buddhist cannibalism

Me and a few others were stuck in an abandoned carpark (the type that was like a building). The view outside was probably noon. We were looking around our floor when some buddhist staff appeared and warned us some of the areas that were very haunted while we walk there to check out. Those areas were covered with very old cloth curtains and you could slightly see the bottom of the things behind the curtain as it was short. Although I couldn't make out what exactly were they but they certainly looked haunted. – like mannequins, altars for sacrifices...

We thanked them and they said we had to do a task for them in order to leave. That was to catch and kill each of the species of prey found on this carpark floor and cook a meal and eat, and also prepare portions for the buddhists. I was imagining prey like rabbits as I saw one dashing around earlier on. But they continued, regarding the chicken, we needed to cook a prostitute rather than a chicken. Or else we would fail the challenge.

I imagined failing the challenge would mean staying in the carpack forever, and becoming the prostitute to service them or their higher ups, and then eventually get cooked. I recalled one of the haunted areas looked like there were corpses that were dried up, and I wondered if they were past adventurers who just didn't want to kill anything and eventually died of hunger.

I was quite grossed out by the idea of killing and eating a human, but I was trying to rationalise it so that I would be willing to do so to pass the test. I was imagining if I was a dog and I cook and eat dog meat... but quickly found it didn't make sense at all. I tried to find cannibalism examples but I couldn't think of any. But I think eventually we needed to cook the prostitute if we wanted to escape. Though whether I would actually do the deed when the time came was a question for another day. But I guess perhaps one of us would be doing so and I felt less burdened by the decision, since we only needed one prostitute for our shared group meal.

_{oh shit i realised why this happened, because last night my friend forwarded a video about chickens plucking a boiled chicken’s feather on threads}

furry worm family pet on mtr

#mum #dad

Me mum and dad were sitting in a row on the mtr. However the seating design of the mtr was a bit different, the rows were perpendicular to the moving direction, aka the seats were like traditional trains, unlike on the two sides like the mtr. Initially Mum was sitting on a seat by me- I was sitting on her right, and then a stranger, then dad.

I was showing my acrylic diancie keychain to mum on the holographic elements of the design. Dad said I might be surprised because initially the holographic parts weren't like that and were coiled up like ...old plastic (??) (in the dream it looked like tiny boogers or dirt on body). So he used mum's pet which was a tiny white worm to eat those things and the worm would make those parts germinate like seeds. And then I looked at the keychain and saw those super small seeds as if I was rewinding the scene... But later I look back on it and realised the keychain was fixed but the worm got longer. Suddenly it became a very hairy/ spiky black worm like an extra furry caterpillar mixed with sea urchin.

Mum switched to stand on the side of dad's seat, but more like between the stranger and him. I felt very gross and told my dad to remove it. But mum and dad liked insects and it was their pet apparently. So throwing it away wasn't feasible but I wanted it at least gone from my proximity. So I had to pick it up and hand it to him. In the dream my hand kept leaning to the side of the stranger so the bug kind of touched the stranger's face and he looked pissed af. I told dad to reach out and hold the bug but then dad was even more wobbly and the bug literally landed on the stranger's body and he was mad. In embarrassment I looked down and stared at my keychain. I thought he must be mad at our family and the other people on the MTR would also thought our family was ass. I felt quite ashamed by that, and still disgusted by the worm and the gross preferences of my family.

mum's phone

Pretty random. I was scrolling Red Note and saw my friend, Belle's account where she posted selfies of her in school, pics of her in a dance studio and now in uni.

Then I picked up Mum's phone and found she changed her phone wallpaper and she also got a little stylus for her phone. She also changed her password and the combination is remotely similar to my password and I was suspecting if she knew my password, but it was unlikely because the format is not exactly the same.

