shopping mall encounter

#secschool #A #ivan

Beatrice and me went for lunch in shopping mall tgt Later we were doing arts & crafts at a random spot on the ground. Oh it was a rainbow paper banner for......... Keung To

A came later to join in making the banner

Afterwards Keung To came and we lifted the banner up to give it to him. I felt a bit nauseated and almost vomited. (LMAO) _{(I think it was because I watched a reel from cch's Keung To fanpage that day... a closeup video of Keung To interacting with her, maybe she's on those VVIP seats)}

Afterwards Beatrice had to attend something else/ exam/ interview, so she's gonna have dinner by herself. We parted ways and I exited the mall.

I went on a taxi/ bus and Ivan was in there as well. But A followed me (coincidentally I guess) into the car as well. So me and Ivan couldn't really have a proper conversation. A asked me about something, and she shared the location she was going to exchange at during enrichment year (different from irl but still in UK).

Back in my dorm, I was making something on excel for my project. I took a part of the excel for my roommate to see (I forgot if the roommate in dream is the same as irl one). But she wanted me to share it with her, which I didn't mind, but she wanted the whole document and some other files that included some other stuff too (e.g. streaming stuff), which I was not comfortable sharing. So I just let her take a look and closed the files. _{(Maybe it was because I briefly told her like theres this thing happened – but not exactly how. Actually I was a bit hesitant and she said if I'm not comfortable sharing it's ok to not share, but I think it's better for her to know it to sort of like... know my triggers? (although that's kinda dangerous too)}

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tomboy tutor toying with me, udon meal w PBL

#pblmate #ivan #aiden

I was having a session with a tutor in a large activity floor and in his own tiny office room. He's arranging minecraft blocks on his desktop pc and I can rearrange them according to my liking. I wasn't sure if it was a computer/ coding tutorial or those 沙盤 therapy where you organise stuff and search for an interpretation.

This tutor was pretty nice. He looked like that kind of tomboyish guy with thick black framed glasses, not exactly tall but taller than me.

In the office room, during mid session the desktop froze and malfunctioned. I sensed that he wanted to end the session and call it a day, but I didn't want, so I asked if he had physical blocks that he can make me arrange (cuz I saw there was a toy box next to me). So he slightly unwillingly arranged it for me.

Also the desktop was trying to undo stuff and I was kinda pissed, I was looking at the name at who's undoing our steps and it briefly showed Adrian (3-day-boy)'s name. I looked across the floor (idk why it made sense and the setting changed from tutor's office room to activity floor briefly), and saw Adrian and his tutor at the very edge of the room. I'm going to ask him about it and yell at him about it later.

Back in the office room. After the physical blocks were ready and while I was arranging the blocks, the tutor took out a fully white rubik's cube and put the corner close to my bottom. (I think I didn't wear much during his tutoring session, maybe shorts??) The rubik's cube seemed to be slightly vibrating. I felt very good and became super horny (I was already a bit horny before because the tutor was cute). I was also moaning at him. :DD

But he removed it rather briefly. As if he was teasing me. I looked at the cube on his hand and tell him I want more, more! But he didn't.

Later he made an excuse for a bathroom break. I suspected he was going to jerk off secretly, so although I should be staying in his office room, I irresistibly crawled to the bathroom to peek at him.

The bathroom walls were all glass. There were two bathtubs. He was in the right bigger bathtub, naked. There was also a naked girl (I think) in the same bathtub with him.

I was trying to look for his dick when I entered the bathroom. I said hi and I went to the left mini bathtub. I couldn't really see his dick though, it was more like an erected clitoris.

I asked him to fuck me, but instead, he raised two fingers at me and he began to masturbate for himself. Me, despite being confused why he can also do that as a male, followed him and masturbated myself.

Later he's about to leave the bathroom, and I finally realised he was actually a girl. So I exclaimed, you're a girl?? She looked somewhat unimpressed but chill and kind of nodded her head, and I said but your colleagues all think you're a male, and she mumbled something like it doesn't really matter

I crawled back to his office room and asked her to massage me with her hand but she didn't. And she used the rubik's cube to tease me again, and I moaned louder.

