’t verbalise the brackets bc I thought it was unimportant- but bro it was a different scene}

Everyone in the food court gasped.

And then the sister and a classmate nearby asked if I know someone called 陳彥同/童. I was confused but then realised she was Kirsty, my p1 neighbour in class! _{(well actually now I’m not sure because this name seemed to belong to another classmate- but Kirsty’s name was similar)} And then I started crying as I said she was my first friend but I can’t see her anymore, she wrote down her email in a paper slip and handed to me before she left, but I lost the slip, and I have no other way of contact of her…

The people in the food court were quiet as they looked at me crying and the sister offering her sympathy.

I felt apologetic for dampening the vibe of the food court while I was crying unstoppably.

email reply from arthur

#arthur I went to class in my uni. As I was busy walking along some corridors at the back of the classroom, I saw something lit up at the side of my eye, it was my phone lying on top of my kangol totebag on a random chair at the corridor. It was an email notification from Arthur. It said “Third (title) [Arthur’s Signature section] See you later~” So I thought it was most likely a reply from my email notifying him I’d be late last week. The “Third” was likely Re: my email title _{(though idk why would it say Third, perhaps it was the third session in the dream)}

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discover nice study area but paid

I discovered a very nice hidden study area. As big as chiwah. But quieter. It was like the lobby part of Central Library but with a more “office” feel. _{(Used to dream similar settings back in primary school years)} I walked inside and found many secondary schoolmates. I talked quietly to one of them, wow this place was so good, there are vacant seats with big tables, and most importantly, power outlets !!

I stolled until I found a best spot and I left my things there while I explore that area more.

Then on another floor I saw security guards trying to make people leave, turned out we needed to pay an annual fee of around $4000 to use this study room and we needed to show a red membership card to them. Holy shit so I walked back quickly to collect my stuff and leave. When I got back to my floor almost all of us have gone except a few tables with our stationery still on the desks. A few guards were chatting in front of my desk, seemingly waiting for my return. I quickly packed my stuff and leave. They didn't ask me anything, perhaps they knew we all didn't have membership.

Later I went to Central Library. I met Jasmine W when I was leaving. I told her I'll take the bus (bc it was the most convenient option to get to my home). She didn't say anything. So we walked down the alley although it was past the bus stop right in front of the library entrance. There were many boutiques along the alley, and it was quite a long narrow street. She didn't speak so later I told her we would part ways when we reached the end of the alley.

(random piece I forgot where I should put it, but I suspect it to be within this dream) Donki with #charlottec , too late to return there for our kept bags, asked a shopkeeper and she replied she thought perhaps the two staff at the sushi bar were still looking after it and about to store them when she told them we would come back Anyways we got there and got back our bags using our storage receipt

wardmates doing matrix and calculus

#pbl #uni #secschool

Had chinese lesson by FPY in a small classroom/ the cramped chem classroom in Lawz?? Quite nostalgic to be taught by FPY again ngl. We had to do a reading comprehension and fill-in-the-blanks timed using her stopwatch timer. 11 mins/ 21 mins I forgot. We do different paragraphs according to our columns we sit in.

Then she asked Benson sitting also in the front to answer the questions. But she said Brixton / Brixson so Benson didn't stand up. Then Benson said his name was Benson. She said oh I'm sorry, and then the next sentence was still Brixson so Benson didn't care anymore. He stood up and answered the questions. He was wearing traditional Chinese Tangzhuang with big button thingy and I was lowkey shocked by the ugly costume.

One of the girls sitting in front of Benson's row/ my row should be sneakily listening to music on her airpods because the classroom was quite quiet and I can hear the music and it was not from FPY, so I suspected the girl. FPY didn't care about the music though

The comprehension was a conversation between a girl and her father. The father was trying to empower the girl and said sth like “being weak or strong, either of them makes you powerful”.

I looked at my neighbour for her workings while FPY was talking about the answer, and I saw her drawing almost an identical graph to mine. I was quite proud because I taught my neighbour and she was able to draw equally nicely/ or even better than me. Lastly, FPY taught us to plot graph- called a “hotel graph” to show the needs of both the girl and the father. _{(It's kinda like the cost price straight line graph in core maths, but two curved lines)}

Then it was math lesson by Vim (the teacher for CAES)– in the superkids classroom. We continued learning about the Hotel graph. Towards the end of the lesson, Vim invited Kim 1 and Yuki to come back to the classroom as Monica was summarising the content we learnt with a summary sheet distributed to all of us just now.