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gang bang in me & my friend's home

#cecilia #mum #dad

_{The dream is a bit messy to recall}

So originally me and my best childhood friend, Cecilia, were observing a series of events unfolding: two main characters (friends) in their newly rent home, just beginning to set stuff up and enjoying new life in this cozy flat, but there was always a rumour in the neighbourhood that their floor lived a very scary muscular man. But so far the two characters haven't seen this man on their floor, and there were only like three flats on their floor. One day the two characters were walking up the staircase to their door, hands carrying bags full of groceries, and saw their flat were being broken into. And the muscular man walked out of the flat with a very menacing aura (im not sure if his hands were covered with blood too). The characters believed the man saved them, but were also very scared, not just because the man really looked like a murderer of some sort, but also upon realising the man was also living in their flat. In the dream I was guessing maybe they were living in different dimensions, so they did not detect each other's presence. _{(Note: watched a RPG horror game intro video last week with the theme of making warp holes and how the character was murdered with loopholes in the time dimension; and a weird shorts of a man trying to live in a 2D way in this 3D world- basically aerial shots of him lying on the floor and pretending to walk. So maybe these influenced the dream)}

In the dream, I was also sure that this was a movie or story I had watched previously, so I thought I was sure about how the story would end despite not being able to recall it. But I didn't realise I was in a dream. But I felt like this dream has been on repeat for a few times in the past (around secondary school era) because the door entrance was familiar to me.

Then the dream perspective has changed from us being observers to us being the two main characters. Some unknown time has passed in the dream and one day, me and Cecilia were at home when we heard someone by the door. We had the hinge that it was the muscular man/ murderer. We urged each other to look at the door hole but we were scared and we were running out of time. Quickly and eventually one of us (I forgot. I think I pushed Cecilia to look) took a glimpse across the hole and confirmed it was the murderer. But it was too late to hide as I saw him unlocking and pushing open the door.

_{... And then my memory for the rest of the dream became fuzzy} Upon seeing us, he didn't became violent or defensive, but invited us to a gang bang with a bunch of guys including him. We were still a bit scared so we agreed to his invitation. _{(I think this decision was also kind of influenced by how I was looking back at my scary Balkans trip with the girl with such! shit! personality! just before napping and having this dream, as one night I was a bit provoked by her usual dominant and rude way of speaking (she's actually scolding me for using google map because I led her wrongly with google map- just a 5 min walk, but she didn't tell me what to use instead and was backseating the whole time) my voice became uncontrollably babyish and spoke in a baby tone as if I was fawning. She told me to stop speaking in that way and I tried my best to maintain a normal tone and asked her wdym by that way, and she told me to ignore what she's saying. :P But I really couldn't control it and I was so ashamed of myself. Speaking in a baby tone pleading to a classmate who treated you like a fucking servant?? Unbelievably shameful. And that's just one thing out of the half month we were travelling together. I didn't even mention that one time after receiving her silent treatment, I went to ride the tube and my whole body was shaking so badly for the whole journey of like 45 mins from Euston Square to fucking O2 wembley and even after queuing into the concert and getting seated. Embarrassing as fuck. I hate myself.)}

Oh I was distracted. Anyways very soon the murderer's friends all appeared by the door and all are very muscular and tall. And I began to realise this looked different from the “story” I was expecting to unfold as the plot changed. Really looked like they were strong enough to kill us if they wanted. I forgot it was who's suggestion, but I was going to grab sex toys for use. I walked into the living room and saw my parents lying on the sofa bed. And I think my mum overheard a part of the convo so she named a few sex toy brands which I have never heard of (very sure they are just random names in dream). I ignored my mum's suggestion as 1 I couldn't hear what new jargons she mentioned, 2 I don't want to confirm to her I was indeed searching for sex toys. _{(Oh yesterday night Ivan invited me to come downstairs to had late night dessert and so I told my parents about it when I left home, and they suggested like 2-3 places nearby to have desserts. And I also sort of ignored as I don't understand where their suggestions were, and Ivan already had a spot in mind. Wow the plot was all interconnected in real life)}

Anyways starting from this part of the plot it became more blurry to me because it's hard to remember the whole dream... But I secretly took some toys? or what? but just sex related items. And we went to a room (idk within the flat like another direction to the door, or a random room outside the flat.) and then I started to become aware this is just a dream, and me and Cecilia got fucked by these (around 5-6) men.

