Neko

dream

arthur

room decoration

#mum Saw a post of a photo of how another med student was decorating his room. Room also had a piano and he put his med stuff on top and make stuff tidier I wanted to try and I told my mum to come and redecorate All she does was to remove my own photo stands and kept all the photo stands of her and my dad on the piano I was annoyed

Getting downstairs leaving home, wait lift with 大媽 neighbour, wait so long, it was full Waited two lift both full We walked the stairs instead I thought I lived on 6/F (like irl) but in the dream i was at 2/F or 3/F, so close to ground floor, should’ve walked the stairs at the beginning.

shopping/ game

#dad Some stall/ booth thing selling clothes. Me Mum and Dad were checking out the clothes. Mum show me a top she found. I said that’s what she bought for me already previously, she said yeah, I just want you to see again Me checking out skirts again (yes cuz irl I haven’t bought any yet aaa). Dad was playing a game at the shop (those “if you purchase from the store you can try this game for x times”). He was just throwing plush toys to a target basket. The sign says can only try 4 times per customer, he obviously has exceeded the limit. I was scared the shopkeeper would be angry, so I told my dad to stop and see the sign. My dad saw the sign and was a bit sorry, but he continued playing because the shopkeeper didn’t stop him. I apologised to the shopkeeper on behalf of my dad, she says it’s okay, and gave dad the “proper bigger plush for the game”. And demonstrated how to play the game properly, but from now on we have a total of 4 chances to play. It was way more difficult now because the bigger plush is heavier and the basket was pretty far. I played once, missed, gave to Dad to try, also missed, we were deciding who’s going next because Dad seemed pretty confident but I don’t think he can throw it in

And I woke up briefly

massage :D

#arthur Fuckkkk !!!

Part 1

Doing a psychological test This one required me to close my eyes and sit He began to massage my abdomen gently down until the pelvic region Exposed my clothes until he can see and touch my hair at either umbilical region or upper part of pubic hair, not sure cuz I closed my eyes I was already pretty horny lol And then we walked to a bed nearby (looks like my irl bed) (actually the room looks like my irl bedroom) And began the psychological test First he told me to get him my id card for verification purposes, I was searching for quite a long time cuz I forgot where I put it but found it He told me to lie down, and I kinda collapsed and 靠左側瞓 because I was too horny and no energy (like that type of no energy after sex, because I was already getting too excited)

And then he unbuttoned my tight black low-rise trousers and unzipped it Omg super super horny (omg wait you were wearing tight black trousers yesterday) Ok by this time I was already breathing heavily And then he told me to close my eyes and lie straight, he would ask some questions and I would answer him by making a circle👌🏻 or fist 🤛🏻 with my right hand And he stroked the hair at my bottom and massage while asking the questions, I forgot exactly what were the questions but they’re more like “would you do [some sort of thing] if [certain scenario] happens?” And “would you rather [A] or [B]” I was already 嬌喘中 at the first few questions, my god And apparently I would answer more truthfully if I got aroused, that’s what the “psychological test” explained

Midway he stopped asking another one I waited a long time there was none But he was still standing in front of me (still dressed normally)

I briefly woke irl because nothing was happening in the dream But I didn’t want the dream to end So I forced myself to return to sleep

Part 2

At a lobby thing. Doing a health checkup. Conducted by him again. I was fully naked. Surrounding me were my mum and some younger relatives/ 表妹, but since they weren’t doing the checkup they were wearing clothes, they didn’t find me weird fully naked though, seemed like a normal thing. The theme of today’s health checkup was woman’s health, so female genitals (I guess the idea came from my osca exam) This time he massaged with a bigger range. From upper abdomen like below my chest, and then slowly making the way down to my waist. Then he located my uterus (superficially over the skin), and the two hands divert again to palpate for my fallopian tube and ovaries (why is this getting academic wtf lololol) Fuckk, so horny, anyways he then moved his hands onto my hip lol Also during the massage he said into my ear “I thought you fell asleep” (because I was very relaxed and closed my eyes during the massage) The general examination part finished, we will wait for a vacant room to proceed to other parts of examination So he 公主抱 me to another place at the lobby (I’m still naked) He put me on a big white bed like those hotel big double bed And I get to watch the TV from the bed while we wait in the lobby He then also got in the bed and lie next to me and we watch tv together Hmmmm idk what he’s wearing, …… maybe only a pair of boxers Omg And then my mum followed and sat on a stool by the bed, on Arthur’s side of bed I whispered to Arthur’s ear saying I don’t want her to follow us later… Arthur immediately started a convo with my mum saying like later the area would be rather hectic and loud because the kids would be coming, so she could wait outside meanwhile we proceed with the examination. I glanced at the clock shown in the TV screen, it was around 6:40pm? The children from a nearby kindergarten would use the lobby at 7pm every day. My mum agreed, “yeah! [xxx idk what name] kindergarten right!” Arthur said yep Mum moved to sit on the bed, but in front of us (like in front of our feet, sitting by the bed)