Kim started to draw on the blackboard and answering the questions, and handed the pen to Yuki, in a bob hair. Then Yuki made a new looking “Hotel graph”, and one more from the result of the Hotel graph (she circled the “needs” area), which is a summation of two sine curves... and then she wrote a general formula for a parabola (but the x² was put at the last one rather than the first thing) (like x + a – 2x²) – and then she wrote some terms and steps, and then a [ 2 rows matrix thingy ], and then another step in breaking down the [ matrix thingy ] to two [ thingy ] and I was like :O bro learnt more than us who were here for the whole lesson. I didn't even learn calculus.

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very very large meal

4 dishes each i only finished the first one (noodles) and was on the second one (giant bowl of mixed fried rice) everyone else on the table were on their bowls of rice either so I don't really feel pressured, and mum told me it's okay to just leave the rest there, but I still kind of want to eat more.

At the end of the meal me and another boy were eating their food while the older relatives were looking at us slightly amazed. I was purely because I suddenly had some appetite at the end so that's why I started eating again.

_{(I think this is because mum forwarded a post of a doctor’s article and the last line was like if you studied and think medicine is not for you, you can quit it, so I was wondering if mum felt the same way or if she is just forwarding for the front part of the article which talked about study tips)}

skipping class and doing dumb fun things with wardmates

Part 1

#pbl #uni

I was on my way to school from Hung Hom mtr. I have a dictation in the morning. However I accidentally rode the wrong train, and I went to HMT station. Then I saw the other platform had the train to go back to the correct direction (it's in lime colour like the ocean park line), so I rode it, but once I got on and saw the mtr line sticker thing within the compartment I found the HMT station had a new name and the line was actually different. But it was more like a boiled down 特急 version of Kwun Tong Line (cuz the shape of the line was just like the U-shaped Kwun Tong line), but with mixture from important stations of other lines, all with different station names. HMT — Hung Hom — Kowloon Tong — Kai Tak/ Diamond Hill (? the one with brown line interchange) etc. I was like omg this is so smart they just incorporated stations with just the right interchanges. (Bc I thought Hung Hom had the red interchange... Initially I thought huh where's the red line then, and then I mistakenly thought Hung Hom had)

Anyways when the “train” was about to start, they announced this was the last special train （特別班次） of the day, so I felt very special and lucky. But then when it started I realised this was actually a bus. I thought oh shit, but then it was going along the stations so it wasn't a big deal so I didn't worry much. I saw the cross harbour tunnel through window of the bus and the bus entered a carpark nearby. And then a tour guide came over and congratulated us in joining such a special occasion. The bus transformed into a grand dining hall, and we were seated at long tables. I was the last one on the first long table. And we got T-shirts, notebooks, etc as souvenirs. As we pass along the notebooks, some were of exclusive design, and so we were like wow whoever was receiving it was so lucky

But on the other hand I was worried about getting late to school – actually the second I realised I rode the wrong line I was already lowkey anxious _{(Actually as of writing now, me too- update: alr late and missed the class)}

I told the person sitting on the left of me about me actually in a hurry. She said oh you can just leave now ! They won't stop you I was like :o. But then I told her I still want the souvenirs if they hand out more later, and the upcoming food. So I didn't really want to leave.

Then I looked across the table and saw sitting opposite to me was my ward groupmates, Alex and Benson. I told them I actually had an exam (I spoke wrongly here, it should be a dictation) in the morning at 10. They were like oh shit you have an exam ??? I was like yeah but I couldn't make it in time and I think it has already passed. I think I couldn't make it to the afternoon class either.

They said, how about you get a doctor's note? I said that's a good idea, but it's alr late now so perhaps I'll do it tmr. I have a clogged nose anyways (in the dream I felt my nose clogging). (I started coughing intermittently in the dream which is a good thing that means I can be more authentic when getting the absent slip)

Then Alex showed a prescription, he said, speaking of which, our group had a diagnosis _{(I assume from the faculty)}, and they gave us these drugs to take. And then together we said the name of the drug: _{[well I forgot- starts with D and ends with sth like dipine. I suspect diazepam or amlodipine but they don't feel like the name in dream]} And we both knew this is for ADHD (in the dream).

The medication bottle was interestingly designed. We can only open it gently and slowly during specific times of the day. Inside the can were a lot of batteries along with big tablets of drugs, and the lid had a razor blade thingy. If you open the lid in bright sunlight, and quickly, the razor blade would rub against the metal electrodes of the batteries and it will catch fire.

I opened the lid next to a desk lamp. And then the can of drugs had some sort of hissing sound. I was like uhhh And Benson was like oh shit And I realised it was because of the light of the desk lamp Then Benson tried to use his hand to test the heat of the light coming from the desk lamp. I was like no why are you hurting yourself lol Benson continued to hold his hand until he suddenly retracted his hand, so we laughed at him. Then the light hit the can again and the can started hissing more so we were like oh no,

Then I took a drug tablet out and tried to put in my mouth but I realised it is the water soluble ones like the vitamin C ones. So I spit it out before it bubbles more, and put it in a lid and add water to it but I forgot this other lid had many pores and spaces. So I poured the whole thing into the drug can !!