_{I also don't know if it's related but I threw my vibrator I've been using for quite some time previously and got a new identical one two days ago and it is good.}

...... uhhhh

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hacked phone & ipad in max volume at Arthur’s workshop

#arthur #mum #dad

_{Bruh!! Today (yesterday) was one of the rare days of not feeling suicidal for the whole day and it ended with a nightmare!}

I was with my mum and dad, returning from our travels. I decided to catch and attend Arthur’s talk- I forgot what informative talk was it about- but brought my parents as well since it was the most natural to do so in that setting (it felt strange if you’re rushing to a talk but your parents are not included)

The info workshop was held in a shopping mall, next to a big setup for another talk. I sat separated from my parents. I chose a seat next to the big setup and much closer to Arthur, while I let my parents sit at the outlying areas where there are more vacant double seats, but with some sunlight shining down as their side was in a half open area and no ceilings above.

I was just seated and shortly after, an auntie with two young male kids (around 8-10 years old) came, the auntie sat next to me and the kids opposite to her, I used the opposite seat of mine to put my bags so it was empty. Then Arthur arrived. I saw his steps and smiled _{(I didn’t look at him directly so I actually didn’t see his face or the upper body, just like that time after EY gala day)}. He went to the back to test the setup and probably microphones.

He turned on some nice music that was easy to sing along. After maybe like 3 songs suddenly my phone began to blast loud music and I couldn’t turn it down. I tried putting the phone between my thighs and shoved a cushion under my seat but it was of no use and still very loud. During the split second while I was putting the cushion I related it to my habit of muffling the sound of my vibrator. I didn’t feel much other than thinking it was a bit odd to do it in public, but now thinking back I felt a bit embarrassed. I kept this posture while I quickly check my phone, there was a pop-up notification saying something like login/ registration failed and about 5 accounts or what (I forgot). So I immediately went to check my apple id as I suspected I accidentally authorised something and let foreign ids to use my phone. At this time, Arthur’s music was already paused so I was even more stressed as I felt everyone was waiting for me to fix my music. But the auntie and the kids appeared very normal, the auntie was minding her own business while the kids were playing around as usual, and they had not batted an eye at me even once- as if they had never noticed the music. Back to the phone, I found quite some accounts linked to my phone. Because of time and difficulty in manuvering the phone (dim screen and buttons kept flickering), I only managed to delete two of them which were the most conspicuous on screen and sounded the most suspicious. But the phone kept ringing and getting more and more hot. So I tried to force turn off the phone but it took me many tries. While I was turning off the phone, my iPad started to blast loud music too! Luckily the music on the phone ceased so the two songs were not overlapping so it was not as disastrous and chaotic, but still very bad! I tried to turn off the iPad using the same method but somehow it was even harder to swipe the power off toggle despite having a bigger screen, as if the touch function was not responding intermittently so I can’t “swipe”. The iPad also began to turn warm. Anyways at this point I was super stressed and my heart was pounding and began to notice the songs around me aka from my irl headphones and woke.

_{(Btw the HRV and real-life stress function in stresswatch can really visualise my irl bodily sensation to the nightmare lmao… peak heart rate of 96bpm while asleep just before being fed up and waking up)}

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_{I just woke up from an accidental evening nap and recalled this brief dream, but I don’t know when I had the dream, maybe today morning but feels more like yesterday? A few days ago?}

swore to mum

#mum #dad

Mum was being extra annoying at a Japanese restaurant. I was on a phone call with someone. Dad was just looking at the scene, giggling. So I just 屌 my mum to 收聲. And mum appeared unhappy and began to cry like a baby. Like she just squatted down and used her arms to rub the tears on her face like a kid. I felt annoyed. Dad came to comfort mum. And after like a min Dad asked me how could I say that. I asked Dad why didn’t you look after what you married and keep her occupied instead of letting her disturb my work/ call? He appeared annoyed at me. And I am annoyed and quite pissed.

---

_{This reminded me of that one mini quarrel I had with mum at home. While Dad was just standing there giggling at us similar to what happened in the dream, as if he was uninvolved and just watching us escalate the thing. And I told my dad, you didn’t help nor contributed at all.(I was disappointed. But maybe I shouldn’t have expectations to start with as he was like that the whole time.)}

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spooky lift, fake dad

#dad Dad came home from work. There was a ring in the front door. The back door opened at the same time and dad came from the back. We looked through the door hole in the front door and saw another dad as well. But something tells me it was fake, and i was more certain of it when dad was here from the back door It was supposed to be a cake delivery at the front door. And that person wasn’t holding any cake. I didn’t open the door for it. Mum also agreed, dad was just settling down after work so he didn’t really get involved

Later this person left and another colourful monster came. Didnt open After like 15 mins of it standing there, it left and another colourful monster came out of the lift and stood again Didnt open After a long 30 mins it left. And finally a young man carrying a colourful suspicious cake came. Although the cake was unusually vibrant and sus, i opened the door. He apologised profusely for being late because the lift was acting strange. I thanked him and immediately closed the door cuz I was scared monsters will come out of the lift again.