Later I went to the shopping mall nearby, and saw our year 1 PBL squad by an udon restaurant. They were getting their food to eat together at the nearby tables (like a food court) later. So I also ordered a raw egg udon. Which looked very nice. I followed them to walk up the stairs to the second floor of food court. I took a left turn to search for them, when Ophelia waved at me and signalled me they were all on the right. So we laughed and I got to their table. They found my udon looking very tasty too. (I haven't asked Adrian why he's sabotaging our effort and undoing stuff)

dream sort of ended here fffaaack horny (slightly) i still think the daisuki dream and the dog collar dream were the best, the 520 dream also pretty damn tasty mmmmmmmmmmm

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nice library study tables

Maybe because I went to the library pretty early so there were a lot of vacant solo tables with just about right amount of sunshine that was shining the table but not too hot. It was nice.

mum threw away my phone

as a punishment I think mum threw away lots of stuff like two of my phones. Actually the family were doing a biggggg tidy up at home. But finally mum gave me back my two phones, she was just trying to scare me because I wasn't polite to her. I felt annoyed

Also I was chatting with quite some people (regular amount) on WhatsApp, and the interface design was like Line, which was very cool, but slightly confusing when there were many ads and non-friend official accounts.

practical stations at bookstore. wilted plant, solo practical

#ivan #jy #uni #mum #dad

We had a practical session at a large facility which was half clinic half bookstore. There were a total of three stations (initially, clinic waiting area, vaccine area and bookstore) (idk why later on there were many different stations). Ivan was in a different station for rotation.

I was being super loud with my friends, because I discovered the plant I had been caring for had wilted, and I was cleaning away the dead branches. And my classmate was saying there were bugs on my plant and I insisted there wasn't, cuz there wasn't, so she picked up a giant bug and put it on my shoulder, so I shrieked loudly. So the very strict teacher in Ivan's station were scolding the students in their station, including Ivan (cuz the environment was loud). They looked like they were used to the scolding and so they apologised in a very hea manner. I felt bad for them because I was the one who made it so loud.

Next I was a bit distracted by the surrounding, and when I turned around, they rotated, but I couldn't find which station my groupmates had rotated to. I searched the clinic and the bookstore and asked other students, but they didn't know too. Ivan had finished a clinic session called “vaccine”, but my groupmates weren't there. So I just randomly started following an unknown group at the bookstore, listening to how the teacher was teaching drawing styles for anatomy I think?

And later this group had rotated to a nearby station also in the bookstore, it was a tech/ vr session by JY (aka that dude). I began to start feeling a bit nervous and slightly shaking. I was also holding a book with both hands and I put the book behind my back covering my butt. I kinda shrink in a way I wasn't standing straight. I was among the front row people though. So not exactly hiding. I think the people sitting at the waiting area nearby were looking closely at me for my reactions. Not the group that I was having the practical/ this station with though. However it kinda surprised me because JY was trying to teach and speak in cantonese entirely, and his cantonese was kinda broken. I was wondering if it was because the faculty forced him to use cantonese instead of mandarin, and I found it slightly funny. I am still stressed though, so I abandoned this group and went searching for another practical group that I can stick to.

The next group was a very boring chinese poem analysis group. The teacher was having KY Yuen vibe but not him. We had to follow his words to write notes.

After this station I went to read (actually just watch) a couple of drawing books, and then I went back to the place where I had the drawing style practical. There was a new station where we can read art techniques books and look at the samples, and the teacher also talking about it. This was like my favourite station in the whole practical.