Then it hissed more and I was like oh no why am I so dumb !!!! And Alex was like oh no why are WE so dumb

_{I woke briefly and thought I had such happy times with this group. And also Mancy's group. And I thought of the weirdos in other groups and I thought I am very fortunate. And then I napped again.}

Part 2

#mum

Told mum at night around 9pm-ish I'd like to see a doctor tmr morning (friday) to get the sick leave note. Mum said why not now? I said the clinic has already closed! Mum was like oh right. I said how about tmr 11am. Or 10. Mum was like I heard the clinic would be full by 7am lets go there early! So I was like okay. And I told her I'll get a 2-day absence (tmr morning and today). (because tmr afternoon at 3pm in the dream I need to see arthur anyways so I need some sort of excuse — but mum still doesn't know lol)

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upset about Our Lady

#OurLady #uni #exchange

I was sitting beside Charlotte Chan (our cohort one). We were talking about our travels during exchange, and I was mentioning about the trip with Our Lady. [here I forgot what exactly I talked about but it was quite important] I was quite sad actually. Then Our Lady walked by, and Charlotte told her [her actions] made me sad. Our Lady felt surprised, and seemingly genuinely asked me, if she had hurt me/ made me sad [again i forgot the exact wordings] And I just really wanted to cry and almost bursted into tears. But I wasn't sure if she was just really autistic and blunt that's why she kept being insensitive and now she knows, or if she was kind of deliberate so I didn't dare to show my true emotions aka crying bc that would be showing my weakness to her.

leng grade tutor & white corridors building

I was going to a tutorial and my tutor gives leng grade (good grades). I then met some others in the tutorial waiting room and we were comparing our tutors and that person's tutor was so annoying and kept sending them emails and followups and gives poor grades, so I felt pretty lucky about mine lol.

Later I went into a building with lots of white corridors. It was like a mini maze. I was calling someone via my phone (perhaps my mum), and guiding myself to the staff pantry and some other utility rooms, along with the signs stuck on the wall at quite a high level. I was a bit nervous of getting lost, but there were clear pink big banners on the walls of the paths which leads back to the exit/ entrance so I wasn't too scared of exploring the place either. Nevertheless I still tried to remember the path which I came from in hindsight.

_{(I suspect I dreamt the building cuz 1. our class watched a vid on LINAC machines and how the clinic designed the floor plan with a “maze” to bounce off the radiation before it reaches the entrance. 2. the new wellness team office was literally so eerily white like a lab and there was a long corridor there. I wonder who tf designed that.)}

sleeping with mum

#mum

I really wanted to fap so I was trying to hump in the dream. But it wasn't really arousing so I used my hand, which started to work and I wanted to moan a little, but then mum seemed to be beside me on the bed so I didn't dare to. Luckily I didn't because later I felt her arm and turned to the side and found her napping next to me. I was a bit annoyed and also quite shocked because I thought I had developed the habit of locking the bedroom door. But again I wouldn't trust myself completely on that, and I tried to take a look at the doorknob to see the lock status, but mum was in the way of my view and I didn't want to move too conspicuously to wake her up.

Eventually I actually woke and saw my door was perfectly locked and mum was ofc not on my bed. But I missed out on the fapping lol.

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excluded in class

#secschool my f1 classmistress asked me about if she should use the starnote app for notetaking. Angelika popped in with her simple notes (post-it) and said this was written using starnote. In return she took my notebook and started drawing some calligraphy art on it. Friends^[1] (Elizabeth) were whispering to me it wasn't what you need because she was just writing US holidays like diwali. I said yeah I don't need it but it's fine I explained how starnote was unideal for her because of its lack of stability and risk of losing her notes. She thanked me. I sat relatively in front (6th column 2nd row) and I thought this was to monitor my behaviour since I was not too compliant in class seat neighbour preferred to sit with the person in front of me, and so they moved their desks and chairs and I am left alone in the double profile of seats, looked obvious and I feel quite alone there is a in class tiny competition and we were split into two groups. One half was the left side of the classroom where there were a lot of people seated so their group was large, the other side was mine with little people and already two that disliked me. I looked at the other side and found most of the “friends”^[1] I knew were there, cheering together. I was very upset with myself and I felt excluded.