Meanwhile I was just fantasising the next part of examination, which was something like cervical examination and he’ll put his finger in and masturbate for me, I was imagining if I’ll get all wet and all onto his hand

Bruh and I was trying to sleep and make the dream continue but apparently the TV show just started and I needed to wait for the TV show to finish for the dream to proceed, but the show was stuck at that same screen

Aaaaaaaaa >:000 still nothing happened so I woke up

Fuck! So horny Maybe because yesterday I found him slimmer (probably because he was indeed sick or maybe he actually started keeping fit) and his jawline was prettier bruh I kept looking at his chin Eyes also very pretty Oh my god outfit also pretty Can’t get angry and scold at this pretty face Fuck so cute Got him super west face on the bus though, felt nostalgic and familiar… F2 classmistress also put on this type of face… Next time I will lie on the couch instead, damn…

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Photos & timeline

#arthur Had a dream where Arthur wants to know more about me but couldn’t find much info and pics of me on google photo search, so he asked me (in text form) to provide him with more photos of the younger me (in his sentence he wrote the word shit twice but not with a derogatory meaning at all) (Irl: Idk if I listened correctly but I think one time he said What the fuck) (lol) (idk not sure) (but I'm amused I find it funny) And in the dream I was planning to compile a timeline of my “history” as if I’m writing a portfolio (which included random stuff I never talked about as they don’t seem relevant to therapy … like mum buying minecraft java (pc) edition for me as a reward for completing my interview for secondary school, and I don’t need to play on my pirated bedrock (phone) edition anymore; and starting a public minecraft server with 20 concurrent players and the user limit of the server is 20 so basically it’s full and I am proud of it and I think it is worthy enough to be put into a hobbyist portfolio lmao)

… so random Maybe it’s because I signed up for some free website building page and I’m making something similar lmfao (btw this page is also one of those random free page thingy- but I’m quite confused cuz in their homepage, I believe this is a paid service- but I’m using all the premium features for free Maybe my user acc is glitched, let’s see how long I can use this website for) (the other reason I signed up is to occupy this “/dream” webpage) The bad thing about this compared to google docs is that readers cant annotate on any specific sentences (hmm can they comment at all??), nor the ability to search for words? I can add labels/ hashtags though. It’s less intuitive than google docs, but theres no storage limit (I hope); and it looks cute (I customised the background and all sorts of decorations!! (coughs I stole most of the codes coughs not my original work)

5G network

The day before today, I dreamt that everyone had 5G network on their phones but I was running on 2G bruh (Oh after I woke up I was fiddling around with my apple watch settings and I finally activated my esim) (Maybe the dream is due to me searching for the function in the cmhk mobile app in the past few days- and I browsed through every data plan out of curiosity) (this is how I waste time every day – e.g. I had to check out the entire shop catalog before ordering stuff… I was browsing for phone cases in a taobao shop… Im pretty sure they are resellers cuz they had 760+ cases- and I browsed through all of them and I didn’t like any lmao, so my time was wasted)

Btw the only constructive thing I did yesterday was watering my plant. Today my parents went Shenzhen (it’s a Sunday). Yet I spent hours of my precious “me time”… crying and curling in my bed, kinda useless I realised I can cry better if I deliberately try to make “sad sounds/ crying sounds”?? Like 嗚嗚… and I will be able to cry

But I don't know why I am crying. And I don’t know why I want to harm myself (I realised I want to make marks on myself because that makes me “customised”- like I’m creating “me” instead of completely being someone else’s commodity. And this process is solely based on my decision instead of others.) (Drawings doesn’t work anymore because they are virtual and fake and not the actual me) (But there should be a lot of ways to “create” myself (although I don’t know what options I have lol), I don’t know why I ended choosing this)

I hid my tools and journals in a zipped up treasure bag this week, so far it’s working but I feel like part of “me” is gone

Kind of shitty cuz I’m scared of bleeding, and from the clinical skills session where I learnt how to draw blood, the veins are actually really superficial so yeah bruh Technically it’s not self harming cuz I never bled Gah i feel so bad because a really nice primary school teacher told our class not to do those things during our last day before graduation, and we nodded our heads. I feel like if I self harm I couldn’t keep this “promise” (even though it wasn’t a promise at first place). I feel like I’m letting a lot of people down. I didn’t improve. I don’t even know what I am feeling. Back then in the sexual health booth, I don’t even know how to feel/ respond to the fabricated scenario. All I know is to see how others respond and copy their reactions, but I never had an “original” respond.

I should stop rambling on- this is a dream log

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