Finally, somehow my mum and dad gave me a chance to get an extra station with the boring KY Yuen vibe guy. Initially I was trying to dodge it by going into different book aisles to find books I liked. But eventually I think they spotted me and so I was back with learning the poems and stuff. I got a cool fountain pen where stuff I wrote would became popping out- like plasticky feeling pop out words. So I was writing down the poem sentences the dude was talking about on the corners of my book. Maybe he found that I was quite studious, so finally he played some music while he read a paragraph in the book (he had a copy of the book too). He was crying while reading it. I used my pen to frame out this paragraph, while thinking, this pen design was pretty interesting, and the texture was super fun to touch (* repeatedly touches my notes *) maybe the blind people can learn braille with it. Or maybe if the teacher only had like two students, the teacher can just set up exercises and exam papers by handwriting them with this pen. And there was no need for a braille printer. This was so good. Eventually the KY Yuen dude ended his class in tears (he's too invested in his paragraph and it was about time as well), and my mum and dad were gonna talk to him about the class. Meanwhile I walked off again to check stationery and books I liked, and I put down all the books I planned to buy/ liked, because they weren't necessary anyways.

Later my dad came to find me. He sort of ask if I wanted it- I was holding a memo holder. And then he asked what are the places nearby to have lunch, we're gonna have lunch with the KY Yuen dude. I just kinda froze and looked at him, because I was thinking, you guys wanna have lunch and you're asking me for ideas and do all the stuff again... (I also didn't want the memo holder too) _{(Maybe it was because they were pushing me to have a haircut, but urged me to do the reservation for the haircut. I did it but I was annoyed)}

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“broken static screen”

Turned out I didn’t connect my laptop to power After connecting it my external screen static was gone and it was fixed perfectly Mum kinda laughed at me, we laughed together

fried pork bento for Adrian

#mum #dad #uni Travels I got a bento for Adrian But he’s pretty quick in walking back to his dorm So I had to walk quickly to chase but he’s just too quick (he didn’t know I had gotten a bento for him though) Mum and dad were following me to ask me what I was doing I haven’t gave him his bento yet

Travelling w friends/ classmates, chocolatier

#Ivan #PBLmate Sharon A. Y., Ernest, Matthew #cecilia ’s grandma (cut croissant) #caitlyn

Friends travelling together I was a bit hungry while Caitlyn couldn’t finish her meal (chocolate drink), so I finished it up. When we were leaving The serving/ return tray counter, gave me a free set of milk+ chocolate croissant set, as she apologise for “Poor chocolate made”

Other than this set I got two more croissants too. C’s grandma came and seemingly wanted to eat. Me, thinking I couldn’t finish them all anyways, welcomed her and she immediately started cutting croissants as if they were all hers. I was slight slightly surprised but didn’t mind. The grandma cut them very quuckly and well, and I recalled they operate a bakery shop (in the dream). She cut the two horns, and then cut the middle, to show me what fillings were inside. One is a very rich dense chocolate, another has cream inside. Another one feels like matcha. I shared the croissants with her.

I saw the receipt also said I was full year free customer as well.

Anyways they look delicious

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Previous suicide attempt (dream)

#ivan

I was on a school tour with uni people. We were queuing up to perform as part of an assessment for a sports class during the tour. Before assessing we have to fill in a form about our personal data. I was the last in queue. So the coach asked me to perform... first! Before performing, he asked me to come forward to double check my personal information. Other people also crowded around slightly to have a peek, because they were curious about what I wrote inside. The coach read aloud and pointed at different parts of the form as he was repeating it for me. The first blank was whether I was receiving psychologic/ psychiatric services. And how many sessions have I done. I answered honestly. The second one... He verbally repeated it... Previous suicide attempts. In the dream I wrote about one. About how I was standing by the edge of a building/ bridge at midnight and eventually someone (Ivan) spotted me and called for rescue. The rescuer took me away from the spot and I didn't die. _{(But in real life... I don't think I have really attempted it/any... idk. The emotions I felt while reading and visualising the paragraph felt pretty real though. Intense agony and hopelessness. I wish I could give a hug to that little me, but I wasn't strong enough anyways)}

I was a bit embarrassed because now people would think I look different from how I had presented myself in front of them before. It was as if I lied. I felt guilty for lying but I had to lie or else I would look different from the mentally healthy crowd. And get myself alienated. _{So I don't want to get alienated because of having weird negative vibes, but being with people that couldn't resonate with me because I didn't want to share how I was truly feeling, is me facilitating my own alienation. Sarcastic.}

I think people were kinda shocked but didn't really show it as in looking at me.