^[1] These classmates were all in F2 especially the large squad (over half the class) which I had been trying very hard to enter but I couldn't. I suspect one of the reason was because I was already part of a small squad I disliked (# 6grass + when # A was still in there, and I wanted to escape from A so I tried leaving my group but that group didn't adopt me so). Or the other bigger reason was they didn't really like me. Idk :(

_{Starnote: bc I watched a redbook reel about it; US holidays and diwali: I saw it on my ipad calendar and deleted it; theme of what I really want for myself: briefly touched on therapy yesterday; f2 friends: when arthur mentioned the topic of being excluded in school I was thinking if I had any, but that time I didn't really feel much. I think I wasn't passively being excluded in f2 bc the choice of switching squads was mine. I don't think I really got excluded before. But every best friend I had had closer friends so no one ended up playing with me or doing projects with me, or having lunch with me (initially). But that's not exactly exclusion}

bj & sex w arthur

#arthur There were two rooms. There was one client and one therapist in each room. Though I think both rooms were managed by Arthur. After waiting briefly a client came out in one room and I entered.

The room initially had a hotel room layout. It was dim inside with a twin bed(?). Arthur was naked and lying on the bed.

So I decided to grab this opportunity. I hopped on bed and wanted to do a blowjob for him. (I think here his dick wasn't erected yet) But my hands were very cold and I apologised to him. He's okay with it so I tried rubbing my hands to make it warmer but it was still very cold when comparing to his erected dick. It was my first time doing a blow job and I realised how dry everything was- my mouth my hands his dick. I didn't think of using saliva or lube back then- anyways I tried and I guess he kind of liked it??

Then I sat on top of him and his dick went into me kinda smoothly. Maybe because I was quite wet. The room changed from the hotel room to the floor of our new therapy room though. However idk if it's my pussy too tight or too shallow or maybe I wasn't aroused enough so only the front part went in and I was a bit annoyed. I tried thumping more and going deeper but can't

_{Anyways I think this was the first time we were both fully naked in the dream, interesting. I think this was very linked to bc I fell asleep naked after masturbating this night lmfao}

escape game

#uni #exchange #mum #dad – initially a tutorial stage where me and another person were learning from a coach by rewriting her “codes” on our pieces of paper which would be the password to pass the puzzle with many ghosts and very poor visibility due to darkness and smog. The coach was the 2nd doctor we attached to in HHH and the codes were some Px (that was discussed in ytd's MH case session)

• then began the game with me and a few others. (actually this was the second time, I doubt if the first time was before the tutorial stage and we all died so that's why we started again)

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random excerpt – ian – random girl invited me to waterpard (waterpark with a welsh accent I assume ??) to party, do arts and crafts, and do drugs together, i asked amy on the side how about it (bc I was a little bit tempted)

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back to the main plot

• i had the special ability like 2 turbo boosts every like 10 seconds
• continue escape, through the back door of an outdoor carpark into the streets into AEON. Walked and saw parents shopping for groceries. I tried to walk past silently. Later I went to a noodles aisle. I wanted to try a tester with my chopsticks but a kid dipped my chopsticks into the noodle soup and I was incredibly pissed now my chopsticks were contaminated by the tester soup Then the mom of the kid came and chatted with me about this good noodle she cooked I was like yeah, (bc this mum doesn't seem like the type to apologise to the kid) And she was like eventually the noodle was a bit sweet because she added a bit too much of the sugar, and I was like ohh okay it tasted alright (actually I thought the noodle was too salty/ poor soy sauce that kind of flat salty), and I couldn't really feel the sweet after retasting although she mentioned. Then my parents arrived at the corner, I asked them why did they find me. Dad said I heard your voice and so we were searching for it and here we were! I was actually very annoyed but conflicted because part of me wanted them to take me away from the escape game and save me and give me some rest, but the other side I didn't want them to get involved in the game so I don't want them to intervene in any way

_{doing drugs: my friends were talking about this topic yesterday soup dipping incident: friend was talking about her friend dipping an uncleaned spoon directly into her soup. I was shocked bc that was trespassing my food boundary if that was my soup. Should've handed her the spoon instead of just directly dipping without asking. noodle maker mum with little kid: a mum was scolding her kid very loudly at the entrance of my building and I guessed I remembered it in the dream}

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unhinged driving

#relative #mum It was at night when the sky was fully dark but there were still quite many cars on the road, flashing their red taillights as we were stuck in traffic. I was supposed to drive but I was a bit scared bc the road is in Shanghai and I was unfamiliar with it so aunt Helen wanted to demonstrate and mum let her. But Helen drove like crap and we almost fell off the highway bridge multiple times because she wasn't driving straight. (Wait actually we did fall off, but landed on the supporting arc of the bridge ?? So basically a narrower road and me and mum were yelling anxiously to Helen to drive straight for real or else we would actually fall into the sea) Everything was bumpy too. The next round mum wanted to “serve” her justice? So it became her turn to drive and I needed to wait again. But she drove very fast, although we didn't fall off the bridge. Quite unsafe and I was scared. She was using the size of our big car to dive into other's lines without being scared at all so her success rate was 100%. I figured out how come she was so dominant and it would always work for her.