There were no monsters so far. And i was a bit curious so I went to the corridor to look at the lift. It wasn’t going to the floor it was supposed to. (Like in most of the dreams).

I think something happened and I kept trying the lift along with other lift passengers. The buttons on the lift weren’t even in order. And finally, I figured out. Button 31 goes to 4/f. (Like add the two numbers together). But some rules are like sometimes it subtract if the initial sum has a bigger floor number than what the building has. Anyways after figuring out, the dream ended.

second in marathon

#secschool #arthur Someone held my hand and brought me to a headstart. I was mainly competing with another duo of Zoe Cheng and (Ruby i think) (both very bright and competent classmates I liked a lot) With the person leading me, we were rather ahead. But later the person released her hand and I’ll have to continue this marathon on my own. I kept the pace but the duo was slowly picking up the speed because I sort of slowed down compared to before. When we were racing head to head, I tried to run harder. So I was a bit behind but not too much, like within 2 metres. At the final 100 m, I picked up my speed and ran full force to the finishing line. I think I was faster because my side of the finishing line was kinda closer. (It was a curve) So I was faster then them I think And i heard i got second (an unknown guy was the first with 1h 37m?) And i spent two hours exactly.

Random auntie/ meagan yu’s mum was surprised at my final sprint. I explained i kept some energy during the marathon just for it.

But despite winning I felt a bit empty because Arthur wasn’t joining this marathon, and I won’t be there to see his marathon race.

Japan shopping, unsupportive mum

#mum In Japan. At first i was chilling in my dorm with my roommate. Later mum came and interrupted us. And mum lied in my bed as if it was hers. And I just stood there cuz i had no bed. I felt gross for her to get inside my bed and blankets and touch my cushions

Later me and my parents went to an anime department store. Dad was supportive and walked behind me and shopped and offered suggestions although he didn’t really know the anime Mum was just trying to make us stop shopping and leave I feel unhappy.

I was trying really hard to find Rika / チリ’s merch in pokemon store but they only had figures and not the mats I was looking for. There were so many colours of the mats with different trainers and pokemons, but just not her. and mum kept telling us to leave so i was pretty stressed. (Mats as in like those children’s puzzle foam mats where you can buy one piece of different colourful pattern)

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mum tagging along for my private hairstyling event

#mum #dad

Dad drove super awfully to get me to a road to drop me off He just stopped diagonally on the road wtf

And I was supposed to bring something which was stored in our microwave to the event- i was invited to get hairstyling by an artist

I opened the front part of the car cuz it was where we stored the microwave

But turned out mum reordered everything and now the things i needed weren’t in the microwave, it became shopping bags Mum forced me to get a shopping bag and she would give me the things I need after she get ready

I was annoyed because she wouldn’t give me the things now, and she getting ready means she would come along to the event, which I did not want I told her no but she insisted

And she took a long time to get ready and wear “decent outfit” and do makeup And I was very impatient because I was already running out of time

She insisted she come along to chat with the hairstylist and thank her Meanwhile I know the hairstylist speaks english so she couldn’t do it + bruh I don’t need her to thank her it would make the situation super awkward but she didn’t understand. How come someone would bring their parent to an individual private event. Ew

Disgusted I was sighing all the time and yelling no and it’s not the case

And i woke up because my emotions in the dream were too strong. I was actually sighing irl. _{(luckily roommate was on a trip so she wasn’t here and I wouldn’t affect her)}

_{I think i dreamt this because I’m getting a piercing today with a stylist who presumably only speaks english? And I didn’t tell my parents about it}

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聲嘶力竭的吶喊 終究還是被震耳欲聾的嘲笑聲蓋過。

a failed lawsuit

#jy #mum #dad #claudia

I had to attend the court as I was sueing JY But I was going there with my mum and dad, and they had no idea what was going on. At the reception spot/ lobby of the court (looks like M&S food section), I guided them to the audience section and told them I would come back later.