Later I started to perform. It was something like a ballet, or ice skating. I had to rotate myself and also do some stretching actions.

They were watching with respect, I think.

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workshops with Ts; man-eating bird, visiting new home

#arthur #T #ivan #dad A hot dry sunny afternoon Leaving Sydney mtr station (literally a station called “sydney” lol) Wearing my small bra背心 like yesterday About to head to school although I’m already about to be late

Signing up for many psyc workshops and courses

Just to see if I can catch the team esp Arthur I saw him multiple times _{(i forgot the details!)}, I was happy. One time I tried to spook him again but I accidentally spooked angela. Theyre both wearing light brown coats, but Angela’s was lighter in colour.

Using annotated worksheets to prove my presence cuz I chose to sit alone in another spot and I didn’t sign my attendance before The guest speaker was pretty chill. Vincci vibe but the speaker was a relatively middle aged/ old male.

After workshop me and other classmates were oil painting over already colour printed posters with around the same colour. It felt pointless so I decided to add some textures and lines within the blocks of colours to give them more style..

Also between workshops: Ivan gave me Arthur’s shared work onedrive for their project (in the dream they’re working on one project) One onedrive folder was named sth like “research work dev” and inside was a 50+ page of a document typed by Arthur about how he managed to met his wife and developed their relationship I wanted to read and i only read the first paragraph about how they were secondary school classmates and at that time another male classmate was after his wife and Arthur was salty? About it Lol (dream only !!)

Later the dream was about how there was a kind of bird mutated and would eat humans. Named the “man-eating bird”. At first I was looking at the sparrows on the ground trying to see what it looked like. So I kept sussing normal birds. But later a bigger yellow bird arrived and started to tear other birds into shreds. It looked like a medium sized fat parrot actually.

And then I hid in a small home. There was a mini garden with double doors, to make people who water their plants to disinfect and kill the bugs that came along before reentering the home. A lady cleaned. But left all the doors open. So I closed it. I was sitting at a small corner waiting for nothing, I was just bored. Seemed like there’s a famous dude with long headings who’s gonna come and organise a talk in the room by the door. (The headings was just like Arthur’s but like in the dream I recognised it as my Dad)

Later i kept sitting there and i heard more people entering that room (I cant see the entrance from where I was sitting) And then I heard a person who was not entering. He’s walking further into the home, and I looked to see who’s alike with me (cuz I walked further into the floor to other rooms for my psyc workshops too at the beginning of the dream, although these workshops are slightly different, this is not a workshop that wellness team invites guest to come and speak, this one was the host’s own talk)

And I saw my Dad’s face. We both “oi?”, (pleasantly) surprised why each other was here.

And then my dad brought me deeper into the house. And I realised the whole initial part is just the door entrance area (玄關), and inside was a huuuuge activity room (mum and dad’s bedroom) with larrrrge windows and seaview, also a playground downstairs outside the window. Reminded me of Lohas park. Also colourful toys and playmats in the room. Maybe it was multipurposed for play therapy?? So fun And I was a bit guilty because I hadn’t stepped foot into this room despite they had been inviting me before.

Anyways yayayaayay

_{side note: actually I had dreams in the past few days, but then it wasn’t really easy to recall + it was boring, like I dreamt of fictional aunts gathered around me. Thats boring so I didn’t bother to recall LOL}

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revising math; suic*dal ideation awareness vid

#PBLmate

At library (shelf looks like polyu lib). Math teacher/ tutor was saying we need to do the whole shelf’s worth of exercise. Looking at the thick exercise books, I actually thought it was attainable and I was planning how I can finish them all on time.