Then it finally became my turn to drive. I drove slower and wanted to turn on the lights so I was figuring out because mainland car driver's seat was in the left side rather than right side. And mum just switched it on instantly. And I also used the signal lights to cut lines etc. I was driving safely but the road after the highway was actually bumpy as fuck and I was driving with horses that are on the road so the road was very rural. So I was driving super slowly. But eventually I finished my round.

_{(Perhaps driving almost outside the bridge was literally because of the recent news about how a plane landed at the airport but drove off into the sea, and the simulated graphics on the news were still kinda vivid in my mind)}

pbl driving

#uni I was waiting in the hospital along with my bedside group for the start of attachment. We were quite bored and Monika asked me where I bought my pokemon plushies. I listed three places for her: the first one was a small dark shopping mall we went together and saw the coin slot game machines _{(in a previous dream today)(but I didn't write here because it became a fragment)}; the other place would be also that shopping mall but the very other end of it on the ground floor where all the delicate boutiques were but they would be more pricey _{(visited this in an old dream i think perhaps I have recorded it in this site) (this shopping mall overall was in one of my another old dream too about a zombie apocalypse but I'm not sure if I recorded it either)}; the last site would be a small upstairs store i think

And then Benson suggested let's play a racing game with horses, so we took turns going out of the hospital and rode the horses, and the route was almost identical to the unhinged driving dream, but I recalled the highway part less and more riding on the horsey rough road. I was the last to go and initially I had a game tee by the horse game that was hanging on the hospital walls opp to where we were sitting and standing, but when it became my turn I gave my tee to Benson.

My horse was ridiculously tiny compared to others + my groupmates, so it was difficult for me to climb the slope on the rough hilly road. But mum appeared on another horse and told me I can press B and make the horse jump. I figured I can press space for the same function too. Anyways I got past it and returned to the hospital after my round, which I didn't feel complete because I felt my round was cut to half but I wasn't sure where I could ride a complete path. I went back and they (esp Benson) were like oh the doctor hasn't come yet, how about you play more bc my round seemed pretty short compared to them, so I said sure I was thinking about the same thing. And then I did one more of that half round and came back.

Benson returned my game tee but he modified the patterns a bit, the game characters had slightly different facial features and it was hilarious. I took that tee.

nap with pokemon in small room

_{Wasn't sure the sequence of the dreams (idk if it happened before the first dream or here), so I put it here}

I was back inside my room aka the third place where I told Monika where my pokemon were from (lol), and it was a very damp, small and dark room. I miss my Feraligatr from a cardboard box by my bed so I took it out and put it beside me. _{(tbh I think I dreamt it bc I just saw the ZA new megas and this toilet bowl pokemon blew my mind)} I checked what other pokemons were in the two cardboard boxes by my bed, they were the ones I just bought but not enough love to put them onto the bed, and they were all lizards and dragons, so I wondered oh wow I had a preference to these kind of animals. I hugged my pokemons (including Feraligatr and Riolu and others- prob Salamence) to sleep.

almost losing PE bag omw to school

#secschool #primschool (The school feels like secondary school bc of the workload and plot, but my body, mentality and my friend’s were like primary students…)

omw to school and almost late, I was holding my PE bag on my hand which had my sports clothes and shoes, while carrying my schoolbag on my back, typical to every PE class I had every week in primary/ secondary school. Then on the way I met a (dream) friend and we chatted about the school timetable because it was too chaotic recently with many school event and day offs so we didn't exactly know which day of the cycle was today. We both felt a bit relieved when we found out we were just randomly packing our schoolbags for today lmao.

Then I realised my PE bag was missing from my hand. I was worried and started to think where had I put it, but I had no time to double check my schoolbag if I put it inside because I was running late. My friend seemed concerned and we were looking on the previous roads while we were heading to school. But we couldn't see it.

So I went to school, and was telling my parents on whatsapp on the phone about the seemingly lost bag. Then I opened my backpack and found out I had already packed the PE bag inside previously somehow, and it was found again.

first cedars counselling

• this is fake dream cedars

In the dream uni the school thought I had some mental needs so they told me to go to the counselling team and it was a mandatory order. So I climbed up the stairs to a higher floor where their office should be, but it directed it down to the lower floor where the entrance was. There was a few questionable signs in front of the entrance. The signs were just floor directories for their office, but then the words were like xx /F: triaging, intake and baptism ; xx /F: counselling rooms and prayer rooms etc. and the bottom was a line from those teachings aka a “Bible-like verse??”, so they made it super religious and I didn't like it. So I was selfie-ing with the signs and posted on my public ig story with a qna button, and the auto prompt kind of suited my scenario, so although I was a bit hesitant in posting that, I still did it. The prompt was: What should you say to a person who was suicidal?