After checking the seating plan, I had to walk through crowds of seated people to reach my special area.

I was a bit embarrassed because JY had invited some of his professors to sit as audience. And I covered my lower face with a brochure to reduce the chance of him and the professors recognising me (although it was pretty useless).

They were all wearing the ppe clothing. Some audience was wearing green, while many wore yellow. JY wore yellow too. I was in my casual wear- tshirt and sweatpants. _{(irl: green is student helper/mentor, yellow is for professors, blue for students)}

My hands began to shake violently. My body too. I was still affected by the incident, it seems.

I was just in time for the start of the hearing. But then the judge suddenly said, I had to be in yellow outfit in order to enter.

I rushed to another room (another audience section – that my parents were probably in but idc anymore), and wanted to borrow any clothings from anyone I know. I saw Claudia and her bf. The whole audience section was dressing in yellow ppe. So I didn't want to borrow the one from them because or else they would be the odd ones out/ can't listen to the hearing.

So I rushed out of the court back to the M&S food section and searched the shop for any yellow clothes, because when I was waiting while entering, I recalled there was one. I couldn't find it, and time was running out because the court hearing was ongoing and didn't wait for me, so I asked the shop keepers if they have yellow clothings. Two kind shopkeepers (one older one younger female) began to find it for me too.

Finally I got a yellow top, and rushed into the court. The court was full of laughter, with the judge laughing along with JY's side (JY + his lawyer), and the audience too. They were all laughing how I mistaken JY's big ass phone as his dick, how I was too sensitive and I made up what had happened... About how I am a liar... ...

The judge also announced times up, and ended the hearing as I entered.

I angrily yelled and quarrelled back. But... they were all too loud, and no one listened to me... the judge also talked over my voice... they were all laughing at me and scolding me for something I didn't even do..., and I am the fool

No one cared My friends were all in the second audience room

no one cared

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_{://////////////////////// disapproved 14 times, no minor. Also thought and related to a lot of other stuff so I was pretty sad (not that sad but... quite sad) (some happy and some sad) (so complicated) and silently sobbed to sleep}

malfunctioning toilet & lift, chaotic parent's day, no train station

#mum #dad #secschool

ride lift from my floor to go down to another residential floor for toilet but their toilet wasn't working, the only vacant cubicle's door won't close, like it has a automatic button to make it open when you stop pushing the close button, so can't use So I ride lift again but can't go back up to my specific floor had to go back to lobby to press up to go back to my floor

later parent's day I was waiting for my exam results outside the classroom And suddenly I saw mum and dad arriving They knocked at two other classroom doors vigorously and those doors opened and told them it's the wrong door. I felt very embarrassed and scolded them angrily. Just at this time my f6 classmistress came out of our classroom door and was angry how come I speak so rudely to my parents, and scolded me I felt annoyed (and a bit embarrassed because I didn't expect I yelled so loudly at my parents either)

Riding east rail line to eat at a restaurant Mum suggested. I was riding alone and will meet them there. But I went to the very far end of east rail line still didn't encounter that station. On the ride back there were some different stations too, like japanese train having rapid and normal ones, the stations differed During the ride sometimes it was crowded, and a fat guy sat next to me and I feel bad. He didn't sit in a malicious way but he was too fat and decided to take the spot next to me. Later I changed to another seat when the train was emptier, and I also collected a plastic bowl and tray to put on my seat?? But there were quite some flies and bugs.

I think eventually we had some sushi because there was a scene where mum was paying at a japanese restaurant, while dad and I were waiting for her.

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archery fair

#mum #dad Archery fair was rather interesting. It was a semi-open space, where various booths were set up for people to enjoy or have a taste of archery. I queued up in one of the booths, and when it was my turn, the archery fair ended and everyone began to pack their stuff. So I walked around with the sample bow and arrow and played with it. I was kind of happy to be able to get these on hand to sort of use it, despite the target board was already being taken down and tidied up.