Suddenly, my attention was drawn to a youtube video/ movie, which was played on screen.
The uploader was “Jake vids” (by yanni)

The vid started off with a catastrophic scene. Many donkeys were running aimlessly around an erupting volcano, panicking but there was no use escaping. I felt a bit pity for them, until they un-morphed themselves and reveal themselves as mentally ill people.

Then, the video focused on the parents of these mentally ill people. It took place in a teaching complex. It’s less like a school and more like a training facility, with many floors. This scene was starring my PBL mates, who were escaping from one “parent”, who was now with the appearance of a scary monster.

They entered a toilet to hide. I forgot who went in first, but second was Esther and the third was (?? Forgot name), who was Matthew’s friend _{(that he kept mentioning irl)}, being pushed by Matthew into the toilet. Matthew then entered, and closed the door after other PBL mates entered. I was in third person view as a spectator in the toilet. Although I knew I wasn’t part of the story, I still felt very tense because I felt the monster was about to arrive at the door. Later it arrived at the door which somehow was opened slightly. And then the dream paused here.

school opening

#ivan #cch

Aw man i forgot this dream! Because I didn’t write it down immediately. I just knew this

Oh so basically after that math exercise book scene, I was packing my school bag for my first day of school? With loads of exercise books and textbooks. I was checking my class schedule, which looked like in the format of primary / secondary school’s, and realised majority of the classes were R.S. (Religious studies), which was by cch. Even though I actually had no interest in RS, I was pretty happy because that means I can see cch every day for most of the time :))

Anyways I think Ivan was waiting for me for a study meetup, and after that I had to meet with Nicole Chan in the basement learning commons in another block. And I was already running a bit late but I was trying my best to walk quicker.

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bj for unknown frd, jau; passed supple exam

#mum #ivan #jau #uni

Originally I was playing hide and seek at home. The seeker was dad. I was in the living room alone, revising. I felt like I was still a secondary school student. Occasionally I remembered I needed to hide instead of studying by the table, so I went to curl up and hide next to the entrance door. I found that there was no place to hide, so I went to the area near the kitchen. That place can be slightly peeked by people in the master’s bedroom at a particular angle. My mum was on the bed and saw me. She was looking at me. I frowned but she was still looking. I became mad and left the house angrily.

I was alone at night at some far places near my neighbourhood. It was near “the coast” but the area was industrial. Weird To Kwa Wan ish.

I was finding places to hide. Like among the pipes in the industrial area. That’s when Ivan spotted me. He then took me to a supposedly better mysterious place he knew which was better for hiding. When we arrived at the hiding spot, someone was super near (walking on a staircase above our spot), and found us out.

Ivan asked me if I mind meeting up with his friend _{(probably the one who found us out but I dont recall too exactly)} too

We met up with his friend. Ivan told me to give his friend a blowjob.

(I haven’t done it yet. But I was already preparing and picturing the scene in my imagination.)

Looking up (upper area with a footbridge, like uni upper street), his friend has called his pals to secretly photograph us.

Two students + 2 parents with cameras. One of the students was holding the phone to take video of us. The other one was using the parents film camera very casually to take pics for the parents. Like using burst shots and not holding the camera properly. That must be expensive lol.

I felt slightly surprised, slightly slighly betrayed but no other emotions… later somehow I knew I needed to give jau a blowjob too (it’s a she though)

Later I entered the med lib? QMH? which was near the industrial tubes. We’re gonna receive our exam results here. Actually the timetable was given to me by Ivan just now when we were hiding. I don’t really have the email notifying me.

Entering the venue, I took a seat. Others were waiting for the release of the proper exam meanwhile I was receiving the supple one, but they didn’t know because I didn’t tell them.

Before the event began, Mandy Liu came and asked me for my plans in EY. So I told her my plans and how I’m gonna incorporate medicine inside my plan too, to revise more. After chatting, she gave me a document to congratulate I passed.

Later I, along with other classmates, were collecting a document bag. I opened mine and it was actually my plans for the EY (basically what I told Mandy before). And the sample answers for all the exams on the courses I was planning to take in EY.