Anyways I went inside and saw a white square sofa with a thick airy white blanket so I lied inside and napped, but I saw people queuing up for something, so later I joined the queue and it was the triaging place.

A staff directed me to another spacious room where we wait after triaging (their triage was basically recording your name and DoB and idk perhaps faculty/ degree program). The staff was confirming names with others at the table and one of the boy had an identical chinese name to me, and the staff introduced me to the boy and told us we could chat together. At the table Brian was sitting too.

Waited for not very long time when a male counsellor led me to his room on another floor via stairs. He started talking really boring shit like exercise and health and whatnot. This has been going on for like 15 mins and we were watching a documentary about how cells replicate their DNA...... and then another video comparing the prevalence of occupational osteoarthritis with other shit. _{(This video was shot on a bus, and somehow the dream technology also enabled us to be immersed in the video and riding a bus while learning that)} And he told me I can do an assignment project on that public health topic. And at this point I thought this was way beyond boring as a counselling session, so I told him actually I am a medical student and I have already learnt it. And about the comparing prevalence rate, I have already done it before at school. He didn't believe I did that exact thing, because the topic was original and made by the cedars (main campus counselling team). And I said no, it was really identical. It was legit the topics mentioned by the Department of Health in a leaflet before. He asked when did I do it. I said probably primary. He answered it make sense then.

He stopped the video, and back into the office environment he was sitting by my side on the right. Then I said he was quite boring and he wasn't really counselling. (sth like that) And he told me to look at his (hand? forgot). I looked. And then he told me to look at his eyes. I looked up and saw his eye was half open and I could only see most of the sclera and little pupil because his eye wasn't opening wide. I became very upset and started to whine into his shoulder. He asked gently what happened, while I continued to shove myself more into his shoulder. I said I couldn't even see your pupil and he was not even looking at me. :( And then I told him he looked and his vibe was a bit like Arthur but he was not. Arthur wouldn't avoid my eyes even if I seldom look at him, but every time I looked he would always look back at me. (Firmly and gently, without wavering and avoiding like this dream guy) :( And then I told him I was actually here because I want to figure out how I can be better in the sessions with Arthur, and open my hearts more and become more authentic during my sessions.

However this cedars policy was a bit interesting in a way that you need to see two different counsellors for 30 minutes and then your whole session would be an hour. This dream therapist seemed hurry and we were running out of time unfortunately, he checked the time and it was past :40 so we ran down the stairs to get back to the initial room (with white sofa) in order to hand me over to the next counsellor. He wrote onto a board about a “discussion topic” seeing counsellor at whatever time. But I was walking towards the triage table to find familiar faces, so I didn't see when he was writing, and I didn't know which line was mine because none really suit me lol I continued sitting while I saw Brian still waiting at that initial table. Then I left and sat on the sofa where the therapist guy discharged me at.

On the sofa I saw a familiar face of a staff woman walking by, my brain said it was someone whose name started with F (like Fiona) but I couldn't make out who was actually this person.

Then I began to imagine what title I should give this dream. (in the dream) My first thought that popped out was “artist uproar” (it made sense in the dream...) and then later I woke up and saw it was almost time for school but I decided to nap a bit more to figure out another topic but this time was even worse “spicy girl and crazy habits”

_{I think I dreamt this “first cedars counselling session” because my friend just went there for her first session two days ago and yesterday me and my other friend were chatting about it with her}

_{And by now I was officially late for school and typing all this out spent another hour and I am still on my bed while the lesson started...... sajhdklsdkfh}

_{So I slept again}

picking cushions

#arthur

I was at a backyard with many grass and some cushions here and there. So I was picking up and collecting the cushions and moving them into the red house. It’s like a little egg hunt. I also found an easter egg (non literal) someone left on the outer wall of the house, behind the decoy I found an B6 celebratory card and a small wooden red block in butterfly shape which should be a toy. I focused on the block so I didn’t read the words written with thick black marker on that card decorated with gold lining.

Then after moving all the pillows I could find, I returned into the house as it was quite sunny outside. When I was walking around and browsing my collection (rectangular pillows, square pillows, special pillows, baby fabric books, kid toys idk just categorised into many open baskets 貨籃? and kind of like IKEA), Arthur came and asked which one have I chosen, and I thought maybe I was supposed to choose a cushion to sit on during my sessions and to decorate my room

He pointed to a star shaped one and asked how about this, I told him that one was too hard to sit on. So he pointed to the few dice cushions next to it. I said they were a bit small but I can try. So I took one and tried to sit on it, but again the material was harder than I expected so it was uncomfortable. But I didn’t have good suggestions either so I just brought it with me.