At the mean time, I tried to hide from parents after the archery fair to prevent them from finding me to grab me back to hotel with them.

news about Ruth the cat-shaped jade pendant being eaten

On the way to the hotel, I listened to the news. There was a news about a jade pendant missing and its fragments were found in the recycling bin. The man who owned the pendant, and his wife, were both troubled by it as they didn't know why would the pendant be like that, and this jade was rather important to him I think, cuz he named his cat-shaped jade (as Ruth) (lmao) and wears it every day? Eventually after investigation, the staff/ police found out that someone chewed and eaten the jade, and left some shards in the bin.

changing hotel room, potentially gross hotel room

#T The hotel room me and my family was allocated was pretty decent, but during our stay in the second day, mum told me Dad was going to ask the hotel to switch to another hotel room which had the same shape as the one we invited Aunt Helen to live in before. For me I didn't think it was necessary, so I was a bit annoyed. I also heard from others (Vincci... so random) that some of the rooms were very gross and oily and dark so I thought if we changed rooms maybe the new room would be worse.

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swimming class, recalling meeting about JY

#jy I put things in locker before swimming class, kind of disgusting because the locker on top of mine was dirty and has unknown liquid like pee, surrounding lockers were dirty too. But the cabinet I chose was the only vacant one so I needed to use it. Saw a small cockroach walking closer to me, it was super gross _{(Maybe it was because I was riding the MTR yesterday and I found 2 seats with unknown liquid like pee, 2 seats with period blood, and 1 whole row with giant poop smear. And I took a seat nearby which appeared clean)}

When I was heading for the swimming class with my uni classmates I recalled I met Julie regarding that incident, and I was rather annoyed when she said JY explained maybe it's his phone, cuz I really don't think phones are sausage shaped. But it wasn't that bothering me because this response was kind of expected and I don't want to deal more with it. But I thought I could question that back then instead of just nodding my head to Julie _{(yea I met with her two days ago)} And then we started the swimming lesson

weird toilet; furious to family, dragging snooker table around

#mum #dad The swimming pool toilet was slightly weird. The compartment was big and L-shaped, but the bidet was near the door instead of within the L shape. And when I close the door, there was still a gap, and students outside can see if I was sitting peeing. So I used my body towel to block away the gap.

Later I met with mum and dad. I think we had an argument, as I was yelling so much in the dream. We were at downstairs of our home, and I was too angry and kind of wanted to escape (?), and had loads of power so I was pushing a giant snooker table everywhere, from home to downstairs, to basement and back up, back and forth _{(hmm my roommate got a bf after going to the bar and pool with him, just 4 days from knowing each other, interesting)}

Psychologist meeting, Arthur shares my dreams, 絵馬 nametag

#arthur #secschool #PBLmate #Joseph They're organising a public meeting in Arthur's room (slightly bigger) with psychologists from various places (like 6-8 people), and took rounds to share? A few of my friends were there too (Ruby and Joseph) And then it was Arthur's turn, he went to the table with his desktop and opened this website. He mentioned a dream about me making stickers from what I drew/ random cute stuff like kaomojis I chuckled and was a bit embarrassed, although no one else knew the dream was mine He actually printed the stickers out for us to pass it down to take a look at And he seemed to be thinking about how to interpret the dream. Since in the dream I knew I dreamt that because Ruby liked to make handmade stickers, so I walked to Arthur's back to tell him about it and no need for him to overinterpret _{(Ruby doesn't make stickers irl)}

As they were passing down the sheets of stickers, Joseph took a medium sized sticker. It looked like a design about the secret garden and the rabbit from Alice in the wonderland, very cottage vibes and felt vintage. I was slightly surprised when Joseph took it, as it was just “sample stickers” Arthur passed down that I thought was for viewing only. But then I thought it was a good idea as stickers were meant to be used and we could always print more if we needed. So I encouraged others to take them as well if they wished to.

When Arthur started talking, I looked at his front and saw he had a nametag on a lanyard. I was very curious of the tag so I stared at it. He kind of didn't want me to look at it/ focus too much on it though, so he tried to turn away but I grabbed the tag firmly, I think I kinda pulled on the lanyard so it made him kinda uncomfortable. :P Actually the nametag is an 絵馬 (both shape and size and also wooden) (kinda big), on which was a project sekai card of 4 girls _{(I think it's the character card my friend got and posted on her ig story like a week ago, not sure)}

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