I realised maybe I would’ve failed, but because I looked eager for EY and how EY may benefit me, they let me pass the exam. Maybe that’s why I didn’t receive the email too.

I was crying moderately in the dream. _{(I very seldom cry in dreams)}

teach math; hanging out

#secschool

I went to medlib / other lib to revise my med again. I took a random seat. Edwina was next to me as I walked past. She asked me to help her with a math question. So I proudly taught her.

After revising for a bit, I left the lib and went on the street. Yuki and her friends walked past. They waved at me and invited me to hang out together so I said sureee and walked together.

Dream ended.

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homework results one meh one good

#ivan

(I am sure there was a complete plot, something before this.)

leaving mmw block after listening to a med homework debriefing. My mark was meh. There was a dude on the road who was like yeeeeeesss (i think he got the highest mark and our marks were so far apart) Ivan also walked by and prob said hi to me. His marks were decent.

I was leaving for lunch actually. But I turned around to return to the block because I wanted to go to 1/F for I think a coffee vending machine. or to collect my another homework. I entered the block but it was coincidentally 1pm, which meant it was the resting time for the block, and the security guards were closing off the area. So I was at the lobby along with others. There was a paper flying down to me. It was my chinese homework. I got a rather high mark (990 x2 + 950) (wow), I felt a bit surprised but not reallly happy because I was still thinking of my med homework. Some friends (forgot who. W in 6grass?) saw me and asked me what's the paper. I handed it to them and they saw the results and were praising me. I didn't really respond with joy.

Somehow later I got a song in the dream. Very Mrs. Green Apple vibe.

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revising with Ivan, attending workshop

#ivan

_{I think it is because yesterday I had dinner with Ivan and he revised MSS anat with me. And my brain power is restoring (lol) so I can keep up with his teaching! And I revised and remembered all, if not most, muscles, actions, innervations and vascular supply of the body (except head) in just three hours. We did touch on some head and neuro anat too. Omg. Three hours. Only.}

Yuh so we were revising. I forgot what happened, but at one point he was talking about serratus anterior and its action. So I began punching thin air while sleeping. Oh in the dream we were revising in an alley. And he was going to measure my punching force using my phone camera + app, to check if I have myasthenia gravis... Because I was weak asf At first i did punch weakly, but later I got stronger and punch with more force (although it was still weaker than average). And my right arm punches are more forceful than the left ones.

yee I forgot what happened before and what happened next.

At some point I was late to a class. Oh it's like MHFA. With a bunch of counsellors (made up ones in dream). But they're teaching EBDM and public health content. It was more like a “sign up if you're interested” workshop with two lessons in total. But then anyways I signed up and attended the first. They taught something that they said wasn't taught in the main lecture series but would come up in the exam. So I was kind of :O and slightly happy I didn't miss out on stuff. Although it was kinda scary to think (if they allow content that are not covered in whole class lectures to be examined)

On the second lesson there should be an exam. And I knew they're gonna organise the exam at around 30 minutes into the lesson instead of immediately, so I was late but not too worried. I was late because I wanted to make a notebook with my study notes. But I couldn't find the appropriate tools to make the book. For example, I had a small slip of memo that I wanted to stick on my self made study booklet. But I couldn't find an appropriate needle (all too big or too small), and a working thread (the thread was too big and the ends were coming out like cauda equina so I can't put the thread through the needle even if I have the correct needle) to sew the memo to the page. Oh also Ivan's revision material was two large stack of printed notes. And he annotate with mechanical pencil on the notes. Instead of his tablet irl.

I went there and later we had the exam. It was two google forms on ipad. Multiple choice questions. I finished the first one and was onto the second one. But I ran out of time (she announced one min left but I had a bunch of MCQs not yet filled in/ read) and the teacher was already explaining the questions. But the form submissions has not closed yet so I could submit it despite the teacher announcing times up. I wasn't panicking at all in the dream. I just answered in my own pace. And I knew the answers so I wasn't scared.

Yeah that's about it.

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