Dream ended abruptly- I think there was an item I was holding afterwards in the dream which suddenly reminded me of real life, so I just woke.

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meeting wellness team at dining hall; arthur pacifying me after A's provocation

#arthur #T #A

The dining hall is connected to a big supermarket, you need to get pass the supermarket in order to get to where the tables are.

On the way I saw the wellness team walking by, seems like they are having some things going on here (like a booth)

Walked back to wander in the supermarket, when I saw A. I ignored her but I heard she called me. [my name], she called nicely. I turned and saw she holding a piece of patterned clothes thingy, but I can't see clearly because I don't have my glasses. She said, this is for you (sth like that), I think you would like it. I said thanks, and then I stepped closer to see what it was, it was newborn baby clothes. So I continued, but maybe you need it more, how about keeping this for yourself? And then I left

I was very scared if she would be following me so I was looking around vigilantly since then. I was almost there at the dining hall when I encountered A, but I decided to turn back with a different route to find wellness team. I got past the cashier and back to where they were setting up stuff previously. I saw Vincci and Ruth passing by. Ruth had earlobe earrings and I looked closer and saw she actually had 5 piercings on her right ear, and also she had some makeup (black sparkly eyeshadow!!!) on and she looked super hot, and I was breathing heavily haha. But anyways Arthur wasn't here so I walked back to the dining hall where supposedly the rest of the team is meeting schoolmates for briefing/ reg day stuff whatever

I was back and I saw Billy and another lady's table, I originally wanted to go there because at least they are counsellors and are ready, but their table is full, I was creeping and walking alertly the whole time as I was really scared of seeing A. But then they noticed me and pointed me to another table, where I found Arthur and another few unknown therapists are there. There were only a few seats left (I saw monika in one of the seats and some of my younger high school schoolmates on other seats), Arthur was talking to an old man with grey hair, perhaps an invited guest, and I took the remaining empty seat next to an unknown therapist. The unknown therapist seemed to left her bag and left, when I was looking at Arthur.

I guess Arthur saw my troubled face and he came to chat with me. He stood at the back of my chair and I guess he wanted to ask me how I was doing, but the schoolmates were already crowding around me chatting about their issues or whatever, so it wasn't convenient for me and Arthur to have a private chat. Arthur put his hands on my shoulder and I felt very hot and a bit physically thrilled in a pleasant way. But I was still jolty and looking for signs of A. Arthur put his left finger on my lips but I was scared people would see this happening because it wasn't supposed to, so I tried to turn to my right as it was closer to the wall. But he continued touching my lips when I turned back. He also put his finger within my lips and I felt i was beyond wet and weak now. Very intense but seemed the crowd of schoolmates didn't notice our intimacy. And I was still jumpy whenever I see someone who seemed like A in my line of sight. So I wasn't fully in the mood for such intimate actions but I sorta enjoyed it (didn't get wet or really aroused irl this time tho, I just had raised heart beat and feeling flustered) _{(I think I imagined this because I saw a super hot gif *nsfw? of a girl sucking a man's finger on tumblr and I was imagining that as Arthur's hand yesterday)}

school bus adventure on way home

#cecilia #uni #6grass

• nanny van with the auntie from me when I was Primary six

• ordering lunch boxes on van but no one wanted the salmon with white broth (white broth is not yummy irl)– the one sitting next to me asked don't you like salmon lol, I say not with this lunch set

• Went to centennial campus Lg floor/ or did we go separately? We had a lecture and after class me and a few friends like Vienne, and Monika were wearing green gown and discussing where to eat lunch.

• went to a big building as a middle resting point. We were playing in one of the toilets upstairs and cecilia find me making jokes a littttle bit suggestive so she pushed me out of the toilet for fun (we had fun), and then I went to the staircase to check at the irl time with my irl apple watch and found it's time to go to school so now im typing this

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new advisor & back to school

#uni #secschool

• used my skateboard and travelled very fast (on par with/ faster than the speed of other buses) on the street at night near either cwb or tst. i felt a bit free?

• academic advisor:

brief slip about your background (PMH) – i wrote about my PTSD and about to start EMDR soon, along with my suspected BPD

academic advisor is clinical oncologist _{(prob because groupmate shared he wanted to be one bc his dad died of cancer)} I walk up a narrow and weird staircase in a small building like alice in the wonderland to reach this office/ home of the clinical oncologist. the guidelines on the stairs are just red taped lines to tell you not to go past this floor etc but eventually i arrived, and an office lady/ his assistant was there to wait for me, she told me about previewing his room and make sure to lock it before he comes or else hes angry. we looked inside but the oncologist arrived, and he looked mad at the office lady, and she was apologetic and I was very scared and apologised as it was my fault. the oncologist ignored me and and office lady didn't look at me as well, as if she didn't blame me, and then they chatted like normal as if nothing big really happened. the lady told me to enter his room with him, and I went inside and chatted with him

he looked at my slip and asked me to tell him more about my ptsd. I tried to start recalling and narrating the scene (only did a brief description of the surrounding and about to start describing the incident) but I immediately feel (in the dream) that I wasn't automatically doing the dream and I was sort of pulled out and my consciousness has to come in to continue the dream like a lucid dream and i didn't like it. I apologised a bit to the oncologist because I couldn't continue talking about it. He says it is alright and you will have EMDR soon. And he hopes we can get better soon (or similar things like this), and i asked him “we”? and he say yes. So I was thinking if he was saying my unconscious + my conscious self. Then the little academic advising initial meeting ended.

Later I had to grab lunch at the “canteen” but it was the lecture hall. with my friends?? and the ppl in the hall were sitting according to their flats which was according to academic advisor. There’s a lot of people as if it’s induction day but it’s probably not

• meet matthew yip – asked me about my relationship with “her” – i thought he meant our lady but I looked up and saw A instead and i realised he was talking about A, and I said nahhh

• later? went out and saw shuttle bus to penylan from cardiff so i took cuz it looked familar, and after I rode it i found out it was going back to dorm.

• jamie holding my ipad mini and scrolling in my gmail in my very original game email account from junior high school . i was furious and kept scolding her loudly why she did it again, it was not the first time, she was also looking at my gmail when i was back then using ipad air 1 very very angry (but now thinking about it it was A who did it)

_{(ahh im quite anxious for next week's EMDR, it would be my first time doing it. I guess it is because I've finally built a stable enough relationship with my therapist aka trust him enough to allow it to happen. I heard it would be very tiring, but im not sure if it would also be traumatising again, I hope I can still comprehend sentences and not get lost at school after I started it and wouldn't be as bad as the real thing previously)}

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had multiple dreams where I was spending time/ having different classes with my new PBL group for CFB

shisha with friends

#exchange

After class. Went to a bright cafe to shisha w exchangemates _{(well I did went shisha once with one of the girls recently irl)} I picked the flavour for the shisha- a mix of passionfruit and two other fruity flavours (which is the same as irl) I was wondering if Arthur would come shisha with his friends/ colleagues. But I knew it was unlikely because he was a healthy person who did not have such bad habits.

I was having the shisha and chatting with my friends, who was sharing about what areas of the city was safe for citizens because currently we were under attack/ war. She was drawing a map for us to read. Where we currently were was at the city centre & close to the city border which was the right lower corner, where it was relatively safer, with more commercial activities and markets. While the areas further upwards to the left there was a bricked wall commemorating the efforts of the fallen soldiers and citizens, and there was a waterfall to the left of the bricked wall. And that area was very dangerous as it was in the rural areas and the borders with the neighbouring places were unclear, so it was easy for adventurers to be targeted and killed. Also, the areas outside city centre were generally less secure and you would get traced for speaking something wrong/ more controversial.

I closed my eyes to imagine the map, and I didn't know I took a nap until it was almost time to leave. I looked at my shisha which I haven't took much sips of, feeling kind of a pity because I wasted my money lol. But we paid and left the shop happily.

losing slippers after swimming class

#uni

we had a group session and we listened to Calv*n C's big plans about his AI projects and how he made multiple AIs with funny names like DeepSok

later we had a swimming class, and I separated from my PBL group. I chatted with another classmate casually _{(Ir*s who sit in front of me in exam)}, until I reached the pool and we parted ways.

I forgot the middle part of the dream but anyways, I lost my pair of slippers when I finished swimming. And I met with another friend who also lost her pair of slippers. We walked around the pool a bit and she decided to go to citysuper which was directly right of the pool to find her slippers/ buy another pair. I was planning to walk the pool a bit more since we just walked once in one side of the pool, but I decided to follow her. She told me she would just buy a new pair. I was thinking I wouldn't do that because slippers still cost a bit of money and I have not checked thoroughly yet. She went to pay and I went to the discount area. There were a lot of people around the rotating stand where they put a lot of ointments and stuff – like toothpaste, mosquito repellents, soap, wet wipes... And I chatted with a stranger 師奶 about which one had the biggest discount and it was kinda interesting. I didn't buy anything eventually though, and recalled I still needed to find my slippers. I was contemplating if I should also buy a new pair instead.

_{I think I dreamt citysuper because my mum had quite a few vouchers from it and she wanted to give it to me yesterday as she wouldn't use it, but I wouldn't go citysuper either.}

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